I can't believe it's already the 21st. Christmas is only 4 days away, and I've been to Disney and back. We did have an amazing time...
Friday night we drove up to the airport and stayed at the hotel there...Savannah did fairly well sleeping in a pack and play. I was a little worried since she sleeps in a big girl bed at home. Our flight on Saturday was SO early...we got out of bed at 3:30am! Savannah looked at us like we were nuts...but she was content to go.
Prior to the trip I was a little worried about getting through security with a toddler, but it wasn't bad at all. I prepare for security ahead of time. Carl and I put our belts in our carry-on bags so we don't have to take them off, I put all of Carl's keys, change, wallet, watch, etc. in my purse so it isn't loose and all over the place. Savannah didn't wear anything with snaps, and her shoes were packed in a carry-on as well. I wore a bra without under wire and slip on shoes. This made security a breeze. Carl handled the electronics and his shoes, I carried Savannah through without a problem. Once on the other side we get to wear our belts and Carl gets all his pocket stuff back. It just makes it easier to be prepared with a child!
The flight on the way down was broken into two legs. Almost instantly after taking off Savannah was asleep on the first leg. She woke up just before we got to Atlanta. She was such an amazing traveler! We had about 2 hours in Atlanta, so we did a lot of playing with her to tire her out. She actually fell asleep before we even took off on the second leg....she slept the entire flight - even through the landing!
After arriving in Orlando we took the Magical Express to the hotel...we were really lucky and didn't have much of a wait. As we were driving onto the Disney Property listening to the little DVD and holding Savannah it just made me think of all the things that had happened since I was last there. I was crying - which seems ridiculous to me. I was just so emotional to bring Savannah to a place that Carl and I have such fond memories of. I remember on our honeymoon we kept saying we couldn't wait to bring our children...and there we were with Savannah! I cried again as we drove up to the Magic Kingdom - it makes me want to cry right now too. I was getting to see the wonder through the eyes of my own child...it is just so amazing and special and something that every parent should get to experience.
Overall the food was delicious, the shows spectacular, the rides were incredibly fun (Savannah would say "Sit! Sit!" when she saw something she wanted on - she even said that about Expedition Everest...we told her she had to wait until the next trip maybe.) Savannah loved the characters as long as we held her...and she often would high five them or wave or say bye...she seemed to enjoy herself so much. She didn't nap often, and if she did nap it was for maybe 45 minutes a day. When we got home this weekend, her first nap was close to 4 hours! We wore her out!
It was cold...almost unbearably cold. That was a bummer, and now that we've seen the Christmas decor we probably won't go back for the holidays for a long time. I'd like to go back for Halloween though.
On Monday night Savannah threw up three different times - which was kind of scary for me since she has never been sick like that. Poor Lovey got the worst of it too...but Savannah was a trooper and seemed to feel okay the next morning. We thought we were rid of it, but Wednesday night my dad, Carl, and I all had the bug. Three adults with a stomach bug and one bathroom was not a good combination. We all felt so gross on Thursday that my mom ended up taking Savannah to EPCOT without us. That day was also the sunniest and warmest! Carl and I did make it to the park for a bit that evening, but not to do much. I was afraid to eat much knowing that we would be flying the next day...so it was just a wasted day basically...but in the end that's ok...I was able to have a day to rest...which in Disney is so rare.
I have learned that I don't want to share rooms...with anyone. I just need my space to de-stress after long days, and when there are that many adults it was hard to share the bathroom, etc...I just am too organized and picky to share.
For all of the emotions of the week (excitement, nostalgia, sickness, stressed, etc.) I was really happy to get home. I was happy to be in my home where everything is in its place, to have my shower and my bed (which is the first thing I missed when I was sick), and to just be able to have quiet. I was definitely homesick on Thursday...so a week was long enough. I miss Disney, but I love my home too.
After such a wonderful trip, it's now time to prepare for Christmas. Almost all of the presents are wrapped, the tree is ready, my menu is ready (brunch this time - and family members are requested to bring food too), and Santa is ready to build the toys on Christmas Eve...it's hard to even imagine that this could be the last Christmas as a family of three...maybe we will have another by next Christmas...if God has it in His plans...many prayers for a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Good Health!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I Can See the Light!
The light at the end of this stressed-out, busy, time-crunched semester is shining brightly! I probably will have a hard time containing myself in 48 hours...preparing for the drive to the airport...in 72 hours I will be IN Disney World!
As my semester wraps up, I look back and have a lot to be thankful for. All three of my classes turned out well. There were days that the WVU class seemed to intimidate me, but I stayed true to myself and it turns out I must have done a few things right. I've had students ask me questions outside of class, and I've been tested by the ones they ask in class. I am finally beginning to feel confident of myself in front of 70+ kids. I loved teaching at FSU...I just got to know my students so well. Today was my last meeting with my MANF class, and it was just fun to chat with them and really let them into my world a bit...I think I'm more of a person to them - not just a talking head.
It is finally time for life to slow down. (I am totally doing a happy dance right now!) After our return from Disney, life at FSU will be business as usual. No classes to prep - just the normal day in/day out. Our house (hopefully) won't need any work for a while...so basically I'll need to get the Christmas decorations packed up and stored sometime in January. When we emptied the attic of Christmas paraphernalia, I went ahead and reorganized the attic...and moved all of Savannah's outgrown clothes down to the nursery. After we re-store the Christmas stuff I will go through and sort the 5 bins of outgrown clothes. Ideally, I'd like each tub labeled by "Pink" or "Neutral" and by size. Once sorted, I'll put everything except the smallest sizes in pink and neutral, back into the attic. If we do get pregnant again I'll need to move a few things down...the bassinet...the jumper...the pack and play.
So that's where my life is headed...enjoy Christmas, take the decorations down when the weather allows, sort baby clothes....and none of that should be stressful. We have a few little trips planned for the spring. Washington D.C. (maybe for the cherry blossoms!) and an Easter trip to Alabama...and a beach trip this summer is in the works....but my main goal of spring is to become a healthy pregnant lady.
It's scary and at the same time exciting...I just pray that God's timing is on track with mine...we shall see!
As my semester wraps up, I look back and have a lot to be thankful for. All three of my classes turned out well. There were days that the WVU class seemed to intimidate me, but I stayed true to myself and it turns out I must have done a few things right. I've had students ask me questions outside of class, and I've been tested by the ones they ask in class. I am finally beginning to feel confident of myself in front of 70+ kids. I loved teaching at FSU...I just got to know my students so well. Today was my last meeting with my MANF class, and it was just fun to chat with them and really let them into my world a bit...I think I'm more of a person to them - not just a talking head.
It is finally time for life to slow down. (I am totally doing a happy dance right now!) After our return from Disney, life at FSU will be business as usual. No classes to prep - just the normal day in/day out. Our house (hopefully) won't need any work for a while...so basically I'll need to get the Christmas decorations packed up and stored sometime in January. When we emptied the attic of Christmas paraphernalia, I went ahead and reorganized the attic...and moved all of Savannah's outgrown clothes down to the nursery. After we re-store the Christmas stuff I will go through and sort the 5 bins of outgrown clothes. Ideally, I'd like each tub labeled by "Pink" or "Neutral" and by size. Once sorted, I'll put everything except the smallest sizes in pink and neutral, back into the attic. If we do get pregnant again I'll need to move a few things down...the bassinet...the jumper...the pack and play.
So that's where my life is headed...enjoy Christmas, take the decorations down when the weather allows, sort baby clothes....and none of that should be stressful. We have a few little trips planned for the spring. Washington D.C. (maybe for the cherry blossoms!) and an Easter trip to Alabama...and a beach trip this summer is in the works....but my main goal of spring is to become a healthy pregnant lady.
It's scary and at the same time exciting...I just pray that God's timing is on track with mine...we shall see!
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Countdown Begins...
Do you realize tomorrow is the last day in November?! This semester has gone by so incredibly fast. All of my classes at WVU and FSU are wrapping up...only two weeks of teaching left. At the end of those two weeks awaits my reward...Disney!! In 12 days I will be arriving at one of my most favorite places in the world...with my beautiful little girl. All of the stress of the semester will melt away and I can just enjoy life, and see the magic through her eyes.
The past two weeks have been hectic though. The small social gathering after Carl's uncle's memorial service went well. The house was clean in time, the food was ready in time, and everyone was so appreciative. It was a long day, but thankfully I was able to pull it off.
Thanksgiving was the next big rush. Again, everything went as planned. I had a full table of 12, and the food was all hot and ready at the same time. Although I get teased a lot for being so "OCD" about things...no one complained at the dinner table! Everything turned out delicious and beautiful. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it was a success. Carl and I also kept our tradition of shopping early on Black Friday. We left Savannah sleeping at the house (my dad stayed behind in case she woke) and we faced the early morning rain and crowds. That afternoon I took a nap while Savannah napped. When she woke up Carl got her out of bed and let her play while he played games on the computer (same room). I ended up napping for almost 3 hours! I don't know when the last time was that I slept that long for a nap, or even had the time for a nap! I deserved it though...I'd been a whirlwind wife/mom for two weeks.
We also finished the decorations for Christmas (pictures on fb) this weekend. That is huge relief. It did dawn on me that next year decorating might not be as easy...this year we just used the nursery as a go-between for the attic and the main floor. The tubs sat there for a week, then we moved them down to the main floor to decorate, and now the tubs are back in the nursery (where they will remain until I refill them after Christmas - then move back to the attic). It is quite possible that next year the nursery will be in use...and while Savannah was pretty easy to decorate with, I really don't think it will be very easy with two children. So next year we might have to pick a weekend for the little ones to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a while.
So now the race to Disney is on. I've decided against my annual Christmas Cookie weekend. I just need time to pack and clean things up before Disney, and I really don't need the extra calories anyway. When we return the church is going to have a Cookie Exchange, so I'll make a few dozen of my favorite kind and that will be it. I do hope to make some Chex mix at some point...it will be a great travel snack. My to-do list mainly includes packing and making sure we have all the electronics ready to go.
I still need to figure out Christmas presents, but I'll have a few days once we get back to finish up. I've already had the question about Christmas dinner (some during Thanksgiving's big meal!) and I've been thinking about it for a while. I wanted to do something not so traditional, and something with little prep work since we'll be traveling so close to Christmas. I've decided on "Breakfast for Dinner". I'll serve a ham, breakfast casserole (with sausage), and Belgian waffles. I've asked my mom to bring fresh fruit and a coffee cake. My mother-in-law will bring a cheesy potato crock pot dish. I'll serve milk, juice, and coffee. I might look into making some sort of biscuit, but nothing fancy. It will be an easy dinner...and yummy...and unique.
After the holidays I have a pretty laid-back schedule. At some point the decorations need to come down...and I'd like to sort through all of Savannah's baby clothes...but other than that and the normal work things life should be more relaxed...I'm almost going to mandate that it becomes more relaxed...I'm tired of being such a whirlwind person...I want to unwind and just enjoy being a mom and a professional.
So I'm out of the starting gates...now just to survive the next two weeks of my race to Disney!!
The past two weeks have been hectic though. The small social gathering after Carl's uncle's memorial service went well. The house was clean in time, the food was ready in time, and everyone was so appreciative. It was a long day, but thankfully I was able to pull it off.
Thanksgiving was the next big rush. Again, everything went as planned. I had a full table of 12, and the food was all hot and ready at the same time. Although I get teased a lot for being so "OCD" about things...no one complained at the dinner table! Everything turned out delicious and beautiful. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it was a success. Carl and I also kept our tradition of shopping early on Black Friday. We left Savannah sleeping at the house (my dad stayed behind in case she woke) and we faced the early morning rain and crowds. That afternoon I took a nap while Savannah napped. When she woke up Carl got her out of bed and let her play while he played games on the computer (same room). I ended up napping for almost 3 hours! I don't know when the last time was that I slept that long for a nap, or even had the time for a nap! I deserved it though...I'd been a whirlwind wife/mom for two weeks.
We also finished the decorations for Christmas (pictures on fb) this weekend. That is huge relief. It did dawn on me that next year decorating might not be as easy...this year we just used the nursery as a go-between for the attic and the main floor. The tubs sat there for a week, then we moved them down to the main floor to decorate, and now the tubs are back in the nursery (where they will remain until I refill them after Christmas - then move back to the attic). It is quite possible that next year the nursery will be in use...and while Savannah was pretty easy to decorate with, I really don't think it will be very easy with two children. So next year we might have to pick a weekend for the little ones to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a while.
So now the race to Disney is on. I've decided against my annual Christmas Cookie weekend. I just need time to pack and clean things up before Disney, and I really don't need the extra calories anyway. When we return the church is going to have a Cookie Exchange, so I'll make a few dozen of my favorite kind and that will be it. I do hope to make some Chex mix at some point...it will be a great travel snack. My to-do list mainly includes packing and making sure we have all the electronics ready to go.
I still need to figure out Christmas presents, but I'll have a few days once we get back to finish up. I've already had the question about Christmas dinner (some during Thanksgiving's big meal!) and I've been thinking about it for a while. I wanted to do something not so traditional, and something with little prep work since we'll be traveling so close to Christmas. I've decided on "Breakfast for Dinner". I'll serve a ham, breakfast casserole (with sausage), and Belgian waffles. I've asked my mom to bring fresh fruit and a coffee cake. My mother-in-law will bring a cheesy potato crock pot dish. I'll serve milk, juice, and coffee. I might look into making some sort of biscuit, but nothing fancy. It will be an easy dinner...and yummy...and unique.
After the holidays I have a pretty laid-back schedule. At some point the decorations need to come down...and I'd like to sort through all of Savannah's baby clothes...but other than that and the normal work things life should be more relaxed...I'm almost going to mandate that it becomes more relaxed...I'm tired of being such a whirlwind person...I want to unwind and just enjoy being a mom and a professional.
So I'm out of the starting gates...now just to survive the next two weeks of my race to Disney!!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tick Tock
Time is ticking away...we leave for Disney 4 weeks from tomorrow! I am so excited to spend a week in such a magical place with my family! I just have to make it through these next four weeks.
This week's been a tough one. On Monday night Carl got a call that his Uncle Lee wasn't doing well at all...and by 5:00am Tuesday he had passed away. Carl did get to visit him Monday night late, but we all knew this day was coming. So that has been really difficult for him...especially since Lee ultimately died of a disease that Carl's father has, and Carl could possibly also have. The arrangements for a memorial service are still incomplete, but the family does know it will be held on the 20th of November (the body was donated to science, so they can take some time planning a service).
That kind of threw a wrench into our plans for that weekend...we had been planning to visit my grandparents for a long weekend...arrive on the 19th and leave on the 22nd. My grandmother had been looking forward to us visiting for months, so I couldn't bear to tell her we wouldn't be able to visit. I had picked the weekend of the 19-22 because I teach every single day of the week (M-W-F at FSU and T-R at WVU), so the plan was immediately after my class on the 19th we'd leave for Ohio and then the 22nd is Thanksgiving Break at FSU and WVU, so I could take off the Monday without missing class. Since I hated to cancel on my grandparents, I just rearranged our schedule a bit...we leave for Ohio tomorrow morning at 6:00am. I begged the Dean to allow me to miss my class tomorrow - I have planned an online session for them so they will still receive the day's lesson, just online. We hope to be at my grandparents by lunch time, and we'll stay until nap time on Sunday. It isn't quite as long of a stay, but it's the best we can do. Our weekends are now full until January...so maybe sometime in January or February we will try to make the trip again, barring any snow.
