I can't believe it's been a month since I have written. I guess that is a testament to the kind of crazy life I have. (I thought it was pretty crazy before I had two kids!)
Christmas is almost here...I am SO excited. I really think I'm more excited about Savannah and Luke enjoying Christmas than I was as a kid myself! The joy on Savannah's face when she sees all the little magical presents waiting for her...I really cannot wait. Luke loves to unwrap presents. He has opened his very first two presents (ever!) recently. I really think I should just give him paper to shred, because as soon as he gets the first piece off the present he just proceeds to rip that piece into shreds and ignores the actual present. He loves the paper! We are going to have a very slow morning opening all his presents. I marvel daily about how different Savannah and Luke are...and Christmas will be just another little note in the book. Our first Christmas with Savannah was an agonizingly slow process of opening presents. She was very calculated and careful about touching presents...with Luke it will be slow again, but for entirely different reasons.
I'm excited for my time off with my kids too - two whole weeks!! I'm excited for the fun we'll have and the quality time to spend together...which is just what I'll need because two weeks after I return to work from break, Carl and I will be headed out for our cruise! I cannot believe it's almost here. I already miss my kids...but each day through this hectic time of year I'm reminded that Carl and I really need it. Our little love nest is falling apart...there's just always someone pulling a twig from here, or pulling out a branch from the other side...and we have no time to replace the twigs taken. We haven't learned to tell others no...and we certainly don't put our marriage as a priority. We tell everyone "Yes we'll do it" without thinking about us, or our family. Eventually that is going to come back to bite us on the butt...so for that one week in January, we are putting ourselves first. I hope to come back with a renewed sense of solidarity. I want to be able to respectfully say "no" to those outside of immediate family and not feel guilty. Hopefully we come back on the same page about how to handle our crazy, hectic lives.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
Thankful Tree
As Thanksgiving approaches, I have been working on creating memories with Savannah. We have been crafting up a storm (she and I share a passion for crafts!). Tonight we finally finished up all of our Thanksgiving crafts. I'm so happy with how everything turned out, and I think she enjoyed all the little crafts and techniques we used. I was reminded of how blessed I am, and she got to think about all the things that she is thankful (or happy) for. Here's a peak at our handiwork...
Thankful Tree! - Free twigs (thanks to a wonderful friend), a vase from a previous arrangement, dirt from our garden, and a few simple craft supplies. Our family traced our hands, cut them out, then wrote what we were thankful for on them. Savannah loved this activity because it was so hands-on (pun intended!) and I loved it because it was basically free! I think this will be a family tradition to make a Thankful Tree the week of Thanksgiving. It just reminds us of the things we should be thankful for...next year Luke can help too...when he will sit still long enough!
Give Thanks - Savannah loved painting these blocks! Honestly, one of the fastest Thanksgiving projects. It took Carl all of 10 minutes to cut 10 blocks of wood from the scrap in the garage, then Savannah and I painted them in pretty fall colors. While they dried we played with Barbies, and then I added "Give Thanks" in gold paint pen. Easy, cheap, and beautiful!
Turkeys! This project was a little bit more time intensive, but not much. We sprayed adhesive inside of two of Luke's leftover baby food jars, then added glitter, then Savannah shook them up. I quickly hot glued googly eyes and a felt nose onto the front. Then Savannah and I traced her hands on several colors of felt...and then I cut a lot of hands out. I mean a lot! I wanted a very feathery turkey! Then I just laid out the felt hands in a pretty way, hot glued them together, then glued them onto the jars. Pretty simple, and again, really cheap! I love how cute them are!
We have been busy, busy this week - but I know we are making memories!
Thankful Tree! - Free twigs (thanks to a wonderful friend), a vase from a previous arrangement, dirt from our garden, and a few simple craft supplies. Our family traced our hands, cut them out, then wrote what we were thankful for on them. Savannah loved this activity because it was so hands-on (pun intended!) and I loved it because it was basically free! I think this will be a family tradition to make a Thankful Tree the week of Thanksgiving. It just reminds us of the things we should be thankful for...next year Luke can help too...when he will sit still long enough!
Give Thanks - Savannah loved painting these blocks! Honestly, one of the fastest Thanksgiving projects. It took Carl all of 10 minutes to cut 10 blocks of wood from the scrap in the garage, then Savannah and I painted them in pretty fall colors. While they dried we played with Barbies, and then I added "Give Thanks" in gold paint pen. Easy, cheap, and beautiful!
Turkeys! This project was a little bit more time intensive, but not much. We sprayed adhesive inside of two of Luke's leftover baby food jars, then added glitter, then Savannah shook them up. I quickly hot glued googly eyes and a felt nose onto the front. Then Savannah and I traced her hands on several colors of felt...and then I cut a lot of hands out. I mean a lot! I wanted a very feathery turkey! Then I just laid out the felt hands in a pretty way, hot glued them together, then glued them onto the jars. Pretty simple, and again, really cheap! I love how cute them are!
We have been busy, busy this week - but I know we are making memories!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I'm Thankful For...
A recent trend has appeared on Facebook - posting daily what you are thankful for. I considered joining the crowd, but then decided against it. I really think it is important to be grateful. But do people want to see me update my list of things every day? Will the things that I list on the 30th of November seem less important than those listed on the 1st? I just decided to be thankful every day - November or not.
However, I am also reminded of things that I am so blessed to have in my life. My compromise? The following list of things I am thankful for...and why.
(No particular order.)
1. My God. I am blessed to have a forgiving, loving, understanding God. I am certainly not a perfect child, but I am willing to learn and follow.
2. My husband. This year has been rough. It's been busy. It's put stress on our marriage in so many ways I can't even think of them all. But I am grateful to have someone by my side, who loves me for all my nuttiness, list-making craziness, and just the insane whirlwind that I am.
3. My kids. I love my kids - more than I ever, ever thought possible. (Sure there are days I'd much rather be able to sleep and eat at my leisure...I digress.) Some days it feels like my heart will explode with so much love crammed into it. I would do anything for them.
4. My relationship with Savannah. I love that Savannah and I already love to shop together. We have shopping dates. We go to the store and browse together. We love to just be girls together. This morning I was getting ready for work and Savannah was in the bathroom with me...I had just put on a new dress (bargain price for $2 - plus shoes!). I was digging in the closet for my boots, when behind me I heard, "Mom I love it!". She kept gushing about my dress. It was just SO adorable and hilarious all at the same time. She even loves nail polish and jewelry...it is just so amazing.
5. My relationship with Luke. He is my little buddy. He certainly doesn't snuggle like Savannah (By the way - so thankful I blogged about all those cuddles with her. I miss it now!, but he is my little guy. He climbs all over me, giggles at me, grins at me. I know there will be more to our growing connection - and I know he and Carl will have a special bond as he grows up. I love that he is like his daddy, and that he is like me.
6. The bond between Savannah and Luke. If I ever, ever had any doubts about giving Savannah a sibling (and I know I did!), they are now completely erased. It is such an amazing, precious sight to see two siblings who love each other the way Savannah and Luke love each other. I snapped a photo of them playing together the other night...they both were riding the little pirate ship ride-on toy I bought for Luke when he was tiny. Savannah was just holding around Luke and he just leans into her and grins as the ride around the house. He loves her. She loves him. It is just such a magical scene when they play...you can't help but smile because of their unbridled joy. It is just something I cannot describe with words.
7. My job. I love working. I love being a mom. I love having the flexibility to be successful at work and still be present for the important times in my kids' lives. I love making a difference in the lives of young people. I love that I enjoy what I do and it provides for my family.
8. My house. This year we have considered moving...and it's heartbreaking in a lot of ways. I love our house. We have worked hard to make it just the way we'd like. I love my kitchen, my flooring, my everything! I love the basement space, the yard (although small). I love coming home to my house. I love the neighbors. I love the special feel at Christmas. I think if we do move, I will have a really difficult time leaving. I just love it. (The hill - not so much!)
9. My extended family. I am grateful for the family that helps raise my kids. My mom spends a lot of time with Savannah and Luke...and she does so much for them. I'm so grateful and blessed to have family assisting in the daily needs of my children. I know they are safe and content. I'm glad Savannah has a special bond with each grandparent. She adores them each in their own way...and Luke is learning and forming bonds too. I'm grateful for the people outside of the immediate that care for my children.
10. My church. Carl and I love our church family. We even have talked about sticking with Avery even if we move a little farther from the church building. We love the people there, we love the activities, we love the lessons learned.
11. The Avery UMW group. I am so lucky and blessed to have joined an amazing group of ladies this year. I love having two nights a month that I can get away from the chaos of my house and just fellowship with other wonderful ladies. It is so nice to plan for the future of the church and church family...to raise money to help those in need...to help teach our youth...just to be part of a group that shows compassion.
12. My car. I love my car. I love my car so much that I prefer to drive it over the newer one. I trust it. It takes me from here to there safely. I am grateful to have a safe, reliable car.
13. Avery Preschool. Savannah (and Luke soon!) is blessed to have teachers who genuinely care about her. She is learning so many skills each day she attends preschool. Her teaches are amazing at teaching her letters and numbers and shapes and colors (she can spell her name and is learning to write it, she is pre-reading)...and they are helping her mature socially. Her lead teacher has called the house to tell me little stories about her day - little insights I would never get otherwise. I get little notes about what Savannah's day was like...and she is always bringing home artwork that her teachers help her create. I am so, so grateful for her school. She is already on a path to success in whatever she picks.
14. Savings. I am grateful that Carl and I have worked hard to save money for tough times, renovations, vacations, retirement, college...just to have a little money in rough waters. I'm grateful that we have been able to do so, and that we have the knowledge to do so.
15. Health. I am grateful that Carl and I are relatively healthy. (Of course we both could eat better and exercise more!) We have been blessed to have healthy kids and live in a healthy environment.
Overall, I am grateful for the relationships and people in my life that make every day exciting and rewarding. I hope everyone takes a moment, at some point, to remember the little things that make life the amazing gift that it is!
However, I am also reminded of things that I am so blessed to have in my life. My compromise? The following list of things I am thankful for...and why.
(No particular order.)
1. My God. I am blessed to have a forgiving, loving, understanding God. I am certainly not a perfect child, but I am willing to learn and follow.
2. My husband. This year has been rough. It's been busy. It's put stress on our marriage in so many ways I can't even think of them all. But I am grateful to have someone by my side, who loves me for all my nuttiness, list-making craziness, and just the insane whirlwind that I am.
3. My kids. I love my kids - more than I ever, ever thought possible. (Sure there are days I'd much rather be able to sleep and eat at my leisure...I digress.) Some days it feels like my heart will explode with so much love crammed into it. I would do anything for them.
4. My relationship with Savannah. I love that Savannah and I already love to shop together. We have shopping dates. We go to the store and browse together. We love to just be girls together. This morning I was getting ready for work and Savannah was in the bathroom with me...I had just put on a new dress (bargain price for $2 - plus shoes!). I was digging in the closet for my boots, when behind me I heard, "Mom I love it!". She kept gushing about my dress. It was just SO adorable and hilarious all at the same time. She even loves nail polish and jewelry...it is just so amazing.
5. My relationship with Luke. He is my little buddy. He certainly doesn't snuggle like Savannah (By the way - so thankful I blogged about all those cuddles with her. I miss it now!, but he is my little guy. He climbs all over me, giggles at me, grins at me. I know there will be more to our growing connection - and I know he and Carl will have a special bond as he grows up. I love that he is like his daddy, and that he is like me.
6. The bond between Savannah and Luke. If I ever, ever had any doubts about giving Savannah a sibling (and I know I did!), they are now completely erased. It is such an amazing, precious sight to see two siblings who love each other the way Savannah and Luke love each other. I snapped a photo of them playing together the other night...they both were riding the little pirate ship ride-on toy I bought for Luke when he was tiny. Savannah was just holding around Luke and he just leans into her and grins as the ride around the house. He loves her. She loves him. It is just such a magical scene when they play...you can't help but smile because of their unbridled joy. It is just something I cannot describe with words.
7. My job. I love working. I love being a mom. I love having the flexibility to be successful at work and still be present for the important times in my kids' lives. I love making a difference in the lives of young people. I love that I enjoy what I do and it provides for my family.
8. My house. This year we have considered moving...and it's heartbreaking in a lot of ways. I love our house. We have worked hard to make it just the way we'd like. I love my kitchen, my flooring, my everything! I love the basement space, the yard (although small). I love coming home to my house. I love the neighbors. I love the special feel at Christmas. I think if we do move, I will have a really difficult time leaving. I just love it. (The hill - not so much!)
9. My extended family. I am grateful for the family that helps raise my kids. My mom spends a lot of time with Savannah and Luke...and she does so much for them. I'm so grateful and blessed to have family assisting in the daily needs of my children. I know they are safe and content. I'm glad Savannah has a special bond with each grandparent. She adores them each in their own way...and Luke is learning and forming bonds too. I'm grateful for the people outside of the immediate that care for my children.
10. My church. Carl and I love our church family. We even have talked about sticking with Avery even if we move a little farther from the church building. We love the people there, we love the activities, we love the lessons learned.
11. The Avery UMW group. I am so lucky and blessed to have joined an amazing group of ladies this year. I love having two nights a month that I can get away from the chaos of my house and just fellowship with other wonderful ladies. It is so nice to plan for the future of the church and church family...to raise money to help those in need...to help teach our youth...just to be part of a group that shows compassion.
12. My car. I love my car. I love my car so much that I prefer to drive it over the newer one. I trust it. It takes me from here to there safely. I am grateful to have a safe, reliable car.
13. Avery Preschool. Savannah (and Luke soon!) is blessed to have teachers who genuinely care about her. She is learning so many skills each day she attends preschool. Her teaches are amazing at teaching her letters and numbers and shapes and colors (she can spell her name and is learning to write it, she is pre-reading)...and they are helping her mature socially. Her lead teacher has called the house to tell me little stories about her day - little insights I would never get otherwise. I get little notes about what Savannah's day was like...and she is always bringing home artwork that her teachers help her create. I am so, so grateful for her school. She is already on a path to success in whatever she picks.
