Baby on the Mind

It's official...I'm 20 weeks pregnant! A year ago I was wondering when Carl and I would start trying again, not knowing that our second attempt at a second child would fail again. Now I am halfway to meeting my little Luke or Ella!

We had an ultrasound on Wednesday, and much to the display of several friends and family, Carl and I looked away (even though I said I didn't think I would be able to look away) when the tech measured the lower spine and legs. Now we won't know until late February or early March...unless there is a need for an ultrasound later on. I'm going to be so incredibly ready to meet this little one...we've had 4 ultrasounds in the first 20 weeks...and now I have to wait until he/she arrives before I get to see him/her again! I am comforted by the baby kicks though...I know that I'm growing a little soccer star, one way or another!

Since the beginning of this pregnancy I have said that I think we're going to welcome a son...and then I dreamed of a boy last week...and after the ultrasound I just feel so much more connected to this child...I just feel it in my gut that we're going to have a boy. (I did not see the gender, I just have this intense feeling!) As I drove to work after the ultrasound, it really hit me. I might really be having a boy! I don't know what to do with a boy! I don't know how to raise a boy! So many thoughts flooded my mind...would Savannah play well with a brother? Will I know how to care for a boy? Will I connect as easily to a boy (as I have with Savannah)? Will I force hugs and kisses on a boy that doesn't want them? The whole freaking-out-about-having-a-boy thing makes me think even more that I really am having a boy. Although Carl will say he would like a boy...and while I used to say it'd be nice to have a boy and a girl...now I'm kind of thinking, I know what to do with girls..I'd rather a girl! Then I feel guilty about "wanting" either...I'm just praying for a baby that's healthy!

Last night I went through and packed up Savannah's little sentimental things that were still in the nursery closet...her little Christening cap, her baby books, the photo frame that people signed at the baby shower for her...I packed it all in a tub and labeled it...and moved it to a shelf in our bedroom. I had to make space for the next round of sentimental items. I cleaned up the nursery...made it usable. The bumpers are off the crib (they had been there for decoration) and I took the mobile off the crib...which caused an immense amount of confusion on Carl's part! I think I had him put the mobile on the crib about a month ago, so when I insisted it come off the crib now he was confused. Then I didn't want it just off, but given away or thrown away...and he kept repeating that I just had him put it there a few weeks ago...but I explained that I had been reading my blog from when Savannah was tiny...and I had commented about how much I hated the mobile because it always woke her up (a detail I must have forgotten until I read the blog!). So that is why it had to go...plus I'd been looking at it for a month and it just didn't look right...I don't know...call it crazy pregnancy hormones! So now the double stroller needs to be put together and gotten out of the nursery (it's been there in "storage" for probably almost a year). Clothes need washed...meals need prepared and frozen...diapers need bought...but other than that we are ready (well, at least in the sense of a room being ready...)

Not only have I been more emotional during this pregnancy (there are days that I must look like I've been crying the entire day!) but I have noticed so many differences in the pregnancy itself. I am carrying completely different. I always used to think my belly looked like a basketball when I was pregnant with Savannah...but now I see that I was defintely more of a "watermelon" type belly with Savannah. I totally have a basketball belly now. It's most apparent when I lay on my back...it looks like I just set a ball right on top of my stomach.

While that's cute - it's become more uncomfortable than before. Doctors always tell pregnant women not to sleep on their backs as the uterus grows heavier because it can pinch nerves, etc...well, I still could easily sleep on my back with Savannah...it never woke me up or bothered me. Long gone are those days! I can't even lay on the couch or in bed on my back just to read a book for very long! I get this pain in my back that is only relieved when I turn over...so some of my favorite evening activities (facebooking and reading) are now limited to being able to sit comfortably in a chair. At my ultrasound I was laying on my back for 20-30 minutes while all of Luke/Ella's little parts were measured...and I hurt then! I also have a lot of the round ligament pain. If I get up too fast, or roll over in bed, or just move unexpectedly I have a sharp pain for a second or two...all due to the weight of this baby and how he or she is sitting.

And yet another difference: the belly size. I think the size difference is really more noticeable because I'm carrying differently...not only do I have a little basketball, but this baby is much lower. Savannah used to be all up in my ribs and lungs...I always felt so out of breath! This baby...nope...he/she wants me to breathe, but also wants to make sure I take several trips to the bathroom! Everything is so much lower...I feel most of the movement at my belly button or lower...it is just crazy how different it is! I measure my belly once a week for the pregnancy scrapbook (just as I did with Savannah) and at 24 weeks with Savannah I was close to 40 inches....well, I'm 20 weeks and already at 40 inches!

So this whole carrying differently thing is interesting to say the least...for the most part I was able to paint my toes up until the very end of pregnancy with Savannah...but again, she was higher up and more stretched across my belly...well, I'm already having trouble shaving in the shower, and really, there's no way my toes are getting painted by me anymore. Which is a total bummer! For an idea of how hard those simple things have become, just get a basketball, sit on the floor, place the ball right against your stomach when you bend at the hips...and then try reaching your toes in any kind of elegant fashion! Again, it's not that my belly is giant...just..cumbersome.

So not only is sleep becoming more difficult (I don't ever remember it this tiring when I was pregnant with Savannah!) due to the lack of sleep on my back...but that means I have to turn over often. Now picture this...you are sleeping on your left side, and want to turn over to sleep on your right side...the easiest way to turn over is with your belly down (or at least that is how I have turned over for all of my life!). Well, now picture laying on your left with a basketball against your stomach again...and try to turn over with that basketball staying right against your stomach...you have turn over with your belly up, or you have to sit up, clear your stomach of the bed, and lay down again. The whole turning the other direction wakes me up because it isn't natural...and the whole sitting up to turn over wakes me up too...and then I have to pee because this baby sits so low!

Didn't I just say, "I'm already 20 weeks, I'm halfway there!"...at midnight when I can't sleep I'm saying, "I'm only 20 weeks, I'm only halfway there?"...

Don't get me wrong...I love this. I love each and every moment of it. I love the kicks to my hand, the little baby squirming that starts the instant I drink hot cocoa (a new craving), I love the pregnancy, and I love the fact that I will be a mom times two soon...but that still doesn't mean it's glamorous. I'm not complaining...I'm just sharing each and every little moment...because this could be the last time I'm pregnant...and I don't want these details to fade away (like the hatred of the mobile did).