Friday, May 27, 2011

Selfish Me

This week has been the first week of summer work hours for me. Thanks to an amazing boss, I work from home 3 days a week...and I can pick and choose which 2 days to drive to Fairmont. I am more productive at home, and I get to see Savannah (even it is where she's sitting next to me playing little people while I type on the computer!). I've also had some time to reflect on the selfishness in me for wanting another child.

Here's my list of all my selfish the reasons I want another child...
1) I love being pregnant.
2) I really want to use the names Luke Asher or Ella Faith.
3) I want to hold a tiny child again.
4) I love the way pregnant women glow, and I want to be one of those women.
5) I love any reason to have a party/celebration/shower.
6) I need more birthday parties to plan (I've already got Savannah's 3rd and 4th in mind.)
7) I want to be the one on facebook complaining about my due date coming and going, and still no baby.
8) I want my nursery to be filled with tiny baby cries, not cat meows.
9) I want to scrapbook more (Savannah has a pregnancy book and a "1st Year" book).
10) I want to have a Mom^2 T-shirt.

Of course, with all of these selfish reasons, there are also some pretty unselfish ones. I want my family to delight in another grandbaby/child...I want Savannah to learn to grow up with a sibling...siblings have this bond that is just so amazing...I want her to have that. Savannah "mothers" all her toys right now, she would be so excited to have a baby brother or sister to help me with. I want another child to raise in the church...to teach about God and how prayer works...I want to nuture another young life. I want to raise a child that makes a difference in the world (it doesn't matter if my children make a difference to a lot of people or just one...all lives count!).

So here's hoping (and most definitely praying!) for a successful summer!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Heaven is for Real

This weekend was an amazing break from the parenting world. Carl and I attended the wedding of a dear friend (the other Carl) in a beautiful and romantic setting. We spent Friday morning at Phipp's Conservatory (the orchids and butterfly garden were gorgeous!) followed be a quick and efficient wedding rehearsal at Heinz Chapel in Pittsburgh. That evening the rehearsal dinner was relaxed and fun...we stayed at a hotel with a pool...hoping to have a little quiet time to just relax. Too bad the family of 5 (with three rowdy boys) were also trying out the pool at 9:45pm...so off to bed we went! I was hoping to sleep in, but for some reason, the hotel decided 8:00am on a Saturday was the perfect time to mow the grass!

We arrived at the next hotel (the Omni William Penn) in time to get settled and dressed for the wedding. Carl visited with the groom for a while, and then everyone headed to the chapel to get as many photographs as possible pre-wedding. The ceremony was amazing and beautiful and romantic...it is such a delight to attend a wedding where you can literally feel the love between the bride and groom. I was so happy to see two wonderful people so happy together.

Following the ceremony was an extravagant and perfectly planned reception at the Duquesne Club. Cocktails were in the patio space with passed hors devours...delicious! After cocktail hour we were ushered upstairs to a beautiful ballroom. There were 4 courses to our meal, all served in grand style. The food was amazing, the atmosphere delightful...it was just all so romantic with flowers and candles and music...Carl and I had an amazing time...as a couple! I missed Savannah dearly, but it was so nice to be away from the every day stress of cats, puppy, and toddler. When we got home, within the hour I could tell my blood pressure had raised a notch...it's just part of every day life.

Yesterday I began my official "summer hours" at work. I work from home three days a week. I love this. I get time to work in the outdoors on a laptop, see Savannah, and I save on the gas money to Fairmont. It was really nice after being away from Savannah all weekend.

I also have begun (and finished) reading a book called "Heaven is for Real". If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it. A wonderfully kind reader of my blog recommended it to me, and I loved every page. It's about a young boy who survived a near death experience, and then described (over several years) all the things he saw when he was in Heaven. The small child (not quite 4 at the time of surgery) even described meeting his sister in Heaven...the child that his mother had miscarried at 2 months along. The little boy had not known of his mother's loss...but yet he met his sister and hugged her. As the boy put it, "God adopted her"...and that gives me hope. It is quite possible that two little angels wait for Carl and I in Heaven.