14. Savings. I am grateful that Carl and I have worked hard to save money for tough times, renovations, vacations, retirement, college...just to have a little money in rough waters. I'm grateful that we have been able to do so, and that we have the knowledge to do so.
15. Health. I am grateful that Carl and I are relatively healthy. (Of course we both could eat better and exercise more!) We have been blessed to have healthy kids and live in a healthy environment.
Overall, I am grateful for the relationships and people in my life that make every day exciting and rewarding. I hope everyone takes a moment, at some point, to remember the little things that make life the amazing gift that it is!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Decisions, Decisions
As a parent, you are cursed blessed with the ability to make decisions for your children. Most parents make lots of choices, some good, some bad. Some regrettable, some not-so-regrettable.
This story on msnbc.com made me so sad last night. One split decision, to allow a toddler a better view (how many parents out there haven't tried to get the best view for their child?) and it all ends tragically. It makes me heart hurt for that family. It is so, so sad.
As a parent, you make so many decisions...most will, in the end, seem frivolous. A lot of decisions are based on safety. What car seat? When to feed certain foods? Who can be their friend? Who will babysit? Who teaches the driving lessons? Who do they date? What boundaries are hard limits? Can they see just find from behind the glass, not above it?
Part of the parenting process is to slowly allow your children to make decisions on their own...hopefully good ones. You train them with little decisions and hope to goodness they make wise ones when it begins to really count. As a small child we allow Savannah many options, and encourage her to shape her opinions on her own...with a little guidance. For example, she has a favorite pair of Hello Kitty shoes. They are most definitely spring/summer shoes. Her first pair are so worn that they need to be thrown out...so we bought another pair, two sizes bigger. She still wants to wear them every day...even in 30 degree weather...so we are working on teaching her to make that decision wisely...she needs to wear socks. We explain that it's cold and she would want to be warm...so now she is making those choices without us prompting.
Sometimes, as a parent, you have to make decisions that you know will protect your children, but hurt your heart. You have to say "no" to lots of things...all in the name of keeping your children sheltered from trouble or horrible life situations...often parents make sacrifices for their kids...all tied to those important decisions...
**Side note - it's almost the holidays! Savannah is gearing up for one of the most fun holiday seasons yet! She is completely enthralled with all of it...I can't wait to blog about some of our crafting/present buying adventures!!!
This story on msnbc.com made me so sad last night. One split decision, to allow a toddler a better view (how many parents out there haven't tried to get the best view for their child?) and it all ends tragically. It makes me heart hurt for that family. It is so, so sad.
As a parent, you make so many decisions...most will, in the end, seem frivolous. A lot of decisions are based on safety. What car seat? When to feed certain foods? Who can be their friend? Who will babysit? Who teaches the driving lessons? Who do they date? What boundaries are hard limits? Can they see just find from behind the glass, not above it?
Part of the parenting process is to slowly allow your children to make decisions on their own...hopefully good ones. You train them with little decisions and hope to goodness they make wise ones when it begins to really count. As a small child we allow Savannah many options, and encourage her to shape her opinions on her own...with a little guidance. For example, she has a favorite pair of Hello Kitty shoes. They are most definitely spring/summer shoes. Her first pair are so worn that they need to be thrown out...so we bought another pair, two sizes bigger. She still wants to wear them every day...even in 30 degree weather...so we are working on teaching her to make that decision wisely...she needs to wear socks. We explain that it's cold and she would want to be warm...so now she is making those choices without us prompting.
Sometimes, as a parent, you have to make decisions that you know will protect your children, but hurt your heart. You have to say "no" to lots of things...all in the name of keeping your children sheltered from trouble or horrible life situations...often parents make sacrifices for their kids...all tied to those important decisions...
**Side note - it's almost the holidays! Savannah is gearing up for one of the most fun holiday seasons yet! She is completely enthralled with all of it...I can't wait to blog about some of our crafting/present buying adventures!!!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Childish Excitement!
Yesterday Carl and I did something we haven't done in over 5 years - we booked a vacation!! A tried-and-true, no-visiting-family, not-for-educational-purposes, not-for-work, vacation!! And here's the kicker: we aren't taking the kids!
So our decision all started on Friday. I got an email from Disney Cruise Line (as I have just about every week since our ah-may-zing honeymoon in 2007) touting the latest new deal, port, ship, etc. from the DCL offerings. I of course drooled over the cruises...but then noticed an interesting deal. So I looked into it. On Saturday, I brought the topic up to Carl. He, of course, immediately thought it would be a great idea. I was still undecided. I cannot describe my love of our honeymoon trip...magical doesn't even cover it! I truly have cried at the thought of going back. So what was holding me back? The kids.
I love, love, love my kids (as evidence shows in previous posts!). But a cruise? For a not-yet-one-year-old inquisitive little boy? For a almost 4 year old little girl that will not leave my side at gymnastics (even though we have gone every Tuesday for weeks!)? I just didn't know. The cost would almost double (kids have a cruise fare too - even little Luke!). Carl and I would spend most hours caring for both littles...and not get time to spend with each other. Sure, DCL offers kid clubs (but not for Luke's age) that do allow parents to spend a little away time. But there's no way Savannah would stay with a stranger...and Luke would required a babysitter, not a kid's club. So we'd pay to bring them, then have to pay someone to watch Luke while we ate dinner (still with Savannah). We want to do two different shore excursions (horseback riding in Cozumel, Mexico through Mayan ruins and snorkeling at Castaway Cay), but the horseback riding is for ages 12 and over...and the snorkeling wouldn't go so well with two littles who don't know how to swim yet! And while DCL is good about providing time for parents to get away (even though I've gone over the drawbacks in our situation), I don't think they allow you to leave your kids on the boat while you go ashore...I'm not sure that is their policy, but I certainly wouldn't leave my kids on a boat anyway!
So to take the kids would be kind of silly at this point in our lives. They wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much as a trip to WDW...which we are going on in 2014. That is a place to take them...there's so much to do for all ages...lots to keep them entertained...and remember, at that point Luke will be 2 1/2 and Savannah will be 5 1/2...they will enjoy shows and rides and parades. The cruise entertainment options include bingo, nightclubs, movies, shows...Luke most definitely won't sit through any of those...and Savannah only would a few times...not every night.
So am I a bad mom? Traveling without my littles? I tend to think it will make me a better mom - and a much better wife. Carl and I need to get away. We have had a rough 2012...numerous trips to the hospital (for good and bad reasons)...just so much stress and responsibility has been added to our lives in the past 10 months. We need time to recharge our batteries. One thing I'm excited about? To wake up on a "day at sea" day and eat my meals when I want, read a book by the pool, watch a movie, take a nap...all whenever I want. My kids will miss me, but they will be with Grandma (and Grandpa for at least a few of those days). Carl will have his work laptop with him for random check-ins...so I can keep up with Savannah and Luke too. I know they will be safe, sound, and comfortable at home...and they will get to spend some time with their grandparents. Carl and I have learned all too well this year that time with our parents is, unfortunately, not guaranteed.
So we are excited - really excited. Our vacation in 2013 is a selfish one, but one that we won't regret. Luke most certainly won't miss the trip...and I doubt Savannah will either. We will still travel to see family in 2013...and then in 2014 we will take Luke for his first time to WDW (and Carl and I just have to eat at Be Our Guest Restaurant!!). All while still using vacation savings...I love a great deal when I can find one!!
I know I will adore my 5 nights away...and I also know I'll miss my littles intensely...but in 18 years, when both of them are out the door (hopefully they become responsible, self-sufficient adults within 18-22 years), I want to still know, like, and LOVE the man I married.
So our decision all started on Friday. I got an email from Disney Cruise Line (as I have just about every week since our ah-may-zing honeymoon in 2007) touting the latest new deal, port, ship, etc. from the DCL offerings. I of course drooled over the cruises...but then noticed an interesting deal. So I looked into it. On Saturday, I brought the topic up to Carl. He, of course, immediately thought it would be a great idea. I was still undecided. I cannot describe my love of our honeymoon trip...magical doesn't even cover it! I truly have cried at the thought of going back. So what was holding me back? The kids.
I love, love, love my kids (as evidence shows in previous posts!). But a cruise? For a not-yet-one-year-old inquisitive little boy? For a almost 4 year old little girl that will not leave my side at gymnastics (even though we have gone every Tuesday for weeks!)? I just didn't know. The cost would almost double (kids have a cruise fare too - even little Luke!). Carl and I would spend most hours caring for both littles...and not get time to spend with each other. Sure, DCL offers kid clubs (but not for Luke's age) that do allow parents to spend a little away time. But there's no way Savannah would stay with a stranger...and Luke would required a babysitter, not a kid's club. So we'd pay to bring them, then have to pay someone to watch Luke while we ate dinner (still with Savannah). We want to do two different shore excursions (horseback riding in Cozumel, Mexico through Mayan ruins and snorkeling at Castaway Cay), but the horseback riding is for ages 12 and over...and the snorkeling wouldn't go so well with two littles who don't know how to swim yet! And while DCL is good about providing time for parents to get away (even though I've gone over the drawbacks in our situation), I don't think they allow you to leave your kids on the boat while you go ashore...I'm not sure that is their policy, but I certainly wouldn't leave my kids on a boat anyway!
So to take the kids would be kind of silly at this point in our lives. They wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much as a trip to WDW...which we are going on in 2014. That is a place to take them...there's so much to do for all ages...lots to keep them entertained...and remember, at that point Luke will be 2 1/2 and Savannah will be 5 1/2...they will enjoy shows and rides and parades. The cruise entertainment options include bingo, nightclubs, movies, shows...Luke most definitely won't sit through any of those...and Savannah only would a few times...not every night.
So am I a bad mom? Traveling without my littles? I tend to think it will make me a better mom - and a much better wife. Carl and I need to get away. We have had a rough 2012...numerous trips to the hospital (for good and bad reasons)...just so much stress and responsibility has been added to our lives in the past 10 months. We need time to recharge our batteries. One thing I'm excited about? To wake up on a "day at sea" day and eat my meals when I want, read a book by the pool, watch a movie, take a nap...all whenever I want. My kids will miss me, but they will be with Grandma (and Grandpa for at least a few of those days). Carl will have his work laptop with him for random check-ins...so I can keep up with Savannah and Luke too. I know they will be safe, sound, and comfortable at home...and they will get to spend some time with their grandparents. Carl and I have learned all too well this year that time with our parents is, unfortunately, not guaranteed.
So we are excited - really excited. Our vacation in 2013 is a selfish one, but one that we won't regret. Luke most certainly won't miss the trip...and I doubt Savannah will either. We will still travel to see family in 2013...and then in 2014 we will take Luke for his first time to WDW (and Carl and I just have to eat at Be Our Guest Restaurant!!). All while still using vacation savings...I love a great deal when I can find one!!
I know I will adore my 5 nights away...and I also know I'll miss my littles intensely...but in 18 years, when both of them are out the door (hopefully they become responsible, self-sufficient adults within 18-22 years), I want to still know, like, and LOVE the man I married.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Love. Love. LOVE.
This year has been a rough year. Lots of ups and downs and turn me arounds. Carl and I have contemplated all kinds of life changes - owning rental property, buying our own house, building our own house, working less, working more.
Throughout all of the drama and craziness, love prevails. Our love for our children and the lives we lead have gotten us through the rough patches. We still have a lot of decisions to make about our future and where we are headed, but for now we are content. Our little family is complete. Savannah and Luke have two parents that love them more than anything else in this world. They both see us working hard to provide for them. They are learning the value of earning a living. They are watching us grow as adults. They are able to see that while I am their mama forever, I am also an individual that is successful and happy with my career. I have the ability to do both. During the day they are able to bond with their grandmother - and I often have adorable phone conversations with Savannah (usually daily, sometimes bi-daily!). Carl and I are able to provide love, care, and comfort to our children...with the occasionally frivolous indulgence.
I love my kids - but I also realize that in 15 years (GASP!) Savannah will be moving out...soon to be followed by Luke. Who will I be then? Once my kids were born I went from being "Michelle" to being "Savannah's mom"...but who will I be when my kids are grown? That thought has been on my mind a lot recently. I want to be a person who loves where I am in life. I want to be someone my kids can confide in and appreciate. I want to become a friend, confidant, and mentor for Savannah and Luke. While I don't want to be a friend during the raising process, I do want the raising process to nurture a relationship in which I can be a friend in the adulthood time of my children's lives. I want phone conversations with Savannah to continue.
What will be my facebook statuses in 15 years? Almost all of my timeline is filled with events and little tidbits about my kids...but there is space on there about Carl and I...or even my career. I love, love, LOVE my kids. But I also love Carl. And myself. And who I dreamed of being when I was a child. I want to nourish those things as well.
So regardless of where my life leads me, my love for my kids can never be (and should never be) questioned by anyone else. I love them and want them to dream big and succeed. But if I don't also dream and achieve goals, aren't I then ignoring my own mother's dreams for me?
Throughout all of the drama and craziness, love prevails. Our love for our children and the lives we lead have gotten us through the rough patches. We still have a lot of decisions to make about our future and where we are headed, but for now we are content. Our little family is complete. Savannah and Luke have two parents that love them more than anything else in this world. They both see us working hard to provide for them. They are learning the value of earning a living. They are watching us grow as adults. They are able to see that while I am their mama forever, I am also an individual that is successful and happy with my career. I have the ability to do both. During the day they are able to bond with their grandmother - and I often have adorable phone conversations with Savannah (usually daily, sometimes bi-daily!). Carl and I are able to provide love, care, and comfort to our children...with the occasionally frivolous indulgence.
I love my kids - but I also realize that in 15 years (GASP!) Savannah will be moving out...soon to be followed by Luke. Who will I be then? Once my kids were born I went from being "Michelle" to being "Savannah's mom"...but who will I be when my kids are grown? That thought has been on my mind a lot recently. I want to be a person who loves where I am in life. I want to be someone my kids can confide in and appreciate. I want to become a friend, confidant, and mentor for Savannah and Luke. While I don't want to be a friend during the raising process, I do want the raising process to nurture a relationship in which I can be a friend in the adulthood time of my children's lives. I want phone conversations with Savannah to continue.
