Life just never seems to slow down. All through the month of March I kept telling myself that I just needed to make it past all of my Science Fairs, etc...that April would be better. Now here we are at the end of April, and life is just as crazy.
While I do love teaching, this week is, thankfully, the last week of teaching at WVU this semester. We are still preparing for the neighborhood yard sale, to be held on May 8th - which is unfortunately the same day as the final exam for my WVU class. That will be quite a long day for me. The final is scheduled from 8:00am until 10:00am, and then grades are due the 10th, so I will spend my Mother's Day weekend grading finals. Eww.
The yard sale preparations are coming along - we've gotten everything of ours priced, and now we're working on pricing things that have been shipped over from my mom's house. This weekend all of the furniture that we are planning on selling will be moved to the garage, so we'll be parking outside for a week then. We're hoping to earn enough money to buy a nice bed for Savannah. We are selling a dining room set (6 chairs, a table, and hutch), a computer desk, an elliptical, a bookcase, and then lots of odds and ends. Hopefully it doesn't rain!
Aside from the yard sale and final exam, life has slowed down a bit. I am starting to plan for our trip to Miami Beach - we leave in 26 days! I am a wreck about flying with Savannah...she hates to sit still for long, so this could be quite the trip. We've recently booked the flights, so I need to review the baggage policy and security policy and figure out what to take with us...I really hope we survive the traveling part of that trip! I'm excited for the time to rest at the beach....it should be fairly easy-going for us...Savannah and I will spend time at the beach and the pool while Carl attends his conference.
I'm still having thoughts about another baby...it seems as if I swing one direction for a while, and then the other direction again. Some days I get caught up in all the excitement of my friends' pregnancies. (I know someone due in September, October, November, and December!) I think about how great of a big sister Savannah would be. The other day we were playing in the basement with her and I thought how nice it would be for me to be holding a tiny baby while Carl and Savannah played - and how Savannah would toddle over to check on us every so often. It is just such a nice thing to imagine. For some reason I imagine we'll have a boy next, which isn't that strange of me to envision. Before we were pregnant with Savannah I just kept telling everyone we'd have a girl first, and deep down when I was pregnant I knew she was a girl. So now that I'm thinking of another one, I'm convinced that whenever we do have another child, he will be a boy.
Then there are days like yesterday when the idea of another one just seems like an impossible dream. Savannah woke up at 6:30am...which isn't an awful time, but Carl got up with her and I slept for an hour longer. Which I thought was fine, I mean, I get up with her in the nights when she wakes up, and I get up with her most weekend mornings anyway. I even got up with her one weekend and made homemade biscuits while Carl slept...so I figured I could get just a little bit of extra sleep. Well then he napped a lot in the car, and was kind of short with Savannah for making noise and ending his nap. Honestly. She's 1 - he's 26! Then he was just grouchy and complain-y about having to get up early. I hate complaining about getting up with her, and I really try not to complain when I'm the one to get up. I just remind myself that I am so blessed to have a child to wake up with, and I shouldn't ever complain about that luxury! So when he complains it irritates the heck out of me....and makes me think. What will it be like when there are two? He is going to have quite a bit more to do when there are two children, especially when I am breastfeeding the second one. He will be on bedtime duty, neither one of us will get to sleep-in on the weekends, and in general keeping the house running will require a lot more. So if he's grouchy about waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual, what will it be like with two? He is usually very helpful with Savannah, and he does help me more now than right when she came home - we have finally settled into a fairly normal routine. I just hate to change a good thing...those first weeks and months of finding the balance were so hard on me, and our marriage. I'm sure it won't be quite so hard since we've done it before, but it still won't be easy. I guess we both have some thinking to do...we'll have to trust that God won't give us more than we can handle.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Days like yesterday remind me of how much I love Savannah, and how blessed I am to have her for a daughter. I had the day off with her, and we first went to visit the doctor for her 1-year well visit. They had to do a hemoglobin test, which entails sticking her finger and then filling a tiny vial drop by drop for testing. Do you know of any one year old that likes their hand being held a specific way for several minutes?! If so, Savannah needs to meet that one year old! I really think the finger stick wasn't the worst part for her, it was having to be held a certain way. She instantly fought against being held a certain way, but once I started to sing "Ready to go out, I'll bring my purse along. Get my keys, and bracelet, sing a little song. Look into the mirror, put some lipstick on. Wave and say bye-bye, I won't be gone for long." (One her favorite toys, Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Purse) sings this song...I learned it months ago.), she stilled and sat in my lap contentedly while the nurse captured every little drop. I think I sang that song at least 15 times, and I pity the nurse for having to listen to my singing, but it did make life a lot easier on all three of us!