What really startled me about the book was something Savannah said. She was eating at the table, and I was reading next to her (but not aloud). I was just reading to pass the time while she ate her meal. (She can be such a slow eater sometimes!!) I had just read a few pages where the small boy describes what Jesus looks like. The boy describes the clothes being worn, the crown, and how amazingly pretty Jesus's eyes were. The boy said the eyes were the thing that stood out so much to him - that you could see the love in them. So I read that part, and of course kept on reading. Now during this time of Savannah eating and me reading, she would occasionally say "mommy, mommy!" and I would ask what she needed, attend to her, and then go back to reading. Well, a few pages after this description of Jesus, Savannah said "Mommy, Mommy!" and I asked her what she needed. She looked at me and said "Pretty eyes!"...I didn't know what to think. I certainly hadn't talked to her about eyes any time recently.....but here she was, saying the exact phrase from the book.

Do I believe it was Jesus speaking through my child, putting something in her heart for her to share? It is quite possible. Some doubters might say it was an eerie coincidence. But I don't. I know God is working in my life...I don't know where He will lead me, but I do know that over the past year I have struggled through a lot...but I've grown a lot and become to appreciate things more. I am blessed...and I hope to be able to raise more children...but if I don't, I know I'm doing well teaching Savannah to trust in God.

So a few extra tidbits...I planted some mint in a pot on my back deck last night...it reminds me SO much of my granny! Also, I made some cookies based on a recipe from my granddaddy:

1 box of cake mix, any flavor (I used funfetti, but let your imagine run wild!)
1 egg
2 1/4 cups Cool Whip (almost a whole 8 oz container)

Mix up and spoon cookies onto cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees from 13-17 minutes, or until golden on top.

Delicious!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Winding Path of Life

Two days ago I blogged about the choices in life...how one path almost always splits into another path. Yesterday I spoke with a mentor at work about the choices in life. He told me a story about when he was newly married with his first child's arrival impending. He lost his job; out of nowhere he was fired. He had no idea what he would do. The following day he searched the classifieds for a job. He was drawn to a teaching position at a local vocational school, even though he had never taught before. Within the week he was hired and teaching. Now (years later, his children grown and moved out) he is (and has been for quite some time) a successful professor. His point that he shared with me is that if the door had not closed on his old job, he never would have opened the door to his career. If he had not been fired, he would not have looked for a job in the paper, he wouldn't be teaching, he wouldn't be doing what he loves.

And now I'm in a position to make door opening and closing decisions. Today I've been considering a choice that hasn't been truly evaluated before. It leads down an entirely different path than any I've considered. It is also a scary proposition...but if successful I would have 100% job satisfaction. As most readers know, I am insanely nutty about party planning. Both of Savannah's birthday parties have been planned months in advance and I already have the next two years of parties planned (well the Monkey party is planned, theme chosen for 4th Birthday - CandyLand). So it would be a natural fit for me to begin planning parties for other people. Wouldn't everyone love a career doing what they love and getting paid for it?!

The idea to focus on planning events really isn't new to me. When I was in high school I used to consider becoming a PR specialist or an event planner...but as I got nearer to college I felt I had strong abilities in math and science that might be "wasted"...so I got my degrees in engineering. I think one reason I love my current job is because I'm basically an event planner...just not parties, but science fairs.

So now my decision becomes tri-fold. Of course, I wouldn't quit my job and begin a new business all at once...I have some serious thinking to do. Business plans, really hashing out several themes for birthday parties, baby showers, gender reveal parties, bridal showers...developing price points and all of that. It would be a lot of work...but it would be something I love and am passionate about.

God does create paths for us...he certainly has led me down some unique ones...and I may end up where I had considered beginning all along...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Fork in the Road

If I could imagine the path of my life right now, I'd see myself standing in the middle of a path that splits up ahead.

Really, the more I envision my life's path I see networks of splits, sidetracks, and long spans in one direction. Every decision we make is a branch off of the path we were on before. Some decisions are much bigger, bolder forks in the road than others.

I will be at one of those large splits soon. While the whole "Will I get pregnant and successfully deliver a baby?" is one of those major mile-markers along my life's path, but the decision I've been thinking and praying about is not directly baby related. It's career related.

Recently a position came up at work that I am qualified for. I could apply to become an Assistant Professor. I'd be teaching more, would enjoy the summers off (and the major holiday weeks too!), and I'd get paid a little better. The drawback? I'd inherit a program that is struggling...and have to turn it into a successful program...within the first three years. After those three years, if successful, I would be granted tenure track. If I am not successful...well...there's always a job available somewhere, right?