So now this weekend is booked up...and next weekend is as well. Carl and I have been asked to host a small get together following the service on the 20th...so upon my return from Ohio I will be a cleaning whirlwind. While I keep my house clean, I don't overdo things right now since I do have a family to care for and two jobs...so last night I made a long list of items that need completed before the 20th. Washing windows, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, clearing some of the toy "clutter" out of the main floor of the house (I used to say all the toys would stay in the basement, but somehow they find a way to migrate upstairs!), arrange the furniture to allow for maximum seating, etc....I just have a lot to do in a week. I still also have to decide what to feed these 30 or so people...I go back and forth with ideas, but I still haven't made a final decision. If I'm going to feed 30 people, I will have to find time at some point to shop for the food, and remember I still have classes next week too...so it's just a lot right now.
Of course, there's Thanksgiving too. This year I decided that I wanted to be responsible for the entire meal - no potluck Thanksgiving at my house! With that comes a lot of grocery shopping, a lot of list making, and a lot of prep work...and of course it's now 5 days after I feed 30 people at my house. On the upside, at least my house will be clean as a whistle for Thanksgiving!
Then there's also the Christmas decorations. They are all in the attic...and need to be decorating my house for the holidays over the weekend of the 27th. So I've now planned for the 21st to be a day of reorganizing the furniture in the nursery (which is where the entry to the attic is) so that everything is against the wall. I will then move all the tubs down to the nursery and stack them...they will sit there in-waiting until the day after Thanksgiving. Whichever day (26th/27th/28th) has the warmest and driest weather will be the outside decorating day (and I can't forget to buy two more wreaths for the windows, and some cute little string trees for the front yard). We'll decorate inside the house on a colder day.
The weekend of the 4th will be cookie-palooza. My mom and I like to get together and bake lots of cookies for Christmas. We plan to scale down a little bit since we'll be leaving town soon after...but it will be nice to have that day. Of course, I have no idea what recipes we'll be using and I certainly don't have all the ingredients bought!
Once the house is decorated and the cookies are made, I can throw myself into the task of Disney planning. Packing lists (including what goes in which suitcase - I don't want to be stuck on a plane with Lovey in the wrong bag!) and itineraries and confirmation numbers, oh my! We also need to buy a digital SLR camera before the trip...we're hoping for a good Black Friday sale. Did I mention we are those nuts who get up at 3:00am to shop on Black Friday? And then go out to breakfast? Well, we are. I also need to buy backup camera batteries for the new camera and the video camera...I'm not spending all this planning Disney to come back without tons of pictures and video.
As soon as we return from Disney I have to give the final exam to my WVU class (literally I arrive in Morgantown on the 17th around 5:00pm and my final is the 18th at 11:00am). I then get to grade all 63 WVU finals, and 10 FSU finals, and post those grades by noon on the 20th.
But then the world is calm - I insist it will be. I work for 4 days in Fairmont, but it will be relatively quiet around campus...most everyone is off. Then I have the 24th of December until the 3rd of January at home. (Such a wonderful perk of being an employee of a University!) Christmas dinner will probably again be something I want to put together myself...but maybe not. I also might consider doing something completely and radically different from tradition...maybe a taco bar Christmas! I suppose at some point we need to buy Christmas presents (thankfully we just finished shopping for Savannah last night)...but maybe I'll buy most of my gifts while we're in Disney World...I better remember to pack light on the way down! I also just remembered the gift to my father...55 scrapbook pages of family trips. I've done 6. I will find time for it...somewhere.
So that leaves one topic that seems to have crept up on me. In five short weeks, I have the green light to think about trying for Baby #2. I think that thought has given me more nightmares than delight. I'm starting to feel the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again, or that I'll miscarry again, or that things just won't work for whatever reason. When I told Carl that it was only 5 weeks away he said he hates "planning" these things...but he just doesn't understand. I'm fearful of the worst, and planning is what I do. Planning calms me. Lists calm me. Yesterday I felt incredibly overwhelmed with all of my plans changing suddenly and so many meals to cook for and things to pack and clean, etc...but once I wrote it all down I was totally calm. I can see that it is possible to get it all done. I will need help, but that's what the list is for. I can give Carl a job, or ask one of the moms to pitch in, and things won't be forgotten. And I will be calm.
Carl still hates the idea of planning, but once he listened to me talk about my fear of never being pregnant again he's decided to just let me do what I want. He wants another child too...he'd just like it to come naturally...spur of the moment...but I'm not willing to wait months and months for the natural timing to just happen to be correct.
It's amazing how when I proof this post I notice that my life is always so scheduled...who in the world schedules a day to move things out of the attic? Or to make cookies? Or when to try to get pregnant? I do. But sometimes if you don't plan times for those things they get forgotten, or time goes by too quickly and you've missed it. I want Savannah to grow up in a house where traditions of decorating, cookie-making, shopping, are all a family event...and I want to make sure we have the time for it...each and every year.
You know how in some cartoons the cartoonist draws calendar pages flying off the wall to show the passage of time? And all of the pages blur together? My life feels like that. Each day flying by into one long continuous stream of flying pages...
This week's been a tough one. On Monday night Carl got a call that his Uncle Lee wasn't doing well at all...and by 5:00am Tuesday he had passed away. Carl did get to visit him Monday night late, but we all knew this day was coming. So that has been really difficult for him...especially since Lee ultimately died of a disease that Carl's father has, and Carl could possibly also have. The arrangements for a memorial service are still incomplete, but the family does know it will be held on the 20th of November (the body was donated to science, so they can take some time planning a service).
That kind of threw a wrench into our plans for that weekend...we had been planning to visit my grandparents for a long weekend...arrive on the 19th and leave on the 22nd. My grandmother had been looking forward to us visiting for months, so I couldn't bear to tell her we wouldn't be able to visit. I had picked the weekend of the 19-22 because I teach every single day of the week (M-W-F at FSU and T-R at WVU), so the plan was immediately after my class on the 19th we'd leave for Ohio and then the 22nd is Thanksgiving Break at FSU and WVU, so I could take off the Monday without missing class. Since I hated to cancel on my grandparents, I just rearranged our schedule a bit...we leave for Ohio tomorrow morning at 6:00am. I begged the Dean to allow me to miss my class tomorrow - I have planned an online session for them so they will still receive the day's lesson, just online. We hope to be at my grandparents by lunch time, and we'll stay until nap time on Sunday. It isn't quite as long of a stay, but it's the best we can do. Our weekends are now full until January...so maybe sometime in January or February we will try to make the trip again, barring any snow.
So now this weekend is booked up...and next weekend is as well. Carl and I have been asked to host a small get together following the service on the 20th...so upon my return from Ohio I will be a cleaning whirlwind. While I keep my house clean, I don't overdo things right now since I do have a family to care for and two jobs...so last night I made a long list of items that need completed before the 20th. Washing windows, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, clearing some of the toy "clutter" out of the main floor of the house (I used to say all the toys would stay in the basement, but somehow they find a way to migrate upstairs!), arrange the furniture to allow for maximum seating, etc....I just have a lot to do in a week. I still also have to decide what to feed these 30 or so people...I go back and forth with ideas, but I still haven't made a final decision. If I'm going to feed 30 people, I will have to find time at some point to shop for the food, and remember I still have classes next week too...so it's just a lot right now.
Of course, there's Thanksgiving too. This year I decided that I wanted to be responsible for the entire meal - no potluck Thanksgiving at my house! With that comes a lot of grocery shopping, a lot of list making, and a lot of prep work...and of course it's now 5 days after I feed 30 people at my house. On the upside, at least my house will be clean as a whistle for Thanksgiving!
Then there's also the Christmas decorations. They are all in the attic...and need to be decorating my house for the holidays over the weekend of the 27th. So I've now planned for the 21st to be a day of reorganizing the furniture in the nursery (which is where the entry to the attic is) so that everything is against the wall. I will then move all the tubs down to the nursery and stack them...they will sit there in-waiting until the day after Thanksgiving. Whichever day (26th/27th/28th) has the warmest and driest weather will be the outside decorating day (and I can't forget to buy two more wreaths for the windows, and some cute little string trees for the front yard). We'll decorate inside the house on a colder day.
The weekend of the 4th will be cookie-palooza. My mom and I like to get together and bake lots of cookies for Christmas. We plan to scale down a little bit since we'll be leaving town soon after...but it will be nice to have that day. Of course, I have no idea what recipes we'll be using and I certainly don't have all the ingredients bought!
Once the house is decorated and the cookies are made, I can throw myself into the task of Disney planning. Packing lists (including what goes in which suitcase - I don't want to be stuck on a plane with Lovey in the wrong bag!) and itineraries and confirmation numbers, oh my! We also need to buy a digital SLR camera before the trip...we're hoping for a good Black Friday sale. Did I mention we are those nuts who get up at 3:00am to shop on Black Friday? And then go out to breakfast? Well, we are. I also need to buy backup camera batteries for the new camera and the video camera...I'm not spending all this planning Disney to come back without tons of pictures and video.
As soon as we return from Disney I have to give the final exam to my WVU class (literally I arrive in Morgantown on the 17th around 5:00pm and my final is the 18th at 11:00am). I then get to grade all 63 WVU finals, and 10 FSU finals, and post those grades by noon on the 20th.
But then the world is calm - I insist it will be. I work for 4 days in Fairmont, but it will be relatively quiet around campus...most everyone is off. Then I have the 24th of December until the 3rd of January at home. (Such a wonderful perk of being an employee of a University!) Christmas dinner will probably again be something I want to put together myself...but maybe not. I also might consider doing something completely and radically different from tradition...maybe a taco bar Christmas! I suppose at some point we need to buy Christmas presents (thankfully we just finished shopping for Savannah last night)...but maybe I'll buy most of my gifts while we're in Disney World...I better remember to pack light on the way down! I also just remembered the gift to my father...55 scrapbook pages of family trips. I've done 6. I will find time for it...somewhere.
So that leaves one topic that seems to have crept up on me. In five short weeks, I have the green light to think about trying for Baby #2. I think that thought has given me more nightmares than delight. I'm starting to feel the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again, or that I'll miscarry again, or that things just won't work for whatever reason. When I told Carl that it was only 5 weeks away he said he hates "planning" these things...but he just doesn't understand. I'm fearful of the worst, and planning is what I do. Planning calms me. Lists calm me. Yesterday I felt incredibly overwhelmed with all of my plans changing suddenly and so many meals to cook for and things to pack and clean, etc...but once I wrote it all down I was totally calm. I can see that it is possible to get it all done. I will need help, but that's what the list is for. I can give Carl a job, or ask one of the moms to pitch in, and things won't be forgotten. And I will be calm.
Carl still hates the idea of planning, but once he listened to me talk about my fear of never being pregnant again he's decided to just let me do what I want. He wants another child too...he'd just like it to come naturally...spur of the moment...but I'm not willing to wait months and months for the natural timing to just happen to be correct.
It's amazing how when I proof this post I notice that my life is always so scheduled...who in the world schedules a day to move things out of the attic? Or to make cookies? Or when to try to get pregnant? I do. But sometimes if you don't plan times for those things they get forgotten, or time goes by too quickly and you've missed it. I want Savannah to grow up in a house where traditions of decorating, cookie-making, shopping, are all a family event...and I want to make sure we have the time for it...each and every year.
You know how in some cartoons the cartoonist draws calendar pages flying off the wall to show the passage of time? And all of the pages blur together? My life feels like that. Each day flying by into one long continuous stream of flying pages...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Happy Birthday!!
I knew this day was coming...I've known for quite a while now. Today is the birth-day of my very best friend's second daughter. I am truly, truly happy for her and her husband. They are already wonderful parents to one little girl, and will continue to be wonderful parents to both Alana and her new sister.
In July, when I went through the miscarriage, I knew that I would probably have a hard time enjoying all the little moments of Ashley's pregnancy with her. I had so hoped to be going through it with her again, just as we did the first time around when she was pregnant with Alana, and I with Savannah. So when God's plan for me changed, I had to accept that Ashley was still pregnant and I wasn't. I don't remember feeling anger or jealousy over the issue - just sadness. As the months passed on I threw myself into helping with her baby shower and keeping up to date with every doctor's appointment visit. I am (and always have been) so happy for her. But, that happiness still doesn't fill in the hole I feel at times. Yesterday Ashley was told that her c-section would be scheduled for today. Of course, I was thrilled at the prospect of another little baby to be entering the world, but as is often the case I was reflecting on the news during my drive back home to Morgantown.
I began to think about all of it. Her second daughter would have (and now has) a birth date of October 28th. My second would have had a due date of February 28th. Savannah and Alana are 9 days apart. These two could have been 5 months apart...but it wasn't meant to be. I began thinking about how special it is to hold a newborn...especially when it is your own. I began to cry on my drive...something I completely didn't expect. I have often thought to myself that the miscarriage has finally been stored safely in my memory...but yesterday's drive has proven me wrong. It still hurts and it probably won't ever truly go away.
Today when Alan, Ashley's hubby and also Carl's best friend, sent me the message that Baby #2 had arrived I was filled with joy...and yet again tears. I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of self-pity. While I'd like to think I can hold it together when we visit them tonight in Pittsburgh, I don't know if I will or not. I really hope I can, for their sake. I don't want to steal any bit of happiness of this day from them.
Back in July I remember thinking that I didn't know if I'd be ready to try again after we return from Disney in December...but as the days near (we leave in 44 days!) I have begun to really allow the thought to sink in. I want a second child so badly...even knowing about the sleep deprivation that will follow. I love the entire process of pregnancy...the glow I felt, the new baby smell...all of it I love. But I'm still hesitant. All of the doubt about my body's ability is starting to creep in. What if I can't get pregnant again? What if it takes months? What if I lose another one? My doctor has assured me that there wasn't anything wrong with my body last summer, things just didn't work out. She isn't concerned...but I'm a worrier.
I think the triggering thought for my tears yesterday had to do with the idea of being pregnant. Ashley has mentioned that she isn't sure if this will be her last or not...and then I began to think about if Carl and I would want 2 or 3 kids (I'm back and forth on the issue...some of my decision will probably be based on the gender of a second child should we be blessed with one.). Then I thought, "if I don't get pregnant again, I've already had my last pregnancy. I won't ever have that chance again."
Now on the top of the "Life Just Isn't Fair" list...
1) A woman not being able to get pregnant and enjoy their own newborn child.
2) Women who don't want to be pregnant, get pregnant.
3) Women who are pregnant, complaining pregnancy is an inconvenience.
In the end I think my tears have been more of fear and insecurity than anything else. I am so happy for a new life to be here. Ashley and Alan are as close to family to us as scientifically possible...we care for them just like we do our own family. Their children will also be special to us, and we will always look out for them as we intend to look out for Savannah and any future Polands. We are so very happy for them on their day of joy...and we cannot wait to make the trip to visit. My road isn't easy, but no one has an easy road. I have Savannah, and some women don't even have that...so while I'd love to throw myself a pity-party, it really isn't justified.
In July, when I went through the miscarriage, I knew that I would probably have a hard time enjoying all the little moments of Ashley's pregnancy with her. I had so hoped to be going through it with her again, just as we did the first time around when she was pregnant with Alana, and I with Savannah. So when God's plan for me changed, I had to accept that Ashley was still pregnant and I wasn't. I don't remember feeling anger or jealousy over the issue - just sadness. As the months passed on I threw myself into helping with her baby shower and keeping up to date with every doctor's appointment visit. I am (and always have been) so happy for her. But, that happiness still doesn't fill in the hole I feel at times. Yesterday Ashley was told that her c-section would be scheduled for today. Of course, I was thrilled at the prospect of another little baby to be entering the world, but as is often the case I was reflecting on the news during my drive back home to Morgantown.