When the doctor came in the results from the hemoglobin test were in, and her count was 13.3. She said that she hasn't seen a count that high in a long time, and it's an excellent number. (Later, at home, I did a little research to see what's normal, and for children it's around 11-13, and it's only considered too high when it's over 15.5.) I was so glad to hear my little girl was getting all the right nutrients! The doctor also checked out all kinds of other little things, asked about her development, etc. She reevaluated Savannah's ears to be sure all of the fluid from her ear infection last month was gone, and she said her ears are perfect again. Then it was time for the shots. This time around there were three, and I had to hold her for the first time. No amount of singing was going to solve this problem. As soon as we put her down on the table she began to cry - she knew what was coming. The nurse stuck her quickly, and as soon as I had Savannah in my arms the tears had stopped. I've had some people ask if I worry about having Savannah vaccinated, but I have done some research of my own, and I have talked extensively with the doctor on the issue. One of the key factors for me is this fact: The amount of people receiving the MMR vaccine has declined over the past few years (fears that it causes autism) but the amount of children diagnosed with autism is still increasing. So if autism is increasing, but use of the vaccine is decreasing, I really don't feel they are related. This choice is one every parent has to make, and while I hate to see Savannah endure the pain of the shot, and I always worry about putting something foreign into her system, I trust the doctor to tell me all of the facts. We have an excellent pediatrician that reviews each vaccine with us, what it's composed of, how long it has been in use, and if there are any known side effects. So Savannah was given an excellent bill of health, and she went home to a long morning nap - she was worn out!
For lunch we were able to spend time with Ashley and Alana (in from Pittsburgh for the week). Watching the two girls play together is such a treat now. They just look like little non-identical twins. They generally play well together, both have sharing issues though...no surprise since they are both currently "only" children! It was amusing to watch them solve their squabbles, and to see each with their own unique personality. It was also a great chance for Ashley and I to just hang out, relax, and chat. We both miss those days!
After her afternoon nap Savannah was scheduled to visit Grandma for a bit while I went over to WVU to teach my Engineering Economics class. Plans had to change though, Grandma's eye appointment ran much longer than expected, Grandpa had a dentist appointment, and Nana is in Buchannon watching Reese while Melinda is in Belize...so I decided Savannah would go with me until Carl could leave Mylan and come pick her up. I was met by 76 college students staring as I walked in with her on my hip. Most seemed to welcome the slight distraction, one even showed me a picture of his daughter, age 2. This week project presentations began, so I didn't have to technically teach with her on my hip, I just had to evaluate. She was an angel, just sat and watched it all go by...occasionally she would coo or point, and when each group finished the class would clap, and Savannah also joined in. While I don't think it would be wise to bring a toddler to class all the time, I do think it gave my students another view of who I am. They saw the reason I don't allow make-up exams/quizzes. I don't have time to give everyone a test when they want to take it. The students also saw that sometimes multi-tasking can take on a whole new meaning. Before class began, I definitely think they saw a whole new me - one that tickles and smiles and giggles about silly things. I am usually the talking head that teaches them a topic they probably will try to remember, but might not succeed in doing so. It is amazing how college kids can just "forget" that their professors have real lives outside of the classroom.
So it was quite the day for my little Savannah. One filled with doctors, friends, and college kids. When I was lying in bed, almost asleep, I began to think about how thankful I am for her. She is such a pleasure to watch grow and change. I love her more and more by the second. It doesn't seem possible to love her more than I already do, but tomorrow I will feel like I love her twice as much as I do today. I am just so amazingly blessed to have such a wonderful child. I can't imagine making room for another little one, but many moms have assured me - the next one will find the space in my heart. I will love each child with the same intensity - I have really been thinking about that next baby...I think I'll be ready after our trip to Disney after all.
