Does a squealing toddler turn into a whining college student? The past week has really been one of those "everything that can possibly annoy me, does" weeks. It was my first week free of the WVU class, and one would think this means I also would be free of the stress of 75 college kids constantly contacting me. Not so! I submitted my grades online on the 8th of May and WVU was scheduled to release grades to students on the 11th. Well, on the 10th a student emails me wanting his/her grade...honestly if I had replied to that student I would have had 74 other emails within an hour. Then Friday I was reviewing my course evaluations...while I thought I had done fairly well this semester, it became obvious that not all of my students felt this way. After reading them I was pretty much shattered...I had just starting seriously thinking about earning my PhD so that I can become a full professor, but after reading the comments you would think I'm some amateur that doesn't know a thing about teaching.
After picking up the pieces of my dreams I decided to look at the comments again, but sort them out a bit. First, several students said I was "in a bad mood"...while I can't think of a day I was in a bad mood, apparently it happened enough for them to comment on it. I attribute this to several factors. I'm an adjunct, so these kids see me 2 hours a week, and at 5pm after I have already worked an 8-hour day. So it's possible I appear tired, and sure maybe some days weren't the best, but they have no chance to see me at my best at 8:00am. Also, I can remember times I took a deep breath before I began teaching to calm my nerves (teaching new material to 75 college kids isn't easy!). Well, this can be interpreted I suppose as a lack of enthusiasm, or a sigh of frustration...so it's possible they saw something completely different than was the case. I also was criticized for being "condescending" towards students when they weren't interested in the class. I honestly can't think of myself as condescending...but I can recall a time I pointed out that yawning in my class wouldn't be tolerated. I was teaching a topic, and someone yawned very loudly...twice. I looked up and pointed out that while they may not enjoy the topic, it's rude to behave in such a manner. Another complaint was that I teach too much from the book and make them take notes the entire time. I just don't get this one at all. Yes, I refer to the book. Every time I present a new equation I tell them what page it comes from - a habit I thought would be very helpful to them! Apparently they expect me to devise new formulas and not refer to the book. I just can't imagine not tying the book into what I'm telling them! As for notes all the time...well, my class layout has been notes, I do a few problems (not copies from examples, I work out problems that they don't have access to in the book) and then I have them work out "end of chapter" questions from the book (to which they don't have solutions for). So there really is a lot going on besides just notes...do they want a song and dance? There also was some complaining about the project presentations being boring...well, in a class of 75 there were 20 presentations.....I refuse to give everyone a different project - can you imagine the amount of work that puts on me?! I will consider making 3 projects for the next semester, that way it gives us some variety at least. One of my students also expected me to be "an expert" since I was the professor. I really find this to be unrealistic. Maybe, MAYBE, if I were a seasoned professor should I be held to that kind of standard, but this was my second semester teaching this course...how am I supposed to be an expert!?! There also were a few comments about the content of the course - this isn't my responsibility or decision, at least in this case. I'm an adjunct, I'm told what to teach and what topics to cover. It isn't my course to run free with...some students wanted more theory...well the theory is covered in an advanced version of this class - a graduate level course. My responsibility is to teach the formulas, not to show how to get them, that comes later.
Ultimately I did find a few things that I can change, and plan to work on over the summer in revamping the class. The projects can be more interesting, and varied. As for the material, it is what it is. I will be more aware of how I am perceived, and regardless of how tired I actually am (I mean there's no reason a mom of a 13 month old, full time faculty at FSU, 30 minute each direction commute, type woman should be tired!) I must not appear in a bad mood. I will calm myself before entering the room, and somehow I will try to become an expert. I guess a lot of my issues arise from my adjunct status. I'm not available to students during "normal" hours, and they see me for a very short time each week. I am not a seasoned professor, and I can't anticipate all of their questions. There were days I was asked a question, wasn't quite sure of the answer, and instead of answering with a guess I said I wasn't sure and I brought the correct answer to class the next day. I almost think students would have evaluated me better if I'd just lied to them! Seasoned professors have taught the same courses for years - and generally have heard just about every question there is...I don't have this luxury yet. I think it is extremely unfair to compare me to their other, tenured, professors!
In the end I think I just hate the fact the 25 kids (only 25 of the 75 took the survey) were able to berate me without having any chance of defending myself. This kind of evaluation is on my record with WVU...I have no way of explaining this or defending myself. There were good reviews too (passionate about the topic, motivates students)...but I hate to not reach every student...and to be judged so easily. I also think that students are short-sighted...none of them appeared comfortable in my shoes when they had to present to the class...yet they expect me to be perfect. That chapter is over, and I will take the positive and move on...I may not be an expert professor yet, but no one said it'd be easy, or happen overnight. The more I teach, the better I will become.
So in addition to the craziness with a bunch of college kids, Savannah has discovered all kinds of new things. Some of which are incredibly amazing and endearing. She can point to her eyes and nose (and yours too - just hope your eyes aren't poked too hard!). She also will respond to the question "Where are your stinky feet?" by sticking her feet up in the air. Some less endearing new found skills include climbing on the couch unassisted (now cooking dinner while also keeping one eye on a child is going to become a new summer Olympic sport!) and squealing...about everything. I have learned that squeals are unique to her mood, much like her cries were when she was tiny. There's the excited squeal, the "I want that now squeal", the "Don't put me down!" squeal, and "The cat ran from me squeal". Each has it's own unique ear-piercing quality and length. After a weekend full of squeals I have been tempted to leave Savannah with Grandma and Grandpa when we head to Miami this Saturday...I really, REALLY, doubt others on board our flights want to learn about the range of squeals Savannah has. (Tune in soon for a post devoted to traveling with a small child...) Savannah is so talented with her squeals that she choreographs a dance with each one, too. The excited squeal is accompanied by clapping hands. The "I want that now" is almost always heard with an associated finger pointing. The "Don't put me down" usually has a combined dance maneuver in which at first she puts her arms in the air, but then twists into a full-out laying on her back, legs kicking motion. Possibly the most entertaining (if you can call it that) is "The cat ran away from me"...she crawls head down (some day she will figure out it hurts when you crawl into furniture and walls) after the cat that ran away...to which the cat that is trying to escape puts his/her ears back due to the squeal in the first place!
So what does all this squealing mean? Should we give in? Should we ignore it? I hate the squealing - I honestly had to go outside at one point yesterday because I couldn't take it any more. I want to do whatever it takes to stop it...but I'm not teaching her anything by giving in. Will the squealing eventually turn into the whining I heard from those college kids? I hope not...for now I see it as her form of communication...until she learns more words. I hope it truly is a phase...otherwise we may have to invest in some ear plugs.
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