What will be my facebook statuses in 15 years? Almost all of my timeline is filled with events and little tidbits about my kids...but there is space on there about Carl and I...or even my career. I love, love, LOVE my kids. But I also love Carl. And myself. And who I dreamed of being when I was a child. I want to nourish those things as well.
So regardless of where my life leads me, my love for my kids can never be (and should never be) questioned by anyone else. I love them and want them to dream big and succeed. But if I don't also dream and achieve goals, aren't I then ignoring my own mother's dreams for me?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Split Personalities
Although I fully understood that Luke and Savannah would be different from each other, I kind of thought they would be similar. Honestly, they came from the same two parents - they should resemble one another somewhat!
But they are different. Savannah is shy, empathetic, and clever. Luke is just plain happy and outgoing - constantly.
Savannah amazes me with her ability to care for others. I saw some of her kindness before Luke came along. If I was ever upset or crying (death of a pet, miscarriage, etc.) she would see me, say "Oh I know!", then go and get all of her favorite toys and put them in my lap. She wanted so badly for me to feel okay. When she sees someone sad at the store, she appears so concerned. She just cares for other people so much. I love that she is naturally empathetic. I would like to say some of it is learned, but I don't know. I kind of think she was born to care for others. Recently Luke has been fighting naps. On several occasions I will sit in the nursery trying to get him to sleep while Savannah plays in her room. Multiple times she has brought her "wee rabbit" to Luke. She walks in without a word, hands him her lovey, walks out, and closes the door. I never, ever have or will ask her to share lovey with Luke. It is hers. That is the one thing that is for her only. Luke has his own lovey bear. But she knows that lovey makes her feel better and helps her...so she is sharing it to care for her brother.
She loves Luke. Although I know there will be days of fighting over toys and attention, there are so many moments that make my heart sing. Anytime someone teases about keeping Luke, she says that he is her brother and no one can have him. When we took her out for a big girl night without Luke, I asked her if we could just go home. She said, "No! We have to go get Luke!!". She just loves him. She loves hugging and kissing him. She loves feeding him. She loves tickling him. She loves everything about being a big sister and having Luke in her life. When she heard me tell him that he was getting a tooth in, Savannah said, "Now he can talk to me! Yay! Yay! Yay!". She is just as excited as we are for them to be able to converse and play together.
She does her have shy and stubborn side. She uses Carl and I as a crutch when she can to hide from being the center of attention. She is getting better, but there are times that I think she'd be fine if we just dropped her off at gymnastics and walked away. At the places she has to do things alone she is completely fine...but then when she's been allowed to hold our hands the whole time she is clingy. So she has an amazing heart, but is going to have to learn how to share it with the world.
Luke is just so different. He is constantly happy. He grins at everyone. He giggles over the smallest things. He is full force, in your face curious. He climbs on everything. He puts everything in his mouth. He has a hot temper for the occasions he's mad. He is a charmer. He isn't quite old enough for me to tell if he has the same feelings about helping others as Savannah does...but he certainly will be nice to everyone. (He's going to be a politician!)
Luke is going to cause more trouble and worry than Savannah ever did. We could tell her not to do something, leave something alone, sit down, eat this, etc. and she did it. She was just so acceptable to being good. Luke is different. He isn't going to intentionally be bad, but he is going to choose curiosity over the rules. He is going to push the limits and test our resolve to keep him safe and well-behaved. And he's going to be so darn cute that we're going to have a hard time sticking to our guns.
They are truly amazing. Babies and children are amazing, amazing gifts. Someone recently "unfriended" one of their friends because that friend posted a picture of her newborn "before it was cleaned up". Now I don't want to be the facebook police, but I was offended by her comment. It hurt. So while she is entitled to her opinion, I did share my thoughts (as a mother - she is not yet a mother). I just think that being able to share the images of a newborn baby with the world is a joy, honor, and praise to God for the miracle they are. I know what it feels like to have that anticipation and then lose the child. Babies are not guaranteed to make it here safe, so when they do, it is an amazing day to shout thank you to the heavens.
But they are different. Savannah is shy, empathetic, and clever. Luke is just plain happy and outgoing - constantly.
Savannah amazes me with her ability to care for others. I saw some of her kindness before Luke came along. If I was ever upset or crying (death of a pet, miscarriage, etc.) she would see me, say "Oh I know!", then go and get all of her favorite toys and put them in my lap. She wanted so badly for me to feel okay. When she sees someone sad at the store, she appears so concerned. She just cares for other people so much. I love that she is naturally empathetic. I would like to say some of it is learned, but I don't know. I kind of think she was born to care for others. Recently Luke has been fighting naps. On several occasions I will sit in the nursery trying to get him to sleep while Savannah plays in her room. Multiple times she has brought her "wee rabbit" to Luke. She walks in without a word, hands him her lovey, walks out, and closes the door. I never, ever have or will ask her to share lovey with Luke. It is hers. That is the one thing that is for her only. Luke has his own lovey bear. But she knows that lovey makes her feel better and helps her...so she is sharing it to care for her brother.
She loves Luke. Although I know there will be days of fighting over toys and attention, there are so many moments that make my heart sing. Anytime someone teases about keeping Luke, she says that he is her brother and no one can have him. When we took her out for a big girl night without Luke, I asked her if we could just go home. She said, "No! We have to go get Luke!!". She just loves him. She loves hugging and kissing him. She loves feeding him. She loves tickling him. She loves everything about being a big sister and having Luke in her life. When she heard me tell him that he was getting a tooth in, Savannah said, "Now he can talk to me! Yay! Yay! Yay!". She is just as excited as we are for them to be able to converse and play together.
She does her have shy and stubborn side. She uses Carl and I as a crutch when she can to hide from being the center of attention. She is getting better, but there are times that I think she'd be fine if we just dropped her off at gymnastics and walked away. At the places she has to do things alone she is completely fine...but then when she's been allowed to hold our hands the whole time she is clingy. So she has an amazing heart, but is going to have to learn how to share it with the world.
Luke is just so different. He is constantly happy. He grins at everyone. He giggles over the smallest things. He is full force, in your face curious. He climbs on everything. He puts everything in his mouth. He has a hot temper for the occasions he's mad. He is a charmer. He isn't quite old enough for me to tell if he has the same feelings about helping others as Savannah does...but he certainly will be nice to everyone. (He's going to be a politician!)
Luke is going to cause more trouble and worry than Savannah ever did. We could tell her not to do something, leave something alone, sit down, eat this, etc. and she did it. She was just so acceptable to being good. Luke is different. He isn't going to intentionally be bad, but he is going to choose curiosity over the rules. He is going to push the limits and test our resolve to keep him safe and well-behaved. And he's going to be so darn cute that we're going to have a hard time sticking to our guns.
They are truly amazing. Babies and children are amazing, amazing gifts. Someone recently "unfriended" one of their friends because that friend posted a picture of her newborn "before it was cleaned up". Now I don't want to be the facebook police, but I was offended by her comment. It hurt. So while she is entitled to her opinion, I did share my thoughts (as a mother - she is not yet a mother). I just think that being able to share the images of a newborn baby with the world is a joy, honor, and praise to God for the miracle they are. I know what it feels like to have that anticipation and then lose the child. Babies are not guaranteed to make it here safe, so when they do, it is an amazing day to shout thank you to the heavens.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
What to Expect (When You're Expecting)
No. I am NOT pregnant. Unless God suddenly decides we need a third little one running around, I will not be pregnant again. I am quite content with my two adorable little miracles.
Before reading on, if you haven't seen the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and you want to see it and you don't want any part of it ruined or given away...you should hold off on reading this post until you have done so.
Carl and I had a movie night about 2 weeks ago (I know - it has beenforever a while since I've posted. My life is crazy. Especially in September. So we had a movie night and I had really wanted to see the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I thought the previews looked funny, and any show or movie that involves men and parenting kids always makes me laugh. So we rented it, got the kids in bed, picked out movie snacks, and snuggled in on the couch.
I want to say - great movie. I love the way they looked at so many different pregnancies and relationships and just how babies arrive in so many different ways. I love it. One of the pregnancies that was "followed" ended in miscarriage. I was so surprised at my reaction...I guess it should have been expected, but I was totally not expecting the tears that flowed so freely.
I think I must have been living in this post-baby bubble of joy with Luke that I had almost forgotten my miscarriages. I don't think it was ever really forgotten, but pushed to the back of my mind. Luke allowed me to see joy and be excited about a baby...I know I thought about it every so often, but it didn't really hit me so hard until I saw that movie.
I began thinking about how much Luke is growing and changing. His personality is really starting to shine through. He is such a flirt!! He will smile and grin and "talk" to anyone who smiles at him...and sometimes he doesn't need a smile, he'll just smile at you! He is most always happy (unless he's tired, hungry, or teething). He is learning to eat with his fingers, and he is crawling (!!!). Savannah didn't teethe or crawl until 9 months...and Luke started crawling a week ago...today he is 7 months old (!!!).
So while watching Luke achieve and bypass milestones it has really brought some unexpected feelings to the surface. I can't help but wonder about my other two children and what they would look like and be doing right now. When Carl's dad died, I had some solace in knowing that they were in heaven with Pap Pap - at least they aren't alone. It just has been rough recently. Unexpected.
Before reading on, if you haven't seen the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and you want to see it and you don't want any part of it ruined or given away...you should hold off on reading this post until you have done so.
Carl and I had a movie night about 2 weeks ago (I know - it has been
I want to say - great movie. I love the way they looked at so many different pregnancies and relationships and just how babies arrive in so many different ways. I love it. One of the pregnancies that was "followed" ended in miscarriage. I was so surprised at my reaction...I guess it should have been expected, but I was totally not expecting the tears that flowed so freely.
I think I must have been living in this post-baby bubble of joy with Luke that I had almost forgotten my miscarriages. I don't think it was ever really forgotten, but pushed to the back of my mind. Luke allowed me to see joy and be excited about a baby...I know I thought about it every so often, but it didn't really hit me so hard until I saw that movie.
I began thinking about how much Luke is growing and changing. His personality is really starting to shine through. He is such a flirt!! He will smile and grin and "talk" to anyone who smiles at him...and sometimes he doesn't need a smile, he'll just smile at you! He is most always happy (unless he's tired, hungry, or teething). He is learning to eat with his fingers, and he is crawling (!!!). Savannah didn't teethe or crawl until 9 months...and Luke started crawling a week ago...today he is 7 months old (!!!).
So while watching Luke achieve and bypass milestones it has really brought some unexpected feelings to the surface. I can't help but wonder about my other two children and what they would look like and be doing right now. When Carl's dad died, I had some solace in knowing that they were in heaven with Pap Pap - at least they aren't alone. It just has been rough recently. Unexpected.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Parenting Styles
Blame it on my terrible week. Blame it on my attitude. I don't care what you blame it on. I'm in a mood. I'm tired of seeing the world go to pot because of parents with such a free-spirited approach...and I think my anger has just been building.
I'd like to first say that I fully understand that every child is different (even children within the same family) and that parenting style and techniques will (and should to some degree) vary depending on the child. I also will be the first in line to tell you my children are absolutely NOT perfect. They misbehave, my methods aren't perfect, but they are always changing and learning.
So what has my knickers in a bunch? A lot. For starters, I took Savannah to the park on Monday. I had Luke in my lap and Savannah was playing on the big jungle gym equipment. There were about 5 other kids around with their parent/adult-in-charge/guardian...who knows. So Savannah had just gone down the slide and was on her way back to the ramp that leads to the "rickety" bridge that leads back to the slide. She was playing just like any other child. Well, a boy of about 10 had this brilliant idea to ride his bike up the ramp, onto the play equipment. Just as Savannah was about to round the corner to head up the ramp, the boy thought it'd be a great idea to ride his bike back down the ramp. So the "adult" said, "Jonny (no idea of his real name, wasn't really paying attention and I frankly don't care), that probably isn't a good idea, so this is the last time." And right after that I yelled to Savannah to stop in her tracks. Can you imagine how hurt BOTH children would have been had she been run over by a bicycle ON the playground equipment?! And the "adult" just glared at me for making a big deal and telling my child to stop. Honestly! If Savannah or Luke ever thinks riding bikes ON play equipment is a good idea, I certainly won't stand by and watch them do it, then say, "this is the last time" and then watch him/her almost run over a small child! And what gets me is that when the boy asked why he couldn't do it again, the "adult" just said that there were small children around. How about you can't do it EVER because it is dangerous for not only the small children, but for himself too!
Then there is this post I read today. Who the heck thinks allowing a child to use the restroom at the table is acceptable in a public place. Really, I know potty training is difficult. I just survived it. But when is it acceptable to allow manners and hygiene to be thrown to the wayside just so the parents' job is easier or so the child doesn't have an "accident" or whatever.
I'm tired of parents being proud that their homeschooled child (nothing against homeschooling itself, that's a whole other bunch of beans) can sleep until they are ready to get up, do what they want and then eventually learn something. It isn't that I hate homeschooling, or that I hate allowing a child a day here and there to sleep in, or that I think kids need to be adults right this second and wake up at the crack of dawn. What I am so frustrated with is the idea that the child runs the house. The child decides when to do things. The child isn't encouraged to function as most of society does. The child isn't shown a routine that happens in the business world. 'm all for allowing my kids to stay little for as long as I can keep them that way...to a point. By the time they are nearing the pre-teen and teenage years, I need to face the fact that in the next 5-10 years they will be moving out. They will be living on their own. They will be responsible for their own life. They need to be able to function in society (regardless if I like that society). Most professional jobs are 8-5; banks, courthouses, stores, etc. are all open at normal hours. College classes are offered during "normal" hours. So maybe these "set their own pace" kids aren't going to go to College...maybe they will do trade school, or no higher education. Those kids are still going to need to go to church on time, go the bank, the post office, etc. The world DOES NOT revolve around the children of today's society. It shouldn't. That is part of life. No one person is the most important in the world and can dictate when everyone else does things.
