Nine Months after The "9 Months"

As I drive up I-79 on my drive home from work, I find that I have a lot of time to ponder life and parenting. The other day it hit me that Savannah is almost 10 months old, which means she's been in this world just as long as I waited for her to get here. After these nine months of blind parenting I have thought of a few things someone could have been kind enough to explain to me before Savannah actually arrived...

(1) The joy of nine entire months without a period will be short-lived once the baby actually arrives. Mother nature returns with a vengeance for at least 6 weeks...in a row! I suppose that is a less glamorous fact of pregnancy, but none-the-less I would have appreciated a warning.

(2) Having a baby is an amazing miracle, but the relationship between husband and wife will earn a few battle scars along the way. There should be a communication class offered to parents-to-be prior to the birth of a child. Verbal and non-verbal communication between Carl and I seemed to hit a wall shortly after Savannah became a part of our family. Even after these 9 1/2 months I wonder if Carl actually listens - I know he hears, but does he listen?

(3) The amount of isolation a breastfeeding mother feels is almost unbearable. If not for the fact that I was providing nourishment to my child, it would be unbearable. Everyone claims breastfeeding is such a wonderful, amazing, miraculous bonding experience...but no one tells you it also means you have to hide away (for those like myself who are among the more shy variety) every 2 hours to feed a little bundle of joy. Also left unmentioned: the rope you feel holding you down. During the first few weeks (before I began producing enough to pump and store) I had several days that I felt like I couldn't leave the house just for a quiet evening alone to shop or catch a movie because if I left without the baby then she would starve! Don't get me wrong - being able to provide nourishment for Savannah was amazing and miraculous. I intend to breastfeed all future children as long as I produce milk. However, is it possible to bond with your child without breastfeeding? Absolutely. Is breastfeeding more work than bottle feeding? Debatable. Is breastfeeding isolating and at times limiting? Most definitely yes. I'm just saying a word of warning would have been appreciated.

(4) All of the stuff you register for on your "Baby Wish List" as a "must-have" turns out to not be so "must-have". The little toy that encourages babies to kick and then crawl through it later? Savannah maybe laid on the thing once...never kicked at the toys, and it has since been stuck in the corner in her closet. The crib soothers that play nighttime music? Was slightly helpful when it worked, but not really a must-have. And the mobile on the crib? Well it was loud to crank it up, and then when it died she'd just cry, and when she was able to sit up we had to take it down so she wouldn't pull it down. Some things that I didn't consider a "must-have" that became "what-would-we-do-without-this"? The Einstein jumper. Carl and I would still be eating frozen dinners if not for this. She can jump contentedly for at least 30 minutes while I cook dinner. Twisty-bug. This little toy has got to be one of Savannah's most favorite noise making toys (and EVERY toy makes noise...). She instantly smiles at the sight of Twisty. This is a wonderful ace in my pocket for appointments at photo studios! I will note that my list of favorites and not so favorites differs between moms globally. So if you're pregnant - have fun and add all these "must-haves" to your Wish List!

(5) No matter how many kids you have raised, you can never tell a parent what to do with their own child. It isn't your place to tell them what they are doing wrong. If someone told you what you were doing wrong as a parent, would you appreciate it? Absolutely not. So the bottom line is this: little bits of advice are fine, especially when solicited, but if you think you know more about someone else's kid than the parent...take a look at yourself first. I'm sure you will find something you would like to do better as a parent...use that need to give advice for yourself.

(6) Those parenting classes that first-time parents take are not really as important as you would think. While I am sure we learned something from them, I don't know if they were necessary. When Savannah was being born I wasn't thinking "Thank goodness I took those birthing classes - I'm so glad I know the science behind this process!". All I knew was that I was in pain (drug-free labor and delivery) and that I was soon going to be a mom. So those classes maybe aren't needed. But I do recommend them to first-time-parents-to-be. Those classes are like a right of passage almost...something to be excited about and enjoy - even if you don't really ever use the information.