feel like I just blogged two days ago - I was surprised to see it'd been 12! It is incredible how quickly life goes by. I am busy on so many levels and have so much whirling around in my head.
This is the first week of school for so many students across West Virginia. Public schools have started, as well as FSU and WVU. Life has gotten complicated again. Sigh. This semester I have the opportunity to teach 108 students over three different courses. That's a lot of names to learn - I truly hope to know many (if not all) of my students academically. I have the busiest schedule I have ever had in the fall. I have class (at FSU) Mondays and Wednesdays at 8:00am. It makes for an early morning! I then teach at 5:00pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays (at WVU). On Fridays I have a Freshman Seminar course at 1:00pm (at FSU). Last semester I received some evaluations that really made me stop and think about my career. I was told I was always "in a bad mood", among other things. I seriously questioned if I was following the right career path. I entered this semester with a new outlook, and I hope to see the differences in my classes. I have restructured the courses to provide for more interaction and I enter each classroom in a positive mood. Of all the challenges I face as an instructor, it seems the positive attitude is the one I struggle with the most. It's not that I am a negative person, it's just that I have so much going on my life (professionally and personally) that I get tired, worn down, and stressed....and then I'm expected (by students) to appear thrilled and happy at 8am on a Monday and at 5pm after I've driven to Fairmont, worked 8 hours, and driven back to Morgantown. So not only do I teach at times it's hard to be happy - I also am skipping breakfasts and dinners....so I'm grouchy because I'm hungry. With all of this knowledge, I am making a very extreme effort to be positive, engaging, and excited about teaching - regardless of the time of day. I sometimes wonder how students can demand such things, when I'd be hard pressed to find very many happy, engaging, and excited about learning students!
With the pressure of this semester starting this week, Carl and I used this past weekend to fully press on with Savannah's big girl room. Finally, I can say this....the room is done!! Savannah can now easily play and enjoy her new space. There are a few details that go in the room that haven't been added, but the actual room is done. The antique dresser is almost complete. We have sanded it, put two coats of primer, and three coats of paint. We plan to poly tonight and then we can put the dresser in on Sunday. I also have two canvases I'd like to paint with some princess details...I might get those done this weekend. We also bought two flower lights at Ikea that need to be put up, but I'm going to let Carl do that at the same time he hangs the canvases. We still have to buy a bed (we have the mattress in the room with the bedding on it), but we still haven't picked one we love and Savannah doesn't really need to be up off the floor yet anyway. Within the year we'll pick one, but for now we're happy. Once the bed is in we'll move the nightstand from the nursery in, but I hate to have a nightstand that she could roll into in her room, so it will wait too. Our weekend was full of decorating and painting, but it is so worth it. Savannah LOVES to run around in her room and play dress up and tea party and read books...it's just fun.
I also spent a good part of the weekend cleaning the house. I'm not usually a messy person, but life has consumed me and I'd slacked off a bit. But then Carl wanted a good friend from high school and college to come to dinner this week. This friend and his fiancé have never seen the house - so I really wanted to make sure it was clean. So around all of the decorating, I was also cleaning like a mad woman and shopping for food, etc. I honestly hadn't even though past today's plans until now....life is in such segments....I literally think about my schedule only a few days in advance now - I just have so much going on. I realized this morning that I haven't sat down to watch television since last Friday. The only reason I know what's going on in the world is because I check msnbc.com for news in the morning at work.
