Emotional Me

I know...two blogs, hours apart. It's an emotional day for me I suppose! So as I said earlier...I'm not feeling entirely 100%...not sure if it's just that I need to slow down, if it's all in my head, or if there really is some kind of issue. There isn't really anything wrong, at least not enough to cause a doctor's visit. I feel "off"...but nothing extreme.

Carl called to check in on me, after I'd sent him a quick text to tell him I was so annoyed...about just anything and everything. I don't know...since yesterday morning I have wondered if it's smart to travel to Alabama for Thanksgiving. In the car this morning, on my drive into work, where I actually have the peace and quiet to actually think, I wondered why I was nervous about traveling to see family when it didn't phase me at all to travel pregnant all the way to Seattle back in September. Then it hit me. In September, if I'd have any kind of complication or issue with the pregnancy, there was nothing that could be done. Doctors cannot stop an impending miscarriage. So what did it matter where I was?

This time is different. I will be 24 weeks when we leave for Alabama...if a baby is born at 24 weeks, there's a 39% survival rate...with a state-of-the-art hospital...which I'd like to think WVU's Children's Hospital is pretty state-of-the-art. So now, after fighting for so long to get a baby...here I am, at a point that if I did go into labor, or was forced to have a c-section, or whatever the case...I'll be leaving the comfort of the good doctors in town...for a small town in Alabama...where the serious help we might need would be at least an hour away...by the time we return, viability is 50%...and when I make it to December 15th, viability is between 80-90%.

I know I just need to trust God and not worry...but it is so hard for me...especially me...to not worry. I know if I don't go to Alabama I will regret it...my grandparents will more than likely never have another chance to see me pregnant...and I will hate that fact. I just wish it were easier to rationalize my worries...