When the doctor came in the results from the hemoglobin test were in, and her count was 13.3. She said that she hasn't seen a count that high in a long time, and it's an excellent number. (Later, at home, I did a little research to see what's normal, and for children it's around 11-13, and it's only considered too high when it's over 15.5.) I was so glad to hear my little girl was getting all the right nutrients! The doctor also checked out all kinds of other little things, asked about her development, etc. She reevaluated Savannah's ears to be sure all of the fluid from her ear infection last month was gone, and she said her ears are perfect again. Then it was time for the shots. This time around there were three, and I had to hold her for the first time. No amount of singing was going to solve this problem. As soon as we put her down on the table she began to cry - she knew what was coming. The nurse stuck her quickly, and as soon as I had Savannah in my arms the tears had stopped. I've had some people ask if I worry about having Savannah vaccinated, but I have done some research of my own, and I have talked extensively with the doctor on the issue. One of the key factors for me is this fact: The amount of people receiving the MMR vaccine has declined over the past few years (fears that it causes autism) but the amount of children diagnosed with autism is still increasing. So if autism is increasing, but use of the vaccine is decreasing, I really don't feel they are related. This choice is one every parent has to make, and while I hate to see Savannah endure the pain of the shot, and I always worry about putting something foreign into her system, I trust the doctor to tell me all of the facts. We have an excellent pediatrician that reviews each vaccine with us, what it's composed of, how long it has been in use, and if there are any known side effects. So Savannah was given an excellent bill of health, and she went home to a long morning nap - she was worn out!
For lunch we were able to spend time with Ashley and Alana (in from Pittsburgh for the week). Watching the two girls play together is such a treat now. They just look like little non-identical twins. They generally play well together, both have sharing issues though...no surprise since they are both currently "only" children! It was amusing to watch them solve their squabbles, and to see each with their own unique personality. It was also a great chance for Ashley and I to just hang out, relax, and chat. We both miss those days!
After her afternoon nap Savannah was scheduled to visit Grandma for a bit while I went over to WVU to teach my Engineering Economics class. Plans had to change though, Grandma's eye appointment ran much longer than expected, Grandpa had a dentist appointment, and Nana is in Buchannon watching Reese while Melinda is in Belize...so I decided Savannah would go with me until Carl could leave Mylan and come pick her up. I was met by 76 college students staring as I walked in with her on my hip. Most seemed to welcome the slight distraction, one even showed me a picture of his daughter, age 2. This week project presentations began, so I didn't have to technically teach with her on my hip, I just had to evaluate. She was an angel, just sat and watched it all go by...occasionally she would coo or point, and when each group finished the class would clap, and Savannah also joined in. While I don't think it would be wise to bring a toddler to class all the time, I do think it gave my students another view of who I am. They saw the reason I don't allow make-up exams/quizzes. I don't have time to give everyone a test when they want to take it. The students also saw that sometimes multi-tasking can take on a whole new meaning. Before class began, I definitely think they saw a whole new me - one that tickles and smiles and giggles about silly things. I am usually the talking head that teaches them a topic they probably will try to remember, but might not succeed in doing so. It is amazing how college kids can just "forget" that their professors have real lives outside of the classroom.
So it was quite the day for my little Savannah. One filled with doctors, friends, and college kids. When I was lying in bed, almost asleep, I began to think about how thankful I am for her. She is such a pleasure to watch grow and change. I love her more and more by the second. It doesn't seem possible to love her more than I already do, but tomorrow I will feel like I love her twice as much as I do today. I am just so amazingly blessed to have such a wonderful child. I can't imagine making room for another little one, but many moms have assured me - the next one will find the space in my heart. I will love each child with the same intensity - I have really been thinking about that next baby...I think I'll be ready after our trip to Disney after all.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So I survived. Savannah is now a toddler...we've already passed the anniversary of coming home from the hospital with her (yesterday). While we were eating dinner with her last night we kept marveling over how much she has changed...she is no longer an itty-bitty baby. She now shows the full spectrum of emotions and is almost walking!