So. I'm busy. VERY busy. On top of all the craziness at home with remodeling and cleaning, I also am planning our Disney vacation (108 days!!), planning a major recruitment event on the FSU campus, beginning a new project for January at FSU, and teaching all those students...and I can't forget, Carl and I joined a Bible Study on Tuesday nights. (So my Tuesdays look like this - 6:30 wake up, arrive at FSU at 7:30, work until 4pm, arrive at WVU at 4:30, teach until 6:15, get home at 6:30 eat and love Savannah - which honestly is more Savannah time than eating time, leave for Bible Study at 6:50, get home from Bible Study at 8:15pm, and then make lunch/shower for the next day - which begins early the next day with class at 8am!) This semester is busy - one of the worst on record. I haven't really ever questioned God about the miscarriage - I never felt the need to be angry with God or to blame someone (besides myself), and now I see what God saw months ago. I'm busy, and stressed, and not eating well...and just plain not in a very healthy stage for a pregnant woman to be in. It wouldn't have been wise to attempt all of this at the same time as a pregnancy. This semester is just starting and it already feels incredibly heavy. Last week I saw the impending stress and finally did something I have been promising myself to do for a long time....when the chair of the IE department at WVU called about teaching next spring...I said no. Every semester I teach at WVU I always say "This is the last time...", but then the next semester rolls around and there I am teaching again. I finally said no. I want another baby - and I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy. I will have zero classes in the spring to teach...I have 3 large events at FSU to handle, but all of those can be done during my normal working hours. There will be no remodeling at the house (hopefully nothing needs fixed anyway!), and life will be just the 8-4 and baby-growing.
That's my plan anyway...but distractions to that plan presented themselves yesterday. The Dean at FSU asked about my thoughts on taking on two more courses in the future - in addition to what I already do. At that point I'd be teaching 3 full credit courses plus a seminar course, as well as everything else I do (Science Fairs, Career Fairs, newsletter, course catalog, Recruitment/Retention Committee, Science Challenge, Science Bowl). I may not be able to handle that....teaching 10 credit hours and everything else. Full time faculty teach 12 credit hours and that's it! I don't know how I could handle basically two full time jobs in the same single 8 hours a day! I also was approached by an old professor/friend to consider teaching an online course for his program...online is appealing because I could work after bedtime for Savannah...but it really would depend on some of the specifics.
So I'm busy now, and really trying very hard to prevent this craziness next year....without slowing the progress of my professional career....ah the joys of a working mom!!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Organization Nightmare!
Just as I think life is slowing down for me I must brace for another wave of craziness. This week faculty returns to FSU and in 7 days I begin teaching again. I have class every day of the week, with Tuesdays and Thursdays being evening classes at WVU. Since I can see this giant schedule-busting wave on the horizon, I have been making a big push to finish Savannah's big girl room. The first goal for completion was July 4th...and things got in the way and it didn't happen. So then I made a goal of Labor Day. We haven't completed it yet, and to be honest I don't think we'll make the Labor Day goal either. I certainly hope we will though.
We still have two big projects left. Carl has to finish painting the woodwork (or at least allow me to do it) and we are going to refinish the antique dresser I had as a child. I hope to do as much of that as possible this weekend...I really would like to have this off of my radar when school begins again. We have gotten quite a bit completed already, we've painted, added the mural, hung the window treatments, hung the chair rail and crown molding, bought all of the furniture (minus the bed - I still can't decide on one!), and this past week I tackled a major organizational nightmare. I cleaned out the closet in that room and moved all of Savannah's clothes in.
It was hard to get that closet fully emptied out...we'd taken out a lot before our yard sale this spring, but there were still a few random things and our winter coats hanging in there. Carl wanted to just move our coats to the nursery closet (his logic was that even another baby won't need that much space in a closet for a while) but I refused to do that. I just hate moving things around when I know I'll have to move it again (even if moving it again will be in a few years when the second child wants more space). I insisted that we sort through the coats and donate some to charity. Honestly, why do we each need 10 coats?! At first Carl didn't seem to be able to part with several coats (you'd think it'd be easy for a guy!) but once I told him that he had to hang them in our master closet (thank goodness it's a walk-in) and that they would be going on his side and not mine, he seemed more willing to part with a few. We each kept about 4 coats: a heavy coat, fall jacket, rain jacket, and then one for casual wear. This all means that a few people won't be cold this winter when they receive our donated coats. I love that the clutter is out of my house, plus I know it will make someone very happy in a few months!