I began to think about all of it. Her second daughter would have (and now has) a birth date of October 28th. My second would have had a due date of February 28th. Savannah and Alana are 9 days apart. These two could have been 5 months apart...but it wasn't meant to be. I began thinking about how special it is to hold a newborn...especially when it is your own. I began to cry on my drive...something I completely didn't expect. I have often thought to myself that the miscarriage has finally been stored safely in my memory...but yesterday's drive has proven me wrong. It still hurts and it probably won't ever truly go away.
Today when Alan, Ashley's hubby and also Carl's best friend, sent me the message that Baby #2 had arrived I was filled with joy...and yet again tears. I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of self-pity. While I'd like to think I can hold it together when we visit them tonight in Pittsburgh, I don't know if I will or not. I really hope I can, for their sake. I don't want to steal any bit of happiness of this day from them.
Back in July I remember thinking that I didn't know if I'd be ready to try again after we return from Disney in December...but as the days near (we leave in 44 days!) I have begun to really allow the thought to sink in. I want a second child so badly...even knowing about the sleep deprivation that will follow. I love the entire process of pregnancy...the glow I felt, the new baby smell...all of it I love. But I'm still hesitant. All of the doubt about my body's ability is starting to creep in. What if I can't get pregnant again? What if it takes months? What if I lose another one? My doctor has assured me that there wasn't anything wrong with my body last summer, things just didn't work out. She isn't concerned...but I'm a worrier.
I think the triggering thought for my tears yesterday had to do with the idea of being pregnant. Ashley has mentioned that she isn't sure if this will be her last or not...and then I began to think about if Carl and I would want 2 or 3 kids (I'm back and forth on the issue...some of my decision will probably be based on the gender of a second child should we be blessed with one.). Then I thought, "if I don't get pregnant again, I've already had my last pregnancy. I won't ever have that chance again."
Now on the top of the "Life Just Isn't Fair" list...
1) A woman not being able to get pregnant and enjoy their own newborn child.
2) Women who don't want to be pregnant, get pregnant.
3) Women who are pregnant, complaining pregnancy is an inconvenience.
In the end I think my tears have been more of fear and insecurity than anything else. I am so happy for a new life to be here. Ashley and Alan are as close to family to us as scientifically possible...we care for them just like we do our own family. Their children will also be special to us, and we will always look out for them as we intend to look out for Savannah and any future Polands. We are so very happy for them on their day of joy...and we cannot wait to make the trip to visit. My road isn't easy, but no one has an easy road. I have Savannah, and some women don't even have that...so while I'd love to throw myself a pity-party, it really isn't justified.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Don't Blink!
It's a whirlwind life...the life of mom, wife, instructor, etc....and there are two ways to look at it:
Negatively -
For the past few weeks Savannah's "perfect" status has been tested. She used to be so good about time-outs and would sit in her naughty spot and cry, but after her time was up she'd get a hug and a kiss and that was that. She went on to play happily and was fine...I want that phase back! We have recently been faced with temper tantrum after temper tantrum...first it was all about where she sat to eat her meals (the high chair is now long gone and a pink booster is in place)...and then it's because we moved something to the wrong spot (at least according to her)...and then it's because we read her a book but she wanted to play with her shoes...
Sunday night, after a particularly long weekend filled with several major tantrums (one meltdown was so violent she made her kind of choke and throw up...who knew toddlers could do that?!) I told Carl that recently, being a mom has been absolutely NO fun. It seems in all the books about motherhood and parenting, etc. no one mentions that toddlers can be so indecisive and impatient! I keep telling myself that she can't carry on like this forever, and I can't give in to her demands all the time...but it's so hard when all day you've heard crying or whining and you just need a break! We've started to pick our battles a bit more wisely...the main rule is that Savannah only eats at the table (this has caused some meltdowns because for various reasons she thinks she can walk around and eat - I barely have time to clean the table after meals, I certainly don't have time to clean the entire house!). I also know what to expect from Savannah depending on the time of day...so I try to plan our days accordingly. This weekend was a rough one though...it should have been filmed for a commercial for birth control. Honestly.
Positively -
The other day, after we returned from a night out to dinner, I offered to let Savannah push the button to put the garage door down. She does this often and seems to really enjoy it. She always turns and waves once it goes down...often telling it "bye". In that moment the other night I really took a good look at her, trying to memorize that moment. So many thoughts went through my mind...What will she look like in 5 years? Will she be this adorable? Will I remember this innocence?...I wish I could just record every single moment (OK - maybe not every moment - read above.) but I wish I could record all kinds of things in her life...just because in a blink they will be gone, she will be grown, and it will just be Carl and I again. I want to cry every time I think about that...that Savannah is growing up right before my eyes - at warp speed. It also made me realize and somewhat understand Kate Gosselin. So many are quick to jump on the bandwagon of hatred for her...but in that moment I fully understood why a mother would welcome camera crews in to record all kinds of moments in the lives of 8 children. If I feel like I'm missing out and will lose memories of Savannah - just one child - Kate Gosselin probably had a justified reason to worry.
In my attempt to keep every precious memory recorded, I recently posted a video on facebook of Savannah saying "hi" and then what she deems "jumping"...it's just too cute. I'm sure some of my FB friends find it actually kind of boring...but I love to see it, and to know I've recorded just a tiny bit of her cuteness.
So in life, there's the positive and the negative...without the negative the positive just wouldn't be as sweet...so I'll try to remember all those positive moments the next time a temper tantrum erupts...
Negatively -
For the past few weeks Savannah's "perfect" status has been tested. She used to be so good about time-outs and would sit in her naughty spot and cry, but after her time was up she'd get a hug and a kiss and that was that. She went on to play happily and was fine...I want that phase back! We have recently been faced with temper tantrum after temper tantrum...first it was all about where she sat to eat her meals (the high chair is now long gone and a pink booster is in place)...and then it's because we moved something to the wrong spot (at least according to her)...and then it's because we read her a book but she wanted to play with her shoes...
Sunday night, after a particularly long weekend filled with several major tantrums (one meltdown was so violent she made her kind of choke and throw up...who knew toddlers could do that?!) I told Carl that recently, being a mom has been absolutely NO fun. It seems in all the books about motherhood and parenting, etc. no one mentions that toddlers can be so indecisive and impatient! I keep telling myself that she can't carry on like this forever, and I can't give in to her demands all the time...but it's so hard when all day you've heard crying or whining and you just need a break! We've started to pick our battles a bit more wisely...the main rule is that Savannah only eats at the table (this has caused some meltdowns because for various reasons she thinks she can walk around and eat - I barely have time to clean the table after meals, I certainly don't have time to clean the entire house!). I also know what to expect from Savannah depending on the time of day...so I try to plan our days accordingly. This weekend was a rough one though...it should have been filmed for a commercial for birth control. Honestly.
Positively -
The other day, after we returned from a night out to dinner, I offered to let Savannah push the button to put the garage door down. She does this often and seems to really enjoy it. She always turns and waves once it goes down...often telling it "bye". In that moment the other night I really took a good look at her, trying to memorize that moment. So many thoughts went through my mind...What will she look like in 5 years? Will she be this adorable? Will I remember this innocence?...I wish I could just record every single moment (OK - maybe not every moment - read above.) but I wish I could record all kinds of things in her life...just because in a blink they will be gone, she will be grown, and it will just be Carl and I again. I want to cry every time I think about that...that Savannah is growing up right before my eyes - at warp speed. It also made me realize and somewhat understand Kate Gosselin. So many are quick to jump on the bandwagon of hatred for her...but in that moment I fully understood why a mother would welcome camera crews in to record all kinds of moments in the lives of 8 children. If I feel like I'm missing out and will lose memories of Savannah - just one child - Kate Gosselin probably had a justified reason to worry.
In my attempt to keep every precious memory recorded, I recently posted a video on facebook of Savannah saying "hi" and then what she deems "jumping"...it's just too cute. I'm sure some of my FB friends find it actually kind of boring...but I love to see it, and to know I've recorded just a tiny bit of her cuteness.
So in life, there's the positive and the negative...without the negative the positive just wouldn't be as sweet...so I'll try to remember all those positive moments the next time a temper tantrum erupts...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Read At Your Own Risk.
For a while now I've been debating about writing this post...what to say, what to include, what not to include...all because I don't want people to take things the wrong way. Then I told myself that this is my blog. So if you are easily offended or think everything is a personal attack - maybe you should stop here.
The past month has flown by (it's a good thing too - more on that later). My work life is busy, busy, busy! I enjoy teaching so many students, but that combined with the rest of my responsibilities at FSU make for a very fast-paced semester. It has helped time go by quickly, even if some days I feel like I'm living out of my car. On Tuesday night I gave an exam at WVU...so I left the house at 7am that morning, was at FSU from 7:30 - 4:00, was at WVU from 5:00 - 6:30, ate a quick fast-food dinner (so not good for me!) before arriving slightly late to Bible Study at 7:05pm. I finally made it home at 8:20pm...just over 13 hours later. Savannah was still awake with Nana...so after we got bedtime squared away it was close to 9:00pm. I was exhausted, but the dishwasher needed emptied, the mail needed sorted, lunches for the next day needed to be packed, and the kitchen was a mess. I asked Carl for some help - but his answer wasn't what I'd hoped. This time is wasn't that he didn't think it was his responsibility (he has become much more of a help around the house now that we have defined chores for each of us), it was that he said he "needed to pay his mom's bills - it's the end of the month". So for those of you not aware, Carl has taken over the handling of his mom's finances....I'm generally on board with this, as long as there are boundaries. Two of the boundaries I set is that the bills stay out of my sight (I don't want her bills and our family's bills getting mixed up - I handle our monthly finances, so her stuff has to stay out of my sight) and that her finances are last priority in our household. It's not that I don't love my mother-in-law - she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Nana to Savannah. My issue is that Carl and I have a family and house to take care of and that my mother-in-law is an adult. She could manage her own finances, she obviously had to do it at some point on her own. Maybe she didn't do it well, but that's not my problem. So my rule is that our family/household comes first, and I've always told Carl that if he thinks his mother's things should come first then she could do them herself and make them her first priority. So, needless to say, when Carl told me he couldn't help with things because he had to pay his mother's bills my response wasn't delightful. He seemed completely amazed that I was unhappy with his comment. I then reminded him of my deal - I won't complain about the finance issue if he does our household things first. He still seemed awfully annoyed with me - I swear he thinks I make up chores for him just to keep him from paying her bills, just to spite him. I really don't know where he gets that idea, because I haven't changed (in regards to my clean house ethics) one bit since he met me 8 1/2 years ago. There's more work now (toddlers are great for adding work to your daily routine!) but I haven't changed in my need to have a clean house before I go to bed. It's also not like I asked him to wash the windows and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush! I just needed a few little things done and I was exhausted from working two jobs! He did clean the crockpot out before I got home that night (yes - he even has a warm meal waiting for him on the nights I'm not even there) and I did notice, but I think he wanted a parade in his honor for doing that....where's my parade for doing all that I do, day-in and day-out? He did end up helping without complaint, although he probably had plenty of unspoken complaints. I do realize I'm a neat-freak and demanding - but he knew that a long time ago so that's what he gets.
So some days are busy and tiring and easy for me to complain about. It's on days like that, when I'm just so tired of working SO much, that I wish for a date night dinner and a relaxing evening at home. Carl and I recently went on a restaurant budget...only $10/month for each of us for our dining-out during work hours and then $100/month for all other eating out. We did fairly well in September...I still have cash left over, and our $100 limit wasn't quite met...unless you count Carl's indiscretions...he took a coworker to lunch...and then he went to lunch with his sister...and then he took take-out soup to his mom because she had a cold......I'm not trying to be a nit-pick here....but it's hard to stick to a budget when we say all these other things don't count! So if they do count, then everyone else gets to enjoy our budgeted money, and Carl and I aren't left with any date night money! (Which, as noted earlier - I seriously need one!) And while I'm sorry my mother-in-law was sick it kind of irks me that Carl makes a special out of the way stop to get her soup, but when my mom is sick she is still expected to show up at our front door at 6:45am to watch Savannah - and there's no soup for her! Carl certainly wouldn't like having to stay home to watch Savannah, and with my teaching semester this fall (I teach every day of the week) I certainly have a hard time taking a sick day....so he should appreciate her just as much as his own mother.
As I noted earlier, it is a good thing that time is flying - it means our Disney trip begins 10 weeks from Saturday! I'm so excited to travel to one of my favorite places in the world and to see Savannah enjoy it all. We just paid off the trip, so now it's fully paid for in cash..the only bills we will see upon return will be for the souvenirs we decide to get. I can't wait to enjoy a stress-free week in such a magical place! Or, at least, I'm hoping it's stress free. My family is going with us, which should allow for Carl and I to steal away for a little bit of private time (we honeymooned in Disney, so it would be nice to enjoy just a little quiet time at some point). Carl's family has considered making the trip at the same time, which I have mixed feelings about. I'd love for Nana to get to see Savannah in Disney also, but when our two families get together it always seems like there is drama over silly things (like who looked at who wrong). I really want this trip to be special for Carl, Savannah, and I. The grandparents being there is just kind of a bonus for us....it won't be a bonus if they all can't behave and keep their complaints about the others to themselves. We gave both families plenty of notice of when this trip would be (we've been planning since January 2009 - yes, before Savannah was born) and it just happens that my family said yes let's go, his family drug their feet about it, and we ended up booking with my parents this summer. In all honesty, I don't care who comes, but I don't want to hear any complaints about so-and-so did this or so-and-so did that! Savannah isn't old enough to complain like that yet - and the grandparents/aunts are old enough to know better!
Ten weeks away from Disney also means only 13 more weeks before I begin to think about another baby. Ok, honestly, 13 more weeks until I can start trying for another baby, I'm already thinking about it! I miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a new life. I know a lot of women that are pregnant, or have recently had a baby...I want to be one of those women! Our house is ready...my heart is ready....I'm just waiting for the stress of the semester to end, Disney to come and go, and for the week of vacation after the holidays to begin. (One nice perk of working at a University....I get December 24 - January 1 off as holiday.) I am really starting to feel ready for the next chapter in our lives....of course I know that with another child we certainly will experience growing pains. I remember the frustrations with all the housework and the baby and working and meals.....but things iron out after a while....we know what to prepare for this time...I know what to expect (somewhat - each one is different!)....at least Carl and I know how to handle the chore list....we'll just get it ready before a baby comes and then re-evaluate after that...13 weeks will go by so quickly at the pace I'm going!
