Forty days. That's it. If I haven't met Luke/Ella in the next 40 days I will insist on intervening (late babies worry me!). So now the waiting has become even more tedious and slow. I do think the baby is "dropping"...people who don't see me often can tell...my hip and pelvis bones ache...especially when I stand after sitting. The baby's kicks have slowed and aren't as thrashing...he/she is running out of space. I just feel...different. I see the doctor on Friday, I'm kind of hoping she will check for dilation. I have a big, big weekend next weekend with the Regional Science Fair...so I'd like to know ahead of time if the baby really is working his/her way down.
Today has been a beautiful day...and really I have felt so very happy today. It struck me as terrifying that I'm so happy. It has been so long since I really thought and believed I'd be holding a second child. It just strikes me that this baby would be cleared for birth at this point...obviously not something we want, but an almost 35-weeker has great chances of survival. I could be holding a baby any day. That is what seems so impossible...that it really could be any day. That is also what makes each day tick by so slowly...I try to be a patient person...I must be patient if I'm still waiting to find out Luke or Ella!...but waiting to greet this child is really hard. I wish I just knew when it would be...maybe that would make it easier. I could just say, "Okay, we will know on February 12th" or whatever the case...so now I'm waiting for something that isn't indefinite (we know it won't be MORE than 40 days now) but still it isn't definite either. I think Savannah is beginning to wonder if we are lying about the baby ever coming out...it seems we've talked about it forever to her! She must think it's crazy because out of her 34 months of life we've talked about a baby for 25% of it!
A note on my craziness...I check the 15 day forecast for the weather at least 2 times every day. At my last check the weather is promising...of the 15 days, 12 of them have highs in the 50s...and the other three have highs in the 40s...and so far (fingers crossed, knock on wood...all of that) no major snow storm predicted. It would be a miracle if our mild winter would occur now...I really could use a no stress trip to the hospital and home with a baby...hopefully Mother Nature will concede that to me...since we are both mothers after all.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
It's the Final Countdown...
So here I sit - 34 weeks tomorrow. We are in the final countdown of the last 6 weeks or less. It's hard to believe that we are finally, finally, at this point. I've read back through a lot of my posts, and a second child has been such a desire in our household for so long...and the pain of miscarriage put such a kink in our plans and lives.
And here we are.
When I had my car accident in early January, the nurse had told us that if I went into labor at 34 weeks, they don't always stop the labor...that if it doesn't seem safe for me or baby to stop the labor, then they allow things to progress...so what does that mean really? It means we could have two children in the blink of an eye. Of course, I'd like little Luke/Ella to stay put for at least 3 more weeks...but still, 3 weeks isn't that long! I can almost see the weather forecast for three weeks from now...I could have a Valentine's Day baby (wouldn't that be special - on Carl and I's 10 year dating anniversary!)...but Leap Day isn't that far away either...it's only 5 weeks away. Carl had the second car seat installed in the car today...I can't wait to go home and see that...I think then I will burst into tears at the realization that this is really happening, we really will have two little ones to love and care for...it seems like pregnancy has flown by (but when I sit at my desk in the office it seems like time is creeping by)...soon we will have another life to care for.
This weekend is a chance to enjoy being pregnant...maternity photos are on Friday. I cannot wait for that...the photographer is a friend from high school, and her portraits are ah-maze-ing! Saturday will be a day of celebrating the anticipation of the arrival of Luke/Ella...a chance for family and friends to eat and be merry and celebrate a new life on the way into the world...and then...well...then it's just up to Luke/Ella to decide when to arrive. I've already started stalking weather websites for the 15 day forecasts...keeping an eye out for any amount of snow over 2 inches...once we hit the month of February and the weatherman says we might get more than 2 inches...we will be staying with my parents overnights...they are closer to the hospital, and have an easier "snow route" to the hospital than we have. So now that it's near I'm really starting to hate a winter due date...I just keep worrying about if it will be snowing when I'm supposed to be at the hospital...or if it will snow like crazy the day we go home...or if the snow will prevent people from coming to meet our little bundle of joy...I wish it were summer! Maybe, maybe we'll have great weather the week around the birth...but nothing is guaranteed in the mountains in February!
So here we are...six weeks or less. The anticipation of it all...the weather, the birth story, the gender, Savannah's reaction...it's all becoming too exciting to handle!
And here we are.
When I had my car accident in early January, the nurse had told us that if I went into labor at 34 weeks, they don't always stop the labor...that if it doesn't seem safe for me or baby to stop the labor, then they allow things to progress...so what does that mean really? It means we could have two children in the blink of an eye. Of course, I'd like little Luke/Ella to stay put for at least 3 more weeks...but still, 3 weeks isn't that long! I can almost see the weather forecast for three weeks from now...I could have a Valentine's Day baby (wouldn't that be special - on Carl and I's 10 year dating anniversary!)...but Leap Day isn't that far away either...it's only 5 weeks away. Carl had the second car seat installed in the car today...I can't wait to go home and see that...I think then I will burst into tears at the realization that this is really happening, we really will have two little ones to love and care for...it seems like pregnancy has flown by (but when I sit at my desk in the office it seems like time is creeping by)...soon we will have another life to care for.