After the closet was completely empty I had to decide how to organize Savannah's clothes. I had been thinking about this for a while. I love to organize - almost to a ridiculous degree. I love office supplies and the things that organize them...I just love organization! So after knowing this about me, one would think that organizing clothing for a child would be a breeze. That couldn't be farther from the truth...since the moment we began collecting clothes for Savannah I have felt overwhelmed with disorganization. Our closets have a shelf and a bar for hanging clothes, but then there is a lot of empty space underneath...and in both the nursery and the big girl room there is space for a dresser inside the closet. We had an extra dresser at my parents' house so that was moved into the nursery as soon as the clothes started to pour in.
Then the chaos began. Family and friends began to shop for bargains for Savannah (which was well appreciated!), but this meant that we had outfits as small as newborn and as big at 3T. We had summer outfits, matching sets, winter shirts, leggings, shorts, skirts, pajamas, dresses, etc. All of which we had in just about every size. So I was faced with a major task - how do I organize it all?! I remember one particular evening I sat in the middle of the nursery with piles of clothing around me, with no inkling of how to organize it all. Of all the preparation I went through for a new baby, I think organizing her clothes was one of the most difficult. My first solution (which I used throughout Savannah's first year) was to organize the clothing by size. The top drawer held the clothing size that fit Savannah at the moment (when we started the top drawer was all newborn sized items). All shorts, pants, onesies, skirts in her current size went there. I hung all dresses up, with the current size in the front and the biggest size all the way back. Pajamas were hung up also. The next drawer down held the size she would be in next, and so on. There was also a drawer designated for hats, socks, and shoes. This worked...but it got to be very difficult to really see what she had. If someone was looking for a particular shirt, etc. all of her clothes would end up on the floor or completed unfolded and crammed in the drawer. It drove me batty! I also hated that every time she'd outgrow a size (which seemed to happen every 2 months!) I would have to reorganize the drawers again (unfortunately the drawers didn't allow for interchangeable locations).
Thus, the task of moving all of her clothes across the hall has been a challenge. Her big girl room closet is much bigger than the nursery closet. However, we don't have another spare dresser. Carl suggested moving the one from the nursery, but then we'd still have to find another one when the next baby comes along. I toyed with the idea of buying a cheap one at Ikea, but still wasn't fully happy with the idea. I considered purchasing a closet system - but that can be expensive and would stay with the house if we were to move. One day I was walking through Target and an idea came to me. Why couldn't I use dorm storage bins for her closet? I found two large three-drawer carts and two small three-drawer carts. They aren't the most beautiful, but I don't care, the closet doors are usually closed anyway. I also liked the price. (In the end I paid $50 for her "closet system".) They are a pink, clear color. This means Savannah can see right into them - perfect for when she learns to dress herself! Another perk - safety. These are low to the ground, so chances of anything tipping is small. If she does somehow tip one, she shouldn't be seriously injured. They aren't tremendously large, but for now her clothes fit really well with room to grow. Once she is older and the clothes don't fit she'll be hanging them up more often and using the top shelf for sweaters and jeans. At that point, the bins will just be re-purposed (I'm thinking toys, shoes, scarves, books, puzzles, doll supplies, etc.).
Figuring out the storage solution was the first part of the hurdle...but then came the hard part...would I still organize the drawers the same way? I decided on a new system. First I went through all of her current clothes and put things that were too small in a plastic bin for the attic (I really shudder to think how many bins of outgrown clothes we have in the attic). The new system revolves around the type of clothing, rather than the size. I've discovered this works much better because something that says 18mo in one brand fits, while another brand only 24mo sizes fit. So, now she has a drawer just for short sleeved shirts (which - thanks to a Children's Place sale she has plenty of for the winter - I bought two shrugs that will fit her this winter...which will completely extend the life of short-sleeved shirts without making her cold!), long-sleeved shirts, pants, shorts/skirts, and pants. Dresses are still hung up, as well as coats. In the smaller drawers she has shoes, socks, and hats/purses. I even printed out little labels, laminated them, and then used Velcro to stick them to the drawers. This allows Savannah to learn the words and where her clothes belong. It also means Carl and my mom can easily get things out, or put away laundered clothing. I used to try to keep matching outfit sets together (a lot of children's clothing comes with a shirt and pant set, which are cutest when worn together but can also be worn separately with other options). This just doesn't work. Even if in the drawer together, somehow Carl still doesn't match Savannah's clothing. It also means that when I have just a shirt and I am looking for shorts, I am missing the opportunity to use one of those sets. So for now I just have to hope that whoever dresses her on any particular day can do a decent job of coordinating her clothes. All of the clothing in her drawers currently fits her, or is just a tiny bit big, but still wearable. All of the clothes that we still have for her to grow into is either hanging up (dresses and coats) or are in a shelf on a gray hanging organizer. All clothes that will fit next summer are on the top shelf and all clothes that will fit next winter on the shelf below. There are still 3 more shelves, so if by chance I find some great sales I can add items to it. I love the new system.
