Kids and Marriage

The day is coming near where Carl and I will be "husband and wife" for a week instead of "dad and mom"...and I am SO very excited!!

I have a feeling Savannah is pretty excited too. I told her that while we're away she is going to get a little present each morning we're gone. (I bought items at the Dollar Store like a new Hello Kitty toothbrush, princess stickers, candy, etc.) Since then she has been eager to help me pack. When I told her I didn't know what else I needed, she said "Keep thinking." Every morning since that day she has asked me (as I get ready for work) if I am going on my trip yet. So I suppose she is content to stay with Grandma and help take care of Luke.

Luke is, of course, oblivious to the fact that we are heading out for a while, but he will be fine. He is attached to me somewhat right now, but he loves his sister and she will be right there with him. He also loves Grandma and Grandpa. I know they will be fine. I've taken all the responsible precautions...insurance cards are ready, forms signed for my mom to take them to the doctor in an emergency, food is stocked up in the house, emergency contact lists are prepared...I have finally stopped worrying about them just a little to at least begin packing my suitcase!

So it hit me today that for just a little while, Carl and I will be like we were so long ago (or it seems so long ago!). We used to hold hands everywhere we went. We'd get out of the car, fall into step next to each other, and hold hands. It is such a simple out, to hold hands...but we have fallen out of the habit. You know why? Kids! We rarely go anywhere alone together...we grocery shop as a family...so I take one kid, Carl has the other, and we just don't have the hands to hold anymore...they are full with a child.

I realize that holding hands seems to be such a small thing...but it is such a strong way to show you love the person you are attached to. You want everyone to see that you love them and they love you. It is a sign that your partner is proud to be with you, and supports you. Just the fact that we can't hold hands as often as we used to makes me feel lonely at times...I want Carl right next to me.

So while everyone says kids change marriage, they are right. Most people saying that probably don't note that hand holding...but it is one of the things I miss most. I don't miss the spontaneous nights out, the ability to watch primetime TV...I miss the ability to hold my love's hand in the grocery store...or the ability to linger next to the stove cooking with Carl holding me...now when dinner is being prepared a child is climbing on one of us, or the noise is enough to cause a headache pretty quickly...those little stolen moments alone is what I miss.

I know that eventually my kids will grow up and we will be able to shop alone together again...but that is still a few years away. So I am making it my personal mission to not allow those feelings to die just because our hands are full with children...I want to make time for the stolen moments again...it won't hurt Luke or Savannah to wait two minutes while I greet my husband at the door. It will help them to see what loving parents they have...and in 10 years when a trip to the grocery store is just the two of us instead of four, Carl and I will enjoy holding hands just as much as we did way back in high school.