Yesterday Carl and I did something we haven't done in over 5 years - we booked a vacation!! A tried-and-true, no-visiting-family, not-for-educational-purposes, not-for-work, vacation!! And here's the kicker: we aren't taking the kids!
So our decision all started on Friday. I got an email from Disney Cruise Line (as I have just about every week since our ah-may-zing honeymoon in 2007) touting the latest new deal, port, ship, etc. from the DCL offerings. I of course drooled over the cruises...but then noticed an interesting deal. So I looked into it. On Saturday, I brought the topic up to Carl. He, of course, immediately thought it would be a great idea. I was still undecided. I cannot describe my love of our honeymoon trip...magical doesn't even cover it! I truly have cried at the thought of going back. So what was holding me back? The kids.
I love, love, love my kids (as evidence shows in previous posts!). But a cruise? For a not-yet-one-year-old inquisitive little boy? For a almost 4 year old little girl that will not leave my side at gymnastics (even though we have gone every Tuesday for weeks!)? I just didn't know. The cost would almost double (kids have a cruise fare too - even little Luke!). Carl and I would spend most hours caring for both littles...and not get time to spend with each other. Sure, DCL offers kid clubs (but not for Luke's age) that do allow parents to spend a little away time. But there's no way Savannah would stay with a stranger...and Luke would required a babysitter, not a kid's club. So we'd pay to bring them, then have to pay someone to watch Luke while we ate dinner (still with Savannah). We want to do two different shore excursions (horseback riding in Cozumel, Mexico through Mayan ruins and snorkeling at Castaway Cay), but the horseback riding is for ages 12 and over...and the snorkeling wouldn't go so well with two littles who don't know how to swim yet! And while DCL is good about providing time for parents to get away (even though I've gone over the drawbacks in our situation), I don't think they allow you to leave your kids on the boat while you go ashore...I'm not sure that is their policy, but I certainly wouldn't leave my kids on a boat anyway!
So to take the kids would be kind of silly at this point in our lives. They wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much as a trip to WDW...which we are going on in 2014. That is a place to take them...there's so much to do for all ages...lots to keep them entertained...and remember, at that point Luke will be 2 1/2 and Savannah will be 5 1/2...they will enjoy shows and rides and parades. The cruise entertainment options include bingo, nightclubs, movies, shows...Luke most definitely won't sit through any of those...and Savannah only would a few times...not every night.
So am I a bad mom? Traveling without my littles? I tend to think it will make me a better mom - and a much better wife. Carl and I need to get away. We have had a rough 2012...numerous trips to the hospital (for good and bad reasons)...just so much stress and responsibility has been added to our lives in the past 10 months. We need time to recharge our batteries. One thing I'm excited about? To wake up on a "day at sea" day and eat my meals when I want, read a book by the pool, watch a movie, take a nap...all whenever I want. My kids will miss me, but they will be with Grandma (and Grandpa for at least a few of those days). Carl will have his work laptop with him for random check-ins...so I can keep up with Savannah and Luke too. I know they will be safe, sound, and comfortable at home...and they will get to spend some time with their grandparents. Carl and I have learned all too well this year that time with our parents is, unfortunately, not guaranteed.
So we are excited - really excited. Our vacation in 2013 is a selfish one, but one that we won't regret. Luke most certainly won't miss the trip...and I doubt Savannah will either. We will still travel to see family in 2013...and then in 2014 we will take Luke for his first time to WDW (and Carl and I just have to eat at Be Our Guest Restaurant!!). All while still using vacation savings...I love a great deal when I can find one!!
I know I will adore my 5 nights away...and I also know I'll miss my littles intensely...but in 18 years, when both of them are out the door (hopefully they become responsible, self-sufficient adults within 18-22 years), I want to still know, like, and LOVE the man I married.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Love. Love. LOVE.
This year has been a rough year. Lots of ups and downs and turn me arounds. Carl and I have contemplated all kinds of life changes - owning rental property, buying our own house, building our own house, working less, working more.
Throughout all of the drama and craziness, love prevails. Our love for our children and the lives we lead have gotten us through the rough patches. We still have a lot of decisions to make about our future and where we are headed, but for now we are content. Our little family is complete. Savannah and Luke have two parents that love them more than anything else in this world. They both see us working hard to provide for them. They are learning the value of earning a living. They are watching us grow as adults. They are able to see that while I am their mama forever, I am also an individual that is successful and happy with my career. I have the ability to do both. During the day they are able to bond with their grandmother - and I often have adorable phone conversations with Savannah (usually daily, sometimes bi-daily!). Carl and I are able to provide love, care, and comfort to our children...with the occasionally frivolous indulgence.