The left side of the closet...
The right side of the closet.
I also had a chance to really see what she needs for the winter...mainly 24mo and 2T....which led to another question...what in the heck is the difference between 24mo and 2T?! A quick Google search revealed that generally there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. The main thing I found is that 2T is a little bit bigger through the chest/waist and longer in the pants. Carter's website seems to agree with this idea. http://www.carters.com/Sizing/cs-sizing,default,pg.html From what I can tell, 24mo and 2T have about the same weight range, but 2T is for taller children. When I do my fall/winter shopping I plan to buy 2T, even if I'll be rolling the sleeves or pants for a bit. Clothing is too expensive to buy 24mo and then 2 months later have to buy 2T.
So Savannah's big girl room is almost ready for her to move in...which will leave an empty nursery. The plan was for it to be needed again during the end of February...but sadly those plans have changed. In my attempt to see the positive side of things, I have decided that once the fall semester is over, life will slow down. (It has to - I won't be teaching at FSU or WVU, no vacations planned after Disney, and no more rooms to renovate!) It will be winter, and boring, and cold. So I will be stuck in the house....so I will then tackle the nursery closet. I will decide what things are really worth keeping for the next baby, and I'll sort through all of Savannah's outgrown clothes for any of the neutral items. I'll keep the neutral things out (and even put the smallest neutral items in the dresser for a future baby) and I'll label all of the girly things as "Girl/Size" just in case the next one likes pink too! While again, I'd still rather be pregnant, at least I won't be 8 months pregnant trying to sort through a nursery of clothes like last time...pregnancy hormones and sorting clothes just wasn't a good combination for me - I ended up crying and frustrated. So this time around the clothes will be ready and waiting for the pregnancy instead of the other way around. (Which I must say means during the next pregnancy there won't be a need for any room renovation, clothes washing/organizing, or anything! I will just have to make sure the bottles are washed/stored and that we have plenty of diapers!)
We still have two big projects left. Carl has to finish painting the woodwork (or at least allow me to do it) and we are going to refinish the antique dresser I had as a child. I hope to do as much of that as possible this weekend...I really would like to have this off of my radar when school begins again. We have gotten quite a bit completed already, we've painted, added the mural, hung the window treatments, hung the chair rail and crown molding, bought all of the furniture (minus the bed - I still can't decide on one!), and this past week I tackled a major organizational nightmare. I cleaned out the closet in that room and moved all of Savannah's clothes in.
It was hard to get that closet fully emptied out...we'd taken out a lot before our yard sale this spring, but there were still a few random things and our winter coats hanging in there. Carl wanted to just move our coats to the nursery closet (his logic was that even another baby won't need that much space in a closet for a while) but I refused to do that. I just hate moving things around when I know I'll have to move it again (even if moving it again will be in a few years when the second child wants more space). I insisted that we sort through the coats and donate some to charity. Honestly, why do we each need 10 coats?! At first Carl didn't seem to be able to part with several coats (you'd think it'd be easy for a guy!) but once I told him that he had to hang them in our master closet (thank goodness it's a walk-in) and that they would be going on his side and not mine, he seemed more willing to part with a few. We each kept about 4 coats: a heavy coat, fall jacket, rain jacket, and then one for casual wear. This all means that a few people won't be cold this winter when they receive our donated coats. I love that the clutter is out of my house, plus I know it will make someone very happy in a few months!
