It's Friday...thank goodness! This week has been a busy one, which I am grateful for. If it wasn't busy, I'd be counting the seconds tick by to my second trimester of pregnancy. (Which is only 6 days away now!)
On Tuesday, Carl and I took Savannah to her 1st preschool meeting. She seemed to do well. She didn't cry when we left with the other parents for our portion of the meeting, and was happy when we returned. The teacher said she'd play well alone, but when other kids came near she would back off and just watch them. I figured it might be like that...she is just as shy as I was! I'm sure that as the year goes by she will grow more comfortable around other children, and I am so excited to see her progress!
I think her teacher is perfect with the two year olds, which puts my mind at ease. She will have an art project every day, and sing songs, and have snack, and learn Bible stories...I just wish I could be there to watch her grow! Academically she'll learn numbers, colors, shapes, and name recognition...which is great...but she already counts objects to 15, knows every color (some in Spanish too), and knows her shapes...so that will be reinforced. She will learn her name though, which is perfect. More than anything though, she will learn social skills. She'll play with her friends, learn to take turns, walk in a line, pour water from a bottle to an open cup, drink with an open cup, and I'm hoping once she sees her friends using the potty (there are some potty trained, some not) she will eagerly want to use it too.
So on the Savannah side of life, it's wonderful. The other day Carl was holding Savannah as I was leaving and I leaned in to give her a kiss and I said "I love you Savannah." to which she replied, "I love you too guys!". She is just rotten and adorable.
Pregnancy wise I'm starting to be less tired...finally! I've survived the first week of classes at work without feeling like I need a nap every three hours...and I'm beginning to eat better. I am officially past the 12 week mark, which means the miscarriage chances drop dramatically. I'm beginning to be SO excited about it all. This Wednesday I will go in for another ultrasound, and Savannah will get to come with us for the first time. She will finally get to see baby "LukeElla" in my belly...I can't wait to see her reaction! I've been trying to remember how much detail a 13 week ultrasound will give us, and if I'm right...we should see some defined arms and legs....I wish Wednesday would get here quickly...although I know it will. This weekend is full of fun activities and travels, Monday is a normal day, and then Tuesday is Savannah's preschool day and then it's ultrasound day! I'm so glad it's finally Friday!!
When I begin to think about it, I really have made my children my life's focus. I suppose this is what I call "living the dream". I've always wanted to be a mom...and now I am. The past week has been busy, which is good for a lot of reasons (as mentioned above) but it is good in another reason too. August 20th was my due date for my last miscarriage. I thought about that a few weeks ago, but then it didn't even enter my mind again until yesterday. The focus on Savannah and Baby #2 has kept my mind from drifting to the rougher times of my life. I don't know if it is good or bad that I didn't think about it on the 20th. As Carl said this morning, we have 4 children, we just haven't met two of them yet. I always said I wanted 4 kids...and now I'm on my way to meeting my 4th. We never did name either of the children from the miscarriages...we didn't know boy or girl...but we've been talking about possibly naming them with names that could go either way. Carl said, half jokingly, "what happens when we get to heaven and meet them? We just say "hey baby"??" So mentally I feel confident and happy and blessed now...but still hate that I "forgot" or "pushed out" the thought of the second miscarriage's due date...I do appreciate all that God has given us...and I hope to always remember that.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Mixture of Emotions
The weekend was wonderful. I finally, finally, am able to shout from the rooftops our happiness of a second child! At this point I think just about everyone knows...between blogging, Facebook, announcements at church...we just couldn't be any more ecstatic! It feels so good to just be free of the stress and worry. We, of course, know that this pregnancy is a gift from God and couldn't be more grateful. Our plan is to give this child to God the first Sunday we aren't in the hospital...so our Pastor will be baptizing a tiny little baby this March!
I also felt one of the most special things a pregnant mother can experience on Sunday during church...I swear I felt this little one move. I know a lot of people will say it's too early, but I've read several community forums...and there are moms out there that can feel it this early...especially moms that have at least one other child already. I just know that feeling. It wasn't hunger, it wasn't gas, it wasn't anything "normal"...it was a flutter of a tiny baby doing somersaults! I'm almost 12 weeks...and I just know that feeling. It is so reassuring to me too...now I can know that everything is fine without a Doppler or an ultrasound.
