December is two days away, did you know that? Yesterday morning on my drive to work (which really made me groan when I had to get back in the car after two days of driving home from Alabama) I realized that fact. December is beginning this week.
I immediately thought, "That is so exciting! If Luke/Ella is born in February...and it's December...that only leaves January before the month I meet my baby!!" But by the end of the day I just felt more overwhelmed than excited. I really had myself convinced that after our big trip to Alabama (my last hurrah as a pregnant lady - no more traveling!) I would be able to just relax and do a few little things to prepare for Luke/Ella's arrival and I'd be twiddling my thumbs the entire months of January and February waiting. I was so wrong. My list of things just gets longer and longer every day...I keep telling myself I don't need a list...but I bet by the end of the day today I'll have a list.
So first, there's the Christmas cards. All 63 of them. Handmade. With photos. And a little insert about Luke/Ella's impending arrival. And of course they need to be addressed, stamped, and mailed once I make them. But I have to order the photos to go on them before I can make them! I may recruit Carl to help with some of the details...he can put paper through the Sizzix, right? So those get top priority...I have to get started...the first step is to order the photos tonight. If nothing else, at least that will be ready. Then maybe tomorrow I can work on other parts of the cards.
Then there's the fleece. I bought fleece to make blankets for the house since it was on sale on Black Friday. I love making blankets - love it. I've made two of the four...and really each one only takes like an hour or so...and I really want to make the last two...but I'm not going to let myself until I've made progress with the Christmas cards.
I also have lots of wrapping to do...which I also love...but it's a little harder to reach things this year. I'm almost completely done shopping (which is great), but that has left a big pile of things to be wrapped in our basement closet. My plan is to work on that on Thursday...maybe, maybe if Savannah gets to bed on time I will be able to get all of the presents wrapped up.
So then, after Christmas cards are made, presents wrapped, and blankets made...December will be just for evenings of cookies and fun, visiting friends, and enjoying time with family...well...and making more cards!
In January, I have wonderful friends and family hosting a little baby "anticipation celebration" for Luke/Ella. I had planned to make the invitations (since I love card making)...but there are about 30 that need made...and I just have so much other stuff to do...and sitting at the table for hours is hard...so I don't know...I am sure they'd be beautiful if I made them by hand...so I don't know...I guess I will have to decide soon.
I also have maternity photos in January (which I can't wait for!!)...and there is the little issue of about 15 bins sitting in the middle of the nursery. Those house all of our Christmas decorations and go back in the attic...in January. Early January. Because I still need to vacuum the floors, wash all the baby clothes, paint the letters for Luke and Ella (so Carl can hang the appropriate one first thing we're home), and Carl needs to assemble the double stroller...which is buried behind all those bins! Did I also mention that Savannah and I still cuddle in there at night? And my guess is that once Luke/Ella arrives that won't work...so at some point we're going to have to find a new spot for our bedtime routine...ugh.
So I kind of knew all of that in my mind...all those little details that needed my attention...but I seemed to have forgotten that my due date is exactly one month before Savannah turns three...and that her invitations to her birthday party will need to go out mid-March...within a week of the due date...so that also means that those invites need to be ready before Valentine's Day...just in case. I refuse to drop the ball on Savannah's birthday, just because I'm having a baby. Each child deserves a special day, and I don't want her to look back and see that since she got a sibling, I didn't make a big deal of her turning three. Maybe I'm nuts...I don't know, but that's how I feel. SO...I have to do as much pre-party prep and planning before Valentine's Day. I am going to scale back a few things...more food brought in (like pizza and grandma and nana can bring things) and less homemade decorations. It will be at our house (of course, this year Savannah's birthday is the weekend of Easter so the church is booked solid!) which means I'll be cleaning with a one month old on my hip...but that's what grandma, nana, and Carl are for...I'll need help.
And did I mention, that at work my due date is the day before applications are due for the State Science Fair? The one I am Director of? The one that won't happen if I'm not there (seriously, I don't think it will happen if I'm not there...)? So I will be working via phone and email with people at FSU while on maternity leave to make sure things go right...and then I'll be at FSU on the 23/24 of March...with Carl and Luke/Ella. My mom will stay with Savannah for me...it's just nuts. All of it is nuts!
So I don't know what happened to me twiddling my thumbs...I'm overwhelmed...and I need help. Looks like it's time for Carl to shift gears from helping those outside our immediate family to helping one very pregnant momma get ready...OH...I just remembered...I also wanted to be prepared for the first month of our "family of four" status by having all disposable dishes and silverware...and to have my freezer full of frozen casseroles! So at some point I have to find time to make all of that too! And stock the freezer with frozen chicken and ground turkey...and make sure the pantry has stuff for macaroni and cheese, and chicken nuggets, and sloppy joes, and cereal for the days Savannah is forced to survive on cereal for dinner!