Her party was mainly a success. The decorations and cake were just as I had pictured in my mind. Carl and I stayed up the night before her birthday to decorate the house. She was so excited on the morning of her birthday. When we went in to get her out of her crib she was already standing waiting for us. When I walked downstairs with her she became so excited over all the decorations! She particularly loved the hanging paper lanterns. Once party-time rolled around the hours went by in a flash. We had a lot of friends and family there to celebrate, and in the end I think the amount of people at our house overwhelmed Savannah. Our best estimate is that there were 30-40 people in the house, and all of them wanted to talk to, or hold, Savannah. By the time we were ready to sing "Happy Birthday" Savannah hadn't been able to get much lunch from all the attention, and once we put the hat on and started singing she was just done with us all. She cried and cried....and through all of that Carl forgot to video the birthday song! So we let her calm down a bit and tried again, but she still hated the entire process. I think that many people staring and singing at her was just terrifying for her...once most of the guests left we opened presents and she was in a much better mood. In the end I had planned a perfect party, but I didn't factor in that Savannah apparently isn't a fan of large crowds when everyone has their attention on her. So now I know. The night of her party I was exhausted, but once again I couldn't sleep. It wasn't because I was excited like so many nights before her birthday - this time I felt like a horrible mother. What had I done? I had planned this party, and then made my daughter miserable on her birthday. What kind of mother does that? I felt so selfish in my excitement, and so utterly awful as a mother. I cried myself to sleep, thinking that I had ruined the Savannah's First Birthday. I still feel pretty awful about it all...but friends have told me that birthdays never go as planned, and a lot of kids wind up crying on their birthdays. I guess my love of party planning, combined by my love for Savannah and wanting to celebrate such a huge milestone, got the best of me. I know she won't remember being overwhelmed by it all, but I still wish I had been able to make her day special for her. I've pledged that next year's party may be just as themed and decorated, but the guest list will be much smaller. Below I've included some photos and video of the day - for better or for worse. In the end all that matters is that Savannah is one very loved little girl, and now she is embarking on another year of learning and growing!
It seems that people find it their right to ask Carl and I about another baby - now that our baby isn't really a baby anymore. We've had a lot of questions from family and friends about our plans for the next little one. A lot of people seem to assume we'll announce something soon since our best friends are expecting a baby in October (SO excited for them!!), and last time they announced they were pregnant, we announced our own pregnancy shortly after. Alana and Savannah were born 9 days apart. My mother-in-law was very curious about this topic once she saw that I've picked out Savannah's big girl room bedding. She wanted to know why Savannah was switching rooms, and then she wanted a timeline for when we were considering another child. If we were planning to have another child close to our bestests' next one - I'd have to almost be in my second trimester by now, which would probably mean a slight baby bump...and to be honest, I weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant last time...so no baby bump, and no baby weight. I really, truly, am not lying when I say I'm not pregnant. Have we thought about it? Of course. I think Savannah would be an excellent big sister, and babies are such a delight. Am I ready? Absolutely not. I just feel so torn right now. I love being a mom, I love Savannah, I love everything about motherhood. But the same night I told Carl I'd like to seriously consider another baby after we go to Disney World I also told Carl that I don't want any more kids. I said both of those things within hours of each other...which to me is a clear sign I'm not ready. It was a shock to him when I said I might not want any more. He knows how much I loved being pregnant, and the entire process of motherhood. It's not that I didn't love every moment of it - it's just that as I was watching him play with Savannah that I realized another child would mean a much different picture of playing. Those little moments between Carl and Savannah wouldn't happen as often, and what about my moments with Savannah? Once another baby arrives I'd be breastfeeding every two hours, and Carl would really be the one to help with Savannah during those first few months. I just struggle with this feeling...I don't even know how to describe it...guilt? I think it would be different if I wasn't a working mom, as it is my time with Savannah is cut short because I spend 8-10 hours away from her every weekday....so then if I decide to have another child, I'm splitting that small amount of time between two children.
I realize I am not the first mother in history to have this problem. It's actually a problem that's in the news right now. I know a lot of people hate Kate Gosselin, but I am a fan of hers. I think the media can spin any picture or comment to sell magazines. I really think she has her children's best interest in mind when she makes decisions. Recently she's gotten a lot of flack from Jon about being an "absentee mom". Honestly - what does he want? She is doing the best she can to earn money to pay for these kids! Eight kids do not feed themselves. She is a working, single mother - that just happens to have a lot of cameras following her. Yes, she has a degree in nursing so she could do that instead of the more public jobs (such as Dancing with the Stars and writing books), but honestly, nurses keep some pretty long hours too! It is also rare for someone to stay in a single profession for their entire life. I think a lot of people just want to hate her for whatever reason. I do agree there were times Kate was harsh with Jon, but now that I'm a mom I can fully understand being frustrated sometimes. Carl and I have had our fair share of arguments that seem so pointless, but all started because of the stress of parenthood. I can't imagine the stress Kate and Jon were under with 8 mouths to feed. Every time I read a post about how awful Kate is/was, I think to myself...what would they say if cameras had been in my home during some of our little tantrums? I also would bet money that all those who criticize Kate also have had spats with their husbands - cameras just don't follow them around. So to me Kate is doing what she can to raise her children, and she does her best to be with her kids, but she also has to be a working mom....which is tough as I've become to realize. I am having a hard time thinking about a second child to split time with...I can't imagine how she feels having to split her time 8 ways.