I've discussed the possibility at length with several of my mentors at work, including the Dean. Everyone feels that if I were to get the job, I would be excellent. I also have a strong support system here of professors willing to work with me to ensure the program becomes a success. But I've been warned...a successful program could mean 60-80 hours a week.

This is what I have been waiting for to come up, but why am I so afraid to take the leap? The thing is that I love the job I have now. I love the flexibility, low stress, and I love the outreach side of things. I am just beginning to work with revolutionizing the science fair networks within the state, with LOTS of help from experts throughout the area. I am still able to teach my Engineering Economics class and other little classes here and there.

When I think of the reasons I would decide not to apply, they all point to one main fact. A new position like that may be difficult to manage with my main focus still being family. It would require a lot of hours at work, a lot of dedication to the job, possibly high stress, and at the end of three years, maybe no job, or the requirement to earn my Ph.D. (which is a goal I had for myself, but didn't intend on acting on that until all my children were at least in school). And where would a possible pregnancy fit in? Ideally I would have children in May and be on maternity leave only when summer is around...but everyone knows that I have trouble even staying pregnant, let alone picking the month for delivery!

So which way to go? The family route? Not the best money, low stress, high flexibility? The career route? More money, better schedule vacation wise, medium stress, less hours at home?

The decision has to be made by May 29th...there will be a lot of prayer in our house...baby prayers and career prayers...and prayers for my cousin and his family as well. We are sincerely hoping that things work out so we can see them again soon. God has been my strength over the last year, and He continues to be.

Monday, May 16, 2011

And So It Begins...

It's mid-May...which in our house means it's time for yet another attempt at a successful pregnancy.

I'm really not sure how I feel about it all right now. I'd like to say that I am incredibly excited and happy...but there's so much worry and fear tied in. On my drive home the other day I was thinking about being pregnant and what I look forward to, and why I feel this need to have another child. I began to wonder if it was just a selfish want of mine...did I just want to be pregnant because I love being pregnant? Is it because I love the excitement, the surprise, the food?!

I was shocked to find that my answer for those questions is much different now than it would have been two years ago. I do think pregnancy is amazing and beautiful, but I don't think I will enjoy it as much as I did when I was pregnant with Savannah. I won't allow myself to enjoy it. I'll be nervous and worried and concerned for the success of the next pregnancy. Maybe after the first trimester I'll feel better, but I don't think I will ever be as carefree and happy as I was when I was pregnant with Savannah.

So I've come to the conclusion that while I am excited to be pregnant again, I am more scared than anything. The pregnancy is the scary part. What I am excited for is the possibility of another little life in our house. I can't wait to announce boy or girl to our family on the day of the next one's arrival (hoping that I make it this time!). I'm excited for the sleepless nights (hopefully someone will be reminding me of this in 9-12months!). I'm excited for Savannah to become a big sister...she adores babies right now...I just think she would be such an amazing sister.

I do feel at peace right now with the idea of trying for another pregnancy though. While I am scared, I also feel that God is with me. I don't know what the next year holds for me, but I feel so content in the path I will be traveling. This month I was disappointed to discover I wasn't pregnant (we weren't trying but not preventing...I didn't do any date look up or anything) and at first I tried to figure out why I was so disappointed. I think it was just the feeling of not succeeding...but I also saw it as a sign that things weren't right for a pregnancy...and I am praying that if I do get pregnant I make it the full 9 months...I'd rather not get pregnant than go through more miscarriages. That's a hard fact to face...not getting pregnant again. I especially feel down about that when I see or hear of other pregnant women. The other day I just about stopped breathing when I thought that I may not have more children. It's like that bucket list thing...I want to have more children before I die. But the catch here is that I don't control whether or not that happens.

With each milestone Savannah passes (which seems like every day she is turning into a child instead of a toddler!) I realize that I may only get to see these accomplishments once...and I may not see a second child do these things...and that is scary.

So over the upcoming months our family will need prayer and will be in prayer. We are hoping God blesses us with another child and a healthy pregnancy...I know I am doing everything in my power to stay healthy and prepared for another attempt. I must have a feeling things will work out this time, the other day I looked in the nursery and thought "I need to start sorting clothes and cleaning up this room!"...so maybe God is pushing me to be confident in all that He can do.

