Mothers, Mothers, Mothers...

Sunday is Mother's Day (so for those of you living under a rock, it's time to get something for your mom!). I'm not quite sure what our plans are...I asked Carl and he said he hadn't really thought about it (maybe not the best answer to give your wife...).

For my very first Mother's Day we celebrated with everyone at our house after church. We had a delicious easy-fix lunch together and the grandmas were able to enjoy Savannah. I don't quite remember what we did last year...something similar I'm sure. So last night when Carl said he hadn't thought about it yet, and I was making a shopping list, and Hope was trying to get on the table to steal the last of dinner, and Carl was lounging on the couch, and Savannah was upset because of Hope jumping around I said I wanted a day at the house without anyone...that could be my gift. No husband, no child, no dog, just peace and quiet.

After I said that I realized I didn't really mean that...I love my family and my pets. I love them a lot. I have just had one of those weeks where it seems everything under the sun falls to me to handle.

At work I have been assisting several professors with the year-end details of testing and exit interviews, as well as assiting the Dean prepare for the Academic Awards Banquet...and finishing up the details of the State Science Fair winner's trip to Los Angeles next week. I have just had one thing after another after another...two of five nights have been late nights for me.

And of course we returned from Alabama on Saturday, so there was all kinds of cleaning and laundry and unpacking...even though we were gone, the dust still landed on my tables and the cat fur still collected on the hardwood.

So on Sunday and Monday when Carl spent several hours at his mother's house (in preparation for it to sell) and neglected to assist with things around the house that needed done for us...I wasn't pleased. This prompted a chat at work with several of my good friends...why is it that everyone always has some sort of issue with their mother-in-law? (And ladies, just because your husband says he likes your mom, I guarantee there is at least one thing that drives him batty!)

My close friend asked what it was that made me so upset with my mother-in-law...and I thought that was a pretty good question. I do like my MIL, she is very nice and willing to help out with Savannah, and she cares very much for her children and grandchildren...and I really have discovered that I don't think it's always her that I'm upset with. I think it is Carl's willingness to drop whatever he is doing at pretty much any moment when she asks. If we are spending time together and she calls, he jumps for the phone. When she needs help doing something minor (that I have full confidence she could do herself) he goes to her house instead of finishing projects at our house that I'm not capable of doing (like building a deck gate or cleaning his tools up in the garage). I think his love for his mother is amazing and well deserved. She has given him life and has cared for him his entire life...but at times I feel like her needs are placed above the needs of his own household's needs. It most certainly is a delicate balance on his part, and I do think it's harder for me to understand because my parents don't ask us to do anything for them. Carl is mowing their lawn this summer, but in all fairness that was his Christmas gift to them and I suggested we just pay someone to do it instead of him doing it himself...

Maybe it's jealousy on my part, or maybe it's just me being pre-PMS, I don't know. The other night we were watching Modern Family (honestly this was the first time in probably a month - no joke! - that we were sitting next to each other watching the same show...I haven't seen any TV since March...I'm weeks and weeks behind on Survivor and Amazing Race.). So we finally, finally were able to sit down and spend some couple time together. (Which may I note is crucial if we want to think about another baby any time soon!) So we're watching TV (around 9:45) and the phone rings...for the 3rd time in less than 4 hours. Carl answers and I try to be understanding. It was his mom, asking for his sister's email. The realtor needed it for some paperwork regarding the sale of the house (his mom and sister co-own the house). He tells her we don't know it off hand and she asks him to find it...but we had just gotten comfortable with snacks and TV so he told her to call his sister and ask her for her own email. Her answer was "Well she's probably already in bed."...I wanted to scream...what about us?! What if we were in bed?! What about the 2 year old sleeping peacefully upstairs?! While I did, truthfully, find that pretty annoying, what got me was that if I hadn't been watching TV with Carl, he would have stopped his show and done it for his mom. I do admire his dedication to her, but I also feel jealous or sad or something that he doesn't have the same dedication to me. I have asked for weeks (weeks!) for lights in our bathroom to be replaced...still no dice on that one. Who does have bright new lights that were purchased at midnight on Monday night? You guessed correct. I do understand she's selling the house, but again, is she not capable of buying her own light bulbs? And yes, I could turn that question on myself...am I not capable of purchasing light bulbs? I think the truth to be told is that the light bulbs for our house are for our house, that we share the use of. We are jointly responsible for maintaining the house. It is our joint commitment. Carl's mother's house is her responsiblity, or should I say it is for her and Carl's sister to maintain.

Carl is often quick to remind me that this is a rare occassion, that they are preparing the house for sale. I do understand that...but months ago he promised me it'd be a few weekends and we'd still get things around our house done....well now it's been a few months and my garage is still full of deck materials that I have to stumble around every morning when I leave for work...Savannah can't use her new sand and water table on the back deck because there's no gate to keep her safe...it is just so very frustrating to see. Especially when his sister owns half too. I know she lives an hour away and has a family too...but that house is hers...not Carls.

So I do love my in-laws...all of them...but there are days where I just need a break from the "help me" or "how do you..?"...I just want us to be us. Usually I get that break from reality in Alabama...but this year our cell phones got service at my granny's...so we had several phone calls (even several on the day of tornadoes - but they weren't related to the weather...) while we were gone too. We just can't escape.

I know Carl feels like I'm attacking his family, but it's just because our families are so different. My parents just don't depend on us for things...when I said his mom calls just about every day he said my mom was at our house every day...while that is a valid arguement, she's there to watch Savannah for free! And she gets there to watch her when Carl is still in bed!! He really has no room to complain.

So I know I sound awfully ungrateful towards my mother in law...I'm just overly stressed at this point...our vacation wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped (for a variety of reasons - including family tensions on my side with my sister), the house needs several things done (still have to fix all that siding that blew off, the deck gate, etc.), and I've been covering for several people at work...and then he went to help his mom...while I struggled to keep afloat.

So last night, as I was thinking about Mother's Day, Hope was trying to steal food from the table, Savannah screaming about Hope...and where was Carl? Sitting on the couch. He's sick. I tried to be patient and asked him to take Savannah downstairs so he could sit on the couch there and let her watch TV, and I could finish the shopping list and planning of meals for next week. Then when I go downstairs to set up auto pay for our new mortgage (scheduled to pay off in less than 20 years!) Hope is chewing our Disney hats, Savannah is begging for attention, and there Carl is again...sitting on the couch. I realize he's sick, I know it isn't fun being sick...but honestly, he was sitting in his sweats with his hood up like our house is an igloo...and I'm sorry to speak this reality...but parents don't get sick days. You can't just "take off" or "check out" when you are sick...he just passed everything to me for the night. Bills, food, cleaning, wrangling of toddler and puppy... All at a time when I'm supposed to be de-stressing and preparing my body for a second child...

All of these events are what inspired my answer of an empty house as a Mother's Day gift...I have had enough of the "please help me" from everyone...everyone needs me for something and I'm overwhelmed...it's enough to almost make me panic a little and break into tears.

In all truthfullness I don't want an empty house...I want Savannah and Hope around, I want to be able to cook in my kitchen with my ankles being bitten or a child on my hip, but I want to serve it to my family that I love...and I want a commitment that I'm not alone in running our house... I love both my mother and mother in law. I don't want this to be some big issue...I'm sure if Carl had a blog he could explain what frustrates him about my mom...but what matters in the end is that we are family and there are times that one person may be more "needy" than another. It is our job to keep everyone afloat and hope for the best.

Happy Mother's Day to the mothers, wives, fix-it ladies, puppy wranglers, chefs, maids, launderers, gophers, cheerleaders, psychologists, doctors...well, the list never ends...