This weekend is a chance to enjoy being pregnant...maternity photos are on Friday. I cannot wait for that...the photographer is a friend from high school, and her portraits are ah-maze-ing! Saturday will be a day of celebrating the anticipation of the arrival of Luke/Ella...a chance for family and friends to eat and be merry and celebrate a new life on the way into the world...and then...well...then it's just up to Luke/Ella to decide when to arrive. I've already started stalking weather websites for the 15 day forecasts...keeping an eye out for any amount of snow over 2 inches...once we hit the month of February and the weatherman says we might get more than 2 inches...we will be staying with my parents overnights...they are closer to the hospital, and have an easier "snow route" to the hospital than we have. So now that it's near I'm really starting to hate a winter due date...I just keep worrying about if it will be snowing when I'm supposed to be at the hospital...or if it will snow like crazy the day we go home...or if the snow will prevent people from coming to meet our little bundle of joy...I wish it were summer! Maybe, maybe we'll have great weather the week around the birth...but nothing is guaranteed in the mountains in February!
So here we are...six weeks or less. The anticipation of it all...the weather, the birth story, the gender, Savannah's reaction...it's all becoming too exciting to handle!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Blah, Blah, Blah - Is It Summer Yet?
Today is just one of those rainy, thank goodness not snowy, days where I just want to curl up and sleep until spring arrives. I really am thankful that Luke/Ella will arrive in a couple of weeks and the rest of my winter will be filled with baby bliss...I don't think I could handle a bleak winter.
I just keep longing for one of those days where you can open all the windows in the house, lounge outside, do nothing...I just keep imagining setting up the little UV protector tent in the front yard with Luke/Ella, Savannah able to run around and play, the light breeze, warm fresh air, lawn mowers going...just the idea of spring and summer makes me happy. January, February, and March have got to be my absolute least favorite months of the year.
The fact that my car is still broken irritates me. The fact that it will be that way until mid-February is even more annoying. The fact that we have a list of money going out really annoys me too...and that a lot of those things on the list are all related to me. I'm irritated that it's ONLY mid-January...and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like a whale - so not beautiful. I ache. I'm a whiner. I just feel so - blah!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for...and God has taken care of us. We are continuously blessed. This weekend I was reminded that no matter how angry I am over the whole car issue, we are still so very fortunate. We were at Aldi's (I love that place!) and the man in front of us was buying his groceries...he paid for most of his bill with some sort of debit card (maybe food stamps? not sure) and then the cashier told him it was another $7 and change. He dug in his pockets for a $5 bill, and then started searching his buggy for food to return...Carl just grabbed some cash from his wallet and paid for the man's food...to which he received thanks and the man hastily moved on to pack his stuff up. On the way out of the parking lot I told Carl that it really makes me think how fortunate we are...no matter how angry and annoyed the car situation has made me, we don't have to struggle to pay bills, we don't have to carefully add up each item we put in the buggy to hope we stay under a limit, we don't have to face the embarrassment of not having the money...after the man had pushed his cart away I noticed that he was analyzing his bill in detail...he must have been trying to find where he'd gone wrong...and my heart went out to him...
Carl and I both agreed that he didn't pay for the food for the thanks (in the end the cashier seemed more grateful than the man - I think the man was too embarrassed to make a big deal of it) but just because it was the right thing to do....and maybe in the end someone will pay it forward. Maybe that man will...or maybe the cashier...or maybe the couple who was loading groceries and noticed will...or maybe we'll just appreciate what we have more.
So the weather just makes me want to cry and brood on all the sadness and unfair things in the world...I am so very glad I have a baby to bring some light into our lives soon...if it is Luke we certainly are naming him appropriately...Luke Asher..."light, blessed one".
I just keep longing for one of those days where you can open all the windows in the house, lounge outside, do nothing...I just keep imagining setting up the little UV protector tent in the front yard with Luke/Ella, Savannah able to run around and play, the light breeze, warm fresh air, lawn mowers going...just the idea of spring and summer makes me happy. January, February, and March have got to be my absolute least favorite months of the year.
