Baby Fever? Already?

I think not. (Although you were thinking something else, I'm sure!)

I will say the idea of a third child is tempting. I really do love being a mom...and Luke is growing out of his temper tantrums {somewhat}. I love watching them grow and change. I love watching Savannah and Luke together now. I am really hoping that as they grow older they will bond and be the closest of buddies. Not only do I love being a mom, but it seems like just about everyone is pregnant or talking about being pregnant. Just this week I have learned of four new pregnancies! In addition to the four on the way, three other friends have openly talked about getting pregnant again soon. It is so tempting to just jump on the bandwagon and want another one...but my logical mind won't allow it.

Just the other night Carl and I were lying in bed, talking about all the new babies on the way, and I said that I didn't think a third would be financially smart for us. As it is, we save $50 a month for Luke's education, $65 a month for Savannah's (each year we increase the monthly amount by $5 - so Luke will be getting $65 saved when he is three also), we spend $160 a month on preschool for Savannah, Luke will be in preschool next year, Savannah is going to start gymnastics at $40 a month, we pay my mom to watch our kiddos (it is minimal, but at least it helps with gas to cart our two kids everywhere!)...and that's just big expenses...we have birthday parties and Christmas presents and food and diapers and clothes...once they get older they will be in more activities. If they were in the HS band (that Carl and I were both in), we'd be shelling out $2500 per kid to travel to the Rose Parade this January....and you know if they were in that parade, Carl and I would want to go too...so that could be a $10,000 commitment! Vacations, cars, houses...all things that have to be paid for.

Carl is still crossing his fingers that I'll change my mind and go for a third. He just said we should wait until Luke is two and see where we are financially....maybe we will have a different financial outlook. I suppose he's right...but at that point I may be content with a family of four. There is a little part of me that would love to surprise our family and friends with a third child, and to have a gender reveal party, and to hold a tiny baby in my arms again (Luke was 16 pounds 4 oz and 26 inches the other day!)...some days the idea of a third is SO tempting...but then there are evenings like last night. Carl was cleaning out our old car in the parking lot of his mom's apartment (we gave it to her) and both my kids were in the backseat...Luke getting fussy, Savannah yelling out the window to Carl...and I spotted a young couple getting out of their car and walking into their apartment with just a single grocery bag from Target in their hands. At that moment I was so wistful of the time before kids. Carl and I used to shop for groceries on any day of the week, at any time. We used to stay up late and play games. We could get out of the car in two seconds flat (no children or bags to lug around). We could go shopping just for one thing. It was simple. It was easy.

On our drive home I told Carl about what I'd seen and felt. He said, "Well once the youngest child is five things will be easier." That's true...but if we have another child, then that "easier time" is still at least 8 years away! I don't know if I want that...

I feel like we are in a transition phase of our family's journey. I feel like our family really is complete. Even though it sounds kind of selfish of me, I also want to have time with Carl again that doesn't always involve children or a babysitter. I did decide to marry Carl so that we could spend the rest of our lives together...it would be nice to get back to enjoying each other after our kids are raised. When we were taking that drive home I said that when our kids are old enough to be left alone (or have moved out) that I hope we aren't so old and crotchety that we don't have the energy to go out on dates spontaneously. I think I'm ready for the time to come. I'm excited for all the new things we can do with our kids...all the experiences that will be open to us. I'm excited for the years of fun (without all the work of caring for a tiny one).

Saying that, I am also really excited for all the new babies on the way. I'm excited to share in the joy of new little ones. I'm excited for the parties and surprises and wonderful times. I am happy in my life and where I am (even a little wistful of where I was).