So amongst all of my happy mommy moments came some pretty sentimental ones too. On Friday afternoon I was leaving FSU, and there were a lot of parents dropping their teens off for college for the first time...I saw a lot of moms hugging their sons...a lot of tears...and a lot of unpacking. This year the whole situation affected me differently than ever before. Usually I just get frustrated with the traffic, feel the excitement of a new year as a professional, and move on. That isn't the case this year.
I truly feel the sadness and wistfulness that parents feel when they drive away from their children...knowing they won't see them for a few weeks...the students feel the joy and independence that they felt when they drove on the road, alone, for the first time. Freedom, excitement, rebellious...and to think that all over the country right now their are teens feeling that right now...and parents worrying about what is going to happen over the next few months. Their child, raised from birth, is taking care of him or herself...and why this seems to strike me so is because tomorrow night is the first parent meeting for Savannah's preschool class. She starts her twice a week preschool adventure one week from tomorrow. (I'm taking the day off to take her, drop her off, and pick her up.) She will get the first feeling of independence without mom...she will be having fun...without me. It will be so good for her as she begins her path of becoming her own person. I only have 16 more years to shape her before I'm one of those parents driving away in tears from her chosen University. I want her to be self-sufficient, an independent thinker, someone who makes good decisions...and it has to start somewhere.
It isn't that I worry about her...I know she is in wonderful hands at preschool. She'll be at our church, with people who care very much for her, as well as our entire family. She will be learning typical 2-year-old class things, but she'll also hear the word of God. I just hate to admit that she's old enough to start her journey.
So I'm at a tough spot in life...watching my first little bird try to fly on her own...and feeling the first movements of our second little one. Joyous moments for a mom. I know that these moments pass all too fast though...Savannah is proof of that! For all the whining I have done about "timing" and when a second one would be best for us...God knew best all along (which I should have just admitted!). Savannah adores babies, she is helpful and independent at home, I'm just starting to feel the pangs of my little one all grown up, so now I can focus again on a small child. Savannah has graduated out of the just about every "baby" thing about her (potty training is the last one, and we hope she'll be trained before March.) and now I am ready to do it all again and still enjoy all the firsts of a preschooler. I get to fully enjoy each stage with Savannah, and this new little one.
Carl and I have discussed a third child scenario...but really, at this point, I don't know if I want to be pregnant again...I loved being pregnant with Savannah...and I most certainly love it now...but two children will be a lot of work...and it kind of feels like our family could be complete...I don't know, I'm obviously not going to decide that now. I do know that I want to wait until at least 2014 to consider another pregnancy...even though I wanted to rush a second child, the whole 3 years apart thing is really beginning to make me happy. :0)
I also felt one of the most special things a pregnant mother can experience on Sunday during church...I swear I felt this little one move. I know a lot of people will say it's too early, but I've read several community forums...and there are moms out there that can feel it this early...especially moms that have at least one other child already. I just know that feeling. It wasn't hunger, it wasn't gas, it wasn't anything "normal"...it was a flutter of a tiny baby doing somersaults! I'm almost 12 weeks...and I just know that feeling. It is so reassuring to me too...now I can know that everything is fine without a Doppler or an ultrasound.
So amongst all of my happy mommy moments came some pretty sentimental ones too. On Friday afternoon I was leaving FSU, and there were a lot of parents dropping their teens off for college for the first time...I saw a lot of moms hugging their sons...a lot of tears...and a lot of unpacking. This year the whole situation affected me differently than ever before. Usually I just get frustrated with the traffic, feel the excitement of a new year as a professional, and move on. That isn't the case this year.
I truly feel the sadness and wistfulness that parents feel when they drive away from their children...knowing they won't see them for a few weeks...the students feel the joy and independence that they felt when they drove on the road, alone, for the first time. Freedom, excitement, rebellious...and to think that all over the country right now their are teens feeling that right now...and parents worrying about what is going to happen over the next few months. Their child, raised from birth, is taking care of him or herself...and why this seems to strike me so is because tomorrow night is the first parent meeting for Savannah's preschool class. She starts her twice a week preschool adventure one week from tomorrow. (I'm taking the day off to take her, drop her off, and pick her up.) She will get the first feeling of independence without mom...she will be having fun...without me. It will be so good for her as she begins her path of becoming her own person. I only have 16 more years to shape her before I'm one of those parents driving away in tears from her chosen University. I want her to be self-sufficient, an independent thinker, someone who makes good decisions...and it has to start somewhere.
