Blame it on my terrible week. Blame it on my attitude. I don't care what you blame it on. I'm in a mood. I'm tired of seeing the world go to pot because of parents with such a free-spirited approach...and I think my anger has just been building.
I'd like to first say that I fully understand that every child is different (even children within the same family) and that parenting style and techniques will (and should to some degree) vary depending on the child. I also will be the first in line to tell you my children are absolutely NOT perfect. They misbehave, my methods aren't perfect, but they are always changing and learning.
So what has my knickers in a bunch? A lot. For starters, I took Savannah to the park on Monday. I had Luke in my lap and Savannah was playing on the big jungle gym equipment. There were about 5 other kids around with their parent/adult-in-charge/guardian...who knows. So Savannah had just gone down the slide and was on her way back to the ramp that leads to the "rickety" bridge that leads back to the slide. She was playing just like any other child. Well, a boy of about 10 had this brilliant idea to ride his bike up the ramp, onto the play equipment. Just as Savannah was about to round the corner to head up the ramp, the boy thought it'd be a great idea to ride his bike back down the ramp. So the "adult" said, "Jonny (no idea of his real name, wasn't really paying attention and I frankly don't care), that probably isn't a good idea, so this is the last time." And right after that I yelled to Savannah to stop in her tracks. Can you imagine how hurt BOTH children would have been had she been run over by a bicycle ON the playground equipment?! And the "adult" just glared at me for making a big deal and telling my child to stop. Honestly! If Savannah or Luke ever thinks riding bikes ON play equipment is a good idea, I certainly won't stand by and watch them do it, then say, "this is the last time" and then watch him/her almost run over a small child! And what gets me is that when the boy asked why he couldn't do it again, the "adult" just said that there were small children around. How about you can't do it EVER because it is dangerous for not only the small children, but for himself too!
Then there is this post I read today. Who the heck thinks allowing a child to use the restroom at the table is acceptable in a public place. Really, I know potty training is difficult. I just survived it. But when is it acceptable to allow manners and hygiene to be thrown to the wayside just so the parents' job is easier or so the child doesn't have an "accident" or whatever.
I'm tired of parents being proud that their homeschooled child (nothing against homeschooling itself, that's a whole other bunch of beans) can sleep until they are ready to get up, do what they want and then eventually learn something. It isn't that I hate homeschooling, or that I hate allowing a child a day here and there to sleep in, or that I think kids need to be adults right this second and wake up at the crack of dawn. What I am so frustrated with is the idea that the child runs the house. The child decides when to do things. The child isn't encouraged to function as most of society does. The child isn't shown a routine that happens in the business world. 'm all for allowing my kids to stay little for as long as I can keep them that way...to a point. By the time they are nearing the pre-teen and teenage years, I need to face the fact that in the next 5-10 years they will be moving out. They will be living on their own. They will be responsible for their own life. They need to be able to function in society (regardless if I like that society). Most professional jobs are 8-5; banks, courthouses, stores, etc. are all open at normal hours. College classes are offered during "normal" hours. So maybe these "set their own pace" kids aren't going to go to College...maybe they will do trade school, or no higher education. Those kids are still going to need to go to church on time, go the bank, the post office, etc. The world DOES NOT revolve around the children of today's society. It shouldn't. That is part of life. No one person is the most important in the world and can dictate when everyone else does things.
Maybe I'm sensitive to that issue because I work in higher education. I see students come in who were homeschooled (or even those who were allowed to do crazy shenanigans in public school) and they demand the entire university make changes for them. I help register students for classes in the summer. Do you know how many kids ask me if I can help them have a schedule where they only have class on Tuesday and Thursday so they can have a 4 day weekend? And then when that is pretty near impossible, they ask how many are online so they can just not come at all. Then they look on websites like "rateyourprofessor" to see which professors hand out "A"s like they are candy on Halloween. Then when they can't get exactly what they want, they ask me if I can have the class moved to fit their schedule. I always want to say, "Sure. I'll get right on that. I'm sure the other 23 students registered for the class won't mind switching to a time more convenient for you." Whatever happened to attending college for an education? For just accepting life and making changes? Do you know how many of students with that kind of outlook succeed? Very few.