So overwhelmed.
**As a side note, Alabama was wonderful. Black Friday was a mad house event at Walmart down there...but I got what I wanted. Family was amazing. Loved seeing my grandparents. Savannah hugged both of them and sat with them (a first for her and did amazing things for my heart and theirs). There was a slight worry of severe weather at which point I was close to just crying until I had no tears left - really I just wanted a break from worry! Travel was tiring though - so ready to be a permanent Morgantown-er until after Luke/Ella arrives!**
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I Love Being a Mama.
Yesterday was just one of those days that I'm reminded just how much I love being a mama. Savannah woke up early...probably before my alarm for work...but she didn't get out of bed until she heard the alarm. The instant that alarm went off though, I heard her little feet hit the ground as she jumped out of bed...and she clamored into our room in such a bubbly mood! She wanted up with us. Then she does this cute little thing (that she only does when she has rested really well the night before and she isn't in a grouchy morning mood) where she leans over onto me and puts her cheek to mine (while I'm still half asleep on the pillow) and says "Good Morning Mama!". She then will attempt to pull my head into her lap and she just gives me hugs and kisses...it is just so incredibly sweet. I love those mornings - but they do make going to work so difficult!
Despite all the IKEA drama of Sunday, Savannah was not deterred from her potty training. She was dry all day yesterday and did well telling us when she had to go...I don't know if we even ask her about it anymore...I think she just tells us. So that of course made me a happy mama.
When I got home, I was craving peanut butter cookies...so I promised Savannah we'd make cookies after dinner. During dinner she kind of pushed food around, but didn't eat a lot. So as I finished up and said I was going to start cookies, she burst into tears thinking she wouldn't get to make them with me...what kind of mom can turn that down...genuine tears?! I immediately picked her up and calmed her down...and we put the Kitchenaid on the island counter, and I sat her down beside it. Each time I added an ingredient, I'd tell her to keep her hands back and I'd turn it on low to mix it in. She loved dumping each item into the bowl and counting with me. It was so delightful to stand in my kitchen, with my daughter, baking cookies. I really, truly hope that is a tradition that never dies.
Carl got home from work just as we were counting out the number of scoops of flour to add in. He was watching us, which made Savannah really excited to show what a big girl she is. So once we'd added the flour, she instantly reached up to turn the mixer on (for the first time ever). Well...the knob that determines the speed of the mixer needs a certain amount of pressure to switch levels...it isn't an easy "push"...so she pushed a little, and when she got no response she pushed hard...before I could get my hand to the knob to help her...and remember we'd just added all that flour...well...then "poof!" my kitchen was a cloud of flour. It was all over the counter, the cookbook, the mixer, my belly, Savannah's pants, my arms...everywhere. I think it scared Savannah a little since it surprised her...but Carl and I just laughed and he ran to get the camera. It was such a fun memory...of course now that we've done this once it won't be funny if it happens repeatedly...but no harm, no foul for the first time! I will treasure that evening for a long time.
At bath time Savannah was decidedly not taking a bath...she was in tears over the idea...she was overtired. I'm amazed that recently I have been able to present her with two options (one of which being the thing she doesn't want to do and the other being a worse choice - such as bed instead of bath) and she ends up calming down and picking the first thing I wanted her to do. She decided a bath wasn't so bad when compared to bedtime...and she splashed and enjoyed her bath as usual...and then got out of her bath all bubbly and happy. Bedtime is so special to me...she gets dressed into warm PJs, brushes her teeth with Dad, and then cuddles with me while we read books together. After books, we pray together. I wish I could pray with the same ability she does...I will say "Thank you for Jesus, Thank you for Mommy & Daddy, etc/" and she pipes in with things like "Thank you for my trains. Thank you for my Lovey. Thank you for my book." She is learning true gratitude for all things, not just ones I remember.
Our cuddle time really is such a special time...I think we've done bedtime together since she was tiny. Carl and I had always planned to switch off nights so that we each would be able to experience it, but Savannah has just preferred me at that time of day...it's our mom and me time...it's quiet and we can snuggle in all cozy...before I got pregnant I used to tell Carl we should work on getting her into a bedtime routine with him, so if I needed to do something with a future baby, I could. But now, I really think I will keep our bedtime routine just as it is...I will do my best to have a content baby to leave with Carl while Savannah and I get our special time together...I just don't want to lose our bond...and as the baby grows up a little, maybe Savannah will be okay with Luke/Ella reading stories and praying with us too.