It isn't that I worry about her...I know she is in wonderful hands at preschool. She'll be at our church, with people who care very much for her, as well as our entire family. She will be learning typical 2-year-old class things, but she'll also hear the word of God. I just hate to admit that she's old enough to start her journey.
So I'm at a tough spot in life...watching my first little bird try to fly on her own...and feeling the first movements of our second little one. Joyous moments for a mom. I know that these moments pass all too fast though...Savannah is proof of that! For all the whining I have done about "timing" and when a second one would be best for us...God knew best all along (which I should have just admitted!). Savannah adores babies, she is helpful and independent at home, I'm just starting to feel the pangs of my little one all grown up, so now I can focus again on a small child. Savannah has graduated out of the just about every "baby" thing about her (potty training is the last one, and we hope she'll be trained before March.) and now I am ready to do it all again and still enjoy all the firsts of a preschooler. I get to fully enjoy each stage with Savannah, and this new little one.
Carl and I have discussed a third child scenario...but really, at this point, I don't know if I want to be pregnant again...I loved being pregnant with Savannah...and I most certainly love it now...but two children will be a lot of work...and it kind of feels like our family could be complete...I don't know, I'm obviously not going to decide that now. I do know that I want to wait until at least 2014 to consider another pregnancy...even though I wanted to rush a second child, the whole 3 years apart thing is really beginning to make me happy. :0)
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Big Reveal!
Before reading on, make sure you read the back story here and here.
June 26, 2011, 11:02pm: I tell Carl that I know I'm pregnant.
June 28, 2011, 5:30am: I take a standard pregnancy test - just the plus/minus kind. It looks as if there is a faint line. I don't trust it. I ask Carl his opinion - he says it looks positive to him. I insist he go to thestore at lunch and buy the digital kind that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 5:45am: I take the digital pregnancy test. It says "pregnant". I immediately tell Carl.
June 29, 2011, 5:58am: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 6:55am: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 8:00am: I call the doctor to schedule blood work. Appointment set for July 5th.
June 29, 2011, 4:15pm: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
July 1, 2011, 10:00am: My mom stops over to see Savannah. Almost instantly Savannah tells her, "big sister" and my mom says, "what did you say?" and Savannah again replies, "Big Sister!". Not the reveal I'd planned, but I then explained to my mom the truth. She was thrilled. The rest of the day was spent calling my dad, Carl's family, our sisters, etc. Amid caution, everyone is thrilled for us.
July 5, 2011, 8:00am: Blood work drawn.
July 5, 2011, 4:00pm: Blood work results online - progesterone levels completely normal.
July 13, 2011, 1:00pm: First ultrasound. It's determined I am 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant - due date is March 8, 2012. We see the heartbeat. What an amazing little flicker to see! Heart rate was 111 bpm. We were given two ultrasound photos. While I think they are glorious, Carl says it basically looks like a blob.
July 13, 2011, 2:55pm: Meet with my doctor for the first appointment. She is happy with the ultrasound and all blood work. She schedules me for a second ultrasound after the previous miscarriage point.
July 21, 2011: I have now passed the point I miscarried the first time.
August 1, 2011: I have now passed the point I miscarried the second time.
August 3, 2011, 9:15am: Second ultrasound. Little Baby Poland looks much bigger now! We can see the outline of the head and little beginnings of arms and legs and hands and feet! The heart is beating strongly at 170 bpm. I carry one ultrasound photo in my purse, the others sit on my nightstand to be the first thing I see in the morning.
August 9, 2011, 7:01am: My belly shows the first really defined baby bump...still not in maternity clothes, but they will need to be pulled out of the closet soon.
August 10, 2011, 10:30am: Second appointment with the doctor. She said everything looks fine. I gave 4 vials of blood for all the prenatal tests (all normal). I asked if I could hear the heart beat on theDoppler, and she said it was too early. She also said that if she tried and didn't find it I would freak out (she knows me well!). She left the room to write up the lab work, then came back to told me to follow her quickly. So off I go, only to find that she was sneaking me into an ultrasound room between appointments so I could see (and hear!) the heart beat!! Everything was fine and amazing. She said I just looked like a sad puppy dog and she wanted me to see everything was fine. I really, really, have an amazing doctor. My next appointment is scheduled for September 7th with the doctor. My next ultrasound is scheduled for August 31st.