So for now, no baby #2...maybe someday though...just not now.
Her party was mainly a success. The decorations and cake were just as I had pictured in my mind. Carl and I stayed up the night before her birthday to decorate the house. She was so excited on the morning of her birthday. When we went in to get her out of her crib she was already standing waiting for us. When I walked downstairs with her she became so excited over all the decorations! She particularly loved the hanging paper lanterns. Once party-time rolled around the hours went by in a flash. We had a lot of friends and family there to celebrate, and in the end I think the amount of people at our house overwhelmed Savannah. Our best estimate is that there were 30-40 people in the house, and all of them wanted to talk to, or hold, Savannah. By the time we were ready to sing "Happy Birthday" Savannah hadn't been able to get much lunch from all the attention, and once we put the hat on and started singing she was just done with us all. She cried and cried....and through all of that Carl forgot to video the birthday song! So we let her calm down a bit and tried again, but she still hated the entire process. I think that many people staring and singing at her was just terrifying for her...once most of the guests left we opened presents and she was in a much better mood. In the end I had planned a perfect party, but I didn't factor in that Savannah apparently isn't a fan of large crowds when everyone has their attention on her. So now I know. The night of her party I was exhausted, but once again I couldn't sleep. It wasn't because I was excited like so many nights before her birthday - this time I felt like a horrible mother. What had I done? I had planned this party, and then made my daughter miserable on her birthday. What kind of mother does that? I felt so selfish in my excitement, and so utterly awful as a mother. I cried myself to sleep, thinking that I had ruined the Savannah's First Birthday. I still feel pretty awful about it all...but friends have told me that birthdays never go as planned, and a lot of kids wind up crying on their birthdays. I guess my love of party planning, combined by my love for Savannah and wanting to celebrate such a huge milestone, got the best of me. I know she won't remember being overwhelmed by it all, but I still wish I had been able to make her day special for her. I've pledged that next year's party may be just as themed and decorated, but the guest list will be much smaller. Below I've included some photos and video of the day - for better or for worse. In the end all that matters is that Savannah is one very loved little girl, and now she is embarking on another year of learning and growing!
It seems that people find it their right to ask Carl and I about another baby - now that our baby isn't really a baby anymore. We've had a lot of questions from family and friends about our plans for the next little one. A lot of people seem to assume we'll announce something soon since our best friends are expecting a baby in October (SO excited for them!!), and last time they announced they were pregnant, we announced our own pregnancy shortly after. Alana and Savannah were born 9 days apart. My mother-in-law was very curious about this topic once she saw that I've picked out Savannah's big girl room bedding. She wanted to know why Savannah was switching rooms, and then she wanted a timeline for when we were considering another child. If we were planning to have another child close to our bestests' next one - I'd have to almost be in my second trimester by now, which would probably mean a slight baby bump...and to be honest, I weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant last time...so no baby bump, and no baby weight. I really, truly, am not lying when I say I'm not pregnant. Have we thought about it? Of course. I think Savannah would be an excellent big sister, and babies are such a delight. Am I ready? Absolutely not. I just feel so torn right now. I love being a mom, I love Savannah, I love everything about motherhood. But the same night I told Carl I'd like to seriously consider another baby after we go to Disney World I also told Carl that I don't want any more kids. I said both of those things within hours of each other...which to me is a clear sign I'm not ready. It was a shock to him when I said I might not want any more. He knows how much I loved being pregnant, and the entire process of motherhood. It's not that I didn't love every moment of it - it's just that as I was watching him play with Savannah that I realized another child would mean a much different picture of playing. Those little moments between Carl and Savannah wouldn't happen as often, and what about my moments with Savannah? Once another baby arrives I'd be breastfeeding every two hours, and Carl would really be the one to help with Savannah during those first few months. I just struggle with this feeling...I don't even know how to describe it...guilt? I think it would be different if I wasn't a working mom, as it is my time with Savannah is cut short because I spend 8-10 hours away from her every weekday....so then if I decide to have another child, I'm splitting that small amount of time between two children.