Maybe I'm sensitive to that issue because I work in higher education. I see students come in who were homeschooled (or even those who were allowed to do crazy shenanigans in public school) and they demand the entire university make changes for them. I help register students for classes in the summer. Do you know how many kids ask me if I can help them have a schedule where they only have class on Tuesday and Thursday so they can have a 4 day weekend? And then when that is pretty near impossible, they ask how many are online so they can just not come at all. Then they look on websites like "rateyourprofessor" to see which professors hand out "A"s like they are candy on Halloween. Then when they can't get exactly what they want, they ask me if I can have the class moved to fit their schedule. I always want to say, "Sure. I'll get right on that. I'm sure the other 23 students registered for the class won't mind switching to a time more convenient for you." Whatever happened to attending college for an education? For just accepting life and making changes? Do you know how many of students with that kind of outlook succeed? Very few.
I don't want my children to grow up too fast, but I also don't want to see them fall on their faces when they are out from under my wing. Again, I'm not saying my way is right. I know there will be moments when my way is wrong. I'm saying that parents need to take responsibility for teaching their children how to cope in the world we live in...whether we like that world or not.
I'd like to first say that I fully understand that every child is different (even children within the same family) and that parenting style and techniques will (and should to some degree) vary depending on the child. I also will be the first in line to tell you my children are absolutely NOT perfect. They misbehave, my methods aren't perfect, but they are always changing and learning.
So what has my knickers in a bunch? A lot. For starters, I took Savannah to the park on Monday. I had Luke in my lap and Savannah was playing on the big jungle gym equipment. There were about 5 other kids around with their parent/adult-in-charge/guardian...who knows. So Savannah had just gone down the slide and was on her way back to the ramp that leads to the "rickety" bridge that leads back to the slide. She was playing just like any other child. Well, a boy of about 10 had this brilliant idea to ride his bike up the ramp, onto the play equipment. Just as Savannah was about to round the corner to head up the ramp, the boy thought it'd be a great idea to ride his bike back down the ramp. So the "adult" said, "Jonny (no idea of his real name, wasn't really paying attention and I frankly don't care), that probably isn't a good idea, so this is the last time." And right after that I yelled to Savannah to stop in her tracks. Can you imagine how hurt BOTH children would have been had she been run over by a bicycle ON the playground equipment?! And the "adult" just glared at me for making a big deal and telling my child to stop. Honestly! If Savannah or Luke ever thinks riding bikes ON play equipment is a good idea, I certainly won't stand by and watch them do it, then say, "this is the last time" and then watch him/her almost run over a small child! And what gets me is that when the boy asked why he couldn't do it again, the "adult" just said that there were small children around. How about you can't do it EVER because it is dangerous for not only the small children, but for himself too!
Then there is this post I read today. Who the heck thinks allowing a child to use the restroom at the table is acceptable in a public place. Really, I know potty training is difficult. I just survived it. But when is it acceptable to allow manners and hygiene to be thrown to the wayside just so the parents' job is easier or so the child doesn't have an "accident" or whatever.
I'm tired of parents being proud that their homeschooled child (nothing against homeschooling itself, that's a whole other bunch of beans) can sleep until they are ready to get up, do what they want and then eventually learn something. It isn't that I hate homeschooling, or that I hate allowing a child a day here and there to sleep in, or that I think kids need to be adults right this second and wake up at the crack of dawn. What I am so frustrated with is the idea that the child runs the house. The child decides when to do things. The child isn't encouraged to function as most of society does. The child isn't shown a routine that happens in the business world. 'm all for allowing my kids to stay little for as long as I can keep them that way...to a point. By the time they are nearing the pre-teen and teenage years, I need to face the fact that in the next 5-10 years they will be moving out. They will be living on their own. They will be responsible for their own life. They need to be able to function in society (regardless if I like that society). Most professional jobs are 8-5; banks, courthouses, stores, etc. are all open at normal hours. College classes are offered during "normal" hours. So maybe these "set their own pace" kids aren't going to go to College...maybe they will do trade school, or no higher education. Those kids are still going to need to go to church on time, go the bank, the post office, etc. The world DOES NOT revolve around the children of today's society. It shouldn't. That is part of life. No one person is the most important in the world and can dictate when everyone else does things.
Maybe I'm sensitive to that issue because I work in higher education. I see students come in who were homeschooled (or even those who were allowed to do crazy shenanigans in public school) and they demand the entire university make changes for them. I help register students for classes in the summer. Do you know how many kids ask me if I can help them have a schedule where they only have class on Tuesday and Thursday so they can have a 4 day weekend? And then when that is pretty near impossible, they ask how many are online so they can just not come at all. Then they look on websites like "rateyourprofessor" to see which professors hand out "A"s like they are candy on Halloween. Then when they can't get exactly what they want, they ask me if I can have the class moved to fit their schedule. I always want to say, "Sure. I'll get right on that. I'm sure the other 23 students registered for the class won't mind switching to a time more convenient for you." Whatever happened to attending college for an education? For just accepting life and making changes? Do you know how many of students with that kind of outlook succeed? Very few.
I don't want my children to grow up too fast, but I also don't want to see them fall on their faces when they are out from under my wing. Again, I'm not saying my way is right. I know there will be moments when my way is wrong. I'm saying that parents need to take responsibility for teaching their children how to cope in the world we live in...whether we like that world or not.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Is it 2013 yet?
I certainly think 2013 just has to be a better year than 2012. It all started out in January when I wrecked the car while sliding down the mountain hill in our neighborhood. The in February, Luke was breech. Then he flipped. Then he took forever to get here. Then he was facing the wrong way during delivery. Then in March and April, my grandmother in Ohio became deathly ill (to which I just recently learned the doctor then gave her 6 months to live). Then in April Carl's mother had a stroke. Then in May my Granny had a heart attack. Then, in August, Carl's dad died. (And now, just days after my father-in-law's funeral, another family member had a stroke and was taken off life support [Carl's mother's cousin's husband, whom I had met several times.].)
The death of my father-in-law has been tough in so many ways. He had Huntington's Disease and COPD (from working in the mines for so many years). We watched Carl's uncle decline over a three year time period, all due to Huntington's. It was hard. By the time his uncle passed away, he was eating through a feeding tube and couldn't talk to a level of understanding. Carl's dad wasn't nearly close to that stage yet. He was eating regular food, he spoke to us clearly. We were under the impression that while he was sick and in a nursing home, we had time to spend with him still, and our last goodbye wasn't going to be our last goodbye. So on the 24th, when the nursing home called and said that he wasn't doing the best, Carl drove over to see him. When he returned home, Carl said it seemed like he was just dehydrated. Carl's sister went to visit the next day. Not one of us was thinking this was the end. Then, at 5:00am on Wednesday morning, we got the phone call. He had died in his sleep.
In some ways it was a blessing that the COPD took him in his sleep. It was peaceful, he didn't struggle. We didn't all have to watch him decline and suffer. In many other ways, it made this a shock and very difficult to handle. We knew it would come eventually...but we thought we'd have time to say goodbye.
Carl is dealing with a lot of guilt. He wishes we'd taken our kids up more often. (It has been hard with Luke...his immune system is still so little and nursing homes have so many germs. Savannah was afraid of the whole situation.) He wishes he'd said a better goodbye.
Savannah is still attempting to process everything and I think she will have many random questions in the months to come. We told her that Pap Pap was in heaven with Alex (My parents beloved dog that passed away a year ago.) So when we were on our way to church the day after the funeral, Savannah asked if Alex would be at church. We reminded her that he was in heaven. She said, "With Pap Pap?" and we told her yes. She then said that she thinks Alex welcomed Pap Pap with a big kiss on the nose. Then at church, when a group played a song dedicated to our family in grief, I told Savannah they were playing the song for Pap Pap, she asked, "Where's Pap Pap?"....so I know it will be a while before she really understands. It is hard to teach a child about death when they are so little. It hurts your heart. It also hurts to think Luke won't remember at all.
In addition to guilt, Carl is also dealing with a lot of questions. Huntington's Disease is genetic. He has a long line of family members with the disease. He has a 50/50 chance of having it. He doesn't know. His sister was tested and it was found that she has a very mild case that shouldn't affect her until she is much older. Yesterday I was cleaning and Luke was crying (which has been amazingly difficult to deal with during this week) and all of the sudden I heard Carl yelling at Luke. He was angry at him for crying. I ran down the stairs and told him to cut it out and he needed to leave the house for a while. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Luke was crying in his bouncer and Carl was on the computer, playing some game. So I told him he was a selfish overgrown child and he needed to leave for a while.
After the argument, I felt badly for yelling at him when I know he's had a rough week...but yelling at an infant is inexcusable. So when we discussed things, after we had both calmed down a bit, he kept saying, "I am going to a doctor, I have Huntington's." When I asked why he is so convinced of this he said it's because he has a fixation on games and he is late in the mornings to work...and that I didn't grow up living in his house with his dad and how he got when he was fixated on things....and while I'm not a doctor, I do know that people are late and addicted to games and not all of them have Huntington's. I also have doubts about his reasoning because he isn't "crazy" or "mean" to anyone besides me and the kids. Huntington's Disease doesn't decide who to yell at. So I think some of it is just our marriage...our difference of opinion...the stress of the week...the stress of the year.
I know his dad's death has stirred up emotions and worries. It has for me too. The "what if" is always in my mind...but we are just supposed to trust God. I used to not care one way or the other as to whether he had it or not, or if he was tested. But now, I don't know. Maybe he should get tested. If he doesn't have it, then he can quit making excuses and grow up a bit. Forget the computer and take life by the horns. If he does have it, then we can develop a plan and talk to the doctors. The unknown is beginning to get difficult for everyone.
One thing is for sure - we need more bright spots in our lives and much, much less dark ones.
The death of my father-in-law has been tough in so many ways. He had Huntington's Disease and COPD (from working in the mines for so many years). We watched Carl's uncle decline over a three year time period, all due to Huntington's. It was hard. By the time his uncle passed away, he was eating through a feeding tube and couldn't talk to a level of understanding. Carl's dad wasn't nearly close to that stage yet. He was eating regular food, he spoke to us clearly. We were under the impression that while he was sick and in a nursing home, we had time to spend with him still, and our last goodbye wasn't going to be our last goodbye. So on the 24th, when the nursing home called and said that he wasn't doing the best, Carl drove over to see him. When he returned home, Carl said it seemed like he was just dehydrated. Carl's sister went to visit the next day. Not one of us was thinking this was the end. Then, at 5:00am on Wednesday morning, we got the phone call. He had died in his sleep.
In some ways it was a blessing that the COPD took him in his sleep. It was peaceful, he didn't struggle. We didn't all have to watch him decline and suffer. In many other ways, it made this a shock and very difficult to handle. We knew it would come eventually...but we thought we'd have time to say goodbye.
Carl is dealing with a lot of guilt. He wishes we'd taken our kids up more often. (It has been hard with Luke...his immune system is still so little and nursing homes have so many germs. Savannah was afraid of the whole situation.) He wishes he'd said a better goodbye.
Savannah is still attempting to process everything and I think she will have many random questions in the months to come. We told her that Pap Pap was in heaven with Alex (My parents beloved dog that passed away a year ago.) So when we were on our way to church the day after the funeral, Savannah asked if Alex would be at church. We reminded her that he was in heaven. She said, "With Pap Pap?" and we told her yes. She then said that she thinks Alex welcomed Pap Pap with a big kiss on the nose. Then at church, when a group played a song dedicated to our family in grief, I told Savannah they were playing the song for Pap Pap, she asked, "Where's Pap Pap?"....so I know it will be a while before she really understands. It is hard to teach a child about death when they are so little. It hurts your heart. It also hurts to think Luke won't remember at all.
In addition to guilt, Carl is also dealing with a lot of questions. Huntington's Disease is genetic. He has a long line of family members with the disease. He has a 50/50 chance of having it. He doesn't know. His sister was tested and it was found that she has a very mild case that shouldn't affect her until she is much older. Yesterday I was cleaning and Luke was crying (which has been amazingly difficult to deal with during this week) and all of the sudden I heard Carl yelling at Luke. He was angry at him for crying. I ran down the stairs and told him to cut it out and he needed to leave the house for a while. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Luke was crying in his bouncer and Carl was on the computer, playing some game. So I told him he was a selfish overgrown child and he needed to leave for a while.
After the argument, I felt badly for yelling at him when I know he's had a rough week...but yelling at an infant is inexcusable. So when we discussed things, after we had both calmed down a bit, he kept saying, "I am going to a doctor, I have Huntington's." When I asked why he is so convinced of this he said it's because he has a fixation on games and he is late in the mornings to work...and that I didn't grow up living in his house with his dad and how he got when he was fixated on things....and while I'm not a doctor, I do know that people are late and addicted to games and not all of them have Huntington's. I also have doubts about his reasoning because he isn't "crazy" or "mean" to anyone besides me and the kids. Huntington's Disease doesn't decide who to yell at. So I think some of it is just our marriage...our difference of opinion...the stress of the week...the stress of the year.
I know his dad's death has stirred up emotions and worries. It has for me too. The "what if" is always in my mind...but we are just supposed to trust God. I used to not care one way or the other as to whether he had it or not, or if he was tested. But now, I don't know. Maybe he should get tested. If he doesn't have it, then he can quit making excuses and grow up a bit. Forget the computer and take life by the horns. If he does have it, then we can develop a plan and talk to the doctors. The unknown is beginning to get difficult for everyone.
One thing is for sure - we need more bright spots in our lives and much, much less dark ones.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Big Girl Fun
Carl and I recently took a trip to Idlewild with Savannah - just Savannah. We left Luke with Grandma for the day. (He is too little to ride anything, would be hot and miserable thus making us hot and miserable, plus it was nice for Savannah to get time with us like it used to be.)