The past month has flown by (it's a good thing too - more on that later). My work life is busy, busy, busy! I enjoy teaching so many students, but that combined with the rest of my responsibilities at FSU make for a very fast-paced semester. It has helped time go by quickly, even if some days I feel like I'm living out of my car. On Tuesday night I gave an exam at WVU...so I left the house at 7am that morning, was at FSU from 7:30 - 4:00, was at WVU from 5:00 - 6:30, ate a quick fast-food dinner (so not good for me!) before arriving slightly late to Bible Study at 7:05pm. I finally made it home at 8:20pm...just over 13 hours later. Savannah was still awake with Nana...so after we got bedtime squared away it was close to 9:00pm. I was exhausted, but the dishwasher needed emptied, the mail needed sorted, lunches for the next day needed to be packed, and the kitchen was a mess. I asked Carl for some help - but his answer wasn't what I'd hoped. This time is wasn't that he didn't think it was his responsibility (he has become much more of a help around the house now that we have defined chores for each of us), it was that he said he "needed to pay his mom's bills - it's the end of the month". So for those of you not aware, Carl has taken over the handling of his mom's finances....I'm generally on board with this, as long as there are boundaries. Two of the boundaries I set is that the bills stay out of my sight (I don't want her bills and our family's bills getting mixed up - I handle our monthly finances, so her stuff has to stay out of my sight) and that her finances are last priority in our household. It's not that I don't love my mother-in-law - she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Nana to Savannah. My issue is that Carl and I have a family and house to take care of and that my mother-in-law is an adult. She could manage her own finances, she obviously had to do it at some point on her own. Maybe she didn't do it well, but that's not my problem. So my rule is that our family/household comes first, and I've always told Carl that if he thinks his mother's things should come first then she could do them herself and make them her first priority. So, needless to say, when Carl told me he couldn't help with things because he had to pay his mother's bills my response wasn't delightful. He seemed completely amazed that I was unhappy with his comment. I then reminded him of my deal - I won't complain about the finance issue if he does our household things first. He still seemed awfully annoyed with me - I swear he thinks I make up chores for him just to keep him from paying her bills, just to spite him. I really don't know where he gets that idea, because I haven't changed (in regards to my clean house ethics) one bit since he met me 8 1/2 years ago. There's more work now (toddlers are great for adding work to your daily routine!) but I haven't changed in my need to have a clean house before I go to bed. It's also not like I asked him to wash the windows and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush! I just needed a few little things done and I was exhausted from working two jobs! He did clean the crockpot out before I got home that night (yes - he even has a warm meal waiting for him on the nights I'm not even there) and I did notice, but I think he wanted a parade in his honor for doing that....where's my parade for doing all that I do, day-in and day-out? He did end up helping without complaint, although he probably had plenty of unspoken complaints. I do realize I'm a neat-freak and demanding - but he knew that a long time ago so that's what he gets.
So some days are busy and tiring and easy for me to complain about. It's on days like that, when I'm just so tired of working SO much, that I wish for a date night dinner and a relaxing evening at home. Carl and I recently went on a restaurant budget...only $10/month for each of us for our dining-out during work hours and then $100/month for all other eating out. We did fairly well in September...I still have cash left over, and our $100 limit wasn't quite met...unless you count Carl's indiscretions...he took a coworker to lunch...and then he went to lunch with his sister...and then he took take-out soup to his mom because she had a cold......I'm not trying to be a nit-pick here....but it's hard to stick to a budget when we say all these other things don't count! So if they do count, then everyone else gets to enjoy our budgeted money, and Carl and I aren't left with any date night money! (Which, as noted earlier - I seriously need one!) And while I'm sorry my mother-in-law was sick it kind of irks me that Carl makes a special out of the way stop to get her soup, but when my mom is sick she is still expected to show up at our front door at 6:45am to watch Savannah - and there's no soup for her! Carl certainly wouldn't like having to stay home to watch Savannah, and with my teaching semester this fall (I teach every day of the week) I certainly have a hard time taking a sick day....so he should appreciate her just as much as his own mother.
As I noted earlier, it is a good thing that time is flying - it means our Disney trip begins 10 weeks from Saturday! I'm so excited to travel to one of my favorite places in the world and to see Savannah enjoy it all. We just paid off the trip, so now it's fully paid for in cash..the only bills we will see upon return will be for the souvenirs we decide to get. I can't wait to enjoy a stress-free week in such a magical place! Or, at least, I'm hoping it's stress free. My family is going with us, which should allow for Carl and I to steal away for a little bit of private time (we honeymooned in Disney, so it would be nice to enjoy just a little quiet time at some point). Carl's family has considered making the trip at the same time, which I have mixed feelings about. I'd love for Nana to get to see Savannah in Disney also, but when our two families get together it always seems like there is drama over silly things (like who looked at who wrong). I really want this trip to be special for Carl, Savannah, and I. The grandparents being there is just kind of a bonus for us....it won't be a bonus if they all can't behave and keep their complaints about the others to themselves. We gave both families plenty of notice of when this trip would be (we've been planning since January 2009 - yes, before Savannah was born) and it just happens that my family said yes let's go, his family drug their feet about it, and we ended up booking with my parents this summer. In all honesty, I don't care who comes, but I don't want to hear any complaints about so-and-so did this or so-and-so did that! Savannah isn't old enough to complain like that yet - and the grandparents/aunts are old enough to know better!
Ten weeks away from Disney also means only 13 more weeks before I begin to think about another baby. Ok, honestly, 13 more weeks until I can start trying for another baby, I'm already thinking about it! I miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a new life. I know a lot of women that are pregnant, or have recently had a baby...I want to be one of those women! Our house is ready...my heart is ready....I'm just waiting for the stress of the semester to end, Disney to come and go, and for the week of vacation after the holidays to begin. (One nice perk of working at a University....I get December 24 - January 1 off as holiday.) I am really starting to feel ready for the next chapter in our lives....of course I know that with another child we certainly will experience growing pains. I remember the frustrations with all the housework and the baby and working and meals.....but things iron out after a while....we know what to prepare for this time...I know what to expect (somewhat - each one is different!)....at least Carl and I know how to handle the chore list....we'll just get it ready before a baby comes and then re-evaluate after that...13 weeks will go by so quickly at the pace I'm going!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sleeping Beauty
So 11 days later and Savannah is sleeping like an angel in her big girl bed...and really she transitioned much better than I could have ever hoped for! On Friday (the 3rd) we gave it our first try. When she first got into bed and read a story with me she was content. Then when I tried to get up and leave she ran after me crying, so I held her hand and walked her back to her bed. This time I just sat next to the bed. After a few minutes I scooted away, and then waited. Then a few minutes later I scooted farther away...and repeated this until I was right next to the gate at the door. She watched me from her bed, never crying, but seemingly never blinking either. The moment I decided to leave she began crying before I was completely over the gate. So I walked her back to her bed again and sat down...scooted away, waited, scooted away, waited. Again, once I crossed the gate she cried. Unfortunately for her, I really had to pee by this point. Carl asked if he should go in, but I told him I'd be right back and she'd be fine until I returned. Literally two minutes later I had just changed into PJs and was about to head in to her room again - she was quiet. I peeked in - she was sleeping in her bed. It was amazing!
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tears
Wednesday was one of those not fun days for me. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...it all really started on Monday....
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Working Mom
feel like I just blogged two days ago - I was surprised to see it'd been 12! It is incredible how quickly life goes by. I am busy on so many levels and have so much whirling around in my head.
This is the first week of school for so many students across West Virginia. Public schools have started, as well as FSU and WVU. Life has gotten complicated again. Sigh. This semester I have the opportunity to teach 108 students over three different courses. That's a lot of names to learn - I truly hope to know many (if not all) of my students academically. I have the busiest schedule I have ever had in the fall. I have class (at FSU) Mondays and Wednesdays at 8:00am. It makes for an early morning! I then teach at 5:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays (at WVU). On Fridays I have a Freshman Seminar course at 1:00pm (at FSU). Last semester I received some evaluations that really made me stop and think about my career. I was told I was always "in a bad mood", among other things. I seriously questioned if I was following the right career path. I entered this semester with a new outlook, and I hope to see the differences in my classes. I have restructured the courses to provide for more interaction and I enter each classroom in a positive mood. Of all the challenges I face as an instructor, it seems the positive attitude is the one I struggle with the most. It's not that I am a negative person, it's just that I have so much going on my life (professionally and personally) that I get tired, worn down, and stressed....and then I'm expected (by students) to appear thrilled and happy at 8am on a Monday and at 5pm after I've driven to Fairmont, worked 8 hours, and driven back to Morgantown. So not only do I teach at times it's hard to be happy - I also am skipping breakfasts and dinners....so I'm grouchy because I'm hungry. With all of this knowledge, I am making a very extreme effort to be positive, engaging, and excited about teaching - regardless of the time of day. I sometimes wonder how students can demand such things, when I'd be hard pressed to find very many happy, engaging, and excited about learning students!
With the pressure of this semester starting this week, Carl and I used this past weekend to fully press on with Savannah's big girl room. Finally, I can say this....the room is done!! Savannah can now easily play and enjoy her new space. There are a few details that go in the room that haven't been added, but the actual room is done. The antique dresser is almost complete. We have sanded it, put two coats of primer, and three coats of paint. We plan to poly tonight and then we can put the dresser in on Sunday. I also have two canvases I'd like to paint with some princess details...I might get those done this weekend. We also bought two flower lights at Ikea that need to be put up, but I'm going to let Carl do that at the same time he hangs the canvases. We still have to buy a bed (we have the mattress in the room with the bedding on it), but we still haven't picked one we love and Savannah doesn't really need to be up off the floor yet anyway. Within the year we'll pick one, but for now we're happy. Once the bed is in we'll move the nightstand from the nursery in, but I hate to have a nightstand that she could roll into in her room, so it will wait too. Our weekend was full of decorating and painting, but it is so worth it. Savannah LOVES to run around in her room and play dress up and tea party and read books...it's just fun.
I also spent a good part of the weekend cleaning the house. I'm not usually a messy person, but life has consumed me and I'd slacked off a bit. But then Carl wanted a good friend from high school and college to come to dinner this week. This friend and his fiancé have never seen the house - so I really wanted to make sure it was clean. So around all of the decorating, I was also cleaning like a mad woman and shopping for food, etc. I honestly hadn't even though past today's plans until now....life is in such segments....I literally think about my schedule only a few days in advance now - I just have so much going on. I realized this morning that I haven't sat down to watch television since last Friday. The only reason I know what's going on in the world is because I check msnbc.com for news in the morning at work.
So. I'm busy. VERY busy. On top of all the craziness at home with remodeling and cleaning, I also am planning our Disney vacation (108 days!!), planning a major recruitment event on the FSU campus, beginning a new project for January at FSU, and teaching all those students...and I can't forget, Carl and I joined a Bible Study on Tuesday nights. (So my Tuesdays look like this - 6:30 wake up, arrive at FSU at 7:30, work until 4pm, arrive at WVU at 4:30, teach until 6:15, get home at 6:30 eat and love Savannah - which honestly is more Savannah time than eating time, leave for Bible Study at 6:50, get home from Bible Study at 8:15pm, and then make lunch/shower for the next day - which begins early the next day with class at 8am!) This semester is busy - one of the worst on record. I haven't really ever questioned God about the miscarriage - I never felt the need to be angry with God or to blame someone (besides myself), and now I see what God saw months ago. I'm busy, and stressed, and not eating well...and just plain not in a very healthy stage for a pregnant woman to be in. It wouldn't have been wise to attempt all of this at the same time as a pregnancy. This semester is just starting and it already feels incredibly heavy. Last week I saw the impending stress and finally did something I have been promising myself to do for a long time....when the chair of the IE department at WVU called about teaching next spring...I said no. Every semester I teach at WVU I always say "This is the last time...", but then the next semester rolls around and there I am teaching again. I finally said no. I want another baby - and I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I will have zero classes in the spring to teach...I have 3 large events at FSU to handle, but all of those can be done during my normal working hours. There will be no remodeling at the house (hopefully nothing needs fixed anyway!), and life will be just the 8-4 and baby-growing.
That's my plan anyway...but distractions to that plan presented themselves yesterday. The Dean at FSU asked about my thoughts on taking on two more courses in the future - in addition to what I already do. At that point I'd be teaching 3 full credit courses plus a seminar course, as well as everything else I do (Science Fairs, Career Fairs, newsletter, course catalog, Recruitment/Retention Committee, Science Challenge, Science Bowl). I may not be able to handle that....teaching 10 credit hours and everything else. Full time faculty teach 12 credit hours and that's it! I don't know how I could handle basically two full time jobs in the same single 8 hours a day! I also was approached by an old professor/friend to consider teaching an online course for his program...online is appealing because I could work after bedtime for Savannah...but it really would depend on some of the specifics.
So I'm busy now, and really trying very hard to prevent this craziness next year....without slowing the progress of my professional career....ah the joys of a working mom!!
This is the first week of school for so many students across West Virginia. Public schools have started, as well as FSU and WVU. Life has gotten complicated again. Sigh. This semester I have the opportunity to teach 108 students over three different courses. That's a lot of names to learn - I truly hope to know many (if not all) of my students academically. I have the busiest schedule I have ever had in the fall. I have class (at FSU) Mondays and Wednesdays at 8:00am. It makes for an early morning! I then teach at 5:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays (at WVU). On Fridays I have a Freshman Seminar course at 1:00pm (at FSU). Last semester I received some evaluations that really made me stop and think about my career. I was told I was always "in a bad mood", among other things. I seriously questioned if I was following the right career path. I entered this semester with a new outlook, and I hope to see the differences in my classes. I have restructured the courses to provide for more interaction and I enter each classroom in a positive mood. Of all the challenges I face as an instructor, it seems the positive attitude is the one I struggle with the most. It's not that I am a negative person, it's just that I have so much going on my life (professionally and personally) that I get tired, worn down, and stressed....and then I'm expected (by students) to appear thrilled and happy at 8am on a Monday and at 5pm after I've driven to Fairmont, worked 8 hours, and driven back to Morgantown. So not only do I teach at times it's hard to be happy - I also am skipping breakfasts and dinners....so I'm grouchy because I'm hungry. With all of this knowledge, I am making a very extreme effort to be positive, engaging, and excited about teaching - regardless of the time of day. I sometimes wonder how students can demand such things, when I'd be hard pressed to find very many happy, engaging, and excited about learning students!
With the pressure of this semester starting this week, Carl and I used this past weekend to fully press on with Savannah's big girl room. Finally, I can say this....the room is done!! Savannah can now easily play and enjoy her new space. There are a few details that go in the room that haven't been added, but the actual room is done. The antique dresser is almost complete. We have sanded it, put two coats of primer, and three coats of paint. We plan to poly tonight and then we can put the dresser in on Sunday. I also have two canvases I'd like to paint with some princess details...I might get those done this weekend. We also bought two flower lights at Ikea that need to be put up, but I'm going to let Carl do that at the same time he hangs the canvases. We still have to buy a bed (we have the mattress in the room with the bedding on it), but we still haven't picked one we love and Savannah doesn't really need to be up off the floor yet anyway. Within the year we'll pick one, but for now we're happy. Once the bed is in we'll move the nightstand from the nursery in, but I hate to have a nightstand that she could roll into in her room, so it will wait too. Our weekend was full of decorating and painting, but it is so worth it. Savannah LOVES to run around in her room and play dress up and tea party and read books...it's just fun.
I also spent a good part of the weekend cleaning the house. I'm not usually a messy person, but life has consumed me and I'd slacked off a bit. But then Carl wanted a good friend from high school and college to come to dinner this week. This friend and his fiancé have never seen the house - so I really wanted to make sure it was clean. So around all of the decorating, I was also cleaning like a mad woman and shopping for food, etc. I honestly hadn't even though past today's plans until now....life is in such segments....I literally think about my schedule only a few days in advance now - I just have so much going on. I realized this morning that I haven't sat down to watch television since last Friday. The only reason I know what's going on in the world is because I check msnbc.com for news in the morning at work.