I realize I am not the first mother in history to have this problem. It's actually a problem that's in the news right now. I know a lot of people hate Kate Gosselin, but I am a fan of hers. I think the media can spin any picture or comment to sell magazines. I really think she has her children's best interest in mind when she makes decisions. Recently she's gotten a lot of flack from Jon about being an "absentee mom". Honestly - what does he want? She is doing the best she can to earn money to pay for these kids! Eight kids do not feed themselves. She is a working, single mother - that just happens to have a lot of cameras following her. Yes, she has a degree in nursing so she could do that instead of the more public jobs (such as Dancing with the Stars and writing books), but honestly, nurses keep some pretty long hours too! It is also rare for someone to stay in a single profession for their entire life. I think a lot of people just want to hate her for whatever reason. I do agree there were times Kate was harsh with Jon, but now that I'm a mom I can fully understand being frustrated sometimes. Carl and I have had our fair share of arguments that seem so pointless, but all started because of the stress of parenthood. I can't imagine the stress Kate and Jon were under with 8 mouths to feed. Every time I read a post about how awful Kate is/was, I think to myself...what would they say if cameras had been in my home during some of our little tantrums? I also would bet money that all those who criticize Kate also have had spats with their husbands - cameras just don't follow them around. So to me Kate is doing what she can to raise her children, and she does her best to be with her kids, but she also has to be a working mom....which is tough as I've become to realize. I am having a hard time thinking about a second child to split time with...I can't imagine how she feels having to split her time 8 ways.
So for now, no baby #2...maybe someday though...just not now.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Small Today - Gigantic in 20 Years
Savannah turns 1 year old in 3 days. I've already hashed out my emotions on the subject - I made a slideshow of her photos last night that just about brings me to tears every time I see it. But some of this fanfare for her birthday isn't just about celebrating the year that has gone by, but preparing for the year to come. While there will be lots of fun milestones ahead, like walking and talking, there will also be several more "speedbumps" of parenting. This first year of parenting, while difficult, has mainly been about feeding, loving, cleaning, and basically meeting Savannah's needs. The parenting so far has been more or less about keeping her healthy and happy - not about teaching and shaping her. It has been instinctual, parents care for their young.
While we have seen some "teaching moments" from Savannah in her first year, they have been fairly easy battles to win. She hasn't quite figured out that just because we say "no" that she physically can't do it. She listens extremely well right now. We have an "aht" sound that works much better than "no". We have found that "no" almost automatically comes with us shaking our heads at the same time, and our little copy cat will now do things that she thinks will elicit a "no" from us just to copy us shaking our heads. She has decided this is a game. So, the sound "aht" has arrived. When she hears that she generally stops in place, and usually (but not always, depending on how badly she wants to do something) she will allow us to redirect her attention. We've had very few "speedbumps" on the highway of parenting this year. At one point Savannah enjoyed blowing raspberries during dinner, which generally resulted in either Carl or I wearing dinner. This was definitely unacceptable. This is also when the "aht" sound arrived. When the behavior first started we made a team game plan between Carl, my mother, and I (the three people who generally feed her meals). We were to say "no" in a firm tone, not smile, and shake our heads slightly. Well, then the copying began. She began blowing raspberries just to get us to shake our heads. It was such a game to her that she would blow a raspberry, then shake her head before we could tell her "no". It was so amusing to her - she would smile the entire time. So it became obvious that she knew it wasn't allowed but continued to do it. At this same point in time Savannah was also starting to crawl around and get into things. So the "aht" sound had just kind of become an automatic response when she would try to get to things that weren't for her, and she would respond to the "aht" with the appropriate action. So we began using this sound at the dinner table. Only a few short weeks later she was eating her food mannerly (well, it still ends up in her hair, but not because of spitting). This was our first accomplishment in the department of teaching and shaping Savannah.
We did meet opposition from others, not just Savannah. While at dinner with others one night (in a restaurant), Savannah began this spitting routine. We hadn't seen in at home in a while, but she was testing her grounds. Would we still have the same rules at a different table? I automatically said "aht" and she looked at me, and kind of whined. One of the guests dining with us said we should just let her do it, since it was better than screaming. But what is that teaching Savannah? And for how long do I allow her to do it? While a 9 month old blowing raspberries might be endearing (even that is a stretch to call it endearing!), but a 5 year old doing it is most definitely NOT. So if I just let her get away with it now, when do I change the rules on her? Do I just hope she'd forget it? (Not likely with her.) What message would I be sending to her? That rules will change on her, that I'm not going to hold up the rules outside of the house? In my opinion, blowing raspberries and screaming in a restaurant are both unacceptable behavior. It's not about punishment, it's about teaching and shaping her. It's about the deeper meaning.