August 18, 2011, 1:27pm: I'm officially tired of looking "sort of" pregnant. Normal pants don't fit comfortably (at all!), especially dress pants. Maternity pants just sag. Five days a week wearing uncomfortable clothes makes for a very unhappy mommy-to-be.
August 19, 2011, 10:30am: I bought a BeBand at Target the night before. SO much more comfortable at work, and on the plus side, it exaggerates my little bump. Those who know I'm pregnant now can see the bump, and those who don't know yet are probably wondering if I'm pregnant or gaining weight. At this point I'm having trouble waiting another almost 2 weeks for my big reveal...I feel so much more confident than ever before and I'm starting to show a little...we'll see how long I last!
So of course our entire support group of friends and family are so excited and happy for us. Savannah is excited to be a big sister, and she often tells us the crib is for "LukeElla"....I have a feeling that regardless of her sibling's gender, he or she will be called "LukeElla" by Savannah. A boy will be Luke Asher (meaning light, blessed, happy) and a girl will be Ella Faith (meaning she, to trust). I have had the gut feeling that we will welcome a boy...but I could be wrong. I just am praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. I also have a guess for the birth-day of the next little Poland. Savannah was 8 days early, and 8 days prior to my due date just happens to be February 29th...Leap Day. It would be fitting for my second child to have a holiday birthday...mine is Halloween, Savannah was born on Good Friday...so why not Baby Poland #2 enjoying a Leap Day birthday?! I haven't had nearly the morning sickness I had with Savannah...but I am exhausted a lot more! Of course, when I was pregnant with Savannah I could just rest often...but with a two-year old at home, resting isn't easy! I have been blessed to have Carl around on the weekends...he often allows me to nap when Savannah does, and recently some of my naps have been over 3 hours! I also have lost my appetite in the evenings, and in general I want plain, boring foods. Absolutely NO pizza. The idea of it makes me sick. I do like lots of fresh veggies...and hamburgers! I could eat hamburgers for every meal! I am still cautious, and my nerves have settled...but I don't think I will be truly at peace until I hold this tiny baby in my arms. Carl and I also haven't decided on how large we will attempt to grow our family. I always said if I became pregnant with twins, we'd be done...but the ultrasounds prove...it isn't twins this time. So now we are at odds...do we stop trying in light of my history...or do we try to have a third? Of course that answer doesn't need to be decided for quite a while...I refuse to make a decision until this little one is at least 2 or 3 years old. It very well may depend on the gender of little one number two...but either way we just pray for a healthy little baby and family!!!
*For the observant, I actually gave away the news back on July 7th, in my Mysteries and Riddles post. If you take the first letter of each paragraph and string them together, you will find the words, "I Am Pregnant". And for those curious, the answers to the other silly riddles are: a coat of paint, a deck of cards, breakfast and lunch, and finally a hurri-cane.
June 26, 2011, 11:02pm: I tell Carl that I know I'm pregnant.
June 28, 2011, 5:30am: I take a standard pregnancy test - just the plus/minus kind. It looks as if there is a faint line. I don't trust it. I ask Carl his opinion - he says it looks positive to him. I insist he go to thestore at lunch and buy the digital kind that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 5:45am: I take the digital pregnancy test. It says "pregnant". I immediately tell Carl.
June 29, 2011, 5:58am: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 6:55am: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
June 29, 2011, 8:00am: I call the doctor to schedule blood work. Appointment set for July 5th.
June 29, 2011, 4:15pm: I check the test again, it still says "pregnant".
July 1, 2011, 10:00am: My mom stops over to see Savannah. Almost instantly Savannah tells her, "big sister" and my mom says, "what did you say?" and Savannah again replies, "Big Sister!". Not the reveal I'd planned, but I then explained to my mom the truth. She was thrilled. The rest of the day was spent calling my dad, Carl's family, our sisters, etc. Amid caution, everyone is thrilled for us.
July 5, 2011, 8:00am: Blood work drawn.
July 5, 2011, 4:00pm: Blood work results online - progesterone levels completely normal.
July 13, 2011, 1:00pm: First ultrasound. It's determined I am 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant - due date is March 8, 2012. We see the heartbeat. What an amazing little flicker to see! Heart rate was 111 bpm. We were given two ultrasound photos. While I think they are glorious, Carl says it basically looks like a blob.