After the closet was completely empty I had to decide how to organize Savannah's clothes. I had been thinking about this for a while. I love to organize - almost to a ridiculous degree. I love office supplies and the things that organize them...I just love organization! So after knowing this about me, one would think that organizing clothing for a child would be a breeze. That couldn't be farther from the truth...since the moment we began collecting clothes for Savannah I have felt overwhelmed with disorganization. Our closets have a shelf and a bar for hanging clothes, but then there is a lot of empty space underneath...and in both the nursery and the big girl room there is space for a dresser inside the closet. We had an extra dresser at my parents' house so that was moved into the nursery as soon as the clothes started to pour in.
Then the chaos began. Family and friends began to shop for bargains for Savannah (which was well appreciated!), but this meant that we had outfits as small as newborn and as big at 3T. We had summer outfits, matching sets, winter shirts, leggings, shorts, skirts, pajamas, dresses, etc. All of which we had in just about every size. So I was faced with a major task - how do I organize it all?! I remember one particular evening I sat in the middle of the nursery with piles of clothing around me, with no inkling of how to organize it all. Of all the preparation I went through for a new baby, I think organizing her clothes was one of the most difficult. My first solution (which I used throughout Savannah's first year) was to organize the clothing by size. The top drawer held the clothing size that fit Savannah at the moment (when we started the top drawer was all newborn sized items). All shorts, pants, onesies, skirts in her current size went there. I hung all dresses up, with the current size in the front and the biggest size all the way back. Pajamas were hung up also. The next drawer down held the size she would be in next, and so on. There was also a drawer designated for hats, socks, and shoes. This worked...but it got to be very difficult to really see what she had. If someone was looking for a particular shirt, etc. all of her clothes would end up on the floor or completed unfolded and crammed in the drawer. It drove me batty! I also hated that every time she'd outgrow a size (which seemed to happen every 2 months!) I would have to reorganize the drawers again (unfortunately the drawers didn't allow for interchangeable locations).
Thus, the task of moving all of her clothes across the hall has been a challenge. Her big girl room closet is much bigger than the nursery closet. However, we don't have another spare dresser. Carl suggested moving the one from the nursery, but then we'd still have to find another one when the next baby comes along. I toyed with the idea of buying a cheap one at Ikea, but still wasn't fully happy with the idea. I considered purchasing a closet system - but that can be expensive and would stay with the house if we were to move. One day I was walking through Target and an idea came to me. Why couldn't I use dorm storage bins for her closet? I found two large three-drawer carts and two small three-drawer carts. They aren't the most beautiful, but I don't care, the closet doors are usually closed anyway. I also liked the price. (In the end I paid $50 for her "closet system".) They are a pink, clear color. This means Savannah can see right into them - perfect for when she learns to dress herself! Another perk - safety. These are low to the ground, so chances of anything tipping is small. If she does somehow tip one, she shouldn't be seriously injured. They aren't tremendously large, but for now her clothes fit really well with room to grow. Once she is older and the clothes don't fit she'll be hanging them up more often and using the top shelf for sweaters and jeans. At that point, the bins will just be re-purposed (I'm thinking toys, shoes, scarves, books, puzzles, doll supplies, etc.).
Figuring out the storage solution was the first part of the hurdle...but then came the hard part...would I still organize the drawers the same way? I decided on a new system. First I went through all of her current clothes and put things that were too small in a plastic bin for the attic (I really shudder to think how many bins of outgrown clothes we have in the attic). The new system revolves around the type of clothing, rather than the size. I've discovered this works much better because something that says 18mo in one brand fits, while another brand only 24mo sizes fit. So, now she has a drawer just for short sleeved shirts (which - thanks to a Children's Place sale she has plenty of for the winter - I bought two shrugs that will fit her this winter...which will completely extend the life of short-sleeved shirts without making her cold!), long-sleeved shirts, pants, shorts/skirts, and pants. Dresses are still hung up, as well as coats. In the smaller drawers she has shoes, socks, and hats/purses. I even printed out little labels, laminated them, and then used Velcro to stick them to the drawers. This allows Savannah to learn the words and where her clothes belong. It also means Carl and my mom can easily get things out, or put away laundered clothing. I used to try to keep matching outfit sets together (a lot of children's clothing comes with a shirt and pant set, which are cutest when worn together but can also be worn separately with other options). This just doesn't work. Even if in the drawer together, somehow Carl still doesn't match Savannah's clothing. It also means that when I have just a shirt and I am looking for shorts, I am missing the opportunity to use one of those sets. So for now I just have to hope that whoever dresses her on any particular day can do a decent job of coordinating her clothes. All of the clothing in her drawers currently fits her, or is just a tiny bit big, but still wearable. All of the clothes that we still have for her to grow into is either hanging up (dresses and coats) or are in a shelf on a gray hanging organizer. All clothes that will fit next summer are on the top shelf and all clothes that will fit next winter on the shelf below. There are still 3 more shelves, so if by chance I find some great sales I can add items to it. I love the new system.