Here's to the roller coaster summer I am undoubtedly going to endure!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mother's Day Love

Is it me or does time just go incredibly fast when you want to savor the moment, but seem to slowly creep by when you are waiting for something big?!

Mother's Day was a wonderful day for me. Savannah woke up (as usual) around 6:30, so Carl got up with her. While I know he was doing his best to keep the house quiet, that's pretty hard to do with a toddler and a puppy. Around 8:00 Savannah seemed more urgently upset so I was about to get out of bed when Carl appeared. He quickly explained that Savannah was just mad because he couldn't carry her and all the other things upstairs so he was going back to get her.

Once everything was upstairs Savannah kept saying "Surprise Mommy! Surprise Mommy!". She gave me kisses and sat in bed with me. She had helped Carl make mini-blueberry muffins, and she kept insisting that she feed me...literally. I had to open my mouth and she'd put bites in. Silly girl!

I received two wonderful cards. The card from Savannah says "Thank You Mommy" several times and lists all the little things a toddler would be thankful for if they knew how to say it. Carl's card is Mickey & Minnie themed (so appropriate for us!) and he wrote a special message inside.

My gifts were wonderful too. I have a beautiful bouquet of tulips on my desk at work (which originally also had fresh-picked wildflowers also), Carl also picked out the Willow Tree Angel - Angel of Hope, and he got me a mom t-shirt. I've been wanting a t-shirt for a long time, and he has two dad shirts...so I had mentioned there was one I liked, and it magically appeared on Mother's Day. :0)

While we were sitting in bed I kissed Savannah on the cheek and she turned and looked at me and said "I love you Mommy." Even though I love all the time and thought Carl put into my gifts, the unprompted "I love you" is the best gift I could have asked for.

After church we went out to eat with our mothers, and Savannah gave them each framed, hand-painted masterpieces she created herself. It was supposed to be hand print sun and flowers, but as soon as her hand hit the paper she wanted to smear paint everywhere...so it's interpretive art!

During the meal Savannah didn't want to sit anywhere but my lap...again. We've been experiencing this issue recently and we don't really know what's up. She doesn't feel 100%, so I think some of that is related. It does make it hard to eat a warm meal though...on Mother's Day of all days I would have liked a warm meal...eaten at the same time as everyone else. I guess that's what being a mom is all about though.

When we got back to the house Carl and Savannah napped, so I cleaned the house. Then I cooked a homemade calzone. I know a lot of people probably think it's horrible that I cooked and cleaned on my day of honor...but honestly, I like to clean when no one is there to distract or bother me. I was able to get so much done and I enjoy cooking when I'm given the time and space to do it.

At dinner we moved all the deck furniture to the back deck again (it had been in the dining room due to the wind conditions prior to our trip to Alabama), and we blocked off the deck stairs (the gate is almost done - it will be up for the weekend! Wahoo!). We had dinner outside with Savannah and set up her sand & water table. It was so nice outside, and peaceful. It was also fun to just spend time as a family of three without a television on computer around...we just enjoyed the time outside.

While my Mother's Day was wonderful, I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever be a mother of more than one child. I am becoming impatient waiting for the timing to be right...and I know I need to be patient and trust God's time...but it's hard. This is when time seems to creep by...and then when I look at how much Savannah has grown in the last few months, I wish time would slow down.

More milestones this week: Carl proposed to me seven years ago today...and Omen (my first kitty) will be 10 tomorrow...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Mothers, Mothers, Mothers...

Sunday is Mother's Day (so for those of you living under a rock, it's time to get something for your mom!). I'm not quite sure what our plans are...I asked Carl and he said he hadn't really thought about it (maybe not the best answer to give your wife...).

For my very first Mother's Day we celebrated with everyone at our house after church. We had a delicious easy-fix lunch together and the grandmas were able to enjoy Savannah. I don't quite remember what we did last year...something similar I'm sure. So last night when Carl said he hadn't thought about it yet, and I was making a shopping list, and Hope was trying to get on the table to steal the last of dinner, and Carl was lounging on the couch, and Savannah was upset because of Hope jumping around I said I wanted a day at the house without anyone...that could be my gift. No husband, no child, no dog, just peace and quiet.

After I said that I realized I didn't really mean that...I love my family and my pets. I love them a lot. I have just had one of those weeks where it seems everything under the sun falls to me to handle.

