For a while now I've been debating about writing this post...what to say, what to include, what not to include...all because I don't want people to take things the wrong way. Then I told myself that this is my blog. So if you are easily offended or think everything is a personal attack - maybe you should stop here.
The past month has flown by (it's a good thing too - more on that later). My work life is busy, busy, busy! I enjoy teaching so many students, but that combined with the rest of my responsibilities at FSU make for a very fast-paced semester. It has helped time go by quickly, even if some days I feel like I'm living out of my car. On Tuesday night I gave an exam at WVU...so I left the house at 7am that morning, was at FSU from 7:30 - 4:00, was at WVU from 5:00 - 6:30, ate a quick fast-food dinner (so not good for me!) before arriving slightly late to Bible Study at 7:05pm. I finally made it home at 8:20pm...just over 13 hours later. Savannah was still awake with Nana...so after we got bedtime squared away it was close to 9:00pm. I was exhausted, but the dishwasher needed emptied, the mail needed sorted, lunches for the next day needed to be packed, and the kitchen was a mess. I asked Carl for some help - but his answer wasn't what I'd hoped. This time is wasn't that he didn't think it was his responsibility (he has become much more of a help around the house now that we have defined chores for each of us), it was that he said he "needed to pay his mom's bills - it's the end of the month". So for those of you not aware, Carl has taken over the handling of his mom's finances....I'm generally on board with this, as long as there are boundaries. Two of the boundaries I set is that the bills stay out of my sight (I don't want her bills and our family's bills getting mixed up - I handle our monthly finances, so her stuff has to stay out of my sight) and that her finances are last priority in our household. It's not that I don't love my mother-in-law - she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Nana to Savannah. My issue is that Carl and I have a family and house to take care of and that my mother-in-law is an adult. She could manage her own finances, she obviously had to do it at some point on her own. Maybe she didn't do it well, but that's not my problem. So my rule is that our family/household comes first, and I've always told Carl that if he thinks his mother's things should come first then she could do them herself and make them her first priority. So, needless to say, when Carl told me he couldn't help with things because he had to pay his mother's bills my response wasn't delightful. He seemed completely amazed that I was unhappy with his comment. I then reminded him of my deal - I won't complain about the finance issue if he does our household things first. He still seemed awfully annoyed with me - I swear he thinks I make up chores for him just to keep him from paying her bills, just to spite him. I really don't know where he gets that idea, because I haven't changed (in regards to my clean house ethics) one bit since he met me 8 1/2 years ago. There's more work now (toddlers are great for adding work to your daily routine!) but I haven't changed in my need to have a clean house before I go to bed. It's also not like I asked him to wash the windows and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush! I just needed a few little things done and I was exhausted from working two jobs! He did clean the crockpot out before I got home that night (yes - he even has a warm meal waiting for him on the nights I'm not even there) and I did notice, but I think he wanted a parade in his honor for doing that....where's my parade for doing all that I do, day-in and day-out? He did end up helping without complaint, although he probably had plenty of unspoken complaints. I do realize I'm a neat-freak and demanding - but he knew that a long time ago so that's what he gets.
So some days are busy and tiring and easy for me to complain about. It's on days like that, when I'm just so tired of working SO much, that I wish for a date night dinner and a relaxing evening at home. Carl and I recently went on a restaurant budget...only $10/month for each of us for our dining-out during work hours and then $100/month for all other eating out. We did fairly well in September...I still have cash left over, and our $100 limit wasn't quite met...unless you count Carl's indiscretions...he took a coworker to lunch...and then he went to lunch with his sister...and then he took take-out soup to his mom because she had a cold......I'm not trying to be a nit-pick here....but it's hard to stick to a budget when we say all these other things don't count! So if they do count, then everyone else gets to enjoy our budgeted money, and Carl and I aren't left with any date night money! (Which, as noted earlier - I seriously need one!) And while I'm sorry my mother-in-law was sick it kind of irks me that Carl makes a special out of the way stop to get her soup, but when my mom is sick she is still expected to show up at our front door at 6:45am to watch Savannah - and there's no soup for her! Carl certainly wouldn't like having to stay home to watch Savannah, and with my teaching semester this fall (I teach every day of the week) I certainly have a hard time taking a sick day....so he should appreciate her just as much as his own mother.
As I noted earlier, it is a good thing that time is flying - it means our Disney trip begins 10 weeks from Saturday! I'm so excited to travel to one of my favorite places in the world and to see Savannah enjoy it all. We just paid off the trip, so now it's fully paid for in cash..the only bills we will see upon return will be for the souvenirs we decide to get. I can't wait to enjoy a stress-free week in such a magical place! Or, at least, I'm hoping it's stress free. My family is going with us, which should allow for Carl and I to steal away for a little bit of private time (we honeymooned in Disney, so it would be nice to enjoy just a little quiet time at some point). Carl's family has considered making the trip at the same time, which I have mixed feelings about. I'd love for Nana to get to see Savannah in Disney also, but when our two families get together it always seems like there is drama over silly things (like who looked at who wrong). I really want this trip to be special for Carl, Savannah, and I. The grandparents being there is just kind of a bonus for us....it won't be a bonus if they all can't behave and keep their complaints about the others to themselves. We gave both families plenty of notice of when this trip would be (we've been planning since January 2009 - yes, before Savannah was born) and it just happens that my family said yes let's go, his family drug their feet about it, and we ended up booking with my parents this summer. In all honesty, I don't care who comes, but I don't want to hear any complaints about so-and-so did this or so-and-so did that! Savannah isn't old enough to complain like that yet - and the grandparents/aunts are old enough to know better!
Ten weeks away from Disney also means only 13 more weeks before I begin to think about another baby. Ok, honestly, 13 more weeks until I can start trying for another baby, I'm already thinking about it! I miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a new life. I know a lot of women that are pregnant, or have recently had a baby...I want to be one of those women! Our house is ready...my heart is ready....I'm just waiting for the stress of the semester to end, Disney to come and go, and for the week of vacation after the holidays to begin. (One nice perk of working at a University....I get December 24 - January 1 off as holiday.) I am really starting to feel ready for the next chapter in our lives....of course I know that with another child we certainly will experience growing pains. I remember the frustrations with all the housework and the baby and working and meals.....but things iron out after a while....we know what to prepare for this time...I know what to expect (somewhat - each one is different!)....at least Carl and I know how to handle the chore list....we'll just get it ready before a baby comes and then re-evaluate after that...13 weeks will go by so quickly at the pace I'm going!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sleeping Beauty
So 11 days later and Savannah is sleeping like an angel in her big girl bed...and really she transitioned much better than I could have ever hoped for! On Friday (the 3rd) we gave it our first try. When she first got into bed and read a story with me she was content. Then when I tried to get up and leave she ran after me crying, so I held her hand and walked her back to her bed. This time I just sat next to the bed. After a few minutes I scooted away, and then waited. Then a few minutes later I scooted farther away...and repeated this until I was right next to the gate at the door. She watched me from her bed, never crying, but seemingly never blinking either. The moment I decided to leave she began crying before I was completely over the gate. So I walked her back to her bed again and sat down...scooted away, waited, scooted away, waited. Again, once I crossed the gate she cried. Unfortunately for her, I really had to pee by this point. Carl asked if he should go in, but I told him I'd be right back and she'd be fine until I returned. Literally two minutes later I had just changed into PJs and was about to head in to her room again - she was quiet. I peeked in - she was sleeping in her bed. It was amazing!
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tears
Wednesday was one of those not fun days for me. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...it all really started on Monday....
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
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