The left side of the closet...
The right side of the closet.
I also had a chance to really see what she needs for the winter...mainly 24mo and 2T....which led to another question...what in the heck is the difference between 24mo and 2T?! A quick Google search revealed that generally there doesn't seem to be much of a difference. The main thing I found is that 2T is a little bit bigger through the chest/waist and longer in the pants. Carter's website seems to agree with this idea. http://www.carters.com/Sizing/cs-sizing,default,pg.html From what I can tell, 24mo and 2T have about the same weight range, but 2T is for taller children. When I do my fall/winter shopping I plan to buy 2T, even if I'll be rolling the sleeves or pants for a bit. Clothing is too expensive to buy 24mo and then 2 months later have to buy 2T.
So Savannah's big girl room is almost ready for her to move in...which will leave an empty nursery. The plan was for it to be needed again during the end of February...but sadly those plans have changed. In my attempt to see the positive side of things, I have decided that once the fall semester is over, life will slow down. (It has to - I won't be teaching at FSU or WVU, no vacations planned after Disney, and no more rooms to renovate!) It will be winter, and boring, and cold. So I will be stuck in the house....so I will then tackle the nursery closet. I will decide what things are really worth keeping for the next baby, and I'll sort through all of Savannah's outgrown clothes for any of the neutral items. I'll keep the neutral things out (and even put the smallest neutral items in the dresser for a future baby) and I'll label all of the girly things as "Girl/Size" just in case the next one likes pink too! While again, I'd still rather be pregnant, at least I won't be 8 months pregnant trying to sort through a nursery of clothes like last time...pregnancy hormones and sorting clothes just wasn't a good combination for me - I ended up crying and frustrated. So this time around the clothes will be ready and waiting for the pregnancy instead of the other way around. (Which I must say means during the next pregnancy there won't be a need for any room renovation, clothes washing/organizing, or anything! I will just have to make sure the bottles are washed/stored and that we have plenty of diapers!)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I Wanna Be a Millionaire, Among Other Things...
On my way home yesterday that song "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy started to play on the radio. A little secret about me is that I sing in the car - a lot - it distracts me just enough (but not too much to cause any issues) to stay calm in heavy traffic. It seems that almost every time the lyrics said "I wanna be a billionaire" I would inadvertently sing "I wanna be a millionaire". I then started to really think why I do that every time. I guess it boils down to the fact that to me, being a millionaire would be amazing - let alone a billionaire. Then I started to think about what I would do with a million dollars. You would think I'd have all these crazy things I'd like to buy...but the first things to come to mind were to pay off the house and cars, then maybe buy a few things for my parents and grandparents, donate to a charity or our church...and that was it. I didn't think "Oh I'd love a boat" or "I could buy a really expensive car!"...I did eventually think that maybe I'd like to stop working so I could be home with my family more...which brought me to the conclusion that I'd be a boring millionaire. It also made me realize that for once I am practicing what I preach. The key to happiness (or at least a portion of it) is to love what you have, not want what you don't have. I love my family, I love my house, and I love my cars. Some may say that I must have pretty nice things then. While I do think what we have is nice, it certainly isn't out of the realm of possibilities for a lot of people to have. We're not millionaires, or even hundred-thousandaires (totally not a word). We are just happy and blessed with what we do have. I'd like to think that even if I had less I'd still be happy. Life just isn't about big houses or expensive cars. Life is meant for us to praise God for the opportunities presented to us, feel blessed for what He has provided, and do as much to help others as possible.
