Craziness. My Life is Craziness!

It's the middle of June already. Honestly, I thought life flew by at the speed of sound when we only had Savannah in our lives...now life is traveling at the speed of light! My household is once again healthy...and I'm really hoping it stays that way for a while now! Luke is growing too fast...he is close to 14 pounds and looks so very much like his daddy. It's adorable. He still has one of the most deafening cries I have ever heard. He has become "that kid", you know, the one that you say "If you had been born first I would have stopped having children...". We love him, but he is just about the most high maintenance person I have ever met. He wants it and wants it now. With Savannah, we'd let her fuss a bit before responding...to teach her that life doesn't revolve around her (or attempt to teach her such matters!). With Luke, you can't do it...he will just cry forever or drive you mad, whichever comes first. Savannah manages to impress me daily still. We recently went to Kennywood for a day full of family fun. I thought we'd be wasting our time attempting rides with her...she very rarely does anything alone. Most of the kiddie rides are for children only...but to my surprise she opened up and rode the ferris wheel, and rode several rides with me or Carl. Her favorite? One that you sit around and it lifts you up (maybe 30 feet) and then drops you...over and over again. Who would have thought my little shy princess would love that?! It kind of freaked me out, but she loved it. When we got home that night she would be almost asleep and then all of the sudden sit up and tell us all about her day and the rides. She loved it. Amusement parks are fun with her now...she gets so excited about every little detail. It is so youthful and refreshing and just fun to see the world through her eyes. Savannah is also learning things that surprises me. Yesterday she said, "Luke is holding his bink in his left hand." I looked at Luke, and sure enough, Savannah was correct. So then I started asking her about left and right...and she knows them! I asked her where she learned that, and she said "Here." (We were home.) I don't remember ever teaching her that...so where she picked it up from, I have no idea! In the past few weeks we have sold a lot of baby items...and we are still in the process of selling the rest of the stuff we don't use. I think my baby growing days are over...I might revisit the idea again when Luke is approaching 2 years old...but for now I'm going to say I'm 90% sure we're done. It hasn't even been bittersweet to get rid of stuff. When we only had Savannah, the idea of no more kids would make me instantly cry. Now, I just sigh at the thought of getting older, but it doesn't depress me. What does depress me is my weight...or really just my body in general. I've not ever really been a person to freak out over the number on the scale...and really I'm not obsessing with that now. I just hate how clothes fit on me. Nothing fits right....bigger sizes just hang on me...the correct size just makes me look bulgy in all the wrong places. Apparently growing and delivering two children has done a number on my body...it's just downright depressing. I want to exercise and diet...but I can't really do a whole lot of that since I'm solely responsible for the nourishment of Luke. (He may start some solid foods in July.) That is an area of my life that I'm just not happy with...I know I need to give myself some time...but I don't have time to waste - I have two kids to take care of! We are still crazy busy...between company picnics and yard sales...and traveling...and doctor's appointments...we have church commitments (Carl is on a committee, I'm volunteering for VBS crew leader *so excited to work with the littles!*)...caring for Carl's mom...and now Carl's dad is in need of some extra care...and just all sorts of little things in between...and our anniversary this weekend....it seems like our lives never stop spinning into craziness. My car has needed the oil changed for about 4000 miles now...Carl's needs inspected this month...and he goes to the chiropractor three times a week...and has some mens group thing once a week...and has to run his mom to her appointments twice a week...and handle her prescriptions (she moved home on Saturday which is great)...we are just so busy. Luke and Savannah depend on us for clean clothes and food...and Luke depends on us for everything...and now with Carl's mom, we do her laundry and Carl runs her where she needs to go...he leaves work just about daily for something for him or her...I don't know...we're both stressed...but what can we do? We certainly aren't going to stop caring for her. I suppose we have reached the point in our lives where we are caring for two generations...our own children and our parents. It is so hard to do that and still feel like we have our own identity and time to develop our selves. Of course, this all happens as we are learning to transition me fully into a working mom again...so our house had to adjust to a second child and being depended on by a parent, all at the same time....which has been stressful and difficult. Carl is showing the signs of wear and tear...he often "forgets" Luke. He left him on the main floor one evening. When Luke woke me up to nurse, I heard the cries and went to the nursery...and he wasn't there. Carl had somehow forgotten to bring him up with him when he came to bed. When I argued with Carl about it he said, "It isn't that bad, he was safe. It isn't like I left him in the car."...and when I said I wasn't going to let him take him anywhere in the car alone now he said I was being crazy...but then last night when we got home from visiting his dad, Luke was sleeping in the car (my car). I got Savannah out and was organizing the garage a bit and Carl put a few things into his car and then we put the garage door down. I had Savannah in my arms and was about to open the door into the house, and Carl was right behind me, following me in. I had to say, "Aren't you going to get Luke?"...so yes, he would have left him in the car! That could be deadly. So this leaves me with this feeling of spinning out of control. He is taking care of his mother and father, who both need his help. We pretty much do everything for them (laundry, bills, insurance work, shopping, driving to/from appointments). He has a busy/demanding job. He is at the doctor three times a week (that is supposed to end this week, thankfully). He is trying to progress in some mens group (I've started to hate that...the meetings are at the worst possible times. Plus I think the whole premise behind it is stupid.) He is chair of a committee at church (I told him he should resign as chair, mainly because he can't/isn't doing as good as job as someone else could.). In the past 2 months things at our house have been neglected. We had about 10 projects half done because he could never devote enough time to them....but when I insist he spend time working on things at the house he acts like I'm being insensitive to his family. It isn't that I don't want him to help them...they are important and they need us...but our house needs things too! And he has a sister that has one child, that's almost 10 (which means he bathes and feeds himself!)...so she could be doing some of the running back and forth. I hate to whine. We are blessed with our family. I am just having a really hard time enjoying it right now. Last week I lost my patience with both kids more times than I care to admit. I really think it's because the only time I had to interact with them was when I was performing a necessary function for them (diaper change, potty break, bath, meals). I haven't had time to just sit down and play. We are just out of the house and on the go so much...and I hate that. Savannah slept better and was happier as a baby when she was home and had a routine and had a bed time...now there isn't a set bed time...we just aren't home reliably...and I have no idea how to address that with Carl...without him feeling like I don't care. Our lives are just so crazy right now...there doesn't seem to be any other word to describe it.