It's no secret that I am not getting any sleep. Most nights Luke wakes me up at least two times, and recently it has seemed that he is waking up three times a night. We tried cereal (which he enjoys eating surprisingly), but he still didn't change sleep patterns. I have tried nursing often. I have tried just putting the bink back in and walking away. I have tried limiting naps. I have tried so many things. He has a routine. He has quiet and darkness. He just will not sleep.
*Side note - Luke had bananas for the first time yesterday. He loved them! He has gotten into the habit of holding the spoon and/or my hand for dear life when he eats. When I asked Carl to finish up feeding him the bananas, I had to pause feeding Luke so I could move for Carl. By the sounds coming from Luke, you would have thought I just stole his lollipop or something! He was not done eating and he wanted us to know it! He also is much more difficult to carry around at any kind of picnic type event. At VBS on Friday, I had made a plate for myself with a hotdog and sides. I had Luke in my left arm, the plate in my left hand, and a bowl of salad in my right hand. Luke decided what I had looked good and grabbed the hotdog! He ripped the bun and turned it all over! I had to quickly set all the plates down and get things out of his hands...because with Luke anything in his hands quickly finds the pathway to his mouth! If it had just been something like ice cream I might not have panicked so much - but he could choke on bread or hotdog right now! He is much more difficult than Savannah when it comes to managing my plate!
As a working and nursing mom, this has been such a challenge. I have a lot to maintain in my life (my household, caring for both Luke and Savannah, helping with Carl's mom, a job) and the lack of sleep is starting to effect my day to day life. I don't function at work as well, I am grouchy more often, my immune system is down, and I have much less patience with both my kiddos. I am missing out on the happy moments with both kids, and am missing out on enjoying the young weeks with Luke. I am so grouchy and tired that when Luke is happy, I am attempting to rest....I'm missing all the fun things about being a mom. And I hate it.
In a moment of desperate times, I told Carl to make up a bottle of 4oz of formula for Luke. (In all of Carl's "End of the World" preparedness he had stashed away a sample of formula that we'd gotten in the mail.) So after Luke nursed like normal at night, we also gave him the bottle. He drained all 4 ounces. He still only slept 3 hours before waking up again. We did the 4 ounces the next night...same result. Last night he drank something like 6 or 8 ounces, on top of nursing! He still woke up twice.
I have no idea why he isn't sleeping...but I have begun to suspect that he isn't getting enough to eat throughout the day. If he isn't getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, of course he's going to wake up hungry! When he nurses (or when he takes a bottle of breast milk while I'm working) he often fusses when it's done...like he thinks we took it away. He isn't satisfied unless we give him a bink to suck on.
I know there are lots of breastfeeding proponents out there that would just say to "nurse through it"...but I feel like I've been nursing through it for weeks now. His weight is dropping (was in the 50th percentile, now in the 25th) off his curve...he just isn't content. So with a discouraged heart I have decided to begin supplementing more often with formula. He will still nurse first thing in the morning, and I'll still pump throughout the day. He'll get breast milk and formula while I'm gone. He'll nurse at night time and get a bottle. I know that going down this path will mean that he will eventually be purely formula fed. But I'm tired of having a cranky baby who appears to be hungry. I'm tired of allowing my pride and the thoughts of what others may think get in my way. I want my baby healthy, happy, and nourished. I also want him to sleep...not only for me, but for him. Babies need sleep to allow time for their brains to process all of the information they absorb (and the way Luke watches every last thing, he has a lot to process!).
Our house needs structure, and routine. Right now bedtime is somewhat routine...but not nearly what it was before Luke. I know part of that is just the chaos of a new baby...but some is because while I nurse Luke, Savannah has taken to watching her favorite show at night time...we just need to establish a pattern and really stick to it. Life has thrown in a lot of curve balls recently that has been a cause of us being away from home at bedtime...but we need to stand up for what works for our household...I will sleep again...and so will my kids. And we will ALL be better for it.
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