Another reason I love being a mama? I will get to watch Savannah love a sibling. When we decorated for Christmas, I asked her what it meant...thinking she'd say Santa is coming, or she gets presents, or something a typical two year old says...but no. She said, "Christmas means Baby Luke/Baby Ella is coming!" and began dancing and jumping up and down...I keep telling her that she has to wait until after Christmas for the baby to come...so seeing the decorations must signal to her that it will be soon...I was so happy to see her so excited about a baby coming. We've all kind of wondered how she'll react to the baby actually being here...like she seems to think the baby will remain in my belly forever...like she doesn't grasp that Luke/Ella will come out at some point...so we've been trying to tell her about that. Well, I got home yesterday and she said to me, "Mama, Baby Luke/Baby Ella is going to come out and I'm going to hold it!" and she made her arms in a little cradle and rocked them back and forth...it was darling!
Really, we've been prepping her for the big day's events...knowing it will be a big change. She knows that when we go to the hospital to get Baby Luke/Baby Ella that she will go to Grandma's for a while...and then when the baby is here, Carl gets to hold the baby, then he will go and get Savannah (and NOT reveal gender to anyone), and bring just Savannah back to see us. I'll get to cuddle my sweet Savannah up in my lap and she will be the second person (other than doctors/nurses) to hold her baby brother or sister. We've told her this, and she knows the order. She told Carl that he was going to hold Luke/Ella and then it was her turn....and THEN everyone else can come meet the new little one...but only after we've gotten to enjoy our family of four first - without intrusion! I just want Savannah to feel so included in it all...and I want to share those very special moments with my family before everyone else crowds in. Of course, I know that's all in a perfect world scenario...and things may not go as smoothly as they did when Savannah was born...but I still really want Savannah to be one of the first people to hold her sibling...she's going to have to give up a lot to gain a sibling...so she deserves a special place of honor. :0)
Despite all the IKEA drama of Sunday, Savannah was not deterred from her potty training. She was dry all day yesterday and did well telling us when she had to go...I don't know if we even ask her about it anymore...I think she just tells us. So that of course made me a happy mama.
When I got home, I was craving peanut butter cookies...so I promised Savannah we'd make cookies after dinner. During dinner she kind of pushed food around, but didn't eat a lot. So as I finished up and said I was going to start cookies, she burst into tears thinking she wouldn't get to make them with me...what kind of mom can turn that down...genuine tears?! I immediately picked her up and calmed her down...and we put the Kitchenaid on the island counter, and I sat her down beside it. Each time I added an ingredient, I'd tell her to keep her hands back and I'd turn it on low to mix it in. She loved dumping each item into the bowl and counting with me. It was so delightful to stand in my kitchen, with my daughter, baking cookies. I really, truly hope that is a tradition that never dies.
Carl got home from work just as we were counting out the number of scoops of flour to add in. He was watching us, which made Savannah really excited to show what a big girl she is. So once we'd added the flour, she instantly reached up to turn the mixer on (for the first time ever). Well...the knob that determines the speed of the mixer needs a certain amount of pressure to switch levels...it isn't an easy "push"...so she pushed a little, and when she got no response she pushed hard...before I could get my hand to the knob to help her...and remember we'd just added all that flour...well...then "poof!" my kitchen was a cloud of flour. It was all over the counter, the cookbook, the mixer, my belly, Savannah's pants, my arms...everywhere. I think it scared Savannah a little since it surprised her...but Carl and I just laughed and he ran to get the camera. It was such a fun memory...of course now that we've done this once it won't be funny if it happens repeatedly...but no harm, no foul for the first time! I will treasure that evening for a long time.
At bath time Savannah was decidedly not taking a bath...she was in tears over the idea...she was overtired. I'm amazed that recently I have been able to present her with two options (one of which being the thing she doesn't want to do and the other being a worse choice - such as bed instead of bath) and she ends up calming down and picking the first thing I wanted her to do. She decided a bath wasn't so bad when compared to bedtime...and she splashed and enjoyed her bath as usual...and then got out of her bath all bubbly and happy. Bedtime is so special to me...she gets dressed into warm PJs, brushes her teeth with Dad, and then cuddles with me while we read books together. After books, we pray together. I wish I could pray with the same ability she does...I will say "Thank you for Jesus, Thank you for Mommy & Daddy, etc/" and she pipes in with things like "Thank you for my trains. Thank you for my Lovey. Thank you for my book." She is learning true gratitude for all things, not just ones I remember.
