It's May?! Already?!

First off, I can't believe I haven't blogged in almost three weeks! Time is just flying by. I feel like one of those silly cartoon characters staring at a clock with arms spinning in impossibly fast circles. Or better yet, like I am walking through a storm of clocks and numbers blowing past me. The past three weeks have most definitely been busy, rewarding, emotional, and just so many other things. A brief recap. My parents went to Hawaii for two weeks, which meant I spent my days home with both kids. I did a surprising amount of errands and cleaning during those two weeks. I actually lifted Luke in or out of our car 18 times in one day! How's that for a post-partum workout! I got Savannah out of the habit of snacking on chocolate or chips. (A habit I started when I was pregnant with Luke and it was then perpetuated by other family members just handing her the junk without even questioning it.) I also have fully potty trained Savannah (in the day time anyway - nights are tougher for her). She only wears pull-ups on long car trips, but even on the trip to Ohio she stayed dry. (I just don't need to have a wet carseat halfway to a destination - so prevention is key.) While my parents were out of town we traveled to Ohio to see my grandparents. My grandmother is ill - she has been in and out of the hospital for almost two months now. I debated when I should go to see her, for a variety of reasons. One, I hate to see her that way. Two, traveling 7 hours with potty training and breastfeeding children is one heck of a trek. Three, said children will not be in a good mood once arriving from a 7 hour car trip thus interrupting the peaceful sleep patients at a hospital need. While I know that we could ask cousins or aunts/uncles to watch the kids for us, it isn't really that simple. Luke needs to eat, which means every 3 hours he has to be with me. At the point we traveled, he'd only had 3 bottles in his life. So that limits some things. Also, Savannah is incredibly shy. There is absolutely no way I could leave her with someone she doesn't know. I can imagine the screams and tears coming from her as I would drive away...absolutely NOT happening. She would probably be scarred for a while, so leaving her with someone she did know would become problematic. Traveling with two kids, to a hospital, is difficult. I know some family members probably don't understand my hesitance. One day I hope they will. So we drove to Ohio on Saturday the 21st, and drove home on Sunday the 22nd. My grandmother isn't doing the best. It is almost like she has given up. I hate that. I hate it because she has grandkids and great-grand kids that would like her to fight. I hate it because my grandfather looks heartbroken. He just stares at her and wrings his hands and brings her flowers and tries his hardest to help her. He is by her side at the hospital or nursing home every waking minute. He loves her and desperately wants her back to normal. This September will be their 65th wedding anniversary. It is just so sad to see him looking on, helpless. When we left on the 22nd I was tearing up and sad for so many reasons. It was rough. On our way back to Morgantown, we got a phone call from the hospital (in Morgantown) that Carl's mother had had a possible stroke. So I began driving, at a speed a little bit over what I should have been going. Since my parents were out of town, and the kids were exhausted, I dropped Carl off at the hospital and went home. I unpacked the car, unpacked the suitcases, cleaned the house, bathed the kids, got them in bed, and collapsed into bed. In between all the cleaning/bathing/etc. I got updates on his mom. The whole first week after her stroke (turns out it was a stroke) our house was crazy. We were out at night to visit her in the hospital, the kids were exhausted, I was exhausted, and it was the last week of maternity leave for me. I had hoped for just one last lazy day with the kids, but it never happened. I'll get one of those someday...(but as it looks right now, it will be at least June before I see that!). Carl's mom is doing better though. Mentally she is the same. Physically, she has a journey ahead of her. She is in a wheelchair for now, and has little use of her left side. She is making amazing progress, and we go to see her two weeknights a week and one weekend day. She loves to see us, and it keeps her spirits high. Savannah is getting more comfortable with Nana being in a wheelchair and living in a hospital. (Really it's a rehab facility, but Savannah calls it a hospital.) Jeanne still gets to hold Luke (we just stay near) and I think that does her good. When she was first recovering from the shock of having a stroke she cried when she said she used to have the hobby of playing with her grandkids. I can imagine the heartbreak she feels - especially with little Luke being so new to the world. But I also know she is such a strong woman and she always makes the best of the situations around her...so she may not play with them the way she used to, but she'll still play with them. I keep picturing her as one of those hardcore wheelchair basketball players doing wheelies or something...she is just too fun-loving to let a disability keep her out of the game. So after that crazy week, Luke decided to roll over (from belly to back) on April 29th. He wasn't even 2 months old yet! Savannah was over 3 months when she did it. It just isn't fair that he is growing up so fast! On the 30th I returned to work. That was SO hard. I know that my kids are with grandma, but still, I would rather be there. I love my job, but I love my kids more. It is just hard. I cried on the road to work, then cried when I got here. Thankfully there was A LOT to get done that first week back so my mind was occupied. I also had to be sure that I was pumping enough milk to keep up with Luke, and thankfully I would even exceed his demand some days. My first week back was a long one though. I had to work late on Friday (Academic Awards Celebration) and then I had to come in on Saturday to run orientation in the Dean's place. It was rough coming back to a jam-packed week of work, but I survived. Each day is hard though...this morning I was holding Luke before leaving the house and he was just so smiley and happy. He always is first thing in the morning...that is probably my favorite time of day with him. He just smiles and smiles and is almost laughing...I just love him so much. I worried a lot when I was pregnant if I would have as strong a bond with him as I do with Savannah. It seemed impossible. But I do. It's just so special. I love being a mom, and I love my kids more than anything in this world. Even on the days that I'm exhausted and stressed and worried...I love my kids.