I love my kids - but I also realize that in 15 years (GASP!) Savannah will be moving out...soon to be followed by Luke. Who will I be then? Once my kids were born I went from being "Michelle" to being "Savannah's mom"...but who will I be when my kids are grown? That thought has been on my mind a lot recently. I want to be a person who loves where I am in life. I want to be someone my kids can confide in and appreciate. I want to become a friend, confidant, and mentor for Savannah and Luke. While I don't want to be a friend during the raising process, I do want the raising process to nurture a relationship in which I can be a friend in the adulthood time of my children's lives. I want phone conversations with Savannah to continue.
What will be my facebook statuses in 15 years? Almost all of my timeline is filled with events and little tidbits about my kids...but there is space on there about Carl and I...or even my career. I love, love, LOVE my kids. But I also love Carl. And myself. And who I dreamed of being when I was a child. I want to nourish those things as well.
So regardless of where my life leads me, my love for my kids can never be (and should never be) questioned by anyone else. I love them and want them to dream big and succeed. But if I don't also dream and achieve goals, aren't I then ignoring my own mother's dreams for me?
Throughout all of the drama and craziness, love prevails. Our love for our children and the lives we lead have gotten us through the rough patches. We still have a lot of decisions to make about our future and where we are headed, but for now we are content. Our little family is complete. Savannah and Luke have two parents that love them more than anything else in this world. They both see us working hard to provide for them. They are learning the value of earning a living. They are watching us grow as adults. They are able to see that while I am their mama forever, I am also an individual that is successful and happy with my career. I have the ability to do both. During the day they are able to bond with their grandmother - and I often have adorable phone conversations with Savannah (usually daily, sometimes bi-daily!). Carl and I are able to provide love, care, and comfort to our children...with the occasionally frivolous indulgence.
I love my kids - but I also realize that in 15 years (GASP!) Savannah will be moving out...soon to be followed by Luke. Who will I be then? Once my kids were born I went from being "Michelle" to being "Savannah's mom"...but who will I be when my kids are grown? That thought has been on my mind a lot recently. I want to be a person who loves where I am in life. I want to be someone my kids can confide in and appreciate. I want to become a friend, confidant, and mentor for Savannah and Luke. While I don't want to be a friend during the raising process, I do want the raising process to nurture a relationship in which I can be a friend in the adulthood time of my children's lives. I want phone conversations with Savannah to continue.
What will be my facebook statuses in 15 years? Almost all of my timeline is filled with events and little tidbits about my kids...but there is space on there about Carl and I...or even my career. I love, love, LOVE my kids. But I also love Carl. And myself. And who I dreamed of being when I was a child. I want to nourish those things as well.
So regardless of where my life leads me, my love for my kids can never be (and should never be) questioned by anyone else. I love them and want them to dream big and succeed. But if I don't also dream and achieve goals, aren't I then ignoring my own mother's dreams for me?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Split Personalities
Although I fully understood that Luke and Savannah would be different from each other, I kind of thought they would be similar. Honestly, they came from the same two parents - they should resemble one another somewhat!
But they are different. Savannah is shy, empathetic, and clever. Luke is just plain happy and outgoing - constantly.
Savannah amazes me with her ability to care for others. I saw some of her kindness before Luke came along. If I was ever upset or crying (death of a pet, miscarriage, etc.) she would see me, say "Oh I know!", then go and get all of her favorite toys and put them in my lap. She wanted so badly for me to feel okay. When she sees someone sad at the store, she appears so concerned. She just cares for other people so much. I love that she is naturally empathetic. I would like to say some of it is learned, but I don't know. I kind of think she was born to care for others. Recently Luke has been fighting naps. On several occasions I will sit in the nursery trying to get him to sleep while Savannah plays in her room. Multiple times she has brought her "wee rabbit" to Luke. She walks in without a word, hands him her lovey, walks out, and closes the door. I never, ever have or will ask her to share lovey with Luke. It is hers. That is the one thing that is for her only. Luke has his own lovey bear. But she knows that lovey makes her feel better and helps her...so she is sharing it to care for her brother.