The fact that my car is still broken irritates me. The fact that it will be that way until mid-February is even more annoying. The fact that we have a list of money going out really annoys me too...and that a lot of those things on the list are all related to me. I'm irritated that it's ONLY mid-January...and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like a whale - so not beautiful. I ache. I'm a whiner. I just feel so - blah!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for...and God has taken care of us. We are continuously blessed. This weekend I was reminded that no matter how angry I am over the whole car issue, we are still so very fortunate. We were at Aldi's (I love that place!) and the man in front of us was buying his groceries...he paid for most of his bill with some sort of debit card (maybe food stamps? not sure) and then the cashier told him it was another $7 and change. He dug in his pockets for a $5 bill, and then started searching his buggy for food to return...Carl just grabbed some cash from his wallet and paid for the man's food...to which he received thanks and the man hastily moved on to pack his stuff up. On the way out of the parking lot I told Carl that it really makes me think how fortunate we are...no matter how angry and annoyed the car situation has made me, we don't have to struggle to pay bills, we don't have to carefully add up each item we put in the buggy to hope we stay under a limit, we don't have to face the embarrassment of not having the money...after the man had pushed his cart away I noticed that he was analyzing his bill in detail...he must have been trying to find where he'd gone wrong...and my heart went out to him...
Carl and I both agreed that he didn't pay for the food for the thanks (in the end the cashier seemed more grateful than the man - I think the man was too embarrassed to make a big deal of it) but just because it was the right thing to do....and maybe in the end someone will pay it forward. Maybe that man will...or maybe the cashier...or maybe the couple who was loading groceries and noticed will...or maybe we'll just appreciate what we have more.
So the weather just makes me want to cry and brood on all the sadness and unfair things in the world...I am so very glad I have a baby to bring some light into our lives soon...if it is Luke we certainly are naming him appropriately...Luke Asher..."light, blessed one".
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Maybe It's Amnesia...
I'm starting to think I must have amnesia...or God gives mothers this wonderful gift of forgetfulness in order to ensure women have more than one child. Yesterday was my first Monday of a full week at work since the first week in December. A lot has changed in a month...especially the size of this baby and my belly.
When I got home, all I wanted to do was lie on my side on the couch. I didn't want to stand or sit upright anymore...not one bit. For some reason I don't remember being this uncomfortable at almost 32 weeks when I was pregnant with Savannah. I don't remember worrying that I was going to go into labor at any second. I do vaguely remember doing a lot of walking the last 3 weeks of pregnancy (when it was warm enough for me to walk without a coat). But the last 8-9 weeks?! I don't remember this. I don't remember being this tired, or emotional, or any of the negative.
I don't remember worrying about the delivery either. I think I was too innocent to it all and just thought that things would work out. Now I know better...I know there are lots of risks, for me and the baby. I know labor could arrive suddenly and a baby could be in my arms within minutes or hours of the first sign of it coming on. I keep saying this baby will arrive on February 29th...and yesterday I thought for the first time that although I entirely believe the baby will come that day - he/she could be late. Or not come that day. It's like I've been so set on that date that I truly believe it will be that day...I should just schedule the day off work for myself and everyone else. Now I worry if I'll be upset when it might not happen that way...I've even thought about what day I should schedule my appointment with the doctor that week...should I schedule it the 27th or 28th and ask her to strip my membranes (that totally convinced Savannah to come out - she was born two days later). But I know babies come when they are good and ready...regardless of what I want.
So now I'm uncomfortable much earlier in pregnancy (at least from what memory of pregnancy God has allowed me to retain...) and I'm more worried and emotional. When I was thinking about how hard it is to get Savannah in and out of the bathtub, I was telling someone I was 31 weeks pregnant...and then I thought, no that isn't right, I'm only 30...I even had to check my calendar. I am, indeed, 31 weeks. I will be 32 weeks on Thursday. At 32 weeks a baby is 95% viable...at 34 weeks a baby has the same chances of survivability as a full term baby...so then it hit me. I will be 32 weeks in 2 days.
Then a flood of emotions opens up...and all sorts of thoughts. We'll have a baby in our house soon...Savannah will become a big sister soon...she's been waiting so patiently for this big event. Yesterday I was packing up the camera (after I cleared the memory card and charged the battery) and Savannah wanted to know what I was doing. When I told her I was getting the camera ready for the baby, she then wanted to know if the baby was coming out right then...she is just so excited for it all to happen. I can't wait to see her reaction when Luke/Ella does arrive and she gets to walk into the room and meet her baby...she says that now. It's her baby. I wonder if she'll be super excited, or super shy. I know that she will react somewhat leery when she sees me in a hospital gown in the bed...and it makes me wonder how exactly I plan to handle that day. I don't want our families to find out the gender until they are in the room with me (I have waited this long - I want to see their reactions!)...but I also want Savannah to get to come in and spend time with Carl and I before all the other family comes in. I want her to feel special and included. I want to spend a little time together as a family of four. On the other hand, I don't want Savannah to get scared at seeing me right after a delivery. I want to have a chance to brush my hair and although I'd love a shower first, I know that the doctors wouldn't let me out of bed for 2 hours after Savannah was born...so a shower will be too much to ask before she sees me. I also know that holding off the grandparents long enough for Savannah to get time alone with us is going to be hard enough...I fully intend for my nurses and Carl to be the advocates in that situation...absolutely no visitors until Savannah has been there with us. We won't be making phone calls or posting online or anything else until we have had our time as a family...well, we won't be posting gender information anyway. I'm sure we'll call some close family/friends and let them know that I'm fine and baby is fine. It seems crazy that I have all of this worry when it really shouldn't matter...and there are much more important things to worry about.