She amazed me. We were prepared to spend the entire day in Raccoon Lagoon, where all of the "kiddie" rides are located. Once inside the park, that idea quickly vanished. She instantly wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel , the Spider, the Howler, the Balloon Races, the Scrambler...all of which she was tall enough (over 38 inches!) to ride as long as Carl or I rode with her. She looked to be the youngest one on all of those rides, but she loved it all. She rode the Spider with me (lots of up, down, and spin around) and at one point I saw Carl motioning to ask if she was crying (she was pressed close against me)...I looked down to check. No crying - she was grinning! She was close to me because she couldn't scoot away due to all the gravity, etc. on her. When she rode the Scrambler, Carl could watch and he said her face was bright with grins and giggles the entire ride. I know she was laughing with me for most of the ride!
She was a brave girl and got in the wave pool too. We put her in a life jacket and waded in. She held my hand and Carl's hand and as the waves came she'd just jump into them. She played in the splash pad area and the kiddie pool...she did everything. There was minimal whining, lots of smiling, and lots of fun.
It was so wonderful to spend time with Savannah and Carl (and our very, very good friend Patrick {hes practically family!}). We all had such wonderful conversations and laughs and fun. Savannah enjoyed being the center of attention, even if just for one day. She could have us all to herself for a bit. It was such a gorgeous, stress-free day. It was one of those days that bits of pieces of the memories will last forever in my mind. I know the moments of silliness on the Scrambler will be tucked away in my mind for years to come...the sound of her laughter intermingled with mine, with carnival music in the background, a light warm breeze, the love of my life watching with adoring eyes...it was just truly magical (who says Disney owns the right to be a magical place?!)...it made coming home just a tad difficult. No one wanted the day to end. It was such an amazing day...I think Savannah will have those memories tucked away also.
I missed Luke a lot though...more than once I found myself thinking about him and wanting to cuddle him. I was tired, but happy to see he was waiting up for us when we got home. I got in to quality cuddle and tickle time with him before bed. He was so delighted to see us when we walked in. He didn't know I was home, so when I picked him up and turned him so he could see me, he just grinned at me. It melts your heart when your children are just SO happy to see you. I love him so much too.
I think yesterday cemented my need to be done having children. I cannot wait for Luke to be a little older and have days like yesterday with us. I am so excited to see both Savannah and Luke riding rides with us...and Carl and I splitting up and spending a little time with each child...for us to get to ride as a family...for us to just have fun together. The idea of the four of us doing things together is just so exciting and tempting...and pregnancy was so difficult when I had Luke. He wasn't particularly problematic, but I worried the entire time. I still catch myself fearing that it will all disappear, that I really didn't have another amazing little baby. I think even Carl may be growing out of the stage of having babies, to just enjoying our babies. We are settling into a new phase of our marriage...we delight in each other as adults now. We are more than just newlyweds...we've survived a lot of ups and downs. This year has had a lot of rough patches (car accidents, sick family, etc) but we have had a lot of bright spots...one of which is our marriage growing stronger.
Our family feels complete. We are happy. We love each other. We are a solid unit. Our trip to Idlewild was just the beginning of many, many beautiful memories in our little family's mind. I am so excited to create more!
She amazed me. We were prepared to spend the entire day in Raccoon Lagoon, where all of the "kiddie" rides are located. Once inside the park, that idea quickly vanished. She instantly wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel , the Spider, the Howler, the Balloon Races, the Scrambler...all of which she was tall enough (over 38 inches!) to ride as long as Carl or I rode with her. She looked to be the youngest one on all of those rides, but she loved it all. She rode the Spider with me (lots of up, down, and spin around) and at one point I saw Carl motioning to ask if she was crying (she was pressed close against me)...I looked down to check. No crying - she was grinning! She was close to me because she couldn't scoot away due to all the gravity, etc. on her. When she rode the Scrambler, Carl could watch and he said her face was bright with grins and giggles the entire ride. I know she was laughing with me for most of the ride!
She was a brave girl and got in the wave pool too. We put her in a life jacket and waded in. She held my hand and Carl's hand and as the waves came she'd just jump into them. She played in the splash pad area and the kiddie pool...she did everything. There was minimal whining, lots of smiling, and lots of fun.
It was so wonderful to spend time with Savannah and Carl (and our very, very good friend Patrick {hes practically family!}). We all had such wonderful conversations and laughs and fun. Savannah enjoyed being the center of attention, even if just for one day. She could have us all to herself for a bit. It was such a gorgeous, stress-free day. It was one of those days that bits of pieces of the memories will last forever in my mind. I know the moments of silliness on the Scrambler will be tucked away in my mind for years to come...the sound of her laughter intermingled with mine, with carnival music in the background, a light warm breeze, the love of my life watching with adoring eyes...it was just truly magical (who says Disney owns the right to be a magical place?!)...it made coming home just a tad difficult. No one wanted the day to end. It was such an amazing day...I think Savannah will have those memories tucked away also.
I missed Luke a lot though...more than once I found myself thinking about him and wanting to cuddle him. I was tired, but happy to see he was waiting up for us when we got home. I got in to quality cuddle and tickle time with him before bed. He was so delighted to see us when we walked in. He didn't know I was home, so when I picked him up and turned him so he could see me, he just grinned at me. It melts your heart when your children are just SO happy to see you. I love him so much too.
I think yesterday cemented my need to be done having children. I cannot wait for Luke to be a little older and have days like yesterday with us. I am so excited to see both Savannah and Luke riding rides with us...and Carl and I splitting up and spending a little time with each child...for us to get to ride as a family...for us to just have fun together. The idea of the four of us doing things together is just so exciting and tempting...and pregnancy was so difficult when I had Luke. He wasn't particularly problematic, but I worried the entire time. I still catch myself fearing that it will all disappear, that I really didn't have another amazing little baby. I think even Carl may be growing out of the stage of having babies, to just enjoying our babies. We are settling into a new phase of our marriage...we delight in each other as adults now. We are more than just newlyweds...we've survived a lot of ups and downs. This year has had a lot of rough patches (car accidents, sick family, etc) but we have had a lot of bright spots...one of which is our marriage growing stronger.
Our family feels complete. We are happy. We love each other. We are a solid unit. Our trip to Idlewild was just the beginning of many, many beautiful memories in our little family's mind. I am so excited to create more!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Baby Fever? Already?
I think not. (Although you were thinking something else, I'm sure!)
I will say the idea of a third child is tempting. I really do love being a mom...and Luke is growing out of his temper tantrums {somewhat}. I love watching them grow and change. I love watching Savannah and Luke together now. I am really hoping that as they grow older they will bond and be the closest of buddies. Not only do I love being a mom, but it seems like just about everyone is pregnant or talking about being pregnant. Just this week I have learned of four new pregnancies! In addition to the four on the way, three other friends have openly talked about getting pregnant again soon. It is so tempting to just jump on the bandwagon and want another one...but my logical mind won't allow it.
Just the other night Carl and I were lying in bed, talking about all the new babies on the way, and I said that I didn't think a third would be financially smart for us. As it is, we save $50 a month for Luke's education, $65 a month for Savannah's (each year we increase the monthly amount by $5 - so Luke will be getting $65 saved when he is three also), we spend $160 a month on preschool for Savannah, Luke will be in preschool next year, Savannah is going to start gymnastics at $40 a month, we pay my mom to watch our kiddos (it is minimal, but at least it helps with gas to cart our two kids everywhere!)...and that's just big expenses...we have birthday parties and Christmas presents and food and diapers and clothes...once they get older they will be in more activities. If they were in the HS band (that Carl and I were both in), we'd be shelling out $2500 per kid to travel to the Rose Parade this January....and you know if they were in that parade, Carl and I would want to go too...so that could be a $10,000 commitment! Vacations, cars, houses...all things that have to be paid for.
Carl is still crossing his fingers that I'll change my mind and go for a third. He just said we should wait until Luke is two and see where we are financially....maybe we will have a different financial outlook. I suppose he's right...but at that point I may be content with a family of four. There is a little part of me that would love to surprise our family and friends with a third child, and to have a gender reveal party, and to hold a tiny baby in my arms again (Luke was 16 pounds 4 oz and 26 inches the other day!)...some days the idea of a third is SO tempting...but then there are evenings like last night. Carl was cleaning out our old car in the parking lot of his mom's apartment (we gave it to her) and both my kids were in the backseat...Luke getting fussy, Savannah yelling out the window to Carl...and I spotted a young couple getting out of their car and walking into their apartment with just a single grocery bag from Target in their hands. At that moment I was so wistful of the time before kids. Carl and I used to shop for groceries on any day of the week, at any time. We used to stay up late and play games. We could get out of the car in two seconds flat (no children or bags to lug around). We could go shopping just for one thing. It was simple. It was easy.
On our drive home I told Carl about what I'd seen and felt. He said, "Well once the youngest child is five things will be easier." That's true...but if we have another child, then that "easier time" is still at least 8 years away! I don't know if I want that...
I feel like we are in a transition phase of our family's journey. I feel like our family really is complete. Even though it sounds kind of selfish of me, I also want to have time with Carl again that doesn't always involve children or a babysitter. I did decide to marry Carl so that we could spend the rest of our lives together...it would be nice to get back to enjoying each other after our kids are raised. When we were taking that drive home I said that when our kids are old enough to be left alone (or have moved out) that I hope we aren't so old and crotchety that we don't have the energy to go out on dates spontaneously. I think I'm ready for the time to come. I'm excited for all the new things we can do with our kids...all the experiences that will be open to us. I'm excited for the years of fun (without all the work of caring for a tiny one).
Saying that, I am also really excited for all the new babies on the way. I'm excited to share in the joy of new little ones. I'm excited for the parties and surprises and wonderful times. I am happy in my life and where I am (even a little wistful of where I was).
I will say the idea of a third child is tempting. I really do love being a mom...and Luke is growing out of his temper tantrums {somewhat}. I love watching them grow and change. I love watching Savannah and Luke together now. I am really hoping that as they grow older they will bond and be the closest of buddies. Not only do I love being a mom, but it seems like just about everyone is pregnant or talking about being pregnant. Just this week I have learned of four new pregnancies! In addition to the four on the way, three other friends have openly talked about getting pregnant again soon. It is so tempting to just jump on the bandwagon and want another one...but my logical mind won't allow it.
Just the other night Carl and I were lying in bed, talking about all the new babies on the way, and I said that I didn't think a third would be financially smart for us. As it is, we save $50 a month for Luke's education, $65 a month for Savannah's (each year we increase the monthly amount by $5 - so Luke will be getting $65 saved when he is three also), we spend $160 a month on preschool for Savannah, Luke will be in preschool next year, Savannah is going to start gymnastics at $40 a month, we pay my mom to watch our kiddos (it is minimal, but at least it helps with gas to cart our two kids everywhere!)...and that's just big expenses...we have birthday parties and Christmas presents and food and diapers and clothes...once they get older they will be in more activities. If they were in the HS band (that Carl and I were both in), we'd be shelling out $2500 per kid to travel to the Rose Parade this January....and you know if they were in that parade, Carl and I would want to go too...so that could be a $10,000 commitment! Vacations, cars, houses...all things that have to be paid for.
Carl is still crossing his fingers that I'll change my mind and go for a third. He just said we should wait until Luke is two and see where we are financially....maybe we will have a different financial outlook. I suppose he's right...but at that point I may be content with a family of four. There is a little part of me that would love to surprise our family and friends with a third child, and to have a gender reveal party, and to hold a tiny baby in my arms again (Luke was 16 pounds 4 oz and 26 inches the other day!)...some days the idea of a third is SO tempting...but then there are evenings like last night. Carl was cleaning out our old car in the parking lot of his mom's apartment (we gave it to her) and both my kids were in the backseat...Luke getting fussy, Savannah yelling out the window to Carl...and I spotted a young couple getting out of their car and walking into their apartment with just a single grocery bag from Target in their hands. At that moment I was so wistful of the time before kids. Carl and I used to shop for groceries on any day of the week, at any time. We used to stay up late and play games. We could get out of the car in two seconds flat (no children or bags to lug around). We could go shopping just for one thing. It was simple. It was easy.
On our drive home I told Carl about what I'd seen and felt. He said, "Well once the youngest child is five things will be easier." That's true...but if we have another child, then that "easier time" is still at least 8 years away! I don't know if I want that...
I feel like we are in a transition phase of our family's journey. I feel like our family really is complete. Even though it sounds kind of selfish of me, I also want to have time with Carl again that doesn't always involve children or a babysitter. I did decide to marry Carl so that we could spend the rest of our lives together...it would be nice to get back to enjoying each other after our kids are raised. When we were taking that drive home I said that when our kids are old enough to be left alone (or have moved out) that I hope we aren't so old and crotchety that we don't have the energy to go out on dates spontaneously. I think I'm ready for the time to come. I'm excited for all the new things we can do with our kids...all the experiences that will be open to us. I'm excited for the years of fun (without all the work of caring for a tiny one).
Saying that, I am also really excited for all the new babies on the way. I'm excited to share in the joy of new little ones. I'm excited for the parties and surprises and wonderful times. I am happy in my life and where I am (even a little wistful of where I was).
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Chores and Macaroni
Most people in my very small social circle are aware of my addiction to Pinterest. I'm an avid pinner - no secret there! The other day I stumbled upon a blog about chores for your toddler. I thought, "What a great find! I could totally use some extra help around the house!" As I started reading the list, I began to realize that I've already done a pretty good job of teaching those things to Savannah. She puts her dirty clothes in the laundry, she puts her clean clothes in her drawers (matches them up to the pictures/words I set up for her when she was 18 months old!), she feeds the cats, she puts her dirty dishes in the sink (or the dishwasher if it's open), she throws away Luke's diapers for me, she gets her own utensils, she gets her own water to drink (we leave an open cup next to the fridge and she uses the automatic dispenser), she dresses herself, she vacuums with me, she helps wrap the vacuum cord up, she picks up all the toys before I vacuum...she really does a lot to help me. And the other amazing part? She loves doing it. She feels so accomplished and it is a unique way for she and I to bond. She is turning into such a little person - it is just so joyous to watch.
I did learn some things from the list of toddler chores...she really likes to wash things (she was "washing" her bathtub the other night)...and the list suggested giving your child a rag with non-toxic cleaner on it (I use 1/2 vinegar, 1/2 water to clean a lot of things) and having them scrub cabinets. I would love for her to wipe down all the below counter cabinets...it's getting harder on me to crawl around on the floor to clean those! She also could help clean the windows (heavens knows she's the reason they need cleaned anyway!). So I have a little pint-sized helper in Savannah - it's great.