I don't want my children to grow up too fast, but I also don't want to see them fall on their faces when they are out from under my wing. Again, I'm not saying my way is right. I know there will be moments when my way is wrong. I'm saying that parents need to take responsibility for teaching their children how to cope in the world we live in...whether we like that world or not.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Is it 2013 yet?
I certainly think 2013 just has to be a better year than 2012. It all started out in January when I wrecked the car while sliding down the mountain hill in our neighborhood. The in February, Luke was breech. Then he flipped. Then he took forever to get here. Then he was facing the wrong way during delivery. Then in March and April, my grandmother in Ohio became deathly ill (to which I just recently learned the doctor then gave her 6 months to live). Then in April Carl's mother had a stroke. Then in May my Granny had a heart attack. Then, in August, Carl's dad died. (And now, just days after my father-in-law's funeral, another family member had a stroke and was taken off life support [Carl's mother's cousin's husband, whom I had met several times.].)
The death of my father-in-law has been tough in so many ways. He had Huntington's Disease and COPD (from working in the mines for so many years). We watched Carl's uncle decline over a three year time period, all due to Huntington's. It was hard. By the time his uncle passed away, he was eating through a feeding tube and couldn't talk to a level of understanding. Carl's dad wasn't nearly close to that stage yet. He was eating regular food, he spoke to us clearly. We were under the impression that while he was sick and in a nursing home, we had time to spend with him still, and our last goodbye wasn't going to be our last goodbye. So on the 24th, when the nursing home called and said that he wasn't doing the best, Carl drove over to see him. When he returned home, Carl said it seemed like he was just dehydrated. Carl's sister went to visit the next day. Not one of us was thinking this was the end. Then, at 5:00am on Wednesday morning, we got the phone call. He had died in his sleep.
In some ways it was a blessing that the COPD took him in his sleep. It was peaceful, he didn't struggle. We didn't all have to watch him decline and suffer. In many other ways, it made this a shock and very difficult to handle. We knew it would come eventually...but we thought we'd have time to say goodbye.
Carl is dealing with a lot of guilt. He wishes we'd taken our kids up more often. (It has been hard with Luke...his immune system is still so little and nursing homes have so many germs. Savannah was afraid of the whole situation.) He wishes he'd said a better goodbye.
Savannah is still attempting to process everything and I think she will have many random questions in the months to come. We told her that Pap Pap was in heaven with Alex (My parents beloved dog that passed away a year ago.) So when we were on our way to church the day after the funeral, Savannah asked if Alex would be at church. We reminded her that he was in heaven. She said, "With Pap Pap?" and we told her yes. She then said that she thinks Alex welcomed Pap Pap with a big kiss on the nose. Then at church, when a group played a song dedicated to our family in grief, I told Savannah they were playing the song for Pap Pap, she asked, "Where's Pap Pap?"....so I know it will be a while before she really understands. It is hard to teach a child about death when they are so little. It hurts your heart. It also hurts to think Luke won't remember at all.
In addition to guilt, Carl is also dealing with a lot of questions. Huntington's Disease is genetic. He has a long line of family members with the disease. He has a 50/50 chance of having it. He doesn't know. His sister was tested and it was found that she has a very mild case that shouldn't affect her until she is much older. Yesterday I was cleaning and Luke was crying (which has been amazingly difficult to deal with during this week) and all of the sudden I heard Carl yelling at Luke. He was angry at him for crying. I ran down the stairs and told him to cut it out and he needed to leave the house for a while. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Luke was crying in his bouncer and Carl was on the computer, playing some game. So I told him he was a selfish overgrown child and he needed to leave for a while.
After the argument, I felt badly for yelling at him when I know he's had a rough week...but yelling at an infant is inexcusable. So when we discussed things, after we had both calmed down a bit, he kept saying, "I am going to a doctor, I have Huntington's." When I asked why he is so convinced of this he said it's because he has a fixation on games and he is late in the mornings to work...and that I didn't grow up living in his house with his dad and how he got when he was fixated on things....and while I'm not a doctor, I do know that people are late and addicted to games and not all of them have Huntington's. I also have doubts about his reasoning because he isn't "crazy" or "mean" to anyone besides me and the kids. Huntington's Disease doesn't decide who to yell at. So I think some of it is just our marriage...our difference of opinion...the stress of the week...the stress of the year.