Then there's the whole realization that I am 32 weeks...and this baby could decide to come early. As I said before, I'm convinced this baby is coming on February 29th...and I didn't even consider that I would be leaving work before that date. I have the regional science fair on February 11th. This entire pregnancy I have been fully planning to be here on that date...but now that I've felt contractions (some of which I'm convinced were real and others are just practicing for the future) it has hit me that this baby could even be early! The day of the fair I would be 36W 2D...so yesterday I started to panic...what if this baby comes early?! I certainly won't be here for that fair then...and nothing was really "ready" for the fair. No one knew my plan of action, where things were...any of it. So I've done all that I can do for that fair until February 3rd (when applications are due). This fair is by all means much, much easier to handle than the state fair...but I still have it down to a science (pardon the pun).
So the rest of the week I will be mailing out letters for the career fair (April 15th, which I won't be here for more than likely) and creating a plan of action for the state fair. I also handle all the college's catalog changes, which are due February 17th, so I will be begging faculty to get back to me quickly in case I disappear for a few weeks...this really is probably my busiest time at FSU...and also now the most difficult point in pregnancy...but at least I have everything ready at home...bags are packed, room is clean, house is clean, supplies are bought (even the supplies for Savannah's 3rd birthday are bought and stored so I won't have to shop after the baby arrives), and the cameras are ready to roll. I know that my coworkers can handle things if I disappear, but I hate to leave people in a lurch.
SO...besides the worry and stress of delivery, and being gone from work, and all of that...I am becoming so excited to meet this baby! At first it was easy to not know the gender...but as the time nears I'm becoming more and more anxious to find out. It is making the second time more exciting for sure too...while we'd be excited about welcoming a second child, regardless, it is much more exciting to know that every minute I contract and labor will be one more minute closer to finding out this surprise that I've been hiding for so many months! It just adds a touch of something special to it all. I really, really am excited about that moment that the doctor says boy or girl...so excited that I just want to jump up and down (totally can't perform that action probably, but almost excited enough to try)...I just cannot wait. We've been waiting for a second baby since June of 2010...it has been a long road for us and I am SO ready to have a baby in my arms.
So this pregnancy has been different, and rough, and less comfortable, and the heartburn has been ridiculous...and unless God is really good at giving me mother's amnesia again...this is the last time. I flat out told Carl last night that I'm done. Not only because of the pregnancy being uncomfortable, but there are lots of reasons. Three kids are more expensive...being pregnant and going through all those emotions and the ups and downs I have are hard...he barely has time for two kids, let alone three...he has other ambitions in life besides being a dad...and there just isn't room and time for everything. I've always said I wouldn't have three (or more) kids unless I would have the time and money to raise them with the love and interest each deserves...and at this point...two is enough. Maybe God will change my mind, or surprise me with a third. I won't be doing anything drastic to prevent another child (no surgery for me yet anyway)...and I don't plan on even visiting the idea of it until late winter/early spring of 2014.
Not many days left now...
When I got home, all I wanted to do was lie on my side on the couch. I didn't want to stand or sit upright anymore...not one bit. For some reason I don't remember being this uncomfortable at almost 32 weeks when I was pregnant with Savannah. I don't remember worrying that I was going to go into labor at any second. I do vaguely remember doing a lot of walking the last 3 weeks of pregnancy (when it was warm enough for me to walk without a coat). But the last 8-9 weeks?! I don't remember this. I don't remember being this tired, or emotional, or any of the negative.
I don't remember worrying about the delivery either. I think I was too innocent to it all and just thought that things would work out. Now I know better...I know there are lots of risks, for me and the baby. I know labor could arrive suddenly and a baby could be in my arms within minutes or hours of the first sign of it coming on. I keep saying this baby will arrive on February 29th...and yesterday I thought for the first time that although I entirely believe the baby will come that day - he/she could be late. Or not come that day. It's like I've been so set on that date that I truly believe it will be that day...I should just schedule the day off work for myself and everyone else. Now I worry if I'll be upset when it might not happen that way...I've even thought about what day I should schedule my appointment with the doctor that week...should I schedule it the 27th or 28th and ask her to strip my membranes (that totally convinced Savannah to come out - she was born two days later). But I know babies come when they are good and ready...regardless of what I want.
So now I'm uncomfortable much earlier in pregnancy (at least from what memory of pregnancy God has allowed me to retain...) and I'm more worried and emotional. When I was thinking about how hard it is to get Savannah in and out of the bathtub, I was telling someone I was 31 weeks pregnant...and then I thought, no that isn't right, I'm only 30...I even had to check my calendar. I am, indeed, 31 weeks. I will be 32 weeks on Thursday. At 32 weeks a baby is 95% viable...at 34 weeks a baby has the same chances of survivability as a full term baby...so then it hit me. I will be 32 weeks in 2 days.