As a side note, here's a little treat for you - my Granny's Macaroni & Cheese recipe!
Ingredients:
4 1/2 cups of water
Dash of salt
2 cups of macaroni
1 cup margarine
1/3 log of Velveeta
Directions:
Put water in a large pan. (Make sure you measure it - this recipe never drains off the water!) Add salt. Bring to boil. Add macaroni. Return to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Cover. Cook until tender, stirring occasionally (approximately 15 minutes). Add butter. Cover. Cook 10 minutes. Take off heat. Cut Velveeta into cubes. Add Velveeta. Return to heat until cheese melts.
This recipe turns out slightly soupy to start with, but after cooling a bit it turns into melty, creamy deliciousness!!
I did learn some things from the list of toddler chores...she really likes to wash things (she was "washing" her bathtub the other night)...and the list suggested giving your child a rag with non-toxic cleaner on it (I use 1/2 vinegar, 1/2 water to clean a lot of things) and having them scrub cabinets. I would love for her to wipe down all the below counter cabinets...it's getting harder on me to crawl around on the floor to clean those! She also could help clean the windows (heavens knows she's the reason they need cleaned anyway!). So I have a little pint-sized helper in Savannah - it's great.
As a side note, here's a little treat for you - my Granny's Macaroni & Cheese recipe!
Ingredients:
4 1/2 cups of water
Dash of salt
2 cups of macaroni
1 cup margarine
1/3 log of Velveeta
Directions:
Put water in a large pan. (Make sure you measure it - this recipe never drains off the water!) Add salt. Bring to boil. Add macaroni. Return to boil. Reduce heat to medium-low. Cover. Cook until tender, stirring occasionally (approximately 15 minutes). Add butter. Cover. Cook 10 minutes. Take off heat. Cut Velveeta into cubes. Add Velveeta. Return to heat until cheese melts.
This recipe turns out slightly soupy to start with, but after cooling a bit it turns into melty, creamy deliciousness!!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Time to Smell the Roses
Recently Luke has been growing up and maturing much faster than I imagined possible. Now, when we lay him down in the floor on his back, he instantly rolls right over to his belly. (At his most recent appointment for his crazy cry, the neurologist was amazed at how well he's doing. She said he is advanced for his age - like I needed her to tell me! Also, his cry is just crazy - he's perfectly healthy.)
With all this extra time he is spending on his belly, he's getting to practice using his he-man muscles. The other day I was playing with him in the floor, and literally his belly was almost completely off the ground. Then, a different time he get one leg under and dug his toe into the floor, essentially causing him to lurch forward and land on his nose. Now, I realize to non-parents out there, this sounds like nothing. But it is so amazing! Just think, if he combines these two new skills...it won't be long before he is creeping across the floor...getting into trouble!
He also is almost sitting alone. He just needs to master the balance part. I love playing with him...I realized today that this is the beginning of my favorite age with babies. He is still not able to get away from me and into trouble, but he is also starting to interactively play with me. I'm really excited for the coming months. (Can you believe he will be FIVE months old in a week?!)
The fun times are just ahead - which means I need to make time to be with my family and cherish these years. Honestly, Savannah grew into a little person right before my eyes. I need to stop missing it all! There are lots of things I want to do with them while they are still small...like hand print art...and cute photos...and creating Luke's 1st year DVD...and scrapbooking...and just all kinds of things.
I really want to get in gear and buckle down into a schedule for the house. We need a better bedtime routine which would then allow for an hour or two in the evening for me to work on things (like cleaning or laundry or dishes or crafts). I really want to get the Poland household in shape next week. The bedtime routine will start right away...and once that falls into place things should go a little easier.
I also want to plan our weekends a little better. I know we do a lot to help others, and that's wonderful, but I also want to make time to spend together. (Even if "together" is just a movie afternoon.) I want Sunday afternoons/evenings for us. That's where the dilemma lies. It seems like almost every Saturday is filled up (staining the deck, event for work, trips out of town)...so that would leave Sunday for other things. Church is of course on the schedule...so we get Sunday afternoons/evenings for the rest of our "to do" list. (How sad it is that my to-do list includes arts & crafts with my kids!) But we can't have our Sunday afternoons to ourselves. We have to make time for Carl's mom's grocery shopping...and she likes to walk with her cane, and visit several stores...which makes shopping trips much longer than a "quick trip to the store". There's always the possibility of Carl shopping with her alone, but even that proved problematic in the past...and then I'm home with two kids and it is hard to get much done when Luke wants held the whole time.
I don't know what I want...I wish we just had more time. As it is we don't watch television. We are rarely home on the weekends. We have several half-done projects. We are leaving for a small vacation (to coincide with Carl's job) soon and I feel like we don't even have the time for a vacation! We can't afford to lose a weekend...it is just so frustrating. I don't know how to stop the crazy train...
In the end I kind of know the solution...I just need to sleep less. Instead of trying to go to bed by 10pm (since I know I'll be up at 1 and 3 and 5:30), I just need to stay up until the 1:00 cry...that way I have 3 hours to work on that to-do list. I also think I need to push Carl to do more in the evenings. He is the master of beginning projects and never finishing them...and leaving the unfinished mess in my way (he cleaned out his car but then left all the stuff in piles in the garage and kitchen...he started a raised garden bed, but never created any kind of trelis for the veggies to climb, he's bought stuff for a rain collection barrel for watering said garden but all the supplies [$50 worth!] are sitting in the garage). So instead of putting on PJs (his own) while I get both kids into bed, he needs to be hustling his butt to get things done. He often says he is tired, but right now that hasn't really gone over well with me...at all.
With all this extra time he is spending on his belly, he's getting to practice using his he-man muscles. The other day I was playing with him in the floor, and literally his belly was almost completely off the ground. Then, a different time he get one leg under and dug his toe into the floor, essentially causing him to lurch forward and land on his nose. Now, I realize to non-parents out there, this sounds like nothing. But it is so amazing! Just think, if he combines these two new skills...it won't be long before he is creeping across the floor...getting into trouble!
He also is almost sitting alone. He just needs to master the balance part. I love playing with him...I realized today that this is the beginning of my favorite age with babies. He is still not able to get away from me and into trouble, but he is also starting to interactively play with me. I'm really excited for the coming months. (Can you believe he will be FIVE months old in a week?!)
The fun times are just ahead - which means I need to make time to be with my family and cherish these years. Honestly, Savannah grew into a little person right before my eyes. I need to stop missing it all! There are lots of things I want to do with them while they are still small...like hand print art...and cute photos...and creating Luke's 1st year DVD...and scrapbooking...and just all kinds of things.
I really want to get in gear and buckle down into a schedule for the house. We need a better bedtime routine which would then allow for an hour or two in the evening for me to work on things (like cleaning or laundry or dishes or crafts). I really want to get the Poland household in shape next week. The bedtime routine will start right away...and once that falls into place things should go a little easier.
I also want to plan our weekends a little better. I know we do a lot to help others, and that's wonderful, but I also want to make time to spend together. (Even if "together" is just a movie afternoon.) I want Sunday afternoons/evenings for us. That's where the dilemma lies. It seems like almost every Saturday is filled up (staining the deck, event for work, trips out of town)...so that would leave Sunday for other things. Church is of course on the schedule...so we get Sunday afternoons/evenings for the rest of our "to do" list. (How sad it is that my to-do list includes arts & crafts with my kids!) But we can't have our Sunday afternoons to ourselves. We have to make time for Carl's mom's grocery shopping...and she likes to walk with her cane, and visit several stores...which makes shopping trips much longer than a "quick trip to the store". There's always the possibility of Carl shopping with her alone, but even that proved problematic in the past...and then I'm home with two kids and it is hard to get much done when Luke wants held the whole time.
I don't know what I want...I wish we just had more time. As it is we don't watch television. We are rarely home on the weekends. We have several half-done projects. We are leaving for a small vacation (to coincide with Carl's job) soon and I feel like we don't even have the time for a vacation! We can't afford to lose a weekend...it is just so frustrating. I don't know how to stop the crazy train...
In the end I kind of know the solution...I just need to sleep less. Instead of trying to go to bed by 10pm (since I know I'll be up at 1 and 3 and 5:30), I just need to stay up until the 1:00 cry...that way I have 3 hours to work on that to-do list. I also think I need to push Carl to do more in the evenings. He is the master of beginning projects and never finishing them...and leaving the unfinished mess in my way (he cleaned out his car but then left all the stuff in piles in the garage and kitchen...he started a raised garden bed, but never created any kind of trelis for the veggies to climb, he's bought stuff for a rain collection barrel for watering said garden but all the supplies [$50 worth!] are sitting in the garage). So instead of putting on PJs (his own) while I get both kids into bed, he needs to be hustling his butt to get things done. He often says he is tired, but right now that hasn't really gone over well with me...at all.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Discouraged and Tired.
It's no secret that I am not getting any sleep. Most nights Luke wakes me up at least two times, and recently it has seemed that he is waking up three times a night. We tried cereal (which he enjoys eating surprisingly), but he still didn't change sleep patterns. I have tried nursing often. I have tried just putting the bink back in and walking away. I have tried limiting naps. I have tried so many things. He has a routine. He has quiet and darkness. He just will not sleep.
*Side note - Luke had bananas for the first time yesterday. He loved them! He has gotten into the habit of holding the spoon and/or my hand for dear life when he eats. When I asked Carl to finish up feeding him the bananas, I had to pause feeding Luke so I could move for Carl. By the sounds coming from Luke, you would have thought I just stole his lollipop or something! He was not done eating and he wanted us to know it! He also is much more difficult to carry around at any kind of picnic type event. At VBS on Friday, I had made a plate for myself with a hotdog and sides. I had Luke in my left arm, the plate in my left hand, and a bowl of salad in my right hand. Luke decided what I had looked good and grabbed the hotdog! He ripped the bun and turned it all over! I had to quickly set all the plates down and get things out of his hands...because with Luke anything in his hands quickly finds the pathway to his mouth! If it had just been something like ice cream I might not have panicked so much - but he could choke on bread or hotdog right now! He is much more difficult than Savannah when it comes to managing my plate!
As a working and nursing mom, this has been such a challenge. I have a lot to maintain in my life (my household, caring for both Luke and Savannah, helping with Carl's mom, a job) and the lack of sleep is starting to effect my day to day life. I don't function at work as well, I am grouchy more often, my immune system is down, and I have much less patience with both my kiddos. I am missing out on the happy moments with both kids, and am missing out on enjoying the young weeks with Luke. I am so grouchy and tired that when Luke is happy, I am attempting to rest....I'm missing all the fun things about being a mom. And I hate it.
In a moment of desperate times, I told Carl to make up a bottle of 4oz of formula for Luke. (In all of Carl's "End of the World" preparedness he had stashed away a sample of formula that we'd gotten in the mail.) So after Luke nursed like normal at night, we also gave him the bottle. He drained all 4 ounces. He still only slept 3 hours before waking up again. We did the 4 ounces the next night...same result. Last night he drank something like 6 or 8 ounces, on top of nursing! He still woke up twice.
I have no idea why he isn't sleeping...but I have begun to suspect that he isn't getting enough to eat throughout the day. If he isn't getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, of course he's going to wake up hungry! When he nurses (or when he takes a bottle of breast milk while I'm working) he often fusses when it's done...like he thinks we took it away. He isn't satisfied unless we give him a bink to suck on.
I know there are lots of breastfeeding proponents out there that would just say to "nurse through it"...but I feel like I've been nursing through it for weeks now. His weight is dropping (was in the 50th percentile, now in the 25th) off his curve...he just isn't content. So with a discouraged heart I have decided to begin supplementing more often with formula. He will still nurse first thing in the morning, and I'll still pump throughout the day. He'll get breast milk and formula while I'm gone. He'll nurse at night time and get a bottle. I know that going down this path will mean that he will eventually be purely formula fed. But I'm tired of having a cranky baby who appears to be hungry. I'm tired of allowing my pride and the thoughts of what others may think get in my way. I want my baby healthy, happy, and nourished. I also want him to sleep...not only for me, but for him. Babies need sleep to allow time for their brains to process all of the information they absorb (and the way Luke watches every last thing, he has a lot to process!).
Our house needs structure, and routine. Right now bedtime is somewhat routine...but not nearly what it was before Luke. I know part of that is just the chaos of a new baby...but some is because while I nurse Luke, Savannah has taken to watching her favorite show at night time...we just need to establish a pattern and really stick to it. Life has thrown in a lot of curve balls recently that has been a cause of us being away from home at bedtime...but we need to stand up for what works for our household...I will sleep again...and so will my kids. And we will ALL be better for it.
*Side note - Luke had bananas for the first time yesterday. He loved them! He has gotten into the habit of holding the spoon and/or my hand for dear life when he eats. When I asked Carl to finish up feeding him the bananas, I had to pause feeding Luke so I could move for Carl. By the sounds coming from Luke, you would have thought I just stole his lollipop or something! He was not done eating and he wanted us to know it! He also is much more difficult to carry around at any kind of picnic type event. At VBS on Friday, I had made a plate for myself with a hotdog and sides. I had Luke in my left arm, the plate in my left hand, and a bowl of salad in my right hand. Luke decided what I had looked good and grabbed the hotdog! He ripped the bun and turned it all over! I had to quickly set all the plates down and get things out of his hands...because with Luke anything in his hands quickly finds the pathway to his mouth! If it had just been something like ice cream I might not have panicked so much - but he could choke on bread or hotdog right now! He is much more difficult than Savannah when it comes to managing my plate!
As a working and nursing mom, this has been such a challenge. I have a lot to maintain in my life (my household, caring for both Luke and Savannah, helping with Carl's mom, a job) and the lack of sleep is starting to effect my day to day life. I don't function at work as well, I am grouchy more often, my immune system is down, and I have much less patience with both my kiddos. I am missing out on the happy moments with both kids, and am missing out on enjoying the young weeks with Luke. I am so grouchy and tired that when Luke is happy, I am attempting to rest....I'm missing all the fun things about being a mom. And I hate it.