July 13, 2011, 2:55pm: Meet with my doctor for the first appointment. She is happy with the ultrasound and all blood work. She schedules me for a second ultrasound after the previous miscarriage point.
July 21, 2011: I have now passed the point I miscarried the first time.
August 1, 2011: I have now passed the point I miscarried the second time.
August 3, 2011, 9:15am: Second ultrasound. Little Baby Poland looks much bigger now! We can see the outline of the head and little beginnings of arms and legs and hands and feet! The heart is beating strongly at 170 bpm. I carry one ultrasound photo in my purse, the others sit on my nightstand to be the first thing I see in the morning.
August 9, 2011, 7:01am: My belly shows the first really defined baby bump...still not in maternity clothes, but they will need to be pulled out of the closet soon.
August 10, 2011, 10:30am: Second appointment with the doctor. She said everything looks fine. I gave 4 vials of blood for all the prenatal tests (all normal). I asked if I could hear the heart beat on theDoppler, and she said it was too early. She also said that if she tried and didn't find it I would freak out (she knows me well!). She left the room to write up the lab work, then came back to told me to follow her quickly. So off I go, only to find that she was sneaking me into an ultrasound room between appointments so I could see (and hear!) the heart beat!! Everything was fine and amazing. She said I just looked like a sad puppy dog and she wanted me to see everything was fine. I really, really, have an amazing doctor. My next appointment is scheduled for September 7th with the doctor. My next ultrasound is scheduled for August 31st.
August 18, 2011, 1:27pm: I'm officially tired of looking "sort of" pregnant. Normal pants don't fit comfortably (at all!), especially dress pants. Maternity pants just sag. Five days a week wearing uncomfortable clothes makes for a very unhappy mommy-to-be.
August 19, 2011, 10:30am: I bought a BeBand at Target the night before. SO much more comfortable at work, and on the plus side, it exaggerates my little bump. Those who know I'm pregnant now can see the bump, and those who don't know yet are probably wondering if I'm pregnant or gaining weight. At this point I'm having trouble waiting another almost 2 weeks for my big reveal...I feel so much more confident than ever before and I'm starting to show a little...we'll see how long I last!
So of course our entire support group of friends and family are so excited and happy for us. Savannah is excited to be a big sister, and she often tells us the crib is for "LukeElla"....I have a feeling that regardless of her sibling's gender, he or she will be called "LukeElla" by Savannah. A boy will be Luke Asher (meaning light, blessed, happy) and a girl will be Ella Faith (meaning she, to trust). I have had the gut feeling that we will welcome a boy...but I could be wrong. I just am praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. I also have a guess for the birth-day of the next little Poland. Savannah was 8 days early, and 8 days prior to my due date just happens to be February 29th...Leap Day. It would be fitting for my second child to have a holiday birthday...mine is Halloween, Savannah was born on Good Friday...so why not Baby Poland #2 enjoying a Leap Day birthday?! I haven't had nearly the morning sickness I had with Savannah...but I am exhausted a lot more! Of course, when I was pregnant with Savannah I could just rest often...but with a two-year old at home, resting isn't easy! I have been blessed to have Carl around on the weekends...he often allows me to nap when Savannah does, and recently some of my naps have been over 3 hours! I also have lost my appetite in the evenings, and in general I want plain, boring foods. Absolutely NO pizza. The idea of it makes me sick. I do like lots of fresh veggies...and hamburgers! I could eat hamburgers for every meal! I am still cautious, and my nerves have settled...but I don't think I will be truly at peace until I hold this tiny baby in my arms. Carl and I also haven't decided on how large we will attempt to grow our family. I always said if I became pregnant with twins, we'd be done...but the ultrasounds prove...it isn't twins this time. So now we are at odds...do we stop trying in light of my history...or do we try to have a third? Of course that answer doesn't need to be decided for quite a while...I refuse to make a decision until this little one is at least 2 or 3 years old. It very well may depend on the gender of little one number two...but either way we just pray for a healthy little baby and family!!!
*For the observant, I actually gave away the news back on July 7th, in my Mysteries and Riddles post. If you take the first letter of each paragraph and string them together, you will find the words, "I Am Pregnant". And for those curious, the answers to the other silly riddles are: a coat of paint, a deck of cards, breakfast and lunch, and finally a hurri-cane.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Long Weekend...