I know his dad's death has stirred up emotions and worries. It has for me too. The "what if" is always in my mind...but we are just supposed to trust God. I used to not care one way or the other as to whether he had it or not, or if he was tested. But now, I don't know. Maybe he should get tested. If he doesn't have it, then he can quit making excuses and grow up a bit. Forget the computer and take life by the horns. If he does have it, then we can develop a plan and talk to the doctors. The unknown is beginning to get difficult for everyone.
One thing is for sure - we need more bright spots in our lives and much, much less dark ones.
The death of my father-in-law has been tough in so many ways. He had Huntington's Disease and COPD (from working in the mines for so many years). We watched Carl's uncle decline over a three year time period, all due to Huntington's. It was hard. By the time his uncle passed away, he was eating through a feeding tube and couldn't talk to a level of understanding. Carl's dad wasn't nearly close to that stage yet. He was eating regular food, he spoke to us clearly. We were under the impression that while he was sick and in a nursing home, we had time to spend with him still, and our last goodbye wasn't going to be our last goodbye. So on the 24th, when the nursing home called and said that he wasn't doing the best, Carl drove over to see him. When he returned home, Carl said it seemed like he was just dehydrated. Carl's sister went to visit the next day. Not one of us was thinking this was the end. Then, at 5:00am on Wednesday morning, we got the phone call. He had died in his sleep.
In some ways it was a blessing that the COPD took him in his sleep. It was peaceful, he didn't struggle. We didn't all have to watch him decline and suffer. In many other ways, it made this a shock and very difficult to handle. We knew it would come eventually...but we thought we'd have time to say goodbye.
Carl is dealing with a lot of guilt. He wishes we'd taken our kids up more often. (It has been hard with Luke...his immune system is still so little and nursing homes have so many germs. Savannah was afraid of the whole situation.) He wishes he'd said a better goodbye.
Savannah is still attempting to process everything and I think she will have many random questions in the months to come. We told her that Pap Pap was in heaven with Alex (My parents beloved dog that passed away a year ago.) So when we were on our way to church the day after the funeral, Savannah asked if Alex would be at church. We reminded her that he was in heaven. She said, "With Pap Pap?" and we told her yes. She then said that she thinks Alex welcomed Pap Pap with a big kiss on the nose. Then at church, when a group played a song dedicated to our family in grief, I told Savannah they were playing the song for Pap Pap, she asked, "Where's Pap Pap?"....so I know it will be a while before she really understands. It is hard to teach a child about death when they are so little. It hurts your heart. It also hurts to think Luke won't remember at all.
In addition to guilt, Carl is also dealing with a lot of questions. Huntington's Disease is genetic. He has a long line of family members with the disease. He has a 50/50 chance of having it. He doesn't know. His sister was tested and it was found that she has a very mild case that shouldn't affect her until she is much older. Yesterday I was cleaning and Luke was crying (which has been amazingly difficult to deal with during this week) and all of the sudden I heard Carl yelling at Luke. He was angry at him for crying. I ran down the stairs and told him to cut it out and he needed to leave the house for a while. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Luke was crying in his bouncer and Carl was on the computer, playing some game. So I told him he was a selfish overgrown child and he needed to leave for a while.
After the argument, I felt badly for yelling at him when I know he's had a rough week...but yelling at an infant is inexcusable. So when we discussed things, after we had both calmed down a bit, he kept saying, "I am going to a doctor, I have Huntington's." When I asked why he is so convinced of this he said it's because he has a fixation on games and he is late in the mornings to work...and that I didn't grow up living in his house with his dad and how he got when he was fixated on things....and while I'm not a doctor, I do know that people are late and addicted to games and not all of them have Huntington's. I also have doubts about his reasoning because he isn't "crazy" or "mean" to anyone besides me and the kids. Huntington's Disease doesn't decide who to yell at. So I think some of it is just our marriage...our difference of opinion...the stress of the week...the stress of the year.
I know his dad's death has stirred up emotions and worries. It has for me too. The "what if" is always in my mind...but we are just supposed to trust God. I used to not care one way or the other as to whether he had it or not, or if he was tested. But now, I don't know. Maybe he should get tested. If he doesn't have it, then he can quit making excuses and grow up a bit. Forget the computer and take life by the horns. If he does have it, then we can develop a plan and talk to the doctors. The unknown is beginning to get difficult for everyone.
One thing is for sure - we need more bright spots in our lives and much, much less dark ones.
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