Our cuddle time really is such a special time...I think we've done bedtime together since she was tiny. Carl and I had always planned to switch off nights so that we each would be able to experience it, but Savannah has just preferred me at that time of day...it's our mom and me time...it's quiet and we can snuggle in all cozy...before I got pregnant I used to tell Carl we should work on getting her into a bedtime routine with him, so if I needed to do something with a future baby, I could. But now, I really think I will keep our bedtime routine just as it is...I will do my best to have a content baby to leave with Carl while Savannah and I get our special time together...I just don't want to lose our bond...and as the baby grows up a little, maybe Savannah will be okay with Luke/Ella reading stories and praying with us too.
Another reason I love being a mama? I will get to watch Savannah love a sibling. When we decorated for Christmas, I asked her what it meant...thinking she'd say Santa is coming, or she gets presents, or something a typical two year old says...but no. She said, "Christmas means Baby Luke/Baby Ella is coming!" and began dancing and jumping up and down...I keep telling her that she has to wait until after Christmas for the baby to come...so seeing the decorations must signal to her that it will be soon...I was so happy to see her so excited about a baby coming. We've all kind of wondered how she'll react to the baby actually being here...like she seems to think the baby will remain in my belly forever...like she doesn't grasp that Luke/Ella will come out at some point...so we've been trying to tell her about that. Well, I got home yesterday and she said to me, "Mama, Baby Luke/Baby Ella is going to come out and I'm going to hold it!" and she made her arms in a little cradle and rocked them back and forth...it was darling!
Really, we've been prepping her for the big day's events...knowing it will be a big change. She knows that when we go to the hospital to get Baby Luke/Baby Ella that she will go to Grandma's for a while...and then when the baby is here, Carl gets to hold the baby, then he will go and get Savannah (and NOT reveal gender to anyone), and bring just Savannah back to see us. I'll get to cuddle my sweet Savannah up in my lap and she will be the second person (other than doctors/nurses) to hold her baby brother or sister. We've told her this, and she knows the order. She told Carl that he was going to hold Luke/Ella and then it was her turn....and THEN everyone else can come meet the new little one...but only after we've gotten to enjoy our family of four first - without intrusion! I just want Savannah to feel so included in it all...and I want to share those very special moments with my family before everyone else crowds in. Of course, I know that's all in a perfect world scenario...and things may not go as smoothly as they did when Savannah was born...but I still really want Savannah to be one of the first people to hold her sibling...she's going to have to give up a lot to gain a sibling...so she deserves a special place of honor. :0)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Potty Training!
Savannah is most definitely, officially, a full grown "big girl" now. On Friday, November 4th, Savannah announced that she wanted to wear her big girl panties. (We've tried potty training twice in the past, with no success. I think it was more my laziness and unwillingness to stick with it.) So my mom obliged and it was quite the messy Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. But by Wednesday, November 9th she was doing so well. During that day, she'd only had two accidents...with both being near misses. On Carl's birthday, Savannah had her very first full day dry. She was dry all day Thursday, Friday, and Saturday...and that even includes the overnights! She was also telling us when she had to go, not just us asking her every hour.
On Friday night, I started to think about our travel coming up...and how Savannah had been going well, but refusing the "big potty" at stores. I brainstormed some ideas to ease her into using the big potty, but hadn't told her anything. (I was thinking about some big reward, like 6 jelly beans or something.) We were downtown, awaiting the Veteran's Day Parade, and we had stopped in at Subway for dinner. About half way through dinner, Savannah said she had to go...so I asked if she wanted to use the big potty...and she said yes...so off we went. Carl couldn't believe it when we came back to the table and she'd gone. She really sat on the big potty (I hold her under her arms so she doesn't feel like she'll fall in - plus she doesn't touch anything with her hands that way.) and used it. I was so amazed and surprised!
So all weekend we had success...with everything potty training related. She was doing so well...until we went to IKEA. That store is honestly a nightmare for a mother with a potty-training toddler...especially a pregnant mommy. So we got there, and after the 90 minute car ride, I was desperate for a bathroom (even though I had gone right before we walked out the door). So Savannah and I headed in immediately, she tried to use the potty, but no luck. So we walked through the store...for a long time. Carl had gotten a fountain drink - which Savannah of course drank a lot of too - and at the worst possible time (when we're in the kid section and she sees all the toys) she says she has to use the potty. Well - that store is a maze...it's awful! So after a few wrong turns, she tells me she wants to go play with the trains and not potty. I was going to force her to go with me to the potty, but she was tired, hungry, and cranky...and honestly, so was I. And we were lost. In a store with a million other people. So instead of fighting her (YOU trying carrying an angry toddler through a crowded store, with a pregnant belly) I told her okay, we'd go back. Well, not 5 minutes later she told us her pull-up was wet. Of course, it was.