On Friday morning my dad called and said that sweet Alex had a rough night...so Savannah and I spent most of our time at my parents house that day. Carl came after work, and we just loved on that sweet puppy. When we had to leave on Friday night, I knew it would be the last time to pet him. We tried to prepare Savannah, but I know she didn't understand why I was so sad. The whole drive home I sobbed. Carl tried to reassure me...but I was just so sad. Alex was such an amazing pet and friend.
That night, when Savannah and I sat down to cuddle, we prayed our usual prayer but added in a little bit for Alex. We prayed he would be taken care of, and happy, and know that he was dearly loved during his time with us. At that point I broke into tears again. Savannah was laying across my lap and looked up into my eyes. She said, "Mommy sad?" I told her I was sad because Alex was sick. She then said, "Mommy kiss." and pulled my head close. I thought she wanted a kiss on the lips, and then she said, "No Mommy." She then proceeded to kiss all the tears on my cheeks. She told me, "No sad, happy Mommy. No cry.". I am so proud and delighted to say I have a very caring daughter (even if she is dramatic and stubborn like a teenager already!).
Another milestone has passed us by again also...she is without a pacifier from now on. Saturday night we had Savannah collect all her binks and put them in a basket. We told her the Binky Bunny was coming to take them all, and when she woke up there'd be a special toy just for her. So that night was a little rough to get her to sleep...but she slept through the night. On Sunday morning the Little People Animal Sounds Farm was waiting for her, and she was so excited! She loves that farm. Sunday was tough though...the entire day nothing made her happy. She told us she "didn't like" just about everything (including Dora!). She refused a nap on Sunday too. Sunday night she cried the instant I left the room...and lasted for 15 minutes sobbing before I went back because I thought she'd make herself sick she was crying so much. I told her we could cuddle one more time and within 2 minutes of sitting down she was fast asleep. Yesterday she napped well, and went to bed without a peep...so we have officially gotten rid of the binks....it was hard, but worth it. On Sunday I was wondering if we should even give a bink to the next child because taking it away is so hard...but after surviving the 3 days of hardship, I've decided it is totally worth it. That bink was SO helpful in so many situations during the first two years of Savannah's life...many more times than just 3....so I can survive the 3 days of hardship for an easier first two years!
So it was a rough weekend...with a lot of life lessons learned. Savannah still asks about Alex at Grandma and Grandpa's house...and we have to tell her that he lives with Jesus now...but it's tough. She loved him too. She's also growing up faster than I ever imagined. She tried her new backpack on for preschool this weekend...she loves WAY too grown up. One week from today we have a parent meeting/kid meet and greet at preschool, and her first day is officially in 2 weeks! She will be in a classroom...that is just so hard to believe...my little girl is growing up too fast!!!
That night, when Savannah and I sat down to cuddle, we prayed our usual prayer but added in a little bit for Alex. We prayed he would be taken care of, and happy, and know that he was dearly loved during his time with us. At that point I broke into tears again. Savannah was laying across my lap and looked up into my eyes. She said, "Mommy sad?" I told her I was sad because Alex was sick. She then said, "Mommy kiss." and pulled my head close. I thought she wanted a kiss on the lips, and then she said, "No Mommy." She then proceeded to kiss all the tears on my cheeks. She told me, "No sad, happy Mommy. No cry.". I am so proud and delighted to say I have a very caring daughter (even if she is dramatic and stubborn like a teenager already!).
Another milestone has passed us by again also...she is without a pacifier from now on. Saturday night we had Savannah collect all her binks and put them in a basket. We told her the Binky Bunny was coming to take them all, and when she woke up there'd be a special toy just for her. So that night was a little rough to get her to sleep...but she slept through the night. On Sunday morning the Little People Animal Sounds Farm was waiting for her, and she was so excited! She loves that farm. Sunday was tough though...the entire day nothing made her happy. She told us she "didn't like" just about everything (including Dora!). She refused a nap on Sunday too. Sunday night she cried the instant I left the room...and lasted for 15 minutes sobbing before I went back because I thought she'd make herself sick she was crying so much. I told her we could cuddle one more time and within 2 minutes of sitting down she was fast asleep. Yesterday she napped well, and went to bed without a peep...so we have officially gotten rid of the binks....it was hard, but worth it. On Sunday I was wondering if we should even give a bink to the next child because taking it away is so hard...but after surviving the 3 days of hardship, I've decided it is totally worth it. That bink was SO helpful in so many situations during the first two years of Savannah's life...many more times than just 3....so I can survive the 3 days of hardship for an easier first two years!