Then a flood of emotions opens up...and all sorts of thoughts. We'll have a baby in our house soon...Savannah will become a big sister soon...she's been waiting so patiently for this big event. Yesterday I was packing up the camera (after I cleared the memory card and charged the battery) and Savannah wanted to know what I was doing. When I told her I was getting the camera ready for the baby, she then wanted to know if the baby was coming out right then...she is just so excited for it all to happen. I can't wait to see her reaction when Luke/Ella does arrive and she gets to walk into the room and meet her baby...she says that now. It's her baby. I wonder if she'll be super excited, or super shy. I know that she will react somewhat leery when she sees me in a hospital gown in the bed...and it makes me wonder how exactly I plan to handle that day. I don't want our families to find out the gender until they are in the room with me (I have waited this long - I want to see their reactions!)...but I also want Savannah to get to come in and spend time with Carl and I before all the other family comes in. I want her to feel special and included. I want to spend a little time together as a family of four. On the other hand, I don't want Savannah to get scared at seeing me right after a delivery. I want to have a chance to brush my hair and although I'd love a shower first, I know that the doctors wouldn't let me out of bed for 2 hours after Savannah was born...so a shower will be too much to ask before she sees me. I also know that holding off the grandparents long enough for Savannah to get time alone with us is going to be hard enough...I fully intend for my nurses and Carl to be the advocates in that situation...absolutely no visitors until Savannah has been there with us. We won't be making phone calls or posting online or anything else until we have had our time as a family...well, we won't be posting gender information anyway. I'm sure we'll call some close family/friends and let them know that I'm fine and baby is fine. It seems crazy that I have all of this worry when it really shouldn't matter...and there are much more important things to worry about.
Then there's the whole realization that I am 32 weeks...and this baby could decide to come early. As I said before, I'm convinced this baby is coming on February 29th...and I didn't even consider that I would be leaving work before that date. I have the regional science fair on February 11th. This entire pregnancy I have been fully planning to be here on that date...but now that I've felt contractions (some of which I'm convinced were real and others are just practicing for the future) it has hit me that this baby could even be early! The day of the fair I would be 36W 2D...so yesterday I started to panic...what if this baby comes early?! I certainly won't be here for that fair then...and nothing was really "ready" for the fair. No one knew my plan of action, where things were...any of it. So I've done all that I can do for that fair until February 3rd (when applications are due). This fair is by all means much, much easier to handle than the state fair...but I still have it down to a science (pardon the pun).
So the rest of the week I will be mailing out letters for the career fair (April 15th, which I won't be here for more than likely) and creating a plan of action for the state fair. I also handle all the college's catalog changes, which are due February 17th, so I will be begging faculty to get back to me quickly in case I disappear for a few weeks...this really is probably my busiest time at FSU...and also now the most difficult point in pregnancy...but at least I have everything ready at home...bags are packed, room is clean, house is clean, supplies are bought (even the supplies for Savannah's 3rd birthday are bought and stored so I won't have to shop after the baby arrives), and the cameras are ready to roll. I know that my coworkers can handle things if I disappear, but I hate to leave people in a lurch.
SO...besides the worry and stress of delivery, and being gone from work, and all of that...I am becoming so excited to meet this baby! At first it was easy to not know the gender...but as the time nears I'm becoming more and more anxious to find out. It is making the second time more exciting for sure too...while we'd be excited about welcoming a second child, regardless, it is much more exciting to know that every minute I contract and labor will be one more minute closer to finding out this surprise that I've been hiding for so many months! It just adds a touch of something special to it all. I really, really am excited about that moment that the doctor says boy or girl...so excited that I just want to jump up and down (totally can't perform that action probably, but almost excited enough to try)...I just cannot wait. We've been waiting for a second baby since June of 2010...it has been a long road for us and I am SO ready to have a baby in my arms.
So this pregnancy has been different, and rough, and less comfortable, and the heartburn has been ridiculous...and unless God is really good at giving me mother's amnesia again...this is the last time. I flat out told Carl last night that I'm done. Not only because of the pregnancy being uncomfortable, but there are lots of reasons. Three kids are more expensive...being pregnant and going through all those emotions and the ups and downs I have are hard...he barely has time for two kids, let alone three...he has other ambitions in life besides being a dad...and there just isn't room and time for everything. I've always said I wouldn't have three (or more) kids unless I would have the time and money to raise them with the love and interest each deserves...and at this point...two is enough. Maybe God will change my mind, or surprise me with a third. I won't be doing anything drastic to prevent another child (no surgery for me yet anyway)...and I don't plan on even visiting the idea of it until late winter/early spring of 2014.
Not many days left now...