In a moment of desperate times, I told Carl to make up a bottle of 4oz of formula for Luke. (In all of Carl's "End of the World" preparedness he had stashed away a sample of formula that we'd gotten in the mail.) So after Luke nursed like normal at night, we also gave him the bottle. He drained all 4 ounces. He still only slept 3 hours before waking up again. We did the 4 ounces the next night...same result. Last night he drank something like 6 or 8 ounces, on top of nursing! He still woke up twice.
I have no idea why he isn't sleeping...but I have begun to suspect that he isn't getting enough to eat throughout the day. If he isn't getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, of course he's going to wake up hungry! When he nurses (or when he takes a bottle of breast milk while I'm working) he often fusses when it's done...like he thinks we took it away. He isn't satisfied unless we give him a bink to suck on.
I know there are lots of breastfeeding proponents out there that would just say to "nurse through it"...but I feel like I've been nursing through it for weeks now. His weight is dropping (was in the 50th percentile, now in the 25th) off his curve...he just isn't content. So with a discouraged heart I have decided to begin supplementing more often with formula. He will still nurse first thing in the morning, and I'll still pump throughout the day. He'll get breast milk and formula while I'm gone. He'll nurse at night time and get a bottle. I know that going down this path will mean that he will eventually be purely formula fed. But I'm tired of having a cranky baby who appears to be hungry. I'm tired of allowing my pride and the thoughts of what others may think get in my way. I want my baby healthy, happy, and nourished. I also want him to sleep...not only for me, but for him. Babies need sleep to allow time for their brains to process all of the information they absorb (and the way Luke watches every last thing, he has a lot to process!).
Our house needs structure, and routine. Right now bedtime is somewhat routine...but not nearly what it was before Luke. I know part of that is just the chaos of a new baby...but some is because while I nurse Luke, Savannah has taken to watching her favorite show at night time...we just need to establish a pattern and really stick to it. Life has thrown in a lot of curve balls recently that has been a cause of us being away from home at bedtime...but we need to stand up for what works for our household...I will sleep again...and so will my kids. And we will ALL be better for it.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Growth.
This summer has been a summer of growth, in so many ways.
Obviously, my littles are growing beyond belief. Luke amazes me daily (yesterday after he rolled around for a while he began pulling his legs up under his belly and pushing off - not an efficient mode of transportation in the least, or really all the consistent yet, but nonetheless...you can't leave him in the floor without an eye on him!) and Savannah is maturing and learning at exponential rates. I am so content with them - even though Luke's sleeping habits leave much to desire!
My marriage has grown too. The past five years of marriage have had many, many ups and downs. We have celebrated many wonderful moments, we have shed many tears, and we have struggled through disagreements. There have been times that I would sit and wonder, "What did I get myself into?" but then am reminded that Carl and I love each other, and neither one of us is perfect. I know we were meant to be together...when we have tiny, intimate moments away from the stress of life we are reminded of our love. (As I recently blogged about in a post regarding our anniversary.) At times I wonder how many people out there judge our marriage...maybe not judge, but compare it to their own and think their's is superior. But you know, my summer of growth has instilled in me the courage and strength to not really care what anyone thinks about things that go on in my life. Even though Carl and I have had disagreements and struggles, we always reconcile, we grow, we move on. I know that when my kids are grown and out of the house (which will come all too soon!), I will be happy with the person I married. We won't be the same people as we are now...no one stays the same...but we will have grown together, shared many memories, and we'll be stronger.
At times I am frustrated with Carl (like the day he watched the kids and didn't take Savannah to the potty at all - undoing some of my very hard work potty training!), but I know that he has his frustrations with me. I'd like to think I'm perfect, but I know that isn't true. I know he loves his kids, even though his priorities aren't always in the order I'd put them. I know his intentions are to do the best for his family, even if they aren't always clear to people looking into our lives. I also know that while he isn't perfect, he most certainly is better than many, many men out there. I don't know if there's a single one (besides him!) that could put up with my need for cleanliness at odd times, or my obsessive backseat driving, or lots of my quirks! I guess for those peeking into our lives I share this...He isn't perfect, but you didn't marry him, so butt out. I'm sure I wouldn't be happy with your husband either - there's a reason we married who we did after all!
I guess that's part of my growth too...I have lost some of my filter. I have seen too many ups and downs in life with family illness, death, miscarriage...I just think sometimes all the "niceties" are pointless. Life is so much more than "he said she said"...there is just more to it than that.
Friendships have changed too...I've grown away from high school friends, college friends...the other day at church a new mom asked me if I had any friends that didn't have kids. I really had to stop and think...I can only think of one friend who doesn't have children...and our good friend Patrick (affectionately Mr. Pat!) is the only one...and he adores our children so much that he truly is like a godparent...so most of our friends do have kids. It is just the way life progresses on...people move, people change, people grow. I do know that I am happily married, a happy momma, and a happy working professional. :0)
Obviously, my littles are growing beyond belief. Luke amazes me daily (yesterday after he rolled around for a while he began pulling his legs up under his belly and pushing off - not an efficient mode of transportation in the least, or really all the consistent yet, but nonetheless...you can't leave him in the floor without an eye on him!) and Savannah is maturing and learning at exponential rates. I am so content with them - even though Luke's sleeping habits leave much to desire!
My marriage has grown too. The past five years of marriage have had many, many ups and downs. We have celebrated many wonderful moments, we have shed many tears, and we have struggled through disagreements. There have been times that I would sit and wonder, "What did I get myself into?" but then am reminded that Carl and I love each other, and neither one of us is perfect. I know we were meant to be together...when we have tiny, intimate moments away from the stress of life we are reminded of our love. (As I recently blogged about in a post regarding our anniversary.) At times I wonder how many people out there judge our marriage...maybe not judge, but compare it to their own and think their's is superior. But you know, my summer of growth has instilled in me the courage and strength to not really care what anyone thinks about things that go on in my life. Even though Carl and I have had disagreements and struggles, we always reconcile, we grow, we move on. I know that when my kids are grown and out of the house (which will come all too soon!), I will be happy with the person I married. We won't be the same people as we are now...no one stays the same...but we will have grown together, shared many memories, and we'll be stronger.
At times I am frustrated with Carl (like the day he watched the kids and didn't take Savannah to the potty at all - undoing some of my very hard work potty training!), but I know that he has his frustrations with me. I'd like to think I'm perfect, but I know that isn't true. I know he loves his kids, even though his priorities aren't always in the order I'd put them. I know his intentions are to do the best for his family, even if they aren't always clear to people looking into our lives. I also know that while he isn't perfect, he most certainly is better than many, many men out there. I don't know if there's a single one (besides him!) that could put up with my need for cleanliness at odd times, or my obsessive backseat driving, or lots of my quirks! I guess for those peeking into our lives I share this...He isn't perfect, but you didn't marry him, so butt out. I'm sure I wouldn't be happy with your husband either - there's a reason we married who we did after all!
I guess that's part of my growth too...I have lost some of my filter. I have seen too many ups and downs in life with family illness, death, miscarriage...I just think sometimes all the "niceties" are pointless. Life is so much more than "he said she said"...there is just more to it than that.
Friendships have changed too...I've grown away from high school friends, college friends...the other day at church a new mom asked me if I had any friends that didn't have kids. I really had to stop and think...I can only think of one friend who doesn't have children...and our good friend Patrick (affectionately Mr. Pat!) is the only one...and he adores our children so much that he truly is like a godparent...so most of our friends do have kids. It is just the way life progresses on...people move, people change, people grow. I do know that I am happily married, a happy momma, and a happy working professional. :0)
Friday, July 13, 2012
Celebration of Birthdays
I started a tradition when Savannah was born. Each month I would buy a birthday card, write a message in it about what she was doing, how she was eating, what she liked/disliked, and just generally how much she was growing up too fast. I'd print out a picture from that age and stick it in the card...so she has 12 birthday cards for her first year. I thought it was a unique way to keep track of her development without having to find the right spots in a baby book to write down all the little things she had done that month...and it will be fun to look back at those cards as she grows up.
Of course, I am attempting to do the same things for Luke that I did for Savannah. So far I'm still keeping up with his "first year" scrapbook and all of his birthday cards. I know all too well how fast my littles are growing up!!
*Another note...Savannah used to say her name was "Suh-Sannah" or "Sa-Nanna"...the other day I came home from work and she said, "Mom, I'm SaVANah!"...and my response was "My baby is all grown up!"
Of course, I am attempting to do the same things for Luke that I did for Savannah. So far I'm still keeping up with his "first year" scrapbook and all of his birthday cards. I know all too well how fast my littles are growing up!!
*Another note...Savannah used to say her name was "Suh-Sannah" or "Sa-Nanna"...the other day I came home from work and she said, "Mom, I'm SaVANah!"...and my response was "My baby is all grown up!"
Monday, July 9, 2012
The Future of Birthdays....
So after rehashing Savannah's birthdays via photos...it's already time for me to start planning and preparing for the next round of party madness. In 2013, I am going to begin the first of many years of live/breathe/sleep parties during the winter months. Luke and Savannah's birthdays are only 39 days apart...so I will be planning two major events simultaneously (which for me is always a challenge I'm up for!).
Even though I realize this pretty much shoutscrazy extreme planner, I decided the theme for Luke's first birthday the day he was born. (If he had been born on February 29th, I already had a theme planned - before he was born! Ha! It would have been frogs - get it, Leap Year, frogs leap, February 29th?) But alas, no Leap Day birthday...but his birthday does fall on a very special day - Dr. Seuss's birthday! As I was laying in bed, staring at my beautiful baby boy, very early (like 1am!) in his life (he was born at 12:11am), I decided his birthday would be as Seussical as it could get! I have since created a pin board dedicated to the ideas for decorations, foods, games, favors...everything. (Side note - I discovered Pinterest after Savannah's 3rd birthday...now all the birthday parties are sure to be crazy!) I plan to use the red, white, and unique Seuss blue for the main colors...I will most likely make the cake/cupcakes...and all the foods will be special (green eggs and ham anyone?). Location is still in the air...I'm back and forth between our church hall and our house...we will see as the time nears. I have already begun buying items as I see them on sale. Michael's is debuting a Dr. Seuss theme bulletin board set (for back to school for the teachers out there)...so I have been buying up all kinds of decorations! I want to find a free evening (like that's going to happen!) where I can go and read Dr. Seuss books and jot down all kinds of references to food and images in the book (truffula trees, roast beast) so I can really plan. (Research for a 1st birthday party - I really am obsessed with excited about the possibilities of this party!)
As for Savannah...I hadn't given much thought to it until recently. I've really thought a CandyLand theme would be adorable and fun...I stumbled upon the idea back when she was still under 1 year...and knew it'd have to wait to be a theme until she was a little older...well the time has finally come (hooray!). I asked her the other day how she felt about a candy party, and she was on board with the idea the second I said, "Candy!". I've begun exploring some decoration ideas as well as activities and foods...I definitely will have a little bit more of an activity based party, because let's face it - four year olds can handle activities! I definitely will need to do some research into CandyLand (looks like family game night!) to decide on what kinds of activities (cupcake decorating?) we can plan...and I would love to plan her party for our church....we have a wonderful flat lawn between the building and pavilion...the weather is always chancy (April is tough to predict)...but I could plan for outdoors and then move inside if need be.
In future years I'd love a construction party for Luke, maybe a Star Wars theme...and even though I like picking the themes, I'll enjoy creating a magical day for my kids once they start being more opinionated on the topic. For now I'm thrilled that they just enjoy my excitement over their big day and I love the knowledge that I am celebrating their lives to the fullest!
Even though I realize this pretty much shouts
As for Savannah...I hadn't given much thought to it until recently. I've really thought a CandyLand theme would be adorable and fun...I stumbled upon the idea back when she was still under 1 year...and knew it'd have to wait to be a theme until she was a little older...well the time has finally come (hooray!). I asked her the other day how she felt about a candy party, and she was on board with the idea the second I said, "Candy!". I've begun exploring some decoration ideas as well as activities and foods...I definitely will have a little bit more of an activity based party, because let's face it - four year olds can handle activities! I definitely will need to do some research into CandyLand (looks like family game night!) to decide on what kinds of activities (cupcake decorating?) we can plan...and I would love to plan her party for our church....we have a wonderful flat lawn between the building and pavilion...the weather is always chancy (April is tough to predict)...but I could plan for outdoors and then move inside if need be.
In future years I'd love a construction party for Luke, maybe a Star Wars theme...and even though I like picking the themes, I'll enjoy creating a magical day for my kids once they start being more opinionated on the topic. For now I'm thrilled that they just enjoy my excitement over their big day and I love the knowledge that I am celebrating their lives to the fullest!
Hello Kitty - Savannah's 3rd Birthday!
So this year Savannah has become obsessed with Hello Kitty. She loves everything about her. I secretly think it's all the pink (and because Hello Kitty looks very similar to our Junebug kitty). Since our little Luke was born just 6 weeks before Savannah turned 3, some of the details of the Hello Kitty party were store bought...prior to his birth! I knew I'd be busy and recovering...so this party was still beautiful and special...just a little less homemade!
Hello Kitty cupcakes - definite hit!
Of course - another homemade cake!
Cake and cupcake bonanza!
Understated beauty - simple yet beautiful!
This year Savannah's birthday fell over Easter weekend - so the main activity for the party was an egg hunt. Each attending guest received a personalized bucket for hunting eggs (and great for use over the summer!).
Hello Kitty cupcakes - definite hit!
Of course - another homemade cake!
Cake and cupcake bonanza!
Understated beauty - simple yet beautiful!
This year Savannah's birthday fell over Easter weekend - so the main activity for the party was an egg hunt. Each attending guest received a personalized bucket for hunting eggs (and great for use over the summer!).
Minnie Mouse Birthday - Savannah Turns 2!
In part two of three...Savannah's second birthday!