She loves Luke. Although I know there will be days of fighting over toys and attention, there are so many moments that make my heart sing. Anytime someone teases about keeping Luke, she says that he is her brother and no one can have him. When we took her out for a big girl night without Luke, I asked her if we could just go home. She said, "No! We have to go get Luke!!". She just loves him. She loves hugging and kissing him. She loves feeding him. She loves tickling him. She loves everything about being a big sister and having Luke in her life. When she heard me tell him that he was getting a tooth in, Savannah said, "Now he can talk to me! Yay! Yay! Yay!". She is just as excited as we are for them to be able to converse and play together.
She does her have shy and stubborn side. She uses Carl and I as a crutch when she can to hide from being the center of attention. She is getting better, but there are times that I think she'd be fine if we just dropped her off at gymnastics and walked away. At the places she has to do things alone she is completely fine...but then when she's been allowed to hold our hands the whole time she is clingy. So she has an amazing heart, but is going to have to learn how to share it with the world.
Luke is just so different. He is constantly happy. He grins at everyone. He giggles over the smallest things. He is full force, in your face curious. He climbs on everything. He puts everything in his mouth. He has a hot temper for the occasions he's mad. He is a charmer. He isn't quite old enough for me to tell if he has the same feelings about helping others as Savannah does...but he certainly will be nice to everyone. (He's going to be a politician!)
Luke is going to cause more trouble and worry than Savannah ever did. We could tell her not to do something, leave something alone, sit down, eat this, etc. and she did it. She was just so acceptable to being good. Luke is different. He isn't going to intentionally be bad, but he is going to choose curiosity over the rules. He is going to push the limits and test our resolve to keep him safe and well-behaved. And he's going to be so darn cute that we're going to have a hard time sticking to our guns.
They are truly amazing. Babies and children are amazing, amazing gifts. Someone recently "unfriended" one of their friends because that friend posted a picture of her newborn "before it was cleaned up". Now I don't want to be the facebook police, but I was offended by her comment. It hurt. So while she is entitled to her opinion, I did share my thoughts (as a mother - she is not yet a mother). I just think that being able to share the images of a newborn baby with the world is a joy, honor, and praise to God for the miracle they are. I know what it feels like to have that anticipation and then lose the child. Babies are not guaranteed to make it here safe, so when they do, it is an amazing day to shout thank you to the heavens.
But they are different. Savannah is shy, empathetic, and clever. Luke is just plain happy and outgoing - constantly.
Savannah amazes me with her ability to care for others. I saw some of her kindness before Luke came along. If I was ever upset or crying (death of a pet, miscarriage, etc.) she would see me, say "Oh I know!", then go and get all of her favorite toys and put them in my lap. She wanted so badly for me to feel okay. When she sees someone sad at the store, she appears so concerned. She just cares for other people so much. I love that she is naturally empathetic. I would like to say some of it is learned, but I don't know. I kind of think she was born to care for others. Recently Luke has been fighting naps. On several occasions I will sit in the nursery trying to get him to sleep while Savannah plays in her room. Multiple times she has brought her "wee rabbit" to Luke. She walks in without a word, hands him her lovey, walks out, and closes the door. I never, ever have or will ask her to share lovey with Luke. It is hers. That is the one thing that is for her only. Luke has his own lovey bear. But she knows that lovey makes her feel better and helps her...so she is sharing it to care for her brother.
She loves Luke. Although I know there will be days of fighting over toys and attention, there are so many moments that make my heart sing. Anytime someone teases about keeping Luke, she says that he is her brother and no one can have him. When we took her out for a big girl night without Luke, I asked her if we could just go home. She said, "No! We have to go get Luke!!". She just loves him. She loves hugging and kissing him. She loves feeding him. She loves tickling him. She loves everything about being a big sister and having Luke in her life. When she heard me tell him that he was getting a tooth in, Savannah said, "Now he can talk to me! Yay! Yay! Yay!". She is just as excited as we are for them to be able to converse and play together.
She does her have shy and stubborn side. She uses Carl and I as a crutch when she can to hide from being the center of attention. She is getting better, but there are times that I think she'd be fine if we just dropped her off at gymnastics and walked away. At the places she has to do things alone she is completely fine...but then when she's been allowed to hold our hands the whole time she is clingy. So she has an amazing heart, but is going to have to learn how to share it with the world.
Luke is just so different. He is constantly happy. He grins at everyone. He giggles over the smallest things. He is full force, in your face curious. He climbs on everything. He puts everything in his mouth. He has a hot temper for the occasions he's mad. He is a charmer. He isn't quite old enough for me to tell if he has the same feelings about helping others as Savannah does...but he certainly will be nice to everyone. (He's going to be a politician!)