Monday, January 9, 2012
Nine Months to Nine Weeks (Or Less!)
It's hard to believe, but we are in the home stretch...nine weeks or less until Luke or Ella arrives for us! My mind and body are going through so much right now...it's been quite the week!
So last Tuesday was supposed to be my first day back to work. The roads weren't the best (due to snowy weather) and on my way down the largest neighborhood hill I lost control and barely missed a sign and light post. Needless to say, the whole way down I was saying, "Oh my, oh my, I'm pregnant!"...and once stopped I just parked my car at the bottom and walked back up the hill to the house. I was in tears and shaken for sure. So then on Wednesday, the weather still wasn't beautiful, but the local county schools were in session on a regular schedule. I packed up my things, got in the car, and headed out. Carl said he'd watch me go down the hill to make sure I got out and then he'd walk back to the house to get ready for work...he probably wished he hadn't watched! I lost control again, only this time I wasn't so lucky and I took out the sign and light post. I was fine...and really didn't feel shaken or scared at all. It's like "been there, done that"...but the car wasn't so lucky. There's $1700 worth of repair to be done...which means filing with insurance and paying the $1000 deductible. We have the money in our emergency savings account...but I just hate being the reason to have an emergency!
Once Carl go the car moved out of the way, we walked back up the hill. I decided I should at least call the doctor and let her know what happened, even though I really thought it was nothing. It turns out that she wanted me monitored for contractions...so off to the hospital we went. We spent 9 hours there...6 of them on monitors. I was having contractions, and at one point they were 5-7 minutes apart and you could see the peaks and valleys...they even started doing a few tests that might help predict an early labor...it was real then. And scary.
Thankfully, everything slowed on its own...and more than likely all of those contractions were due to the anxiety and stress of the day, plus some possible dehydration. When we finally got home Savannah was so excited to see us back...and she said, "My baby come out?". When I told her that it wasn't quite time, she said she wanted to see it, and had to see my belly and see that all was well. (She makes me so happy sometimes!) She seemed to have paid more attention to us talking than I thought too...she kept talking about "Mommy turn, turn, turn..." and she woke up crying for me the next morning and saying "Don't leave me" and cuddling up against me in our bed...so she understands much more than I ever thought.
Since that now infamous day, I have been much less comfortable. I don't know if it's now just the heightened concern for the baby...or if it is just the lasting exhaustion...or if it's just that I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant...but I ache and emotionally I'm a mess. On the physical side, I feel (and am more attuned to) the aches in my belly muscles...the possible Braxton Hicks...and I've been nauseous at night again...I usually don't want dinner, and if I do eat it's cereal...I don't know if the nausea is just hormonal or if it's because my muscles hurt when I sit up that it makes sitting at the table less desirable...but that part stinks. I also am having incredible difficulty sleeping...I never had that problem when I was pregnant with Savannah...but now I can't get comfortable, or I do and I can't sleep...I wake up every morning with stiff hips and knees...even with a body pillow to help hold my belly and my legs. Nights are the worst, but day time is difficult. Really, if I was this pregnant when I started my holiday break I don't know if I would have been able to survive...I can't get Savannah in and out of the bath tub anymore...and helping her with the potty is incredibly difficult...I just can't bend over and reach her pants anymore!
I don't know if Carl fully understands how I feel, and I think he thinks I use pregnancy as an excuse...but that's because last time I never slowed down. A week or two before Savannah was born I was up on chairs taking curtains down to wash them...and shoveling snow...and doing everything normal...I can't imagine doing any of that now! This pregnancy is so different than the first...part of it I'm sure is that I'm more tired in general because I have a 2 1/2 year old at home that is time demanding. I can't just go home from work and sit on the couch and watch TV all night...I have to do a lot...and some of the work I have to do is physically demanding. Sitting for very long at a time isn't comfortable...church was even hard this week...I kept shifting positions...the thought even crossed my mind that maybe I will send Carl and Savannah to church and I could use that hour of quiet to rest...but I really don't want to miss church. I just kept thinking that there's only nine more weeks at most...just nine more.
So physically the last nine weeks are going to be difficult...and emotionally. I think my anxiety is slowly creeping back into my mind...the day after Christmas I told Carl I felt anxious, but I wasn't sure why...and it wasn't anywhere near what I'd felt back in February and March...but it was there. That's the first time since I weaned off Celexa that I felt it at all. And then the accident last week...and the nerves are showing back up. Driving really hasn't been an issue (although I think all of my family was afraid it'd be a fight to get me back in the car)...and I don't feel any worry (except on the way down that hill - and I certainly will be hard pressed to even attempt that in the snow for a long time!). I am starting to feel the emotional worry and fear of delivery. I never did have a fear when Savannah was born...we just said we'd do things as natural as possible, and she ended up coming on her own, making things easy, and the entire process wasn't scary or worrisome...but now I worry. I'm starting to be afraid of the delivery, the complications, what if it doesn't go as well...just all of it. We have no real reason to be concerned, but it's starting to weigh on me. I also keep telling myself that I have time to get things together at work...but we are getting to the point of pregnancy where me being at work the next day isn't guaranteed....I could go into labor 10 minutes from now for all I know!