Aside from singing the lyrics wrong on my drive home, my life has been pretty straight forward and uneventful. We did enjoy an amazing trip to visit family last week. Surprisingly the "road trip" part of our vacation was one of the most entertaining. I typically hate road trips but this was the first road trip Carl, Savannah, and I have taken as a family of three, alone. We had a new GPS - we named her "Glinda Penelope Switzer" - to play with. Savannah had a DVD player to keep her entertained. I drove quite a bit, even through 8-lanes Nashville. It was just fun and relaxing. I was delighted to see Savannah with all four of her great-grandparents. We visited an historical staple in my hometown - Trowbridges. This place has the best hot dogs and ice cream that I have ever tasted. All of that good food combined with southern charm. It was just wonderful. It broke my heart when we had to leave both sets of grandparents. They just want to relish every moment with Savannah...I hated to go. I am amazingly blessed to have the four of them in my life - as well as in Savannah's life.
Savannah is also changing by the day. I swear each day it sounds like she has added to her vocabulary. Her words still aren't nearly clear enough for anyone other than family to understand her, but she certainly understands more words than I could imagine. She can pick out just about anything I ask her about in a picture book and she is fluent in body part identification. She has figured out how to open lever-handle style doors (which was really a lot of work for me at my grandparents in Ohio) and she knows how to get around the drawer locks in the kitchen. She copies everything I do. The other day I had to fuss at Junebug (the youngest kitty in our household) for trying to steal food off my plate. I said "June! No!" and clapped my hands at her. Then behind me I hear "Ah! Ah!" with the same inflection and all. I turn to see Savannah clapping. She's now become the chief police officer for our kitties. They aren't entirely thrilled. Savannah also follows two or three step directions really well. We can tell her to find something and put it somewhere else, etc. More and more often she points to her diaper for changes....it really will be time before we know it for her to be potty trained. We also have a goal of finishing her big girl room before Labor Day. She has been climbing things like crazy and I just worry about her falling out of her crib. Carl's mom said Carl was close to Savannah's current age when he figured it out. I also have been thinking that if she is going to be potty trained I need to be sure she can access the potty easily at night - so when we potty train she'll need to be a bed she can get out of. It is just amazing to me how grown up she is already.
For all that Savannah has grown, she still reminds me that she's my little doll baby that I brought home from the hospital. Recently she has really turned into a cuddle bug - which often makes me cry. I just love her so much and I just love that she cuddles - but it really reminds me of what I lost in July. It makes me sad to think that she isn't a big sister yet and won't be for a while now. She just has so much love to share and I can't give her a sibling to share with...at least not now. I also have been going to weekly appointments for blood work. My HCG level has to drop below 5, and until it does I have to give a tube of blood once a week. The week after the miscarriage it was 186, the next week it was 48, and this week it was 6. And so, since it was 6, I had to go AGAIN next week. I really don't look forward to that. I have gotten over the needles and blood part of this - honestly after being stuck so many times when I was pregnant with Savannah, and now for the miscarriage, the needles don't bother me. It's just hard to go in to that doctor's office, knowing full well that I'm there because my body rejected a potential baby. Then once I get there I sit in a waiting room full of 9-months-pregnant women - reminded of what I could have had: the excitement, the joy, the baby. While I'd like to think I have put that memory away and moved on to enjoy my life, I know the pain still isn't gone. The hurt and loss is still there...and every week I'm reminded. It was really not fun to get the phone call yesterday saying that I'd have to come back next week...it's like a miscarriage isn't just a one day event....the day you're told there's no heartbeat it's shattering...then you have all the physical issues to deal. It's pretty much all the same as what happens right after you have a baby - except this time you get all of that annoyance and pain without a baby as your reward. Then after that is over you are reminded every week while the doctor checks on you. I know it's all for my health, but it really, really hurts.
And so I come back to where I started...I am happy with my life and I love what I have. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a life I love to wake up to every morning. But I do believe that without great sadness and pain we wouldn't appreciate the great joys and blessings.