Now, as we approach her 1st birthday, we are also facing a new parenting challenge. Savannah has discovered that there are lots of yummy drinks that adults get. (Sonic slushy anyone?) So when we enter a restaurant and order a drink (usually water) she has started to behave in a not-so-cute way. She instantly screams when the glasses are set down because we didn't offer her any of it. Some have suggested that we just take her a sippy in, and give it to her ahead of time. I have two issues with that solution. First, it doesn't matter if we do that or not - she still screams when she sees our glasses, regardless of having one to begin with. Second, what is that doing? It just prevents her from entering the situation. While some may argue that that is a good thing, I will argue that it's not. If she doesn't enter the situation, how is she supposed to learn how to behave in that situation? What happens if we forget the sippy cup? What if it is unavoidable, and she hasn't learned how to behave?
I do realize she is only going to be one year old this Saturday, and some say she isn't old enough to have rules. However, when she shakes her head before doing something not allowed, it becomes obvious that she knows right from wrong in that situation. So if she knows what is right and wrong, then in my opinion, it is time to start teaching her how to behave appropriately. In the end, it isn't about her blowing raspberries or screaming, it's about teaching her how to function and be accepted in the world's society. While a small little misbehavior today, the lesson she learns from our reaction is what will determine who she is in 20 years. I also am under no illusions that teaching her to not spit at dinner will make her Gandhi. I realize that all I can do is set up a solid foundation, and the rest will, eventually, be up to her.
So, we are celebrating the year that has passed and the year that will come. The walking and talking will soon arrive, but so will the tantrums and climbing and all that fun stuff toddlers get into...our real parenting skills are about to be tested...
While we have seen some "teaching moments" from Savannah in her first year, they have been fairly easy battles to win. She hasn't quite figured out that just because we say "no" that she physically can't do it. She listens extremely well right now. We have an "aht" sound that works much better than "no". We have found that "no" almost automatically comes with us shaking our heads at the same time, and our little copy cat will now do things that she thinks will elicit a "no" from us just to copy us shaking our heads. She has decided this is a game. So, the sound "aht" has arrived. When she hears that she generally stops in place, and usually (but not always, depending on how badly she wants to do something) she will allow us to redirect her attention. We've had very few "speedbumps" on the highway of parenting this year. At one point Savannah enjoyed blowing raspberries during dinner, which generally resulted in either Carl or I wearing dinner. This was definitely unacceptable. This is also when the "aht" sound arrived. When the behavior first started we made a team game plan between Carl, my mother, and I (the three people who generally feed her meals). We were to say "no" in a firm tone, not smile, and shake our heads slightly. Well, then the copying began. She began blowing raspberries just to get us to shake our heads. It was such a game to her that she would blow a raspberry, then shake her head before we could tell her "no". It was so amusing to her - she would smile the entire time. So it became obvious that she knew it wasn't allowed but continued to do it. At this same point in time Savannah was also starting to crawl around and get into things. So the "aht" sound had just kind of become an automatic response when she would try to get to things that weren't for her, and she would respond to the "aht" with the appropriate action. So we began using this sound at the dinner table. Only a few short weeks later she was eating her food mannerly (well, it still ends up in her hair, but not because of spitting). This was our first accomplishment in the department of teaching and shaping Savannah.
We did meet opposition from others, not just Savannah. While at dinner with others one night (in a restaurant), Savannah began this spitting routine. We hadn't seen in at home in a while, but she was testing her grounds. Would we still have the same rules at a different table? I automatically said "aht" and she looked at me, and kind of whined. One of the guests dining with us said we should just let her do it, since it was better than screaming. But what is that teaching Savannah? And for how long do I allow her to do it? While a 9 month old blowing raspberries might be endearing (even that is a stretch to call it endearing!), but a 5 year old doing it is most definitely NOT. So if I just let her get away with it now, when do I change the rules on her? Do I just hope she'd forget it? (Not likely with her.) What message would I be sending to her? That rules will change on her, that I'm not going to hold up the rules outside of the house? In my opinion, blowing raspberries and screaming in a restaurant are both unacceptable behavior. It's not about punishment, it's about teaching and shaping her. It's about the deeper meaning.