So this time, I made Carl trek back through the store with me to find the bathroom. We told his mom to continue on without us (she was the inspiration for this trip - she wanted to look at beds and tables for her new apartment - I will get to that later). When I finally got her to the bathroom...I of course had to take her shoes and pants off...so we went into a handicapped stall. So I had to squat down so she could use my shoulder as a balance point. She had to take her shoes off and stand in a dirty bathroom in her sock feet (I hated this, but it was better than have her sit on the floor and touch it with her hands!). Then I got her pants off...then the pull-up thank goodness had easy open sides so I could rip it off...but then I had to have her step into her new pull-up...and then back into her pants...and then getting shoes on a toddler is a lot more difficult than getting them off...so I did all of this while squatting. And remember what I said about my belly, it's right where I bend?! Well, this had to be one of the most difficult positions to work in. So I finally get her all changed...and we get back to where we were in the store...but by now we've been there 2 hours...walking...and I'm tired, hungry, and cranky...just like Savannah. So we hurry through the last part...alas my favorite part of the store too - I was bummed I missed it with Carl, but he was with his mother.
So near the end I mentioned something about being tired...and Savannah was definitely showing the signs of a cranky toddler. And someone had the gall to tell me I needed better shoes!! I decided at that point that Savannah and I would go refill our drink and just sit on the couches just past the checkout lanes.
SO - on the trip home of course Savannah had another accident with her pull-up...but she was exhausted and had drank who knows how much at the store...so I know it was just a bad day and a difficult situation, but I still feel bad. I think she'll be fine, and today she'll get back into the swing of things...but I hate that she got so off track....but potty training isn't perfection right away...some kids take months. I'm just fortunate she's taken a week!
SO - the whole going to IKEA thing. On Saturday, Carl and I sent Savannah to spend the day with my parents so that we could get all our Christmas decorations up. Well, the original plan had been to do the inside stuff on Saturday and the outside stuff on Sunday. That way we could split up the work and it would be a little easier on us, and we could do both, together. Well, I guess Carl felt that his mother really needed us to take her to IKEA. And that it had to be on Sunday. So we started the inside decorations as planned on Saturday morning...and I was in the attic handing down all the bins of stuff...about all 20 of them! Then we start on the tree, but he starts saying things about getting the outside stuff done that day too...that his mom really needed to go to IKEA. I countered with the whole thing that I had planned this weekend and if IKEA didn't happen, it just didn't happen. Well, of course he tells me I just don't want to do things with his mom...long story short...I end up in tears, decorating the inside of the house, alone....for the first time in our married life. He ends up outside decorating. I woke up yesterday extremely tired and sore, with headache too. I overdid it on Saturday...I did a lot of standing up, sitting down, reaching high, climbing low, crawling in the attic, etc....but it had to be done, and if I didn't do it, obviously it wasn't going to get done...since we had to go to IKEA and all.
So our house is decorated...the bins are back where they belong...and we went to IKEA. So as anyone can see, the trip to IKEA didn't start out the best...and then the whole potty training thing...and me starting out tired and overworked as a 23 week pregnant lady...and telling me to get better shoes...well...needless to say, I was so happy to come home last night and go to bed!
I do realize I'm being a really complain-y pregnant lady today...and I will say Carl woke up with Savannah on Sunday morning and they went to Starbucks before I got up and brought back a Peppermint Mocha. But it still was a rough weekend - emotionally and physically. I'm happy Savannah is well on her way to being potty training...and a big girl.
On Friday night, I started to think about our travel coming up...and how Savannah had been going well, but refusing the "big potty" at stores. I brainstormed some ideas to ease her into using the big potty, but hadn't told her anything. (I was thinking about some big reward, like 6 jelly beans or something.) We were downtown, awaiting the Veteran's Day Parade, and we had stopped in at Subway for dinner. About half way through dinner, Savannah said she had to go...so I asked if she wanted to use the big potty...and she said yes...so off we went. Carl couldn't believe it when we came back to the table and she'd gone. She really sat on the big potty (I hold her under her arms so she doesn't feel like she'll fall in - plus she doesn't touch anything with her hands that way.) and used it. I was so amazed and surprised!
So all weekend we had success...with everything potty training related. She was doing so well...until we went to IKEA. That store is honestly a nightmare for a mother with a potty-training toddler...especially a pregnant mommy. So we got there, and after the 90 minute car ride, I was desperate for a bathroom (even though I had gone right before we walked out the door). So Savannah and I headed in immediately, she tried to use the potty, but no luck. So we walked through the store...for a long time. Carl had gotten a fountain drink - which Savannah of course drank a lot of too - and at the worst possible time (when we're in the kid section and she sees all the toys) she says she has to use the potty. Well - that store is a maze...it's awful! So after a few wrong turns, she tells me she wants to go play with the trains and not potty. I was going to force her to go with me to the potty, but she was tired, hungry, and cranky...and honestly, so was I. And we were lost. In a store with a million other people. So instead of fighting her (YOU trying carrying an angry toddler through a crowded store, with a pregnant belly) I told her okay, we'd go back. Well, not 5 minutes later she told us her pull-up was wet. Of course, it was.