Luke is going to cause more trouble and worry than Savannah ever did. We could tell her not to do something, leave something alone, sit down, eat this, etc. and she did it. She was just so acceptable to being good. Luke is different. He isn't going to intentionally be bad, but he is going to choose curiosity over the rules. He is going to push the limits and test our resolve to keep him safe and well-behaved. And he's going to be so darn cute that we're going to have a hard time sticking to our guns.
They are truly amazing. Babies and children are amazing, amazing gifts. Someone recently "unfriended" one of their friends because that friend posted a picture of her newborn "before it was cleaned up". Now I don't want to be the facebook police, but I was offended by her comment. It hurt. So while she is entitled to her opinion, I did share my thoughts (as a mother - she is not yet a mother). I just think that being able to share the images of a newborn baby with the world is a joy, honor, and praise to God for the miracle they are. I know what it feels like to have that anticipation and then lose the child. Babies are not guaranteed to make it here safe, so when they do, it is an amazing day to shout thank you to the heavens.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
What to Expect (When You're Expecting)
No. I am NOT pregnant. Unless God suddenly decides we need a third little one running around, I will not be pregnant again. I am quite content with my two adorable little miracles.
Before reading on, if you haven't seen the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and you want to see it and you don't want any part of it ruined or given away...you should hold off on reading this post until you have done so.
Carl and I had a movie night about 2 weeks ago (I know - it has beenforever a while since I've posted. My life is crazy. Especially in September. So we had a movie night and I had really wanted to see the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I thought the previews looked funny, and any show or movie that involves men and parenting kids always makes me laugh. So we rented it, got the kids in bed, picked out movie snacks, and snuggled in on the couch.
I want to say - great movie. I love the way they looked at so many different pregnancies and relationships and just how babies arrive in so many different ways. I love it. One of the pregnancies that was "followed" ended in miscarriage. I was so surprised at my reaction...I guess it should have been expected, but I was totally not expecting the tears that flowed so freely.
I think I must have been living in this post-baby bubble of joy with Luke that I had almost forgotten my miscarriages. I don't think it was ever really forgotten, but pushed to the back of my mind. Luke allowed me to see joy and be excited about a baby...I know I thought about it every so often, but it didn't really hit me so hard until I saw that movie.
I began thinking about how much Luke is growing and changing. His personality is really starting to shine through. He is such a flirt!! He will smile and grin and "talk" to anyone who smiles at him...and sometimes he doesn't need a smile, he'll just smile at you! He is most always happy (unless he's tired, hungry, or teething). He is learning to eat with his fingers, and he is crawling (!!!). Savannah didn't teethe or crawl until 9 months...and Luke started crawling a week ago...today he is 7 months old (!!!).
So while watching Luke achieve and bypass milestones it has really brought some unexpected feelings to the surface. I can't help but wonder about my other two children and what they would look like and be doing right now. When Carl's dad died, I had some solace in knowing that they were in heaven with Pap Pap - at least they aren't alone. It just has been rough recently. Unexpected.
Before reading on, if you haven't seen the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and you want to see it and you don't want any part of it ruined or given away...you should hold off on reading this post until you have done so.
Carl and I had a movie night about 2 weeks ago (I know - it has been
I want to say - great movie. I love the way they looked at so many different pregnancies and relationships and just how babies arrive in so many different ways. I love it. One of the pregnancies that was "followed" ended in miscarriage. I was so surprised at my reaction...I guess it should have been expected, but I was totally not expecting the tears that flowed so freely.
I think I must have been living in this post-baby bubble of joy with Luke that I had almost forgotten my miscarriages. I don't think it was ever really forgotten, but pushed to the back of my mind. Luke allowed me to see joy and be excited about a baby...I know I thought about it every so often, but it didn't really hit me so hard until I saw that movie.
I began thinking about how much Luke is growing and changing. His personality is really starting to shine through. He is such a flirt!! He will smile and grin and "talk" to anyone who smiles at him...and sometimes he doesn't need a smile, he'll just smile at you! He is most always happy (unless he's tired, hungry, or teething). He is learning to eat with his fingers, and he is crawling (!!!). Savannah didn't teethe or crawl until 9 months...and Luke started crawling a week ago...today he is 7 months old (!!!).
So while watching Luke achieve and bypass milestones it has really brought some unexpected feelings to the surface. I can't help but wonder about my other two children and what they would look like and be doing right now. When Carl's dad died, I had some solace in knowing that they were in heaven with Pap Pap - at least they aren't alone. It just has been rough recently. Unexpected.
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