So it was a rough weekend...with a lot of life lessons learned. Savannah still asks about Alex at Grandma and Grandpa's house...and we have to tell her that he lives with Jesus now...but it's tough. She loved him too. She's also growing up faster than I ever imagined. She tried her new backpack on for preschool this weekend...she loves WAY too grown up. One week from today we have a parent meeting/kid meet and greet at preschool, and her first day is officially in 2 weeks! She will be in a classroom...that is just so hard to believe...my little girl is growing up too fast!!!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Teaching the Hard Lessons of Life to a 2-Year Old
In the past few weeks our family has received some very sad news. My parents' dog, sweet, sweet Alex, has cancer. It is progressing much faster than any of us would like to admit...and in all honesty I'm not sure if he will make it another month.
This leads to a very difficult conversation with Savannah. She loves this dog...I mean LOVES him. On the way to my parents' home she often says "Going to see Alex!" and he is always at the door to greet her. Alex is what caused my precious little girl to laugh for the very first time (chasing the laser pointer). He is truly very dear to every member in our family, and our extended friends and family. He has the absolute best disposition (never bites, never growls, always loves)...he is just darling. In October, we should be celebrating his 10th birthday...but now we aren't sure if he will make it.
We were all so saddened by the news...but I don't know how to explain it to Savannah. We have begun to tell her that Alex is sick, and soon he will go to live with God and Jesus...and that he will have all the little babies to play with that we didn't get to meet...but I know she doesn't understand that he isn't coming back. And while we have always been so proud of her exceptional memory...it will come back to bite us in the butt. She will ask for him for months to come...and we will have to tell her we can't give her what she wants. She won't understand, and our hearts will hurt.
I will miss that dear puppy so much, but I hurt more for Savannah. I understand he is sick, and will be in good hands, and it is the humane thing to do to let him go...but Savannah won't see any of that...and she will miss him and want him...and we won't be able to help...we will be helpless. I hate that illness can make a parent feel so incredibly helpless.
This leads to a very difficult conversation with Savannah. She loves this dog...I mean LOVES him. On the way to my parents' home she often says "Going to see Alex!" and he is always at the door to greet her. Alex is what caused my precious little girl to laugh for the very first time (chasing the laser pointer). He is truly very dear to every member in our family, and our extended friends and family. He has the absolute best disposition (never bites, never growls, always loves)...he is just darling. In October, we should be celebrating his 10th birthday...but now we aren't sure if he will make it.
We were all so saddened by the news...but I don't know how to explain it to Savannah. We have begun to tell her that Alex is sick, and soon he will go to live with God and Jesus...and that he will have all the little babies to play with that we didn't get to meet...but I know she doesn't understand that he isn't coming back. And while we have always been so proud of her exceptional memory...it will come back to bite us in the butt. She will ask for him for months to come...and we will have to tell her we can't give her what she wants. She won't understand, and our hearts will hurt.
I will miss that dear puppy so much, but I hurt more for Savannah. I understand he is sick, and will be in good hands, and it is the humane thing to do to let him go...but Savannah won't see any of that...and she will miss him and want him...and we won't be able to help...we will be helpless. I hate that illness can make a parent feel so incredibly helpless.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Limbo
Have you ever felt like you were surviving in limbo? At this point in my life, I feel so unbalanced...not in the mental stability way...but in the "which way will the cards fall" way.
This summer has flown by with lots of ups and downs...but where will I end up? The cloud nine I dream of...or not. I know that God is with me, regardless of the path...but it is still so hard to live in this kind of limbo. It's like waiting for a call from a potential employer...will I be hired? Will I be a mom of two? Will the stork call me up for the job?
Anxiety once ruled my life...and it tries to creep back in often. Today it is trying to hide the sunshine in my life...but I have to refuse to allow it...
This summer has flown by with lots of ups and downs...but where will I end up? The cloud nine I dream of...or not. I know that God is with me, regardless of the path...but it is still so hard to live in this kind of limbo. It's like waiting for a call from a potential employer...will I be hired? Will I be a mom of two? Will the stork call me up for the job?
Anxiety once ruled my life...and it tries to creep back in often. Today it is trying to hide the sunshine in my life...but I have to refuse to allow it...
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