So. I'm busy. VERY busy. On top of all the craziness at home with remodeling and cleaning, I also am planning our Disney vacation (108 days!!), planning a major recruitment event on the FSU campus, beginning a new project for January at FSU, and teaching all those students...and I can't forget, Carl and I joined a Bible Study on Tuesday nights. (So my Tuesdays look like this - 6:30 wake up, arrive at FSU at 7:30, work until 4pm, arrive at WVU at 4:30, teach until 6:15, get home at 6:30 eat and love Savannah - which honestly is more Savannah time than eating time, leave for Bible Study at 6:50, get home from Bible Study at 8:15pm, and then make lunch/shower for the next day - which begins early the next day with class at 8am!) This semester is busy - one of the worst on record. I haven't really ever questioned God about the miscarriage - I never felt the need to be angry with God or to blame someone (besides myself), and now I see what God saw months ago. I'm busy, and stressed, and not eating well...and just plain not in a very healthy stage for a pregnant woman to be in. It wouldn't have been wise to attempt all of this at the same time as a pregnancy. This semester is just starting and it already feels incredibly heavy. Last week I saw the impending stress and finally did something I have been promising myself to do for a long time....when the chair of the IE department at WVU called about teaching next spring...I said no. Every semester I teach at WVU I always say "This is the last time...", but then the next semester rolls around and there I am teaching again. I finally said no. I want another baby - and I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I will have zero classes in the spring to teach...I have 3 large events at FSU to handle, but all of those can be done during my normal working hours. There will be no remodeling at the house (hopefully nothing needs fixed anyway!), and life will be just the 8-4 and baby-growing.
That's my plan anyway...but distractions to that plan presented themselves yesterday. The Dean at FSU asked about my thoughts on taking on two more courses in the future - in addition to what I already do. At that point I'd be teaching 3 full credit courses plus a seminar course, as well as everything else I do (Science Fairs, Career Fairs, newsletter, course catalog, Recruitment/Retention Committee, Science Challenge, Science Bowl). I may not be able to handle that....teaching 10 credit hours and everything else. Full time faculty teach 12 credit hours and that's it! I don't know how I could handle basically two full time jobs in the same single 8 hours a day! I also was approached by an old professor/friend to consider teaching an online course for his program...online is appealing because I could work after bedtime for Savannah...but it really would depend on some of the specifics.
So I'm busy now, and really trying very hard to prevent this craziness next year....without slowing the progress of my professional career....ah the joys of a working mom!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Organization Nightmare!
Just as I think life is slowing down for me I must brace for another wave of craziness. This week faculty returns to FSU and in 7 days I begin teaching again. I have class every day of the week, with Tuesdays and Thursdays being evening classes at WVU. Since I can see this giant schedule-busting wave on the horizon, I have been making a big push to finish Savannah's big girl room. The first goal for completion was July 4th...and things got in the way and it didn't happen. So then I made a goal of Labor Day. We haven't completed it yet, and to be honest I don't think we'll make the Labor Day goal either. I certainly hope we will though.
We still have two big projects left. Carl has to finish painting the woodwork (or at least allow me to do it) and we are going to refinish the antique dresser I had as a child. I hope to do as much of that as possible this weekend...I really would like to have this off of my radar when school begins again. We have gotten quite a bit completed already, we've painted, added the mural, hung the window treatments, hung the chair rail and crown molding, bought all of the furniture (minus the bed - I still can't decide on one!), and this past week I tackled a major organizational nightmare. I cleaned out the closet in that room and moved all of Savannah's clothes in.
It was hard to get that closet fully emptied out...we'd taken out a lot before our yard sale this spring, but there were still a few random things and our winter coats hanging in there. Carl wanted to just move our coats to the nursery closet (his logic was that even another baby won't need that much space in a closet for a while) but I refused to do that. I just hate moving things around when I know I'll have to move it again (even if moving it again will be in a few years when the second child wants more space). I insisted that we sort through the coats and donate some to charity. Honestly, why do we each need 10 coats?! At first Carl didn't seem to be able to part with several coats (you'd think it'd be easy for a guy!) but once I told him that he had to hang them in our master closet (thank goodness it's a walk-in) and that they would be going on his side and not mine, he seemed more willing to part with a few. We each kept about 4 coats: a heavy coat, fall jacket, rain jacket, and then one for casual wear. This all means that a few people won't be cold this winter when they receive our donated coats. I love that the clutter is out of my house, plus I know it will make someone very happy in a few months!
After the closet was completely empty I had to decide how to organize Savannah's clothes. I had been thinking about this for a while. I love to organize - almost to a ridiculous degree. I love office supplies and the things that organize them...I just love organization! So after knowing this about me, one would think that organizing clothing for a child would be a breeze. That couldn't be farther from the truth...since the moment we began collecting clothes for Savannah I have felt overwhelmed with disorganization. Our closets have a shelf and a bar for hanging clothes, but then there is a lot of empty space underneath...and in both the nursery and the big girl room there is space for a dresser inside the closet. We had an extra dresser at my parents' house so that was moved into the nursery as soon as the clothes started to pour in.
Then the chaos began. Family and friends began to shop for bargains for Savannah (which was well appreciated!), but this meant that we had outfits as small as newborn and as big at 3T. We had summer outfits, matching sets, winter shirts, leggings, shorts, skirts, pajamas, dresses, etc. All of which we had in just about every size. So I was faced with a major task - how do I organize it all?! I remember one particular evening I sat in the middle of the nursery with piles of clothing around me, with no inkling of how to organize it all. Of all the preparation I went through for a new baby, I think organizing her clothes was one of the most difficult. My first solution (which I used throughout Savannah's first year) was to organize the clothing by size. The top drawer held the clothing size that fit Savannah at the moment (when we started the top drawer was all newborn sized items). All shorts, pants, onesies, skirts in her current size went there. I hung all dresses up, with the current size in the front and the biggest size all the way back. Pajamas were hung up also. The next drawer down held the size she would be in next, and so on. There was also a drawer designated for hats, socks, and shoes. This worked...but it got to be very difficult to really see what she had. If someone was looking for a particular shirt, etc. all of her clothes would end up on the floor or completed unfolded and crammed in the drawer. It drove me batty! I also hated that every time she'd outgrow a size (which seemed to happen every 2 months!) I would have to reorganize the drawers again (unfortunately the drawers didn't allow for interchangeable locations).
Thus, the task of moving all of her clothes across the hall has been a challenge. Her big girl room closet is much bigger than the nursery closet. However, we don't have another spare dresser. Carl suggested moving the one from the nursery, but then we'd still have to find another one when the next baby comes along. I toyed with the idea of buying a cheap one at Ikea, but still wasn't fully happy with the idea. I considered purchasing a closet system - but that can be expensive and would stay with the house if we were to move. One day I was walking through Target and an idea came to me. Why couldn't I use dorm storage bins for her closet? I found two large three-drawer carts and two small three-drawer carts. They aren't the most beautiful, but I don't care, the closet doors are usually closed anyway. I also liked the price. (In the end I paid $50 for her "closet system".) They are a pink, clear color. This means Savannah can see right into them - perfect for when she learns to dress herself! Another perk - safety. These are low to the ground, so chances of anything tipping is small. If she does somehow tip one, she shouldn't be seriously injured. They aren't tremendously large, but for now her clothes fit really well with room to grow. Once she is older and the clothes don't fit she'll be hanging them up more often and using the top shelf for sweaters and jeans. At that point, the bins will just be re-purposed (I'm thinking toys, shoes, scarves, books, puzzles, doll supplies, etc.).
Figuring out the storage solution was the first part of the hurdle...but then came the hard part...would I still organize the drawers the same way? I decided on a new system. First I went through all of her current clothes and put things that were too small in a plastic bin for the attic (I really shudder to think how many bins of outgrown clothes we have in the attic). The new system revolves around the type of clothing, rather than the size. I've discovered this works much better because something that says 18mo in one brand fits, while another brand only 24mo sizes fit. So, now she has a drawer just for short sleeved shirts (which - thanks to a Children's Place sale she has plenty of for the winter - I bought two shrugs that will fit her this winter...which will completely extend the life of short-sleeved shirts without making her cold!), long-sleeved shirts, pants, shorts/skirts, and pants. Dresses are still hung up, as well as coats. In the smaller drawers she has shoes, socks, and hats/purses. I even printed out little labels, laminated them, and then used Velcro to stick them to the drawers. This allows Savannah to learn the words and where her clothes belong. It also means Carl and my mom can easily get things out, or put away laundered clothing. I used to try to keep matching outfit sets together (a lot of children's clothing comes with a shirt and pant set, which are cutest when worn together but can also be worn separately with other options). This just doesn't work. Even if in the drawer together, somehow Carl still doesn't match Savannah's clothing. It also means that when I have just a shirt and I am looking for shorts, I am missing the opportunity to use one of those sets. So for now I just have to hope that whoever dresses her on any particular day can do a decent job of coordinating her clothes. All of the clothing in her drawers currently fits her, or is just a tiny bit big, but still wearable. All of the clothes that we still have for her to grow into is either hanging up (dresses and coats) or are in a shelf on a gray hanging organizer. All clothes that will fit next summer are on the top shelf and all clothes that will fit next winter on the shelf below. There are still 3 more shelves, so if by chance I find some great sales I can add items to it. I love the new system.
The left side of the closet...
The right side of the closet.
I also had a chance to really see what she needs for the winter...mainly 24mo and 2T....which led to another question...what in the heck is the difference between 24mo and 2T?! A quick Google search revealed that generally there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. The main thing I found is that 2T is a little bit bigger through the chest/waist and longer in the pants. Carter's website seems to agree with this idea. http://www.carters.com/Sizing/cs-sizing,default,pg.html From what I can tell, 24mo and 2T have about the same weight range, but 2T is for taller children. When I do my fall/winter shopping I plan to buy 2T, even if I'll be rolling the sleeves or pants for a bit. Clothing is too expensive to buy 24mo and then 2 months later have to buy 2T.
So Savannah's big girl room is almost ready for her to move in...which will leave an empty nursery. The plan was for it to be needed again during the end of February...but sadly those plans have changed. In my attempt to see the positive side of things, I have decided that once the fall semester is over, life will slow down. (It has to - I won't be teaching at FSU or WVU, no vacations planned after Disney, and no more rooms to renovate!) It will be winter, and boring, and cold. So I will be stuck in the house....so I will then tackle the nursery closet. I will decide what things are really worth keeping for the next baby, and I'll sort through all of Savannah's outgrown clothes for any of the neutral items. I'll keep the neutral things out (and even put the smallest neutral items in the dresser for a future baby) and I'll label all of the girly things as "Girl/Size" just in case the next one likes pink too! While again, I'd still rather be pregnant, at least I won't be 8 months pregnant trying to sort through a nursery of clothes like last time...pregnancy hormones and sorting clothes just wasn't a good combination for me - I ended up crying and frustrated. So this time around the clothes will be ready and waiting for the pregnancy instead of the other way around. (Which I must say means during the next pregnancy there won't be a need for any room renovation, clothes washing/organizing, or anything! I will just have to make sure the bottles are washed/stored and that we have plenty of diapers!)
We still have two big projects left. Carl has to finish painting the woodwork (or at least allow me to do it) and we are going to refinish the antique dresser I had as a child. I hope to do as much of that as possible this weekend...I really would like to have this off of my radar when school begins again. We have gotten quite a bit completed already, we've painted, added the mural, hung the window treatments, hung the chair rail and crown molding, bought all of the furniture (minus the bed - I still can't decide on one!), and this past week I tackled a major organizational nightmare. I cleaned out the closet in that room and moved all of Savannah's clothes in.
It was hard to get that closet fully emptied out...we'd taken out a lot before our yard sale this spring, but there were still a few random things and our winter coats hanging in there. Carl wanted to just move our coats to the nursery closet (his logic was that even another baby won't need that much space in a closet for a while) but I refused to do that. I just hate moving things around when I know I'll have to move it again (even if moving it again will be in a few years when the second child wants more space). I insisted that we sort through the coats and donate some to charity. Honestly, why do we each need 10 coats?! At first Carl didn't seem to be able to part with several coats (you'd think it'd be easy for a guy!) but once I told him that he had to hang them in our master closet (thank goodness it's a walk-in) and that they would be going on his side and not mine, he seemed more willing to part with a few. We each kept about 4 coats: a heavy coat, fall jacket, rain jacket, and then one for casual wear. This all means that a few people won't be cold this winter when they receive our donated coats. I love that the clutter is out of my house, plus I know it will make someone very happy in a few months!
After the closet was completely empty I had to decide how to organize Savannah's clothes. I had been thinking about this for a while. I love to organize - almost to a ridiculous degree. I love office supplies and the things that organize them...I just love organization! So after knowing this about me, one would think that organizing clothing for a child would be a breeze. That couldn't be farther from the truth...since the moment we began collecting clothes for Savannah I have felt overwhelmed with disorganization. Our closets have a shelf and a bar for hanging clothes, but then there is a lot of empty space underneath...and in both the nursery and the big girl room there is space for a dresser inside the closet. We had an extra dresser at my parents' house so that was moved into the nursery as soon as the clothes started to pour in.
Then the chaos began. Family and friends began to shop for bargains for Savannah (which was well appreciated!), but this meant that we had outfits as small as newborn and as big at 3T. We had summer outfits, matching sets, winter shirts, leggings, shorts, skirts, pajamas, dresses, etc. All of which we had in just about every size. So I was faced with a major task - how do I organize it all?! I remember one particular evening I sat in the middle of the nursery with piles of clothing around me, with no inkling of how to organize it all. Of all the preparation I went through for a new baby, I think organizing her clothes was one of the most difficult. My first solution (which I used throughout Savannah's first year) was to organize the clothing by size. The top drawer held the clothing size that fit Savannah at the moment (when we started the top drawer was all newborn sized items). All shorts, pants, onesies, skirts in her current size went there. I hung all dresses up, with the current size in the front and the biggest size all the way back. Pajamas were hung up also. The next drawer down held the size she would be in next, and so on. There was also a drawer designated for hats, socks, and shoes. This worked...but it got to be very difficult to really see what she had. If someone was looking for a particular shirt, etc. all of her clothes would end up on the floor or completed unfolded and crammed in the drawer. It drove me batty! I also hated that every time she'd outgrow a size (which seemed to happen every 2 months!) I would have to reorganize the drawers again (unfortunately the drawers didn't allow for interchangeable locations).
Thus, the task of moving all of her clothes across the hall has been a challenge. Her big girl room closet is much bigger than the nursery closet. However, we don't have another spare dresser. Carl suggested moving the one from the nursery, but then we'd still have to find another one when the next baby comes along. I toyed with the idea of buying a cheap one at Ikea, but still wasn't fully happy with the idea. I considered purchasing a closet system - but that can be expensive and would stay with the house if we were to move. One day I was walking through Target and an idea came to me. Why couldn't I use dorm storage bins for her closet? I found two large three-drawer carts and two small three-drawer carts. They aren't the most beautiful, but I don't care, the closet doors are usually closed anyway. I also liked the price. (In the end I paid $50 for her "closet system".) They are a pink, clear color. This means Savannah can see right into them - perfect for when she learns to dress herself! Another perk - safety. These are low to the ground, so chances of anything tipping is small. If she does somehow tip one, she shouldn't be seriously injured. They aren't tremendously large, but for now her clothes fit really well with room to grow. Once she is older and the clothes don't fit she'll be hanging them up more often and using the top shelf for sweaters and jeans. At that point, the bins will just be re-purposed (I'm thinking toys, shoes, scarves, books, puzzles, doll supplies, etc.).