At work I have been assisting several professors with the year-end details of testing and exit interviews, as well as assiting the Dean prepare for the Academic Awards Banquet...and finishing up the details of the State Science Fair winner's trip to Los Angeles next week. I have just had one thing after another after another...two of five nights have been late nights for me.

And of course we returned from Alabama on Saturday, so there was all kinds of cleaning and laundry and unpacking...even though we were gone, the dust still landed on my tables and the cat fur still collected on the hardwood.

So on Sunday and Monday when Carl spent several hours at his mother's house (in preparation for it to sell) and neglected to assist with things around the house that needed done for us...I wasn't pleased. This prompted a chat at work with several of my good friends...why is it that everyone always has some sort of issue with their mother-in-law? (And ladies, just because your husband says he likes your mom, I guarantee there is at least one thing that drives him batty!)

My close friend asked what it was that made me so upset with my mother-in-law...and I thought that was a pretty good question. I do like my MIL, she is very nice and willing to help out with Savannah, and she cares very much for her children and grandchildren...and I really have discovered that I don't think it's always her that I'm upset with. I think it is Carl's willingness to drop whatever he is doing at pretty much any moment when she asks. If we are spending time together and she calls, he jumps for the phone. When she needs help doing something minor (that I have full confidence she could do herself) he goes to her house instead of finishing projects at our house that I'm not capable of doing (like building a deck gate or cleaning his tools up in the garage). I think his love for his mother is amazing and well deserved. She has given him life and has cared for him his entire life...but at times I feel like her needs are placed above the needs of his own household's needs. It most certainly is a delicate balance on his part, and I do think it's harder for me to understand because my parents don't ask us to do anything for them. Carl is mowing their lawn this summer, but in all fairness that was his Christmas gift to them and I suggested we just pay someone to do it instead of him doing it himself...

Maybe it's jealousy on my part, or maybe it's just me being pre-PMS, I don't know. The other night we were watching Modern Family (honestly this was the first time in probably a month - no joke! - that we were sitting next to each other watching the same show...I haven't seen any TV since March...I'm weeks and weeks behind on Survivor and Amazing Race.). So we finally, finally were able to sit down and spend some couple time together. (Which may I note is crucial if we want to think about another baby any time soon!) So we're watching TV (around 9:45) and the phone rings...for the 3rd time in less than 4 hours. Carl answers and I try to be understanding. It was his mom, asking for his sister's email. The realtor needed it for some paperwork regarding the sale of the house (his mom and sister co-own the house). He tells her we don't know it off hand and she asks him to find it...but we had just gotten comfortable with snacks and TV so he told her to call his sister and ask her for her own email. Her answer was "Well she's probably already in bed."...I wanted to scream...what about us?! What if we were in bed?! What about the 2 year old sleeping peacefully upstairs?! While I did, truthfully, find that pretty annoying, what got me was that if I hadn't been watching TV with Carl, he would have stopped his show and done it for his mom. I do admire his dedication to her, but I also feel jealous or sad or something that he doesn't have the same dedication to me. I have asked for weeks (weeks!) for lights in our bathroom to be replaced...still no dice on that one. Who does have bright new lights that were purchased at midnight on Monday night? You guessed correct. I do understand she's selling the house, but again, is she not capable of buying her own light bulbs? And yes, I could turn that question on myself...am I not capable of purchasing light bulbs? I think the truth to be told is that the light bulbs for our house are for our house, that we share the use of. We are jointly responsible for maintaining the house. It is our joint commitment. Carl's mother's house is her responsiblity, or should I say it is for her and Carl's sister to maintain.

Carl is often quick to remind me that this is a rare occassion, that they are preparing the house for sale. I do understand that...but months ago he promised me it'd be a few weekends and we'd still get things around our house done....well now it's been a few months and my garage is still full of deck materials that I have to stumble around every morning when I leave for work...Savannah can't use her new sand and water table on the back deck because there's no gate to keep her safe...it is just so very frustrating to see. Especially when his sister owns half too. I know she lives an hour away and has a family too...but that house is hers...not Carls.

So I do love my in-laws...all of them...but there are days where I just need a break from the "help me" or "how do you..?"...I just want us to be us. Usually I get that break from reality in Alabama...but this year our cell phones got service at my granny's...so we had several phone calls (even several on the day of tornadoes - but they weren't related to the weather...) while we were gone too. We just can't escape.