So this time, I made Carl trek back through the store with me to find the bathroom. We told his mom to continue on without us (she was the inspiration for this trip - she wanted to look at beds and tables for her new apartment - I will get to that later). When I finally got her to the bathroom...I of course had to take her shoes and pants off...so we went into a handicapped stall. So I had to squat down so she could use my shoulder as a balance point. She had to take her shoes off and stand in a dirty bathroom in her sock feet (I hated this, but it was better than have her sit on the floor and touch it with her hands!). Then I got her pants off...then the pull-up thank goodness had easy open sides so I could rip it off...but then I had to have her step into her new pull-up...and then back into her pants...and then getting shoes on a toddler is a lot more difficult than getting them off...so I did all of this while squatting. And remember what I said about my belly, it's right where I bend?! Well, this had to be one of the most difficult positions to work in. So I finally get her all changed...and we get back to where we were in the store...but by now we've been there 2 hours...walking...and I'm tired, hungry, and cranky...just like Savannah. So we hurry through the last part...alas my favorite part of the store too - I was bummed I missed it with Carl, but he was with his mother.
So near the end I mentioned something about being tired...and Savannah was definitely showing the signs of a cranky toddler. And someone had the gall to tell me I needed better shoes!! I decided at that point that Savannah and I would go refill our drink and just sit on the couches just past the checkout lanes.
SO - on the trip home of course Savannah had another accident with her pull-up...but she was exhausted and had drank who knows how much at the store...so I know it was just a bad day and a difficult situation, but I still feel bad. I think she'll be fine, and today she'll get back into the swing of things...but I hate that she got so off track....but potty training isn't perfection right away...some kids take months. I'm just fortunate she's taken a week!
SO - the whole going to IKEA thing. On Saturday, Carl and I sent Savannah to spend the day with my parents so that we could get all our Christmas decorations up. Well, the original plan had been to do the inside stuff on Saturday and the outside stuff on Sunday. That way we could split up the work and it would be a little easier on us, and we could do both, together. Well, I guess Carl felt that his mother really needed us to take her to IKEA. And that it had to be on Sunday. So we started the inside decorations as planned on Saturday morning...and I was in the attic handing down all the bins of stuff...about all 20 of them! Then we start on the tree, but he starts saying things about getting the outside stuff done that day too...that his mom really needed to go to IKEA. I countered with the whole thing that I had planned this weekend and if IKEA didn't happen, it just didn't happen. Well, of course he tells me I just don't want to do things with his mom...long story short...I end up in tears, decorating the inside of the house, alone....for the first time in our married life. He ends up outside decorating. I woke up yesterday extremely tired and sore, with headache too. I overdid it on Saturday...I did a lot of standing up, sitting down, reaching high, climbing low, crawling in the attic, etc....but it had to be done, and if I didn't do it, obviously it wasn't going to get done...since we had to go to IKEA and all.
So our house is decorated...the bins are back where they belong...and we went to IKEA. So as anyone can see, the trip to IKEA didn't start out the best...and then the whole potty training thing...and me starting out tired and overworked as a 23 week pregnant lady...and telling me to get better shoes...well...needless to say, I was so happy to come home last night and go to bed!
I do realize I'm being a really complain-y pregnant lady today...and I will say Carl woke up with Savannah on Sunday morning and they went to Starbucks before I got up and brought back a Peppermint Mocha. But it still was a rough weekend - emotionally and physically. I'm happy Savannah is well on her way to being potty training...and a big girl.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Emotional Me
I know...two blogs, hours apart. It's an emotional day for me I suppose! So as I said earlier...I'm not feeling entirely 100%...not sure if it's just that I need to slow down, if it's all in my head, or if there really is some kind of issue. There isn't really anything wrong, at least not enough to cause a doctor's visit. I feel "off"...but nothing extreme.
Carl called to check in on me, after I'd sent him a quick text to tell him I was so annoyed...about just anything and everything. I don't know...since yesterday morning I have wondered if it's smart to travel to Alabama for Thanksgiving. In the car this morning, on my drive into work, where I actually have the peace and quiet to actually think, I wondered why I was nervous about traveling to see family when it didn't phase me at all to travel pregnant all the way to Seattle back in September. Then it hit me. In September, if I'd have any kind of complication or issue with the pregnancy, there was nothing that could be done. Doctors cannot stop an impending miscarriage. So what did it matter where I was?