Aside from singing the lyrics wrong on my drive home, my life has been pretty straight forward and uneventful. We did enjoy an amazing trip to visit family last week. Surprisingly the "road trip" part of our vacation was one of the most entertaining. I typically hate road trips but this was the first road trip Carl, Savannah, and I have taken as a family of three, alone. We had a new GPS - we named her "Glinda Penelope Switzer" - to play with. Savannah had a DVD player to keep her entertained. I drove quite a bit, even through 8-lanes Nashville. It was just fun and relaxing. I was delighted to see Savannah with all four of her great-grandparents. We visited an historical staple in my hometown - Trowbridges. This place has the best hot dogs and ice cream that I have ever tasted. All of that good food combined with southern charm. It was just wonderful. It broke my heart when we had to leave both sets of grandparents. They just want to relish every moment with Savannah...I hated to go. I am amazingly blessed to have the four of them in my life - as well as in Savannah's life.
Savannah is also changing by the day. I swear each day it sounds like she has added to her vocabulary. Her words still aren't nearly clear enough for anyone other than family to understand her, but she certainly understands more words than I could imagine. She can pick out just about anything I ask her about in a picture book and she is fluent in body part identification. She has figured out how to open lever-handle style doors (which was really a lot of work for me at my grandparents in Ohio) and she knows how to get around the drawer locks in the kitchen. She copies everything I do. The other day I had to fuss at Junebug (the youngest kitty in our household) for trying to steal food off my plate. I said "June! No!" and clapped my hands at her. Then behind me I hear "Ah! Ah!" with the same inflection and all. I turn to see Savannah clapping. She's now become the chief police officer for our kitties. They aren't entirely thrilled. Savannah also follows two or three step directions really well. We can tell her to find something and put it somewhere else, etc. More and more often she points to her diaper for changes....it really will be time before we know it for her to be potty trained. We also have a goal of finishing her big girl room before Labor Day. She has been climbing things like crazy and I just worry about her falling out of her crib. Carl's mom said Carl was close to Savannah's current age when he figured it out. I also have been thinking that if she is going to be potty trained I need to be sure she can access the potty easily at night - so when we potty train she'll need to be a bed she can get out of. It is just amazing to me how grown up she is already.
For all that Savannah has grown, she still reminds me that she's my little doll baby that I brought home from the hospital. Recently she has really turned into a cuddle bug - which often makes me cry. I just love her so much and I just love that she cuddles - but it really reminds me of what I lost in July. It makes me sad to think that she isn't a big sister yet and won't be for a while now. She just has so much love to share and I can't give her a sibling to share with...at least not now. I also have been going to weekly appointments for blood work. My HCG level has to drop below 5, and until it does I have to give a tube of blood once a week. The week after the miscarriage it was 186, the next week it was 48, and this week it was 6. And so, since it was 6, I had to go AGAIN next week. I really don't look forward to that. I have gotten over the needles and blood part of this - honestly after being stuck so many times when I was pregnant with Savannah, and now for the miscarriage, the needles don't bother me. It's just hard to go in to that doctor's office, knowing full well that I'm there because my body rejected a potential baby. Then once I get there I sit in a waiting room full of 9-months-pregnant women - reminded of what I could have had: the excitement, the joy, the baby. While I'd like to think I have put that memory away and moved on to enjoy my life, I know the pain still isn't gone. The hurt and loss is still there...and every week I'm reminded. It was really not fun to get the phone call yesterday saying that I'd have to come back next week...it's like a miscarriage isn't just a one day event....the day you're told there's no heartbeat it's shattering...then you have all the physical issues to deal. It's pretty much all the same as what happens right after you have a baby - except this time you get all of that annoyance and pain without a baby as your reward. Then after that is over you are reminded every week while the doctor checks on you. I know it's all for my health, but it really, really hurts.
And so I come back to where I started...I am happy with my life and I love what I have. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband, an amazing daughter, and a life I love to wake up to every morning. But I do believe that without great sadness and pain we wouldn't appreciate the great joys and blessings.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)