Now, as we approach her 1st birthday, we are also facing a new parenting challenge. Savannah has discovered that there are lots of yummy drinks that adults get. (Sonic slushy anyone?) So when we enter a restaurant and order a drink (usually water) she has started to behave in a not-so-cute way. She instantly screams when the glasses are set down because we didn't offer her any of it. Some have suggested that we just take her a sippy in, and give it to her ahead of time. I have two issues with that solution. First, it doesn't matter if we do that or not - she still screams when she sees our glasses, regardless of having one to begin with. Second, what is that doing? It just prevents her from entering the situation. While some may argue that that is a good thing, I will argue that it's not. If she doesn't enter the situation, how is she supposed to learn how to behave in that situation? What happens if we forget the sippy cup? What if it is unavoidable, and she hasn't learned how to behave?
I do realize she is only going to be one year old this Saturday, and some say she isn't old enough to have rules. However, when she shakes her head before doing something not allowed, it becomes obvious that she knows right from wrong in that situation. So if she knows what is right and wrong, then in my opinion, it is time to start teaching her how to behave appropriately. In the end, it isn't about her blowing raspberries or screaming, it's about teaching her how to function and be accepted in the world's society. While a small little misbehavior today, the lesson she learns from our reaction is what will determine who she is in 20 years. I also am under no illusions that teaching her to not spit at dinner will make her Gandhi. I realize that all I can do is set up a solid foundation, and the rest will, eventually, be up to her.
So, we are celebrating the year that has passed and the year that will come. The walking and talking will soon arrive, but so will the tantrums and climbing and all that fun stuff toddlers get into...our real parenting skills are about to be tested...
Monday, April 5, 2010
T-Minus 5 Days!
If anyone is a fan of "Chuck" on NBC, you'll know what I'm talking about. Every time I think about the fact that in 5 days my little bundle of joy is going to turn 1 year old, I feel like the "Intersect". Instantly a rapid fire slideshow begins in my head - pictures at the hospital, pictures visiting family, Halloween, Christmas, Easter - all of her first year milestones flash before my eyes. She has grown so much in the past 360 days...all in what seems like the blink of an eye.
This weekend was our first Easter to enjoy with Savannah. Last year she was born on Good Friday, and we were released from the hospital a little after noon on Easter Sunday. What a gift the Easter Bunny brought us last year! So this Easter was our first celebrated Easter at the house. We colored Easter Eggs, and took LOTS of pictures. It was a beautiful weekend.
Five Days. That's it. I'm in major party planning mode - my to-do list is a full front and back of a sheet of notebook paper. Her birthday extravaganza is going to be at the house, so in addition to nutty party decorations and creating a three-tiered masterpiece for her cake, I will also be going nuts cleaning my house. I think I'm going to start some of that tonight, just to get out some of these party jitters. I know that between now and Saturday the house will get dirty, but I'm hoping most people will see Savannah and the decorations more than they see the mess. Not only do I have these crazy nervous jitters about the party, but I also am kind of an emotional mess too. A year ago today I still was wondering when I would meet Savannah. A year ago Wednesday I went home from work and headed to the hospital because my blood pressure was high. A year ago Friday the hospital sent me home because I wasn't dilating fast enough. Then comes Saturday...
Let's hope I survive the week of emotions and planning to reflect on my little girl's first year on Saturday!
This weekend was our first Easter to enjoy with Savannah. Last year she was born on Good Friday, and we were released from the hospital a little after noon on Easter Sunday. What a gift the Easter Bunny brought us last year! So this Easter was our first celebrated Easter at the house. We colored Easter Eggs, and took LOTS of pictures. It was a beautiful weekend.
Five Days. That's it. I'm in major party planning mode - my to-do list is a full front and back of a sheet of notebook paper. Her birthday extravaganza is going to be at the house, so in addition to nutty party decorations and creating a three-tiered masterpiece for her cake, I will also be going nuts cleaning my house. I think I'm going to start some of that tonight, just to get out some of these party jitters. I know that between now and Saturday the house will get dirty, but I'm hoping most people will see Savannah and the decorations more than they see the mess. Not only do I have these crazy nervous jitters about the party, but I also am kind of an emotional mess too. A year ago today I still was wondering when I would meet Savannah. A year ago Wednesday I went home from work and headed to the hospital because my blood pressure was high. A year ago Friday the hospital sent me home because I wasn't dilating fast enough. Then comes Saturday...
Let's hope I survive the week of emotions and planning to reflect on my little girl's first year on Saturday!
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