Figuring out the storage solution was the first part of the hurdle...but then came the hard part...would I still organize the drawers the same way? I decided on a new system. First I went through all of her current clothes and put things that were too small in a plastic bin for the attic (I really shudder to think how many bins of outgrown clothes we have in the attic). The new system revolves around the type of clothing, rather than the size. I've discovered this works much better because something that says 18mo in one brand fits, while another brand only 24mo sizes fit. So, now she has a drawer just for short sleeved shirts (which - thanks to a Children's Place sale she has plenty of for the winter - I bought two shrugs that will fit her this winter...which will completely extend the life of short-sleeved shirts without making her cold!), long-sleeved shirts, pants, shorts/skirts, and pants. Dresses are still hung up, as well as coats. In the smaller drawers she has shoes, socks, and hats/purses. I even printed out little labels, laminated them, and then used Velcro to stick them to the drawers. This allows Savannah to learn the words and where her clothes belong. It also means Carl and my mom can easily get things out, or put away laundered clothing. I used to try to keep matching outfit sets together (a lot of children's clothing comes with a shirt and pant set, which are cutest when worn together but can also be worn separately with other options). This just doesn't work. Even if in the drawer together, somehow Carl still doesn't match Savannah's clothing. It also means that when I have just a shirt and I am looking for shorts, I am missing the opportunity to use one of those sets. So for now I just have to hope that whoever dresses her on any particular day can do a decent job of coordinating her clothes. All of the clothing in her drawers currently fits her, or is just a tiny bit big, but still wearable. All of the clothes that we still have for her to grow into is either hanging up (dresses and coats) or are in a shelf on a gray hanging organizer. All clothes that will fit next summer are on the top shelf and all clothes that will fit next winter on the shelf below. There are still 3 more shelves, so if by chance I find some great sales I can add items to it. I love the new system.
The left side of the closet...
The right side of the closet.
I also had a chance to really see what she needs for the winter...mainly 24mo and 2T....which led to another question...what in the heck is the difference between 24mo and 2T?! A quick Google search revealed that generally there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. The main thing I found is that 2T is a little bit bigger through the chest/waist and longer in the pants. Carter's website seems to agree with this idea. http://www.carters.com/Sizing/cs-sizing,default,pg.html From what I can tell, 24mo and 2T have about the same weight range, but 2T is for taller children. When I do my fall/winter shopping I plan to buy 2T, even if I'll be rolling the sleeves or pants for a bit. Clothing is too expensive to buy 24mo and then 2 months later have to buy 2T.
So Savannah's big girl room is almost ready for her to move in...which will leave an empty nursery. The plan was for it to be needed again during the end of February...but sadly those plans have changed. In my attempt to see the positive side of things, I have decided that once the fall semester is over, life will slow down. (It has to - I won't be teaching at FSU or WVU, no vacations planned after Disney, and no more rooms to renovate!) It will be winter, and boring, and cold. So I will be stuck in the house....so I will then tackle the nursery closet. I will decide what things are really worth keeping for the next baby, and I'll sort through all of Savannah's outgrown clothes for any of the neutral items. I'll keep the neutral things out (and even put the smallest neutral items in the dresser for a future baby) and I'll label all of the girly things as "Girl/Size" just in case the next one likes pink too! While again, I'd still rather be pregnant, at least I won't be 8 months pregnant trying to sort through a nursery of clothes like last time...pregnancy hormones and sorting clothes just wasn't a good combination for me - I ended up crying and frustrated. So this time around the clothes will be ready and waiting for the pregnancy instead of the other way around. (Which I must say means during the next pregnancy there won't be a need for any room renovation, clothes washing/organizing, or anything! I will just have to make sure the bottles are washed/stored and that we have plenty of diapers!)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I Wanna Be a Millionaire, Among Other Things...
On my way home yesterday that song "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy started to play on the radio. A little secret about me is that I sing in the car - a lot - it distracts me just enough (but not too much to cause any issues) to stay calm in heavy traffic. It seems that almost every time the lyrics said "I wanna be a billionaire" I would inadvertently sing "I wanna be a millionaire". I then started to really think why I do that every time. I guess it boils down to the fact that to me, being a millionaire would be amazing - let alone a billionaire. Then I started to think about what I would do with a million dollars. You would think I'd have all these crazy things I'd like to buy...but the first things to come to mind were to pay off the house and cars, then maybe buy a few things for my parents and grandparents, donate to a charity or our church...and that was it. I didn't think "Oh I'd love a boat" or "I could buy a really expensive car!"...I did eventually think that maybe I'd like to stop working so I could be home with my family more...which brought me to the conclusion that I'd be a boring millionaire. It also made me realize that for once I am practicing what I preach. The key to happiness (or at least a portion of it) is to love what you have, not want what you don't have. I love my family, I love my house, and I love my cars. Some may say that I must have pretty nice things then. While I do think what we have is nice, it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibilities for a lot of people to have. We're not millionaires, or even hundred-thousandaires (totally not a word). We are just happy and blessed with what we do have. I'd like to think that even if I had less I'd still be happy. Life just isn't about big houses or expensive cars. Life is meant for us to praise God for the opportunities presented to us, feel blessed for what He has provided, and do as much to help others as possible.
Aside from singing the lyrics wrong on my drive home, my life has been pretty straight forward and uneventful. We did enjoy an amazing trip to visit family last week. Surprisingly the "road trip" part of our vacation was one of the most entertaining. I typically hate road trips but this was the first road trip Carl, Savannah, and I have taken as a family of three, alone. We had a new GPS - we named her "Glinda Penelope Switzer" - to play with. Savannah had a DVD player to keep her entertained. I drove quite a bit, even through 8-lanes Nashville. It was just fun and relaxing. I was delighted to see Savannah with all four of her great-grandparents. We visited an historical staple in my hometown - Trowbridges. This place has the best hot dogs and ice cream that I have ever tasted. All of that good food combined with southern charm. It was just wonderful. It broke my heart when we had to leave both sets of grandparents. They just want to relish every moment with Savannah...I hated to go. I am amazingly blessed to have the four of them in my life - as well as in Savannah's life.
Savannah is also changing by the day. I swear each day it sounds like she has added to her vocabulary. Her words still aren't nearly clear enough for anyone other than family to understand her, but she certainly understands more words than I could imagine. She can pick out just about anything I ask her about in a picture book and she is fluent in body part identification. She has figured out how to open lever-handle style doors (which was really a lot of work for me at my grandparents in Ohio) and she knows how to get around the drawer locks in the kitchen. She copies everything I do. The other day I had to fuss at Junebug (the youngest kitty in our household) for trying to steal food off my plate. I said "June! No!" and clapped my hands at her. Then behind me I hear "Ah! Ah!" with the same inflection and all. I turn to see Savannah clapping. She's now become the chief police officer for our kitties. They aren't entirely thrilled. Savannah also follows two or three step directions really well. We can tell her to find something and put it somewhere else, etc. More and more often she points to her diaper for changes....it really will be time before we know it for her to be potty trained. We also have a goal of finishing her big girl room before Labor Day. She has been climbing things like crazy and I just worry about her falling out of her crib. Carl's mom said Carl was close to Savannah's current age when he figured it out. I also have been thinking that if she is going to be potty trained I need to be sure she can access the potty easily at night - so when we potty train she'll need to be a bed she can get out of. It is just amazing to me how grown up she is already.
For all that Savannah has grown, she still reminds me that she's my little doll baby that I brought home from the hospital. Recently she has really turned into a cuddle bug - which often makes me cry. I just love her so much and I just love that she cuddles - but it really reminds me of what I lost in July. It makes me sad to think that she isn't a big sister yet and won't be for a while now. She just has so much love to share and I can't give her a sibling to share with...at least not now. I also have been going to weekly appointments for blood work. My HCG level has to drop below 5, and until it does I have to give a tube of blood once a week. The week after the miscarriage it was 186, the next week it was 48, and this week it was 6. And so, since it was 6, I had to go AGAIN next week. I really don't look forward to that. I have gotten over the needles and blood part of this - honestly after being stuck so many times when I was pregnant with Savannah, and now for the miscarriage, the needles don't bother me. It's just hard to go in to that doctor's office, knowing full well that I'm there because my body rejected a potential baby. Then once I get there I sit in a waiting room full of 9-months-pregnant women - reminded of what I could have had: the excitement, the joy, the baby. While I'd like to think I have put that memory away and moved on to enjoy my life, I know the pain still isn't gone. The hurt and loss is still there...and every week I'm reminded. It was really not fun to get the phone call yesterday saying that I'd have to come back next week...it's like a miscarriage isn't just a one day event....the day you're told there's no heartbeat it's shattering...then you have all the physical issues to deal. It's pretty much all the same as what happens right after you have a baby - except this time you get all of that annoyance and pain without a baby as your reward. Then after that is over you are reminded every week while the doctor checks on you. I know it's all for my health, but it really, really hurts.
And so I come back to where I started...I am happy with my life and I love what I have. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a life I love to wake up to every morning. But I do believe that without great sadness and pain we wouldn't appreciate the great joys and blessings.
Aside from singing the lyrics wrong on my drive home, my life has been pretty straight forward and uneventful. We did enjoy an amazing trip to visit family last week. Surprisingly the "road trip" part of our vacation was one of the most entertaining. I typically hate road trips but this was the first road trip Carl, Savannah, and I have taken as a family of three, alone. We had a new GPS - we named her "Glinda Penelope Switzer" - to play with. Savannah had a DVD player to keep her entertained. I drove quite a bit, even through 8-lanes Nashville. It was just fun and relaxing. I was delighted to see Savannah with all four of her great-grandparents. We visited an historical staple in my hometown - Trowbridges. This place has the best hot dogs and ice cream that I have ever tasted. All of that good food combined with southern charm. It was just wonderful. It broke my heart when we had to leave both sets of grandparents. They just want to relish every moment with Savannah...I hated to go. I am amazingly blessed to have the four of them in my life - as well as in Savannah's life.
Savannah is also changing by the day. I swear each day it sounds like she has added to her vocabulary. Her words still aren't nearly clear enough for anyone other than family to understand her, but she certainly understands more words than I could imagine. She can pick out just about anything I ask her about in a picture book and she is fluent in body part identification. She has figured out how to open lever-handle style doors (which was really a lot of work for me at my grandparents in Ohio) and she knows how to get around the drawer locks in the kitchen. She copies everything I do. The other day I had to fuss at Junebug (the youngest kitty in our household) for trying to steal food off my plate. I said "June! No!" and clapped my hands at her. Then behind me I hear "Ah! Ah!" with the same inflection and all. I turn to see Savannah clapping. She's now become the chief police officer for our kitties. They aren't entirely thrilled. Savannah also follows two or three step directions really well. We can tell her to find something and put it somewhere else, etc. More and more often she points to her diaper for changes....it really will be time before we know it for her to be potty trained. We also have a goal of finishing her big girl room before Labor Day. She has been climbing things like crazy and I just worry about her falling out of her crib. Carl's mom said Carl was close to Savannah's current age when he figured it out. I also have been thinking that if she is going to be potty trained I need to be sure she can access the potty easily at night - so when we potty train she'll need to be a bed she can get out of. It is just amazing to me how grown up she is already.
For all that Savannah has grown, she still reminds me that she's my little doll baby that I brought home from the hospital. Recently she has really turned into a cuddle bug - which often makes me cry. I just love her so much and I just love that she cuddles - but it really reminds me of what I lost in July. It makes me sad to think that she isn't a big sister yet and won't be for a while now. She just has so much love to share and I can't give her a sibling to share with...at least not now. I also have been going to weekly appointments for blood work. My HCG level has to drop below 5, and until it does I have to give a tube of blood once a week. The week after the miscarriage it was 186, the next week it was 48, and this week it was 6. And so, since it was 6, I had to go AGAIN next week. I really don't look forward to that. I have gotten over the needles and blood part of this - honestly after being stuck so many times when I was pregnant with Savannah, and now for the miscarriage, the needles don't bother me. It's just hard to go in to that doctor's office, knowing full well that I'm there because my body rejected a potential baby. Then once I get there I sit in a waiting room full of 9-months-pregnant women - reminded of what I could have had: the excitement, the joy, the baby. While I'd like to think I have put that memory away and moved on to enjoy my life, I know the pain still isn't gone. The hurt and loss is still there...and every week I'm reminded. It was really not fun to get the phone call yesterday saying that I'd have to come back next week...it's like a miscarriage isn't just a one day event....the day you're told there's no heartbeat it's shattering...then you have all the physical issues to deal. It's pretty much all the same as what happens right after you have a baby - except this time you get all of that annoyance and pain without a baby as your reward. Then after that is over you are reminded every week while the doctor checks on you. I know it's all for my health, but it really, really hurts.
And so I come back to where I started...I am happy with my life and I love what I have. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a life I love to wake up to every morning. But I do believe that without great sadness and pain we wouldn't appreciate the great joys and blessings.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Surviving the Miscarriage
So it has almost been two full weeks since I miscarried. Life has gotten somewhat back to normal. I've been back to work, with some days better than others. Carl and I have been doing a lot of packing and traveling (we all leave for Alabama tomorrow - hooray!). I sometimes hate the face people give me when I tell them I've had a miscarriage. It's always this sad puppy-dog face, which always makes me want to cry. I also hate that people think I should be crying a lot...I've done my crying. I have a little girl that doesn't need me to cry. I guess I see it as my memory is full of boxes. This event in my life is in a box. I'd like to close this box and store it. There will be times I take the box out and open it and grieve. I also have several open boxes, like memories with Savannah and Carl. Those boxes are the ones I should rejoice in, and this box containing the sad memory will be there, but never in the forefront. I have been back to the doctor several times...they continue to monitor my HCG levels...and will until it is a number below 5. The last check I was at 48...so hopefully after this trip it will be back to a normal number. I really hate opening this sad box every week...I am tired of the doctor's visits, the sad faces, and sadness. I want to enjoy life and feel blessed for what I do have.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Miscarriage.
Two weeks ago I wrote up a blog post that I had planned to publish in August. The post read as follows:
"In March, Carl and I decided that we were ready to start preparing for a second child. The basement was finally finished and paid for, the emergency fund was once again back to full status, and Savannah's Big Girl Room was well on its way to completion. Honestly, there was no reason to wait. Our family was under the impression that we would like to wait until after the Disney December 2010 trip (now rescheduled for October 2011, with a reunion of honeymoon friends!), so we could surprise them with the news (we hoped) before any suspicion would arise. So in April I had stopped taking birth control and started taking prenatal vitamins. I was hoping for a positive pregnancy test at the end of May, but was disappointed at the beginning of our Miami trip. (So it is also one extra reason that the trip wasn't quite as I'd hoped.)
So I began planning for June. I had my annual appointment with my doctor, and she echoed my excitement for another child. She said I was healthy and fully ready for another. I still consistently took my vitamins and I figured out the ovulation dates. I even read about the entire process of how long it actually takes to get pregnant, etc. (There is a wealth of knowledge out there - including things I probably don't really need to know!) June 7th was the date determined to be THE day. Then, on June 8th my mother-in-law was watching Savannah for a bit (my mom was out of town and I had to be at FSU for most of the day). On my drive home, around 2:30pm, I had the most incredible sensation. I got goosebumps all over my body. I couldn't decide what to make of it. I feared the worst and thought, "Is this my mom-brain telling me I need to get home right away? Is something wrong? Is someone hurt or injured or sick? Are my parents safe on their vacation?". I just knew something was up. By the end of the day, everyone was safe and happy. There had never been any cause for alarm. I told Carl about my crazy goosebumps that night...we didn't know what to think of it. I even mentioned the crazy feeling to a coworker (she was not in the loop of our pregnancy plans either). It was just so...amazing. About a week later I was starting to show a few signs of early pregnancy. I knew it. I knew then I was pregnant. I also had a sneaking suspicion that my goosebumps had been the moment Baby #2 was created. I knew how long conception could occur after ovulation, I'd read a lot about pregnancy! I just had that gut feeling, I knew I was pregnant.
