Parenting Styles

Blame it on my terrible week. Blame it on my attitude. I don't care what you blame it on. I'm in a mood. I'm tired of seeing the world go to pot because of parents with such a free-spirited approach...and I think my anger has just been building.

I'd like to first say that I fully understand that every child is different (even children within the same family) and that parenting style and techniques will (and should to some degree) vary depending on the child. I also will be the first in line to tell you my children are absolutely NOT perfect. They misbehave, my methods aren't perfect, but they are always changing and learning.

So what has my knickers in a bunch? A lot. For starters, I took Savannah to the park on Monday. I had Luke in my lap and Savannah was playing on the big jungle gym equipment. There were about 5 other kids around with their parent/adult-in-charge/guardian...who knows. So Savannah had just gone down the slide and was on her way back to the ramp that leads to the "rickety" bridge that leads back to the slide. She was playing just like any other child. Well, a boy of about 10 had this brilliant idea to ride his bike up the ramp, onto the play equipment. Just as Savannah was about to round the corner to head up the ramp, the boy thought it'd be a great idea to ride his bike back down the ramp. So the "adult" said, "Jonny (no idea of his real name, wasn't really paying attention and I frankly don't care), that probably isn't a good idea, so this is the last time." And right after that I yelled to Savannah to stop in her tracks. Can you imagine how hurt BOTH children would have been had she been run over by a bicycle ON the playground equipment?! And the "adult" just glared at me for making a big deal and telling my child to stop. Honestly! If Savannah or Luke ever thinks riding bikes ON play equipment is a good idea, I certainly won't stand by and watch them do it, then say, "this is the last time" and then watch him/her almost run over a small child! And what gets me is that when the boy asked why he couldn't do it again, the "adult" just said that there were small children around. How about you can't do it EVER because it is dangerous for not only the small children, but for himself too!

Then there is this post I read today. Who the heck thinks allowing a child to use the restroom at the table is acceptable in a public place. Really, I know potty training is difficult. I just survived it. But when is it acceptable to allow manners and hygiene to be thrown to the wayside just so the parents' job is easier or so the child doesn't have an "accident" or whatever.

I'm tired of parents being proud that their homeschooled child (nothing against homeschooling itself, that's a whole other bunch of beans) can sleep until they are ready to get up, do what they want and then eventually learn something. It isn't that I hate homeschooling, or that I hate allowing a child a day here and there to sleep in, or that I think kids need to be adults right this second and wake up at the crack of dawn. What I am so frustrated with is the idea that the child runs the house. The child decides when to do things. The child isn't encouraged to function as most of society does. The child isn't shown a routine that happens in the business world. 'm all for allowing my kids to stay little for as long as I can keep them that way...to a point. By the time they are nearing the pre-teen and teenage years, I need to face the fact that in the next 5-10 years they will be moving out. They will be living on their own. They will be responsible for their own life. They need to be able to function in society (regardless if I like that society). Most professional jobs are 8-5; banks, courthouses, stores, etc. are all open at normal hours. College classes are offered during "normal" hours. So maybe these "set their own pace" kids aren't going to go to College...maybe they will do trade school, or no higher education. Those kids are still going to need to go to church on time, go the bank, the post office, etc. The world DOES NOT revolve around the children of today's society. It shouldn't. That is part of life. No one person is the most important in the world and can dictate when everyone else does things.

Maybe I'm sensitive to that issue because I work in higher education. I see students come in who were homeschooled (or even those who were allowed to do crazy shenanigans in public school) and they demand the entire university make changes for them. I help register students for classes in the summer. Do you know how many kids ask me if I can help them have a schedule where they only have class on Tuesday and Thursday so they can have a 4 day weekend? And then when that is pretty near impossible, they ask how many are online so they can just not come at all. Then they look on websites like "rateyourprofessor" to see which professors hand out "A"s like they are candy on Halloween. Then when they can't get exactly what they want, they ask me if I can have the class moved to fit their schedule. I always want to say, "Sure. I'll get right on that. I'm sure the other 23 students registered for the class won't mind switching to a time more convenient for you." Whatever happened to attending college for an education? For just accepting life and making changes? Do you know how many of students with that kind of outlook succeed? Very few.

I don't want my children to grow up too fast, but I also don't want to see them fall on their faces when they are out from under my wing. Again, I'm not saying my way is right. I know there will be moments when my way is wrong. I'm saying that parents need to take responsibility for teaching their children how to cope in the world we live in...whether we like that world or not.