I know Carl feels like I'm attacking his family, but it's just because our families are so different. My parents just don't depend on us for things...when I said his mom calls just about every day he said my mom was at our house every day...while that is a valid arguement, she's there to watch Savannah for free! And she gets there to watch her when Carl is still in bed!! He really has no room to complain.

So I know I sound awfully ungrateful towards my mother in law...I'm just overly stressed at this point...our vacation wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped (for a variety of reasons - including family tensions on my side with my sister), the house needs several things done (still have to fix all that siding that blew off, the deck gate, etc.), and I've been covering for several people at work...and then he went to help his mom...while I struggled to keep afloat.

So last night, as I was thinking about Mother's Day, Hope was trying to steal food from the table, Savannah screaming about Hope...and where was Carl? Sitting on the couch. He's sick. I tried to be patient and asked him to take Savannah downstairs so he could sit on the couch there and let her watch TV, and I could finish the shopping list and planning of meals for next week. Then when I go downstairs to set up auto pay for our new mortgage (scheduled to pay off in less than 20 years!) Hope is chewing our Disney hats, Savannah is begging for attention, and there Carl is again...sitting on the couch. I realize he's sick, I know it isn't fun being sick...but honestly, he was sitting in his sweats with his hood up like our house is an igloo...and I'm sorry to speak this reality...but parents don't get sick days. You can't just "take off" or "check out" when you are sick...he just passed everything to me for the night. Bills, food, cleaning, wrangling of toddler and puppy... All at a time when I'm supposed to be de-stressing and preparing my body for a second child...

All of these events are what inspired my answer of an empty house as a Mother's Day gift...I have had enough of the "please help me" from everyone...everyone needs me for something and I'm overwhelmed...it's enough to almost make me panic a little and break into tears.

In all truthfullness I don't want an empty house...I want Savannah and Hope around, I want to be able to cook in my kitchen with my ankles being bitten or a child on my hip, but I want to serve it to my family that I love...and I want a commitment that I'm not alone in running our house... I love both my mother and mother in law. I don't want this to be some big issue...I'm sure if Carl had a blog he could explain what frustrates him about my mom...but what matters in the end is that we are family and there are times that one person may be more "needy" than another. It is our job to keep everyone afloat and hope for the best.

Happy Mother's Day to the mothers, wives, fix-it ladies, puppy wranglers, chefs, maids, launderers, gophers, cheerleaders, psychologists, doctors...well, the list never ends...

Monday, May 2, 2011

A Vacation Full of Memories

For the first time in a very long time, I was able to spend Easter in my hometown of Florence, Alabama. I was so excited to visit in the springtime and to watch Savannah play outside all day long. I was so happy to get away from the chilly, rainy weather of West Virginia. Little did I know that by the end of the week I'd be eager to get back to that weather over the alternative of Alabama weather!

Easter was glorious in Alabama, wonderful weather, sunny skies, lots of egg hunting. Savannah thoroughly enjoyed all of it. She loved coloring and hunting eggs, she loved the foods we ate, she loved running around with her cousins...it was wonderful. Often the living room at my granny's would be filled with cousins, aunts, etc. but the television was not on. We just were able to enjoy each other's company. That's how the South works. You just sit around and chat and rejoice in each other's presence.

The beginning of our week was pretty uneventful, but the events of Wednesday (4/27) and Thursday (4/28) will be memories for a lifetime. Wednesday's events really started out on Tuesday night. Around 9:00pm we were all watching the weather and the county we were in was labeled under a tornado watch. While in WV, such a watch isn't really scary, it is a serious issue in the South. I was instantly nervous. Carl noticed it right away too. I couldn't sit still, and I was almost quivering with nerves out of whack. I decided to make up a little bag for us, in case we had to go to the storm shelter. I packed up diapers, wipes, our cameras (with precious memories on them), our wallets, some snack foods, and extra binkies. Packing the bag helped me feel a little bit more prepared...and not quite as nervous.