With a trip to Disney under her belt, and a Minnie Mouse costume from Halloween, and a love for all things Minnie, we decided on a Minnie Mouse themed birthday. This party was probably one of the most time intensive when it came down to handmade crafts, but it turned out beautifully. Everyone had such a wonderful time, it was gorgeous (inside and out)...truly one of my favorites memories with my little Savannah!
Of course - homemade invites!
This is one of my very favorite images of the day...
All dressed up!
The main dining room...
Savannah's table of honor (and giant Minnie!).
Rockin' out her special table!
Photo display - We did photos of Savannah at one, then some that had pictures of Carl and I...fun to see who she looks like!
Gift table with a Minnie silhouette!
Birthday banner! It in insane how many circles and bows I cut out for this party!
Birthday cake - again homemade!
Birthday cupcakes! These was a lot easier than you may think...I just "glued" mini Oreos onto regular Oreos with melting choclate...then once cooled I dipped the entire top half of the "head" in melting chocolate. Before that cooled I put the little bows on. The trick for the bows? Print out a picture you like, place it under wax paper. Then, I melted pink melting chocolates in a ziplock baggie. Once fully melted, cut the tip of the bag off (just barely - you want a small hole!). Trace and fill the image onto the wax paper...then I sprinkled little white nonpareils to create polka dots!.
Lots of Mickey/Minnie foods and plates!
Perfect pasta for a pasta salad!
These cute little paper flowers were an awesome way to add a little Minnie flair without taking up much time.
Adorable and unique idea for a second birthday party favor!
Goodie bag contents!
With a trip to Disney under her belt, and a Minnie Mouse costume from Halloween, and a love for all things Minnie, we decided on a Minnie Mouse themed birthday. This party was probably one of the most time intensive when it came down to handmade crafts, but it turned out beautifully. Everyone had such a wonderful time, it was gorgeous (inside and out)...truly one of my favorites memories with my little Savannah!
Of course - homemade invites!
This is one of my very favorite images of the day...
All dressed up!
The main dining room...
Savannah's table of honor (and giant Minnie!).
Rockin' out her special table!
Photo display - We did photos of Savannah at one, then some that had pictures of Carl and I...fun to see who she looks like!
Gift table with a Minnie silhouette!
Birthday banner! It in insane how many circles and bows I cut out for this party!
Birthday cake - again homemade!
Birthday cupcakes! These was a lot easier than you may think...I just "glued" mini Oreos onto regular Oreos with melting choclate...then once cooled I dipped the entire top half of the "head" in melting chocolate. Before that cooled I put the little bows on. The trick for the bows? Print out a picture you like, place it under wax paper. Then, I melted pink melting chocolates in a ziplock baggie. Once fully melted, cut the tip of the bag off (just barely - you want a small hole!). Trace and fill the image onto the wax paper...then I sprinkled little white nonpareils to create polka dots!.
Lots of Mickey/Minnie foods and plates!
Perfect pasta for a pasta salad!
These cute little paper flowers were an awesome way to add a little Minnie flair without taking up much time.
Adorable and unique idea for a second birthday party favor!
Goodie bag contents!
Alice in Wonderland - Savannah's 1st Birthday
I have in the past discussed my desire for this blog to be printed up for my kiddos...and I began thinking that while I blog (sometimes in length!) about the party preparations, I don't really think I ever actually blog about the parties after the fact. So in an attempt to catch up, this will be the first in a series of rehashing the decorations/food/etc details from Savannah's first three birthdays...
Savannah's 1st Birthday - Savannah in One-derland
As we all know, I'm a big fan of Disney...so a unique Disney themed birthday is what I was going for. Below are the photos of the day...all of the decorations are easy!
I love this wreath...the cards all have meaning. Seven and Four (7 pounds, 4 ounces) the ten and nine add to her height (19 inches) and of course the Queen!
Don't Step on the Mome Wraths!
Such a simple way to decorate - giant playing cards!
The table-scape...including lots of teapots!
No 1st Birthday is complete without a homemade cake from Mom!
I love this detail - the playing cards are the date of her birth!
And last but not least, the Queen, Alice, and the Mad Hatter!
Savannah's 1st Birthday - Savannah in One-derland
As we all know, I'm a big fan of Disney...so a unique Disney themed birthday is what I was going for. Below are the photos of the day...all of the decorations are easy!
I love this wreath...the cards all have meaning. Seven and Four (7 pounds, 4 ounces) the ten and nine add to her height (19 inches) and of course the Queen!
Don't Step on the Mome Wraths!
Such a simple way to decorate - giant playing cards!
The table-scape...including lots of teapots!
No 1st Birthday is complete without a homemade cake from Mom!
I love this detail - the playing cards are the date of her birth!
And last but not least, the Queen, Alice, and the Mad Hatter!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I Wanna Grow Old With You
This past weekend Carl and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. We toasted to five years of wedded roller coaster rides bliss. For the first time in a long time, I was excited all week thinking about our trip away from the house. I couldn't wait to hit the road and just be us for once. I was excited to leave the worries and stresses that have filled our lives of late.
We traveled north to Pittsburgh. On the way up we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. When we pulled in the drive-thru was so busy, so Carl said, "I'll just run in and get food.". Then he said, "Wait, there's no kids, we'll both go in!". It is amazing that such a small thing such as eating our lunch inside of McDonald's without a child made us so giddy! After lunch we continued the drive. We checked into a hotel with a Jacuzzi tub - I swear our next house needs one of those! We went to The Melting Pot for a romantic dinner for two. We had yummy cheese fondue, delicious foods cooked in burgundy wine, and a bananas foster dessert fondue (flambe'd at the table!). Our waitress also brought us a complimentary glass of champagne to toast with. It was dark and cozy...and just adult.
After dinner we went shopping for a bit at the Waterfront district. It was nice to hop in and out of the car without dealing with car seats and kids and crying and potty breaks. We went and shopped where we wanted - unhurried! Later on we met friends at the Sing Sing Dueling Piano Bar. I'd been there once before and knew Carl would love it. We bought drinks, laughed, chatted, stayed out. When we left the bar around 11pm, we decided to hit up Dave and Buster's since it was right across the street. It was another little giddy feeling of happiness that we could change plans spur of the moment, enjoy time out, stay up late, and just do what we wanted.
Carl and I finally crashed at 2:00am. I woke up at 8:30a because well, since I still am responsible for the nourishment of my little Luke, I had to pump. Then I was hungry (as always!). So in all honesty, we didn't get any more sleep (and probably less) than what we would have gotten at home...but we had 24 hours of freedom. We didn't have a baby crying, a 3 year old whining or climbing on us, a parent needing us...we didn't have anything in our bubble but us.
It was nice. It was wonderful. I love, love, love my kids...but I also love my husband...and having kids makes it a much more difficult task to enjoy my husband. On the drive home I told Carl that at one point during our night away I realized a really depressing thought: The Sing Sing is a popular place for Bachlorette and Bachelor parties...and there were several in attendance. All of those young, carefree people, so excited to get married...drinking, partying, dancing...I used to be that youthful. And fun. Andsexy attractive. We left at 11pm...a group of ladies in their 40s left around 10:30pm. We are old. We are boring.
After revealing this to Carl he kind of laughed, but agreed. Our lives are so very different from when we started dating to when we got married to now. I think I still thought I was somewhat young when we had just Savannah...but then Luke was born...and then Carl's mom had her stroke. We have had to grow up so quickly and begin caring for an ailing parent. It is tough to go through major lifestyle changes all at once. We have aged.
Our anniversary trip was so good for us. We needed to get away from responsibility and connect again. We'd grown weary and tired (little sleep, caring for three dependents, doctor's appointments, travel, work stress...) and barely kissed each other. Life just had us down and kept on pushing on us. The time we had to just step away from it and just breathe, and love each other, and worry only about each other's happiness...that is something we desperately needed. It helped to bring back some of our youthfulness. Our playfulness with each other. To laugh together.
Last night Carl and I had small date night (could be the last one for a while - we are super busy!) and we were talking about our memories from when we were first dating. It's amazing the things he remembers and then the things I remember. But we both remember the fun, the love, the energy, the excitement. I hope we never lose sight of that.
Now, as ten years have passed since the first date, I remember fondly the day Carl told me "I love you" for the first time. It was in April (I'm curious of the day...I'm hoping to find my old diaries soon to figure out the exact date. Wouldn't it be neat if it were the 10th, Savannah's birthday?!). He had just given blood at school and we were hanging out after school, watching TV at my parents. I was cozied up against him, just holding onto him. I felt the need to say "I love you." just randomly out of the blue. I didn't. I bit my tongue and just held on a little tighter. I didn't want to scare him away...we'd only been together for 2 or so months! That night, we went to hang out at a friend's house. We were watching some show on TV (some guy show, one I am not particularly interested in) and Carl got up to get a drink...there was some banter between me and Carl and some of his friends. There was laughter and he came over to kiss and said "I love you." then walked back into the kitchen...it just came out like a natural, said every day type of thing. I blushed a little but didn't say anything. When he dropped me off that night, he asked me if I had realized what he said. He said he hadn't planned it, it just came out of his mouth like it should naturally always....and I was amazed that on the same day, we both felt like together is the natural place to be. We both felt compelled to share our love for each other, we both wanted to express our love as natural and true as God intended. I believe we were made for each other. There are days that I just wonder, "What is he doing?!" or "What was he thinking?!"...and now that we have responsibilities there seem to be more of those days than ever before. This weekend gave us a brief look at what life was like before we had to grow up and grow old. It was a wonderful, wonderful reminder that we still love each other very, very much. I can't imagine my life without my soul mate, my best friend, my partner in crime, my husband.
We traveled north to Pittsburgh. On the way up we stopped at McDonald's for lunch. When we pulled in the drive-thru was so busy, so Carl said, "I'll just run in and get food.". Then he said, "Wait, there's no kids, we'll both go in!". It is amazing that such a small thing such as eating our lunch inside of McDonald's without a child made us so giddy! After lunch we continued the drive. We checked into a hotel with a Jacuzzi tub - I swear our next house needs one of those! We went to The Melting Pot for a romantic dinner for two. We had yummy cheese fondue, delicious foods cooked in burgundy wine, and a bananas foster dessert fondue (flambe'd at the table!). Our waitress also brought us a complimentary glass of champagne to toast with. It was dark and cozy...and just adult.
After dinner we went shopping for a bit at the Waterfront district. It was nice to hop in and out of the car without dealing with car seats and kids and crying and potty breaks. We went and shopped where we wanted - unhurried! Later on we met friends at the Sing Sing Dueling Piano Bar. I'd been there once before and knew Carl would love it. We bought drinks, laughed, chatted, stayed out. When we left the bar around 11pm, we decided to hit up Dave and Buster's since it was right across the street. It was another little giddy feeling of happiness that we could change plans spur of the moment, enjoy time out, stay up late, and just do what we wanted.
Carl and I finally crashed at 2:00am. I woke up at 8:30a because well, since I still am responsible for the nourishment of my little Luke, I had to pump. Then I was hungry (as always!). So in all honesty, we didn't get any more sleep (and probably less) than what we would have gotten at home...but we had 24 hours of freedom. We didn't have a baby crying, a 3 year old whining or climbing on us, a parent needing us...we didn't have anything in our bubble but us.
It was nice. It was wonderful. I love, love, love my kids...but I also love my husband...and having kids makes it a much more difficult task to enjoy my husband. On the drive home I told Carl that at one point during our night away I realized a really depressing thought: The Sing Sing is a popular place for Bachlorette and Bachelor parties...and there were several in attendance. All of those young, carefree people, so excited to get married...drinking, partying, dancing...I used to be that youthful. And fun. And
After revealing this to Carl he kind of laughed, but agreed. Our lives are so very different from when we started dating to when we got married to now. I think I still thought I was somewhat young when we had just Savannah...but then Luke was born...and then Carl's mom had her stroke. We have had to grow up so quickly and begin caring for an ailing parent. It is tough to go through major lifestyle changes all at once. We have aged.
Our anniversary trip was so good for us. We needed to get away from responsibility and connect again. We'd grown weary and tired (little sleep, caring for three dependents, doctor's appointments, travel, work stress...) and barely kissed each other. Life just had us down and kept on pushing on us. The time we had to just step away from it and just breathe, and love each other, and worry only about each other's happiness...that is something we desperately needed. It helped to bring back some of our youthfulness. Our playfulness with each other. To laugh together.
Last night Carl and I had small date night (could be the last one for a while - we are super busy!) and we were talking about our memories from when we were first dating. It's amazing the things he remembers and then the things I remember. But we both remember the fun, the love, the energy, the excitement. I hope we never lose sight of that.
Now, as ten years have passed since the first date, I remember fondly the day Carl told me "I love you" for the first time. It was in April (I'm curious of the day...I'm hoping to find my old diaries soon to figure out the exact date. Wouldn't it be neat if it were the 10th, Savannah's birthday?!). He had just given blood at school and we were hanging out after school, watching TV at my parents. I was cozied up against him, just holding onto him. I felt the need to say "I love you." just randomly out of the blue. I didn't. I bit my tongue and just held on a little tighter. I didn't want to scare him away...we'd only been together for 2 or so months! That night, we went to hang out at a friend's house. We were watching some show on TV (some guy show, one I am not particularly interested in) and Carl got up to get a drink...there was some banter between me and Carl and some of his friends. There was laughter and he came over to kiss and said "I love you." then walked back into the kitchen...it just came out like a natural, said every day type of thing. I blushed a little but didn't say anything. When he dropped me off that night, he asked me if I had realized what he said. He said he hadn't planned it, it just came out of his mouth like it should naturally always....and I was amazed that on the same day, we both felt like together is the natural place to be. We both felt compelled to share our love for each other, we both wanted to express our love as natural and true as God intended. I believe we were made for each other. There are days that I just wonder, "What is he doing?!" or "What was he thinking?!"...and now that we have responsibilities there seem to be more of those days than ever before. This weekend gave us a brief look at what life was like before we had to grow up and grow old. It was a wonderful, wonderful reminder that we still love each other very, very much. I can't imagine my life without my soul mate, my best friend, my partner in crime, my husband.
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