As I began writing this post I noticed in the sidebar that this is my 100th post...don't I get some sort of big party or news story? I know all kinds of TV shows certainly celebrate making 100 episodes!
Anywho...this week has truly been a gift from God when it comes to Baby #2. I have been delighted to feel so many kicks and rolls from this little one. Carl was even able to feel quite a few last night as we were watching our favorite shows on Tivo. I'm excited for a time to come up that the baby is really active and Savannah is around. I can't wait to see her reaction to my belly kicking her!
I was reminded this morning of just how truly blessed I am. A good friend of mine is also pregnant, and she sent me a message about a scare at an appointment. She is 12 weeks...took her first son with her to the appointment...but then the doctor couldn't find the heartbeat. All turned out fine, an ultrasound revealed a perfectly healthy baby...just being stubborn and laying in a difficult position to hear a heartbeat with a Doppler. Her story reminded me of a time when I was 11 weeks pregnant...Savannah was with us as the doctor's office...and they couldn't find a heartbeat...it was the start of a truly very difficult 6 weeks - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am so very blessed to be feeling this little baby moving inside me, and to be 17 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I am almost half way there...it is such a completely amazing feeling.
I know that I will love this child just as much as I love Savannah...no more, no less. But I also think that I appreciate this pregnancy much more than I did when I was pregnant with Savannah. I have felt the loss of two pregnancies and know that each child is a true gift. I'm not guaranteed healthy children - no one is. I'm not promised to have life work out according to my plan. I also have been thinking that this may be my last pregnancy...I adore children...but pregnancy and the ups and downs of it all are hard to stay strong through. If I hadn't experienced so much trouble in the past, it might be easy for me to be eager for a third child...but for now, this could be my last pregnancy. And knowing that has really made me love every second of it. I take pride in my belly (and wish it would grow bigger soon!), I am thrilled to pieces about all the kicks and jabs, I will welcome the pounds when they start to add on...and I will most definitely show off a pregnant belly in a bikini at a pool! I haven't (and won't) complain about the liters of blood it seems like I "donate" every time I visit the doctor's office. I will drink the glucose test orange "syrup" with pride...I love this feeling, but know it could be the last time...it is truly an experience that I wish every woman could have. I think after the miscarriages I kept thinking I wanted to experience pregnancy one more time...that I wasn't done enjoying the giver of life...and it pained me to think of the women unable to bear children...it is such an amazing gift...and I kind of feel sorry for men (almost!).
As the pregnancy begins to lengthen, I have been asked about when we will find out the gender...I think in the past three days I've been asked about 10 times! The plan is to not find out...we technically could on October 19th...but I've always wanted a surprise baby. There are of course benefits to knowing...like Savannah would stop telling me I'm having Luke AND Ella...and we could buy boy clothes if need be...and I could make sure the nursery was in the right color scheme...and the baby anticipation celebration could be themed with colors too...but really, does any of that matter? Not to us! A word of caution though...we do not plan to find out (I have said this a million times too!), BUT, I also will not look away from an ultrasound. I have been fighting so hard over the last 2 years to successfully carry a child...and there is nothing that will stop me from watching every second of an ultrasound. Especially since this very well may be the last time we get to see Baby #2 until he/she is born. I will have my eyes glued to the little miracle growing inside...and if this baby wants to declare, "I'm Luke" or "I'm Ella"...well then so be it. If that does happen, Carl and I may still keep the secret from everyone else...who knows. All I know is that we don't intend to go into the ultrasound looking for the answer of gender...we just go looking for a healthy baby...if we find out, well then Luke or Ella and God want us to know.
So...check back 3 weeks from today to see what happened...either way, you can be sure that as long as I hear a heartbeat and see a growing baby, I'll be thrilled!!!
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