I know it's early, but when I saw the midwife on Friday she said that it isn't out of the question that I would be allowed to deliver a baby at this point...if the danger to me was significant, and the labor wasn't one that would easy stop....they were seriously consider allowing me to deliver....so nothing is out of the question at this point.
I am prepared for a baby...at home at least. As of last week I had everything ready (except a hospital bag - which is the one thing I might have actually needed on Wednesday!)...but at work...I'm not ready to leave. I have two major science fairs that I fear won't happen if I'm not here...one of them is before the due date, the other is after. I kept telling myself I would have all of January to focus on them...but now I'm starting to worry...who knows what is in the future?!
And the whole idea of a baby and medical procedures...and the health of a baby is scary. What if something is wrong, or something goes wrong? We have been working towards this baby for so long...I know I shouldn't worry...but telling me not to worry is like talking to a wall...totally not happening!
So for now there are my concerns...I'm sure I'll be blogging more as the time nears...
So last Tuesday was supposed to be my first day back to work. The roads weren't the best (due to snowy weather) and on my way down the largest neighborhood hill I lost control and barely missed a sign and light post. Needless to say, the whole way down I was saying, "Oh my, oh my, I'm pregnant!"...and once stopped I just parked my car at the bottom and walked back up the hill to the house. I was in tears and shaken for sure. So then on Wednesday, the weather still wasn't beautiful, but the local county schools were in session on a regular schedule. I packed up my things, got in the car, and headed out. Carl said he'd watch me go down the hill to make sure I got out and then he'd walk back to the house to get ready for work...he probably wished he hadn't watched! I lost control again, only this time I wasn't so lucky and I took out the sign and light post. I was fine...and really didn't feel shaken or scared at all. It's like "been there, done that"...but the car wasn't so lucky. There's $1700 worth of repair to be done...which means filing with insurance and paying the $1000 deductible. We have the money in our emergency savings account...but I just hate being the reason to have an emergency!
Once Carl go the car moved out of the way, we walked back up the hill. I decided I should at least call the doctor and let her know what happened, even though I really thought it was nothing. It turns out that she wanted me monitored for contractions...so off to the hospital we went. We spent 9 hours there...6 of them on monitors. I was having contractions, and at one point they were 5-7 minutes apart and you could see the peaks and valleys...they even started doing a few tests that might help predict an early labor...it was real then. And scary.
Thankfully, everything slowed on its own...and more than likely all of those contractions were due to the anxiety and stress of the day, plus some possible dehydration. When we finally got home Savannah was so excited to see us back...and she said, "My baby come out?". When I told her that it wasn't quite time, she said she wanted to see it, and had to see my belly and see that all was well. (She makes me so happy sometimes!) She seemed to have paid more attention to us talking than I thought too...she kept talking about "Mommy turn, turn, turn..." and she woke up crying for me the next morning and saying "Don't leave me" and cuddling up against me in our bed...so she understands much more than I ever thought.
Since that now infamous day, I have been much less comfortable. I don't know if it's now just the heightened concern for the baby...or if it is just the lasting exhaustion...or if it's just that I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant...but I ache and emotionally I'm a mess. On the physical side, I feel (and am more attuned to) the aches in my belly muscles...the possible Braxton Hicks...and I've been nauseous at night again...I usually don't want dinner, and if I do eat it's cereal...I don't know if the nausea is just hormonal or if it's because my muscles hurt when I sit up that it makes sitting at the table less desirable...but that part stinks. I also am having incredible difficulty sleeping...I never had that problem when I was pregnant with Savannah...but now I can't get comfortable, or I do and I can't sleep...I wake up every morning with stiff hips and knees...even with a body pillow to help hold my belly and my legs. Nights are the worst, but day time is difficult. Really, if I was this pregnant when I started my holiday break I don't know if I would have been able to survive...I can't get Savannah in and out of the bath tub anymore...and helping her with the potty is incredibly difficult...I just can't bend over and reach her pants anymore!
I don't know if Carl fully understands how I feel, and I think he thinks I use pregnancy as an excuse...but that's because last time I never slowed down. A week or two before Savannah was born I was up on chairs taking curtains down to wash them...and shoveling snow...and doing everything normal...I can't imagine doing any of that now! This pregnancy is so different than the first...part of it I'm sure is that I'm more tired in general because I have a 2 1/2 year old at home that is time demanding. I can't just go home from work and sit on the couch and watch TV all night...I have to do a lot...and some of the work I have to do is physically demanding. Sitting for very long at a time isn't comfortable...church was even hard this week...I kept shifting positions...the thought even crossed my mind that maybe I will send Carl and Savannah to church and I could use that hour of quiet to rest...but I really don't want to miss church. I just kept thinking that there's only nine more weeks at most...just nine more.