This time is different. I will be 24 weeks when we leave for Alabama...if a baby is born at 24 weeks, there's a 39% survival rate...with a state-of-the-art hospital...which I'd like to think WVU's Children's Hospital is pretty state-of-the-art. So now, after fighting for so long to get a baby...here I am, at a point that if I did go into labor, or was forced to have a c-section, or whatever the case...I'll be leaving the comfort of the good doctors in town...for a small town in Alabama...where the serious help we might need would be at least an hour away...by the time we return, viability is 50%...and when I make it to December 15th, viability is between 80-90%.
I know I just need to trust God and not worry...but it is so hard for me...especially me...to not worry. I know if I don't go to Alabama I will regret it...my grandparents will more than likely never have another chance to see me pregnant...and I will hate that fact. I just wish it were easier to rationalize my worries...
Carl called to check in on me, after I'd sent him a quick text to tell him I was so annoyed...about just anything and everything. I don't know...since yesterday morning I have wondered if it's smart to travel to Alabama for Thanksgiving. In the car this morning, on my drive into work, where I actually have the peace and quiet to actually think, I wondered why I was nervous about traveling to see family when it didn't phase me at all to travel pregnant all the way to Seattle back in September. Then it hit me. In September, if I'd have any kind of complication or issue with the pregnancy, there was nothing that could be done. Doctors cannot stop an impending miscarriage. So what did it matter where I was?
This time is different. I will be 24 weeks when we leave for Alabama...if a baby is born at 24 weeks, there's a 39% survival rate...with a state-of-the-art hospital...which I'd like to think WVU's Children's Hospital is pretty state-of-the-art. So now, after fighting for so long to get a baby...here I am, at a point that if I did go into labor, or was forced to have a c-section, or whatever the case...I'll be leaving the comfort of the good doctors in town...for a small town in Alabama...where the serious help we might need would be at least an hour away...by the time we return, viability is 50%...and when I make it to December 15th, viability is between 80-90%.
I know I just need to trust God and not worry...but it is so hard for me...especially me...to not worry. I know if I don't go to Alabama I will regret it...my grandparents will more than likely never have another chance to see me pregnant...and I will hate that fact. I just wish it were easier to rationalize my worries...
Baby, Baby, Baby
In the past week I have gone crazy nesting...I've organized two closets, cleaned three bathrooms from ceiling to floor (including scrubbing the baseboards), cleaned out the clutter from the master bedroom, dusted two levels of the house, done copious loads of laundry, scrubbed my kitchen cabinets, cleaned all the appliances in the kitchen, and I plan to clean the windows, vacuum, and mop the main floor tonight. I was tired of the mess...although some would say it wasn't terrible...but in my eyes, it was.
The nursery is pretty well organized, but I don't expect that to last past the weekend. We'll be decorating the house (inside and out) for Christmas. And the Christmas decorations are in the attic. And the entrance to the attic is in the nursery. So the house is clean for now...until Saturday...but if I have my way - which I better! - the house will be back in order before Monday morning. I know it's early to decorate, but we're leaving town...so if we don't do it now we won't have time until December 3rd...and Savannah loves the decorations in the store...and this is her last Christmas as an only child...and the outside stuff will be so much easier to put up when the weather is 62 and dry, instead of 30 or 40 degrees and snowy.
So with all of this work (and more to come this weekend) I have been feeling the toll of it all. My back aches, I'm not comfortable at all...and just in general it hurts when I move too fast now. It worries me a little, since I never had that issue with Savannah...but I have to remind myself that I'm older now and I have a toddler to keep up with. I plan to take it easy over Thanksgiving...once that week gets here. We're traveling to Alabama for an extended week with family...I'm not looking forward to the drive...the last car trip we took of 5 hours left me in a really bad mood and uncomfortable by the time we arrived...and I was only 15 weeks pregnant...this time I'll be 24 weeks pregnant and traveling two days back to back...6 hours each. But the reward of seeing family will be worth it...and I know my Granny will encourage me to sleep and rest once I'm there. I'll let Carl do all the chasing of a toddler. :0)
So aside from just the typical feelings of mommy-to-be...this Sunday was a really rough morning for me. It was all Saints Day at church...remembering those we've lost. Of course when the Pastor read names (with a handbell to toll the loss after each name) I began to think of those we had lost in our life...my co-workers husband...Carl's uncle (he passed away a year ago tomorrow)...I began to tear up...but then when I thought of one more loss I practically began to openly sob in church. Carl and I have also lost a child in the past year...I truly thought I was done with the grieving part of it all...that I had that scar from my past, but that it had healed some...and this current baby was helping to push me away from grief...but thinking about the loss in that setting, where I'm so open to God and my emotions...it was too much. I just cried...and cried...and barely was able to get it together for the drive home. I told Carl that I'd been upset about the losses, and he thought of the other two, but when he asked what had been so upsetting I couldn't even say...I just said it was someone we'd never met...and then he knew. I don't think the miscarriages affected him less, just not to the core like it did me...I have shouldered a lot of guilt and hurt feelings...and really, I thought I had moved past the grief...but I was reminded that no matter what happens, we will always have the two in heaven that I've never met...and I will encounter moments that cause me instant grief. It's hard...really hard some days.
