Thursday, July 19, 2012

Growth.

This summer has been a summer of growth, in so many ways.

Obviously, my littles are growing beyond belief. Luke amazes me daily (yesterday after he rolled around for a while he began pulling his legs up under his belly and pushing off - not an efficient mode of transportation in the least, or really all the consistent yet, but nonetheless...you can't leave him in the floor without an eye on him!) and Savannah is maturing and learning at exponential rates. I am so content with them - even though Luke's sleeping habits leave much to desire!

My marriage has grown too. The past five years of marriage have had many, many ups and downs. We have celebrated many wonderful moments, we have shed many tears, and we have struggled through disagreements. There have been times that I would sit and wonder, "What did I get myself into?" but then am reminded that Carl and I love each other, and neither one of us is perfect. I know we were meant to be together...when we have tiny, intimate moments away from the stress of life we are reminded of our love. (As I recently blogged about in a post regarding our anniversary.) At times I wonder how many people out there judge our marriage...maybe not judge, but compare it to their own and think their's is superior. But you know, my summer of growth has instilled in me the courage and strength to not really care what anyone thinks about things that go on in my life. Even though Carl and I have had disagreements and struggles, we always reconcile, we grow, we move on. I know that when my kids are grown and out of the house (which will come all too soon!), I will be happy with the person I married. We won't be the same people as we are now...no one stays the same...but we will have grown together, shared many memories, and we'll be stronger.

At times I am frustrated with Carl (like the day he watched the kids and didn't take Savannah to the potty at all - undoing some of my very hard work potty training!), but I know that he has his frustrations with me. I'd like to think I'm perfect, but I know that isn't true. I know he loves his kids, even though his priorities aren't always in the order I'd put them. I know his intentions are to do the best for his family, even if they aren't always clear to people looking into our lives. I also know that while he isn't perfect, he most certainly is better than many, many men out there. I don't know if there's a single one (besides him!) that could put up with my need for cleanliness at odd times, or my obsessive backseat driving, or lots of my quirks! I guess for those peeking into our lives I share this...He isn't perfect, but you didn't marry him, so butt out. I'm sure I wouldn't be happy with your husband either - there's a reason we married who we did after all!

I guess that's part of my growth too...I have lost some of my filter. I have seen too many ups and downs in life with family illness, death, miscarriage...I just think sometimes all the "niceties" are pointless. Life is so much more than "he said she said"...there is just more to it than that.

Friendships have changed too...I've grown away from high school friends, college friends...the other day at church a new mom asked me if I had any friends that didn't have kids. I really had to stop and think...I can only think of one friend who doesn't have children...and our good friend Patrick (affectionately Mr. Pat!) is the only one...and he adores our children so much that he truly is like a godparent...so most of our friends do have kids. It is just the way life progresses on...people move, people change, people grow. I do know that I am happily married, a happy momma, and a happy working professional. :0)

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