So physically the last nine weeks are going to be difficult...and emotionally. I think my anxiety is slowly creeping back into my mind...the day after Christmas I told Carl I felt anxious, but I wasn't sure why...and it wasn't anywhere near what I'd felt back in February and March...but it was there. That's the first time since I weaned off Celexa that I felt it at all. And then the accident last week...and the nerves are showing back up. Driving really hasn't been an issue (although I think all of my family was afraid it'd be a fight to get me back in the car)...and I don't feel any worry (except on the way down that hill - and I certainly will be hard pressed to even attempt that in the snow for a long time!). I am starting to feel the emotional worry and fear of delivery. I never did have a fear when Savannah was born...we just said we'd do things as natural as possible, and she ended up coming on her own, making things easy, and the entire process wasn't scary or worrisome...but now I worry. I'm starting to be afraid of the delivery, the complications, what if it doesn't go as well...just all of it. We have no real reason to be concerned, but it's starting to weigh on me. I also keep telling myself that I have time to get things together at work...but we are getting to the point of pregnancy where me being at work the next day isn't guaranteed....I could go into labor 10 minutes from now for all I know!
I know it's early, but when I saw the midwife on Friday she said that it isn't out of the question that I would be allowed to deliver a baby at this point...if the danger to me was significant, and the labor wasn't one that would easy stop....they were seriously consider allowing me to deliver....so nothing is out of the question at this point.
I am prepared for a baby...at home at least. As of last week I had everything ready (except a hospital bag - which is the one thing I might have actually needed on Wednesday!)...but at work...I'm not ready to leave. I have two major science fairs that I fear won't happen if I'm not here...one of them is before the due date, the other is after. I kept telling myself I would have all of January to focus on them...but now I'm starting to worry...who knows what is in the future?!
And the whole idea of a baby and medical procedures...and the health of a baby is scary. What if something is wrong, or something goes wrong? We have been working towards this baby for so long...I know I shouldn't worry...but telling me not to worry is like talking to a wall...totally not happening!
So for now there are my concerns...I'm sure I'll be blogging more as the time nears...
Monday, January 2, 2012
Pure, Unadulterated Joy
Over my break from work I've been checking things off my "To Do Before Baby Comes" list. I've almost accomplished everything - and really the things that are left aren't going to be deal-breakers if they don't get done.
One of my favorite things that I completed is the organizing of the nursery and packing bags. Savannah and I have cleaned up the nursery, gotten the diapers ready in their basket (I truly forgot just how small newborn diapers are!), and packed a diaper bag. Savannah was such a big help listing off all the things that would need to go in the bag, and storing each item in a special place. She loved helping. Then it was time to pack a travel bag for her (This bag will stay in Grandma's car so that when we head to the hospital, no matter where Grandma is, she has clothes for 4 days. Again, I know she lives in the same town, but if it's snowy we don't want Grandma having to trek out to our house in bad weather just for clothes!)
Savannah picked out her outfits, pajamas, socks, and shoes and helped put each item in the bag. Then she said we were all done, and she was so happy. She kept smiling and talking about her baby coming when it was ready. She gave me a big hug and said she wanted to help me pack my bag for the hospital too. She is so excited to be a big sister, and so far no jealousy has come into play (although I know eventually we'll see it). It was just such a special moment, sitting in her closet, packing her bag, talking with her about being a big sister and the trip to the hospital...and realizing that it really is happening...we really will be bringing another child into the world and she really will get to be a big sister and share all her love with a sibling. It is such a pure joy - one that is almost indescribable.
One of my favorite things that I completed is the organizing of the nursery and packing bags. Savannah and I have cleaned up the nursery, gotten the diapers ready in their basket (I truly forgot just how small newborn diapers are!), and packed a diaper bag. Savannah was such a big help listing off all the things that would need to go in the bag, and storing each item in a special place. She loved helping. Then it was time to pack a travel bag for her (This bag will stay in Grandma's car so that when we head to the hospital, no matter where Grandma is, she has clothes for 4 days. Again, I know she lives in the same town, but if it's snowy we don't want Grandma having to trek out to our house in bad weather just for clothes!)
Savannah picked out her outfits, pajamas, socks, and shoes and helped put each item in the bag. Then she said we were all done, and she was so happy. She kept smiling and talking about her baby coming when it was ready. She gave me a big hug and said she wanted to help me pack my bag for the hospital too. She is so excited to be a big sister, and so far no jealousy has come into play (although I know eventually we'll see it). It was just such a special moment, sitting in her closet, packing her bag, talking with her about being a big sister and the trip to the hospital...and realizing that it really is happening...we really will be bringing another child into the world and she really will get to be a big sister and share all her love with a sibling. It is such a pure joy - one that is almost indescribable.
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