The week between all those symptoms and pregnancy test time was agonizing. I didn't want to tell Carl the day I would be able to test because I wanted it to be a surprise. With Savannah we bought the test together, waited together, and rejoiced together. I wanted to surprise him with the news. So I couldn't share any of my thoughts or confirming feelings that I thought I was pregnant. I knew that the day I would miss Mother Nature would be on June 21st. Our 3rd wedding anniversary was on June 23rd, so my plan had been to wait until the morning of the 23rd, take the test, and (hopefully) tell Carl the good news over dinner. Well, the waiting was killing me. I had a test at home that said it would be 95% accurate on June 20th...which happened to be Father's Day. So then Saturday (the 19th) I decided to test on the morning of the 20th and make that a surprise Father's Day gift. Well, the night of the 19th it got really hot in the house, and around 4am Carl woke up and couldn't sleep. He ended up going to the basement to sleep since it is always cool down there. When he stirred it woke me up. I seriously had to pee. I laid in bed trying to ignore it. I didn't want to pee until later in the morning because you are generally supposed to take the pregnancy first thing in the morning to get the most concentrated hormone levels for the test. And I really didn't want to take a test at 4am! But, I couldn't sleep when I had to pee so bad....so I told myself I'd just take the test and when I got up later I could tell Carl. I took the test, waited 3 minutes, and to my delight I was pregnant! I had known a while I think, but it confirmed every feeling. So then I climbed back into bed and tried (and failed) to go back to sleep. I just couldn't wait. I got up, got the test off the vanity, and trekked down to the basement. I turned on the lights and woke Carl up. He asked what in the world I needed. I told him I couldn't wait a minute longer and showed him the test...he found out at 4:15am on Father's Day that he is going to be a father of two! After celebrating for a bit I decided I really should sleep at some point and went to bed...it took quite a while to calm down enough to sleep...but eventually I did.
Since Father's Day it has been our secret, one that we are thrilled to share now. Little Baby Poland #2 is scheduled to arrive on Monday, February 28th, 2011. (Everyone start praying for no snow now!) I am convinced I'm having a boy (have been for weeks) and if I am correct the plan is to name him Luke Asher. If by chance I'm wrong we will delightfully welcome another little girl into our family, and she will be named Ella Faith. We are praying for a healthy baby, boy or girl. We won't know until February 2011!"
Well, today I would have been 7 weeks pregnant. The last week really was my worst nightmare. Tuesday and Wednesday I noticed some light spotting, it got worse on Thursday and the doctor's office wanted me in on Friday morning. After spending about 2 hours at the doctor's office, my fears were confirmed. An ultrasound revealed that I was indeed between 6 and 7 weeks, there was a gestational sac, but there was no heartbeat. Hearing the words, "I don't see a heartbeat" from an ultrasound technician probably has to be one of the hardest things to hear. Carl had decided to work from home Thursday night, and then once we knew the horrible outcome of the doctor's appointment he remained home the entire day with me.
Friday I was pretty much a useless bump on a log. I did interact with Savannah as much as possible...I just couldn't bear missing another moment with her, but when she was napping or asleep I did nothing or cried a lot. Carl was so strong for me and so supportive. We decided to share the news with our friends and family too. Both mothers have been extremely supportive and our faith has really gotten us through the past few days. We don't know what caused the miscarriage, but the doctor assured me that it wasn't caused by anything I did, or didn't, do. For some reason this baby just wasn't meant to be. God is in control, and He knew it wasn't the right time, for whatever reason. When I was home in tears on Friday, Savannah just watched me with such a terribly scared face...so for the sake of her I have been strong and tried to limit my tears. I allowed myself to grieve and be useless all day on Friday, but on Saturday I woke up with a new resolve that the tears were to be shut off. It still hurt (and it still does now and there will be days I feel it more than others), but I do have a wonderfully amazing little girl who needs me. I don't want to miss out on anything in her life, and I can't enjoy her life of what is now when I am crying over what could have been.
Carl was amazingly supportive throughout the ordeal too. He insisted on driving me to the doctor's office, even though we live honestly not even a mile away. He did a lot of the work associated with caring for Savannah. When he saw my face after the results of the ultrasound he just let me sob into his shoulder. He hid a lot of his sadness to prevent increasing my sadness. He forced me to rest and encouraged me to enjoy some of the foods that are "off-limits" for pregnant women. In a time when some might find their marriage stretched beyond recognition, ours showed stronger than ever. He wouldn't let me think for a second that he was mad or that I should feel guilt. He and I both agreed that God had other plans right now. He was a pillar of strength. While we may have bickered about things in the past (I remember all those frustrating days when Savannah was small!), this has proven to be one of the greatest tests of our marriage (as it would be for any marriage), but we have survived and come out as a strong & loving team.
So plans have changed. It wasn't my idea to change them, but God is in control. Right now the doctor has recommended we wait until at least September to think about trying again, but I think we will wait longer. We have decided to press on with the Disney December 2010 trip. I can't wait to enjoy it all with my family. My parents will be going with us, so Carl and I will have a few times to enjoy Disney World all over again as a couple, plus we will get to see it through the eyes and delight of Savannah. I have such a wonderful trip to look forward to. I will be teaching at WVU and FSU this fall, and I would love to enjoy the rides at Disney, so I really do think we'll wait until 2011 to think about trying again. We had hoped to surprise everyone with the next pregnancy, but really that doesn't matter. It would be nice to surprise them, but when both moms found out about the miscarriage they both said, "I was suspicious you were pregnant!"....so there really is no surprising a mother.
Today I returned to work as normal, and now that I have some return appointments to handle with the doctor, I have spoken with a close friend and my boss about the issue. Both were very understanding and asked why I even came to work today. While I am still sad and hurt, I need routine. I really don't handle change well, and this weekend I faced all the change I could handle. For me keeping the schedule normal is helpful. I am blessed to have such supportive family, friends, and co-workers. God knew that Carl and I would work through this.
So at this point, many people would wonder why in the world I would even blog about such a sad topic. There are so many reasons I feel compelled to write. For one, I don't want to ignore the fact that I was pregnant, I was SO happy about it, and Carl and I were so excited. The post I wrote two weeks ago deserves to be seen. I also wanted to share the array of emotions I felt in the past few days. Instantly I felt sadness, guilt, denial, shock. While all of those feelings may be valid reactions, they weren't all spot on. There was no reason to feel guilt, I had done nothing wrong. I also thought that I could never be one of the 40% of women who have miscarriages. I just always thought I'd be one of the lucky 60%.
I also hate the idea that a miscarriage is something to hide or be ashamed of. When someone in your family dies, you put it in the newspaper, but when you have a miscarriage a lot of people try to avoid talking about it or telling anyone. A miscarriage is one of the worst things a mother can go through, but there should not be any shame or guilt associated with it. It is (unfortunately) more common than anyone would like to think...40% of women! I know of 8 people that have been through it...and those are just the ones who have told me in order to help me process my feelings now.
So this past week was most definitely not what I had hoped. My plans for the next 9 months have changed drastically in the last few days. But now I have other things to look forward to, and in a few months we might go back to thinking about another child. For now I have roller coasters, wine, brownie mix, cookie dough, sunny-side up eggs, deli meat, and caffeine to enjoy right along side all of Savannah's big girl milestones.
"In March, Carl and I decided that we were ready to start preparing for a second child. The basement was finally finished and paid for, the emergency fund was once again back to full status, and Savannah's Big Girl Room was well on its way to completion. Honestly, there was no reason to wait. Our family was under the impression that we would like to wait until after the Disney December 2010 trip (now rescheduled for October 2011, with a reunion of honeymoon friends!), so we could surprise them with the news (we hoped) before any suspicion would arise. So in April I had stopped taking birth control and started taking prenatal vitamins. I was hoping for a positive pregnancy test at the end of May, but was disappointed at the beginning of our Miami trip. (So it is also one extra reason that the trip wasn't quite as I'd hoped.)
So I began planning for June. I had my annual appointment with my doctor, and she echoed my excitement for another child. She said I was healthy and fully ready for another. I still consistently took my vitamins and I figured out the ovulation dates. I even read about the entire process of how long it actually takes to get pregnant, etc. (There is a wealth of knowledge out there - including things I probably don't really need to know!) June 7th was the date determined to be THE day. Then, on June 8th my mother-in-law was watching Savannah for a bit (my mom was out of town and I had to be at FSU for most of the day). On my drive home, around 2:30pm, I had the most incredible sensation. I got goosebumps all over my body. I couldn't decide what to make of it. I feared the worst and thought, "Is this my mom-brain telling me I need to get home right away? Is something wrong? Is someone hurt or injured or sick? Are my parents safe on their vacation?". I just knew something was up. By the end of the day, everyone was safe and happy. There had never been any cause for alarm. I told Carl about my crazy goosebumps that night...we didn't know what to think of it. I even mentioned the crazy feeling to a coworker (she was not in the loop of our pregnancy plans either). It was just so...amazing. About a week later I was starting to show a few signs of early pregnancy. I knew it. I knew then I was pregnant. I also had a sneaking suspicion that my goosebumps had been the moment Baby #2 was created. I knew how long conception could occur after ovulation, I'd read a lot about pregnancy! I just had that gut feeling, I knew I was pregnant.
The week between all those symptoms and pregnancy test time was agonizing. I didn't want to tell Carl the day I would be able to test because I wanted it to be a surprise. With Savannah we bought the test together, waited together, and rejoiced together. I wanted to surprise him with the news. So I couldn't share any of my thoughts or confirming feelings that I thought I was pregnant. I knew that the day I would miss Mother Nature would be on June 21st. Our 3rd wedding anniversary was on June 23rd, so my plan had been to wait until the morning of the 23rd, take the test, and (hopefully) tell Carl the good news over dinner. Well, the waiting was killing me. I had a test at home that said it would be 95% accurate on June 20th...which happened to be Father's Day. So then Saturday (the 19th) I decided to test on the morning of the 20th and make that a surprise Father's Day gift. Well, the night of the 19th it got really hot in the house, and around 4am Carl woke up and couldn't sleep. He ended up going to the basement to sleep since it is always cool down there. When he stirred it woke me up. I seriously had to pee. I laid in bed trying to ignore it. I didn't want to pee until later in the morning because you are generally supposed to take the pregnancy first thing in the morning to get the most concentrated hormone levels for the test. And I really didn't want to take a test at 4am! But, I couldn't sleep when I had to pee so bad....so I told myself I'd just take the test and when I got up later I could tell Carl. I took the test, waited 3 minutes, and to my delight I was pregnant! I had known a while I think, but it confirmed every feeling. So then I climbed back into bed and tried (and failed) to go back to sleep. I just couldn't wait. I got up, got the test off the vanity, and trekked down to the basement. I turned on the lights and woke Carl up. He asked what in the world I needed. I told him I couldn't wait a minute longer and showed him the test...he found out at 4:15am on Father's Day that he is going to be a father of two! After celebrating for a bit I decided I really should sleep at some point and went to bed...it took quite a while to calm down enough to sleep...but eventually I did.
Since Father's Day it has been our secret, one that we are thrilled to share now. Little Baby Poland #2 is scheduled to arrive on Monday, February 28th, 2011. (Everyone start praying for no snow now!) I am convinced I'm having a boy (have been for weeks) and if I am correct the plan is to name him Luke Asher. If by chance I'm wrong we will delightfully welcome another little girl into our family, and she will be named Ella Faith. We are praying for a healthy baby, boy or girl. We won't know until February 2011!"
Well, today I would have been 7 weeks pregnant. The last week really was my worst nightmare. Tuesday and Wednesday I noticed some light spotting, it got worse on Thursday and the doctor's office wanted me in on Friday morning. After spending about 2 hours at the doctor's office, my fears were confirmed. An ultrasound revealed that I was indeed between 6 and 7 weeks, there was a gestational sac, but there was no heartbeat. Hearing the words, "I don't see a heartbeat" from an ultrasound technician probably has to be one of the hardest things to hear. Carl had decided to work from home Thursday night, and then once we knew the horrible outcome of the doctor's appointment he remained home the entire day with me.
Friday I was pretty much a useless bump on a log. I did interact with Savannah as much as possible...I just couldn't bear missing another moment with her, but when she was napping or asleep I did nothing or cried a lot. Carl was so strong for me and so supportive. We decided to share the news with our friends and family too. Both mothers have been extremely supportive and our faith has really gotten us through the past few days. We don't know what caused the miscarriage, but the doctor assured me that it wasn't caused by anything I did, or didn't, do. For some reason this baby just wasn't meant to be. God is in control, and He knew it wasn't the right time, for whatever reason. When I was home in tears on Friday, Savannah just watched me with such a terribly scared face...so for the sake of her I have been strong and tried to limit my tears. I allowed myself to grieve and be useless all day on Friday, but on Saturday I woke up with a new resolve that the tears were to be shut off. It still hurt (and it still does now and there will be days I feel it more than others), but I do have a wonderfully amazing little girl who needs me. I don't want to miss out on anything in her life, and I can't enjoy her life of what is now when I am crying over what could have been.
Carl was amazingly supportive throughout the ordeal too. He insisted on driving me to the doctor's office, even though we live honestly not even a mile away. He did a lot of the work associated with caring for Savannah. When he saw my face after the results of the ultrasound he just let me sob into his shoulder. He hid a lot of his sadness to prevent increasing my sadness. He forced me to rest and encouraged me to enjoy some of the foods that are "off-limits" for pregnant women. In a time when some might find their marriage stretched beyond recognition, ours showed stronger than ever. He wouldn't let me think for a second that he was mad or that I should feel guilt. He and I both agreed that God had other plans right now. He was a pillar of strength. While we may have bickered about things in the past (I remember all those frustrating days when Savannah was small!), this has proven to be one of the greatest tests of our marriage (as it would be for any marriage), but we have survived and come out as a strong & loving team.
So plans have changed. It wasn't my idea to change them, but God is in control. Right now the doctor has recommended we wait until at least September to think about trying again, but I think we will wait longer. We have decided to press on with the Disney December 2010 trip. I can't wait to enjoy it all with my family. My parents will be going with us, so Carl and I will have a few times to enjoy Disney World all over again as a couple, plus we will get to see it through the eyes and delight of Savannah. I have such a wonderful trip to look forward to. I will be teaching at WVU and FSU this fall, and I would love to enjoy the rides at Disney, so I really do think we'll wait until 2011 to think about trying again. We had hoped to surprise everyone with the next pregnancy, but really that doesn't matter. It would be nice to surprise them, but when both moms found out about the miscarriage they both said, "I was suspicious you were pregnant!"....so there really is no surprising a mother.
Today I returned to work as normal, and now that I have some return appointments to handle with the doctor, I have spoken with a close friend and my boss about the issue. Both were very understanding and asked why I even came to work today. While I am still sad and hurt, I need routine. I really don't handle change well, and this weekend I faced all the change I could handle. For me keeping the schedule normal is helpful. I am blessed to have such supportive family, friends, and co-workers. God knew that Carl and I would work through this.
