Today is just one of those rainy, thank goodness not snowy, days where I just want to curl up and sleep until spring arrives. I really am thankful that Luke/Ella will arrive in a couple of weeks and the rest of my winter will be filled with baby bliss...I don't think I could handle a bleak winter.
I just keep longing for one of those days where you can open all the windows in the house, lounge outside, do nothing...I just keep imagining setting up the little UV protector tent in the front yard with Luke/Ella, Savannah able to run around and play, the light breeze, warm fresh air, lawn mowers going...just the idea of spring and summer makes me happy. January, February, and March have got to be my absolute least favorite months of the year.
The fact that my car is still broken irritates me. The fact that it will be that way until mid-February is even more annoying. The fact that we have a list of money going out really annoys me too...and that a lot of those things on the list are all related to me. I'm irritated that it's ONLY mid-January...and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like a whale - so not beautiful. I ache. I'm a whiner. I just feel so - blah!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for...and God has taken care of us. We are continuously blessed. This weekend I was reminded that no matter how angry I am over the whole car issue, we are still so very fortunate. We were at Aldi's (I love that place!) and the man in front of us was buying his groceries...he paid for most of his bill with some sort of debit card (maybe food stamps? not sure) and then the cashier told him it was another $7 and change. He dug in his pockets for a $5 bill, and then started searching his buggy for food to return...Carl just grabbed some cash from his wallet and paid for the man's food...to which he received thanks and the man hastily moved on to pack his stuff up. On the way out of the parking lot I told Carl that it really makes me think how fortunate we are...no matter how angry and annoyed the car situation has made me, we don't have to struggle to pay bills, we don't have to carefully add up each item we put in the buggy to hope we stay under a limit, we don't have to face the embarrassment of not having the money...after the man had pushed his cart away I noticed that he was analyzing his bill in detail...he must have been trying to find where he'd gone wrong...and my heart went out to him...
Carl and I both agreed that he didn't pay for the food for the thanks (in the end the cashier seemed more grateful than the man - I think the man was too embarrassed to make a big deal of it) but just because it was the right thing to do....and maybe in the end someone will pay it forward. Maybe that man will...or maybe the cashier...or maybe the couple who was loading groceries and noticed will...or maybe we'll just appreciate what we have more.
So the weather just makes me want to cry and brood on all the sadness and unfair things in the world...I am so very glad I have a baby to bring some light into our lives soon...if it is Luke we certainly are naming him appropriately...Luke Asher..."light, blessed one".
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