I still feel the guilt too...even though I'm happily pregnant too. I just felt like I'd lost my chance at more children once I had both miscarriages and it wasn't as easy to get pregnant. It is one of the strongest feelings I've ever felt...and sorrow. It made me feel like I'd let Carl down (although he always said he was never mad, upset, and blaming me for anything)...but he'd done his part, and twice I'd lost our gift...and then when it didn't happen right away...I truly thought I'd failed. It was almost too much to bear, to think you'd let down the one person you love the most.
So here I am...23 weeks pregnant (on Thursday)...and still grieving for children I haven't met. I am incredibly grateful for what I have been blessed with...Savannah and Luke/Ella...but I still miss the two we didn't meet.
The nursery is pretty well organized, but I don't expect that to last past the weekend. We'll be decorating the house (inside and out) for Christmas. And the Christmas decorations are in the attic. And the entrance to the attic is in the nursery. So the house is clean for now...until Saturday...but if I have my way - which I better! - the house will be back in order before Monday morning. I know it's early to decorate, but we're leaving town...so if we don't do it now we won't have time until December 3rd...and Savannah loves the decorations in the store...and this is her last Christmas as an only child...and the outside stuff will be so much easier to put up when the weather is 62 and dry, instead of 30 or 40 degrees and snowy.
So with all of this work (and more to come this weekend) I have been feeling the toll of it all. My back aches, I'm not comfortable at all...and just in general it hurts when I move too fast now. It worries me a little, since I never had that issue with Savannah...but I have to remind myself that I'm older now and I have a toddler to keep up with. I plan to take it easy over Thanksgiving...once that week gets here. We're traveling to Alabama for an extended week with family...I'm not looking forward to the drive...the last car trip we took of 5 hours left me in a really bad mood and uncomfortable by the time we arrived...and I was only 15 weeks pregnant...this time I'll be 24 weeks pregnant and traveling two days back to back...6 hours each. But the reward of seeing family will be worth it...and I know my Granny will encourage me to sleep and rest once I'm there. I'll let Carl do all the chasing of a toddler. :0)
So aside from just the typical feelings of mommy-to-be...this Sunday was a really rough morning for me. It was all Saints Day at church...remembering those we've lost. Of course when the Pastor read names (with a handbell to toll the loss after each name) I began to think of those we had lost in our life...my co-workers husband...Carl's uncle (he passed away a year ago tomorrow)...I began to tear up...but then when I thought of one more loss I practically began to openly sob in church. Carl and I have also lost a child in the past year...I truly thought I was done with the grieving part of it all...that I had that scar from my past, but that it had healed some...and this current baby was helping to push me away from grief...but thinking about the loss in that setting, where I'm so open to God and my emotions...it was too much. I just cried...and cried...and barely was able to get it together for the drive home. I told Carl that I'd been upset about the losses, and he thought of the other two, but when he asked what had been so upsetting I couldn't even say...I just said it was someone we'd never met...and then he knew. I don't think the miscarriages affected him less, just not to the core like it did me...I have shouldered a lot of guilt and hurt feelings...and really, I thought I had moved past the grief...but I was reminded that no matter what happens, we will always have the two in heaven that I've never met...and I will encounter moments that cause me instant grief. It's hard...really hard some days.
I still feel the guilt too...even though I'm happily pregnant too. I just felt like I'd lost my chance at more children once I had both miscarriages and it wasn't as easy to get pregnant. It is one of the strongest feelings I've ever felt...and sorrow. It made me feel like I'd let Carl down (although he always said he was never mad, upset, and blaming me for anything)...but he'd done his part, and twice I'd lost our gift...and then when it didn't happen right away...I truly thought I'd failed. It was almost too much to bear, to think you'd let down the one person you love the most.
So here I am...23 weeks pregnant (on Thursday)...and still grieving for children I haven't met. I am incredibly grateful for what I have been blessed with...Savannah and Luke/Ella...but I still miss the two we didn't meet.
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