So at this point, many people would wonder why in the world I would even blog about such a sad topic. There are so many reasons I feel compelled to write. For one, I don't want to ignore the fact that I was pregnant, I was SO happy about it, and Carl and I were so excited. The post I wrote two weeks ago deserves to be seen. I also wanted to share the array of emotions I felt in the past few days. Instantly I felt sadness, guilt, denial, shock. While all of those feelings may be valid reactions, they weren't all spot on. There was no reason to feel guilt, I had done nothing wrong. I also thought that I could never be one of the 40% of women who have miscarriages. I just always thought I'd be one of the lucky 60%.
I also hate the idea that a miscarriage is something to hide or be ashamed of. When someone in your family dies, you put it in the newspaper, but when you have a miscarriage a lot of people try to avoid talking about it or telling anyone. A miscarriage is one of the worst things a mother can go through, but there should not be any shame or guilt associated with it. It is (unfortunately) more common than anyone would like to think...40% of women! I know of 8 people that have been through it...and those are just the ones who have told me in order to help me process my feelings now.
So this past week was most definitely not what I had hoped. My plans for the next 9 months have changed drastically in the last few days. But now I have other things to look forward to, and in a few months we might go back to thinking about another child. For now I have roller coasters, wine, brownie mix, cookie dough, sunny-side up eggs, deli meat, and caffeine to enjoy right along side all of Savannah's big girl milestones.
Friday, June 18, 2010
It's Time for a Time Out!
This week has been a challenging one in the Poland household. Savannah is finally back to her normal schedule with Carl and I both working and Grandma home with her. She didn't particularly like that I had to go to work on Monday morning, but other than that she is back to her normal, adorable, cute, charming....stubborn, rotten self.
When I was pregnant, my mom (jokingly) told me she hoped Savannah was just like I was as a small child....and then laughed. I suppose I was quite a handful. It now appears that not only has Savannah inherited my stubborn and sneaky behavior traits, but she also inherited Carl's charm and curiosity. This is not an easy combination! Shortly after my mom returned to her post as "Grandma", Savannah began climbing on the sectional. She wiggles her way up, then stands on it and waits for one of the adults in her life to tell her to sit. Once we do she flashes that lovely, charming grin of hers. This is such a game to her. So we pick her up, tell her that she has to sit on the couch or get down, and then we put her on the floor. Round two then commences. The steps repeat and she is still this smiley can of ridiculousness. Round three. Round four. It really has to stop sometime, right? She also favors climbing the TV stand, the craft station, her doll stroller, and her mini shopping cart. So there's that.
Savannah is one bright cookie (of course, this is her mom speaking...) and she is beginning to get extremely frustrated when something doesn't go her way and she can't tell us about it. I know that people say once your child talks they never stop, but I cannot wait for Savannah to learn to talk. She just screams, shrieks, or gets physically violent when something frustrates her...talking forever has to be much better than that. (Or at least I keep telling myself that.) The other day she was playing with me in the floor, and apparently I did something to make her mad - so she hit me in the head with her tambourine. I told her that wasn't nice and I wouldn't play with her if she was going to hit me. I set the tambourine down and looked away. She fully understood me...she kept trying to look me in the eye, and eventually she tried to give me the tambourine so I could play. I made her give me a hug and reinforced that hitting isn't nice. She hasn't done it again, yet anyway. This releasing-frustration-through-hitting-or-screaming thing had better stop soon....I only can take so many tambourines to the head. (By the way, Savannah only hits and bites me, never Carl. She also only cries when I leave, never when he leaves. She must be passive aggressive.)
Before Savannah was born we took a lot of parenting classes (honestly I don't think we needed any of them - but they were wonderful for the sense of preparedness it gave me). During one of them, the "expert" said time-outs shouldn't begin until a child is 5 years old. We immediately decided that if we waited until our child was 5 to start time-outs that we were going to send our kid to that "expert" until the age of 18. I fully believe that if the child can understand you, then it is time to set limits. Savannah most definitely understands us. We ask where things are, or tell her where things are, and she eagerly goes to the location. The other day she was incessantly poking Omen (the eldest of the kitties in our home - generally the one most willing to deal with a toddler). Poor Omen. He just glared st Savannah and flicked his tail. He had been napping peacefully in the chair by the window and then she had to come and poke him. I told Savannah that it wasn't nice to poke our cats, and she had the choice to either pet him nice or look at him - No Poking. She looked at me, looked at him, and then walked away. She was completely aware of what she was doing and how to behave. If she is old enough to understand that, she's old enough to be put in time-out. Of course, she is only 14 months old, so while I would love to believe she is a genius, a one-minute time-out is probably all she needs. If we push it much longer than that she probably will have moved on in her thinking and totally not understand why she has to sit still for what seems like ages to her.
So the project for this weekend will involve finding an appropriate time-out mat and timer. I prefer a mat that's easy to carry, after all, time-outs can happen in public (please just walk by when my child is screaming in the middle of the mall on her mat...). My good friend suggested making one from some pretty fabrics and while I'm not really much of a sewing type gal, I may try my hand at this project. After the mat and timer are ready, time-out rules will have to be set for all adults-in-charge to make sure we're consistent. I think that's going to be the hardest part. I want to make sure she is put there for the most egregious offenses. I also want to make sure she is properly warned prior to a time out.
I really want to try to discipline Savannah (and all of my kids) without yelling. I think a stern voice does not require a loud voice. If I scream at her she is just going to learn to scream back. If I want her to respect me, I have to respect her. Honestly I don't get parents that sit in restaurants yelling at their kids so loud other people look. If your kid learned to walk by watching you, don't you think your kid is going to learn to yell at people, just by watching you? How in the world will that child learn to settle disagreements in the real world when the only solution they have seen is yelling and drawing attention? My goal as a parent isn't to be awarded the "Best Mother of the Year" or for others to think I'm a wonderful mom. My goal is to raise children that are responsible adults that can tackle any problem that stands in her/his way.
Time-out has almost made its appearance at the Poland Residence...just in time, too. I just got hit in the head with a tambourine...again.
When I was pregnant, my mom (jokingly) told me she hoped Savannah was just like I was as a small child....and then laughed. I suppose I was quite a handful. It now appears that not only has Savannah inherited my stubborn and sneaky behavior traits, but she also inherited Carl's charm and curiosity. This is not an easy combination! Shortly after my mom returned to her post as "Grandma", Savannah began climbing on the sectional. She wiggles her way up, then stands on it and waits for one of the adults in her life to tell her to sit. Once we do she flashes that lovely, charming grin of hers. This is such a game to her. So we pick her up, tell her that she has to sit on the couch or get down, and then we put her on the floor. Round two then commences. The steps repeat and she is still this smiley can of ridiculousness. Round three. Round four. It really has to stop sometime, right? She also favors climbing the TV stand, the craft station, her doll stroller, and her mini shopping cart. So there's that.
Savannah is one bright cookie (of course, this is her mom speaking...) and she is beginning to get extremely frustrated when something doesn't go her way and she can't tell us about it. I know that people say once your child talks they never stop, but I cannot wait for Savannah to learn to talk. She just screams, shrieks, or gets physically violent when something frustrates her...talking forever has to be much better than that. (Or at least I keep telling myself that.) The other day she was playing with me in the floor, and apparently I did something to make her mad - so she hit me in the head with her tambourine. I told her that wasn't nice and I wouldn't play with her if she was going to hit me. I set the tambourine down and looked away. She fully understood me...she kept trying to look me in the eye, and eventually she tried to give me the tambourine so I could play. I made her give me a hug and reinforced that hitting isn't nice. She hasn't done it again, yet anyway. This releasing-frustration-through-hitting-or-screaming thing had better stop soon....I only can take so many tambourines to the head. (By the way, Savannah only hits and bites me, never Carl. She also only cries when I leave, never when he leaves. She must be passive aggressive.)
Before Savannah was born we took a lot of parenting classes (honestly I don't think we needed any of them - but they were wonderful for the sense of preparedness it gave me). During one of them, the "expert" said time-outs shouldn't begin until a child is 5 years old. We immediately decided that if we waited until our child was 5 to start time-outs that we were going to send our kid to that "expert" until the age of 18. I fully believe that if the child can understand you, then it is time to set limits. Savannah most definitely understands us. We ask where things are, or tell her where things are, and she eagerly goes to the location. The other day she was incessantly poking Omen (the eldest of the kitties in our home - generally the one most willing to deal with a toddler). Poor Omen. He just glared st Savannah and flicked his tail. He had been napping peacefully in the chair by the window and then she had to come and poke him. I told Savannah that it wasn't nice to poke our cats, and she had the choice to either pet him nice or look at him - No Poking. She looked at me, looked at him, and then walked away. She was completely aware of what she was doing and how to behave. If she is old enough to understand that, she's old enough to be put in time-out. Of course, she is only 14 months old, so while I would love to believe she is a genius, a one-minute time-out is probably all she needs. If we push it much longer than that she probably will have moved on in her thinking and totally not understand why she has to sit still for what seems like ages to her.
So the project for this weekend will involve finding an appropriate time-out mat and timer. I prefer a mat that's easy to carry, after all, time-outs can happen in public (please just walk by when my child is screaming in the middle of the mall on her mat...). My good friend suggested making one from some pretty fabrics and while I'm not really much of a sewing type gal, I may try my hand at this project. After the mat and timer are ready, time-out rules will have to be set for all adults-in-charge to make sure we're consistent. I think that's going to be the hardest part. I want to make sure she is put there for the most egregious offenses. I also want to make sure she is properly warned prior to a time out.
I really want to try to discipline Savannah (and all of my kids) without yelling. I think a stern voice does not require a loud voice. If I scream at her she is just going to learn to scream back. If I want her to respect me, I have to respect her. Honestly I don't get parents that sit in restaurants yelling at their kids so loud other people look. If your kid learned to walk by watching you, don't you think your kid is going to learn to yell at people, just by watching you? How in the world will that child learn to settle disagreements in the real world when the only solution they have seen is yelling and drawing attention? My goal as a parent isn't to be awarded the "Best Mother of the Year" or for others to think I'm a wonderful mom. My goal is to raise children that are responsible adults that can tackle any problem that stands in her/his way.
Time-out has almost made its appearance at the Poland Residence...just in time, too. I just got hit in the head with a tambourine...again.
Friday, June 11, 2010
It's A ____! {Gender Reveal Party}
Not only am I blessed with the most amazing family, but I also have some pretty amazing friends. Carl and I both are truly blessed in life. My best friend (we've known each other since we were Brownies!) Ashley, fell in love with one of Carl's best friends, Alan. Both couples have been together since high school and double dates were just about the norm. The four of us have seen each other through ups, downs, engagements, weddings, and babies! Ashley and I often think alike, even at the same time, we joke about being separated at birth or something. Well, to our delight, Ashley and Alan are expecting Baby #2.
Of course, since I delight in planning parties I offered to plan and host a Gender Reveal Party for our best friends. I think the idea is a wonderful way to share the news with close friends and family, and a great way to capture the excitement of a new addition to the family. The first child is always such a celebration, and sometimes second, third, fourth, etc. children don't get quite the fanfare. Shortly before the Miami trip I created handmade invitations to mail out to family. I just picked a really cute card (an 8-pack from the Dollar Store!) and then printed my own details for the wording inside and out. They turned out adorable, and set the mood for an informal, summer-y party.
I also made these cute tissue paper poms to decorate with. I wanted things to be bright and colorful, so I made some of pinks, blues, greens, and yellows to hang from our chandelier. They look complicated, but were incredibly easy. I have so many ideas for future decorations with this inexpensive idea. The best website instructions I found were thanks to Martha Stewart. For instructions on how to make your own beautiful creations (perfect for any party, just theme your colors appropriately!), here's the link: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/pom-poms-and-luminarias
I also made a little board for everyone to vote boy or girl...this will be turned into a keepsake for our friends too. We took everyone's picture and I will then attach the pictures to the board. This way they will always know who voted boy and who voted girl. It was a neat little addition to the decor, as well as a cute little sentiment.
For me, parties often revolve around the food. We planned a light cookout, with burgers and hot dogs and all the fixin's. I also had some favorite snacks on hand, like popcorn, chips, veggies, and fruit. My favorite food was the cupcakes. I iced 24 cupcakes in bright colors, and then piped little question marks in white on top. They were adorable and made for a delightful (and delicious) centerpiece!
Ashley and Alan went for the tell-all ultrasound the morning of the party. Prior to the appointment, Ashley wrapped a shoebox with pink and blue paper. Then, she created two beautiful cards, one that said "It's a Girl" and one that said "It's a Boy". She took the cards and a green envelope to her appointment. She asked the technician to leave the room and place the correct card in the envelope, and seal it. The other card was to be thrown away. Once home, Ashley put the envelope in the box and off to Morgantown they came!
Once at the party everyone discussed what the box contained...we ate and relaxed, but you could tell we were on pins and needles waiting to find out! When the moment came, everyone gathered around. Ashley and Alan opened the box together with Alana (Baby #1). The results - It's A Girl! Another lovely daughter! Everyone was thrilled to hear the news (even though the majority thought it was a boy!). Enjoy the pictures of reactions below....:0)
Of course, since I delight in planning parties I offered to plan and host a Gender Reveal Party for our best friends. I think the idea is a wonderful way to share the news with close friends and family, and a great way to capture the excitement of a new addition to the family. The first child is always such a celebration, and sometimes second, third, fourth, etc. children don't get quite the fanfare. Shortly before the Miami trip I created handmade invitations to mail out to family. I just picked a really cute card (an 8-pack from the Dollar Store!) and then printed my own details for the wording inside and out. They turned out adorable, and set the mood for an informal, summer-y party.
I also made these cute tissue paper poms to decorate with. I wanted things to be bright and colorful, so I made some of pinks, blues, greens, and yellows to hang from our chandelier. They look complicated, but were incredibly easy. I have so many ideas for future decorations with this inexpensive idea. The best website instructions I found were thanks to Martha Stewart. For instructions on how to make your own beautiful creations (perfect for any party, just theme your colors appropriately!), here's the link: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/pom-poms-and-luminarias
I also made a little board for everyone to vote boy or girl...this will be turned into a keepsake for our friends too. We took everyone's picture and I will then attach the pictures to the board. This way they will always know who voted boy and who voted girl. It was a neat little addition to the decor, as well as a cute little sentiment.
For me, parties often revolve around the food. We planned a light cookout, with burgers and hot dogs and all the fixin's. I also had some favorite snacks on hand, like popcorn, chips, veggies, and fruit. My favorite food was the cupcakes. I iced 24 cupcakes in bright colors, and then piped little question marks in white on top. They were adorable and made for a delightful (and delicious) centerpiece!
Ashley and Alan went for the tell-all ultrasound the morning of the party. Prior to the appointment, Ashley wrapped a shoebox with pink and blue paper. Then, she created two beautiful cards, one that said "It's a Girl" and one that said "It's a Boy". She took the cards and a green envelope to her appointment. She asked the technician to leave the room and place the correct card in the envelope, and seal it. The other card was to be thrown away. Once home, Ashley put the envelope in the box and off to Morgantown they came!
Once at the party everyone discussed what the box contained...we ate and relaxed, but you could tell we were on pins and needles waiting to find out! When the moment came, everyone gathered around. Ashley and Alan opened the box together with Alana (Baby #1). The results - It's A Girl! Another lovely daughter! Everyone was thrilled to hear the news (even though the majority thought it was a boy!). Enjoy the pictures of reactions below....:0)
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