Mixture of Emotions

The weekend was wonderful. I finally, finally, am able to shout from the rooftops our happiness of a second child! At this point I think just about everyone knows...between blogging, Facebook, announcements at church...we just couldn't be any more ecstatic! It feels so good to just be free of the stress and worry. We, of course, know that this pregnancy is a gift from God and couldn't be more grateful. Our plan is to give this child to God the first Sunday we aren't in the hospital...so our Pastor will be baptizing a tiny little baby this March!

I also felt one of the most special things a pregnant mother can experience on Sunday during church...I swear I felt this little one move. I know a lot of people will say it's too early, but I've read several community forums...and there are moms out there that can feel it this early...especially moms that have at least one other child already. I just know that feeling. It wasn't hunger, it wasn't gas, it wasn't anything "normal"...it was a flutter of a tiny baby doing somersaults! I'm almost 12 weeks...and I just know that feeling. It is so reassuring to me too...now I can know that everything is fine without a Doppler or an ultrasound.

So amongst all of my happy mommy moments came some pretty sentimental ones too. On Friday afternoon I was leaving FSU, and there were a lot of parents dropping their teens off for college for the first time...I saw a lot of moms hugging their sons...a lot of tears...and a lot of unpacking. This year the whole situation affected me differently than ever before. Usually I just get frustrated with the traffic, feel the excitement of a new year as a professional, and move on. That isn't the case this year.

I truly feel the sadness and wistfulness that parents feel when they drive away from their children...knowing they won't see them for a few weeks...the students feel the joy and independence that they felt when they drove on the road, alone, for the first time. Freedom, excitement, rebellious...and to think that all over the country right now their are teens feeling that right now...and parents worrying about what is going to happen over the next few months. Their child, raised from birth, is taking care of him or herself...and why this seems to strike me so is because tomorrow night is the first parent meeting for Savannah's preschool class. She starts her twice a week preschool adventure one week from tomorrow. (I'm taking the day off to take her, drop her off, and pick her up.) She will get the first feeling of independence without mom...she will be having fun...without me. It will be so good for her as she begins her path of becoming her own person. I only have 16 more years to shape her before I'm one of those parents driving away in tears from her chosen University. I want her to be self-sufficient, an independent thinker, someone who makes good decisions...and it has to start somewhere.

It isn't that I worry about her...I know she is in wonderful hands at preschool. She'll be at our church, with people who care very much for her, as well as our entire family. She will be learning typical 2-year-old class things, but she'll also hear the word of God. I just hate to admit that she's old enough to start her journey.

So I'm at a tough spot in life...watching my first little bird try to fly on her own...and feeling the first movements of our second little one. Joyous moments for a mom. I know that these moments pass all too fast though...Savannah is proof of that! For all the whining I have done about "timing" and when a second one would be best for us...God knew best all along (which I should have just admitted!). Savannah adores babies, she is helpful and independent at home, I'm just starting to feel the pangs of my little one all grown up, so now I can focus again on a small child. Savannah has graduated out of the just about every "baby" thing about her (potty training is the last one, and we hope she'll be trained before March.) and now I am ready to do it all again and still enjoy all the firsts of a preschooler. I get to fully enjoy each stage with Savannah, and this new little one.

Carl and I have discussed a third child scenario...but really, at this point, I don't know if I want to be pregnant again...I loved being pregnant with Savannah...and I most certainly love it now...but two children will be a lot of work...and it kind of feels like our family could be complete...I don't know, I'm obviously not going to decide that now. I do know that I want to wait until at least 2014 to consider another pregnancy...even though I wanted to rush a second child, the whole 3 years apart thing is really beginning to make me happy. :0)