I had a hard time getting to sleep that night, and the weather radio woke me up at midnight with a tornado watch extension. Then it went off again at 2:00am. Then at 4:00am the radio went off and announced a tornado warning in Colbert county (the county next to where we were), so Carl decided to get up and watch the weather channel to see the radar. When he came back to the bedroom to tell me what he saw, the weather radio came on again. It listed our county and then named the town of Waterloo in the path of a tornado. Waterloo is one of the towns my granddaddy had warned us about. He said if that town was mentioned we needed to get to the storm shelter immediately.

The instant I heard them say "Waterloo" I told Carl we had to go, he changed into jeans (which I think is crazy - who cares what he's wearing in a storm shelter?!), grabbed my bag, and Hope. I instantly picked up a heavily sleeping Savannah, slipped on my shoes and headed out to the door to the shelter. Just as I picked Savannah up, the local tornado sirens began their scream through the night. It's about a 100 foot run to the entrance to the shelter. I don't think Savannah has ever felt so light or I have run so fast. I just ran through the rain repeating "It's Okay, It's Okay, Run, Run, Run like Diego" to Savannah.

I beat everyone to the shelter. Even my aunt and grandparents (who were closer to it than I) weren't even there yet. Within minutes my entire family (13 people in all and our dog Hope, from the ages of 4 weeks to 76 years) was huddled in a tiny 5 foot by 8 foot storm shelter. It was terrifying. Carl made it a game for the little ones, telling them we were in a cave and we could hunt for bears. They all handled the day really well, and after we returned above ground Savannah looked at me and said "More?" and I asked what she wanted more of. She said "Run Run Run?". At least this memory for her won't be a terrifying one.

In total that day we made three trips to the shelter. One of the times the sump pump was broken, so I stood in the shelter holding the 4 week old and Savannah, with water up past my ankles...but I was safe. After all was said and done there were no injuries and no damage. It was close to 9:00p before it looked as if we were in the clear. I watched the weather over and over to be sure that I could go to bed...I just couldn't unwind. I did eventually fall to sleep that night. We all must have been exhausted - Carl, Savannah, Hope, and I slept for 12 hours that night.

At first we didn't realize how things could have been much worse for us. Only after the storm did we start hearing of the numbers of deaths and injuries, damage, and devastation. We were blessed that day. On the drive home we saw where a tornado had crossed over the road we travel...and it was only 10 miles from my Granny's house. God was watching over us that day...and for that I am eternally thankful. The memory of running in the rain with a tornado siren screaming, while I am holding my precious child, will never leave me. I still get the shivers when I think about it...but Carl is right...that fear puts all of my other fears into perspective. Most everything else I worry about is just a tiny fear compared to what I felt that day.

In retrospect to that horrible, terrifying day, Thursday was amazingly beautiful. The weather was seasonal and allowed for Carl and I to spend a lot of time outside with Savannah and Hope. But that isn't the reason the day will remain with me. It was a delightful dinner that will be in my heart always.

There's a new Japanese Steakhouse in my hometown, and Carl loves to visit new restaurants. It turns out my cousin Wayne, and his wife Heather, hadn't been to this restaurant. So as a treat for all of us, Carl and I took Wayne, Heather, and my grandparents to dinner. My mom stayed back at the house to watch Savannah and Wayne & Heather's 3 boys. Dinner was for us to spend quality time with each other, without having to fill sippy cups, find crayons, and cut up food into small pieces!

The hibachi chef was amazingly funny...he teased all of us and was spectacularly skilled at his profession. He called my grandparents "Hot Mama" and "Big Daddy", which amused the four grandkids to no end. Wayne teased about changing their names in his cell phone contact list to Hot Mama and Big Daddy. When the chef cooked up scrambled eggs (for the fried rice), he tossed them everywhere and was amazing to watch. I teased my granddaddy that he had to make us scrambled eggs like that for breakfast...it was just so much light hearted, relaxing, fun. We all laughed so much, we were still laughing when we got back to the house. It was a much needed break from the scary reality of life, tornados, babies, job worries...it was just fun to live in the moment with them.

Thursday was so fun that it made leaving on Friday morning heartbreaking. No one wanted us to go...especially my cousin and his wife. We really bonded so much over the week...I miss them all so much, and Savannah misses the boys. We're hoping they can visit us soon, and maybe someday we could get them to live closer...God will open doors to wonderful places if we allow Him.

Now I am back to the normal weekday grind...I have many memories to treasure, and many to attempt to forget...but I am stronger and happier than when I left.