Do you realize tomorrow is the last day in November?! This semester has gone by so incredibly fast. All of my classes at WVU and FSU are wrapping up...only two weeks of teaching left. At the end of those two weeks awaits my reward...Disney!! In 12 days I will be arriving at one of my most favorite places in the world...with my beautiful little girl. All of the stress of the semester will melt away and I can just enjoy life, and see the magic through her eyes.
The past two weeks have been hectic though. The small social gathering after Carl's uncle's memorial service went well. The house was clean in time, the food was ready in time, and everyone was so appreciative. It was a long day, but thankfully I was able to pull it off.
Thanksgiving was the next big rush. Again, everything went as planned. I had a full table of 12, and the food was all hot and ready at the same time. Although I get teased a lot for being so "OCD" about things...no one complained at the dinner table! Everything turned out delicious and beautiful. I was exhausted by the end of the day, but it was a success. Carl and I also kept our tradition of shopping early on Black Friday. We left Savannah sleeping at the house (my dad stayed behind in case she woke) and we faced the early morning rain and crowds. That afternoon I took a nap while Savannah napped. When she woke up Carl got her out of bed and let her play while he played games on the computer (same room). I ended up napping for almost 3 hours! I don't know when the last time was that I slept that long for a nap, or even had the time for a nap! I deserved it though...I'd been a whirlwind wife/mom for two weeks.
We also finished the decorations for Christmas (pictures on fb) this weekend. That is huge relief. It did dawn on me that next year decorating might not be as easy...this year we just used the nursery as a go-between for the attic and the main floor. The tubs sat there for a week, then we moved them down to the main floor to decorate, and now the tubs are back in the nursery (where they will remain until I refill them after Christmas - then move back to the attic). It is quite possible that next year the nursery will be in use...and while Savannah was pretty easy to decorate with, I really don't think it will be very easy with two children. So next year we might have to pick a weekend for the little ones to visit Grandma and Grandpa for a while.
So now the race to Disney is on. I've decided against my annual Christmas Cookie weekend. I just need time to pack and clean things up before Disney, and I really don't need the extra calories anyway. When we return the church is going to have a Cookie Exchange, so I'll make a few dozen of my favorite kind and that will be it. I do hope to make some Chex mix at some point...it will be a great travel snack. My to-do list mainly includes packing and making sure we have all the electronics ready to go.
I still need to figure out Christmas presents, but I'll have a few days once we get back to finish up. I've already had the question about Christmas dinner (some during Thanksgiving's big meal!) and I've been thinking about it for a while. I wanted to do something not so traditional, and something with little prep work since we'll be traveling so close to Christmas. I've decided on "Breakfast for Dinner". I'll serve a ham, breakfast casserole (with sausage), and Belgian waffles. I've asked my mom to bring fresh fruit and a coffee cake. My mother-in-law will bring a cheesy potato crock pot dish. I'll serve milk, juice, and coffee. I might look into making some sort of biscuit, but nothing fancy. It will be an easy dinner...and yummy...and unique.
After the holidays I have a pretty laid-back schedule. At some point the decorations need to come down...and I'd like to sort through all of Savannah's baby clothes...but other than that and the normal work things life should be more relaxed...I'm almost going to mandate that it becomes more relaxed...I'm tired of being such a whirlwind person...I want to unwind and just enjoy being a mom and a professional.
So I'm out of the starting gates...now just to survive the next two weeks of my race to Disney!!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tick Tock
Time is ticking away...we leave for Disney 4 weeks from tomorrow! I am so excited to spend a week in such a magical place with my family! I just have to make it through these next four weeks.
This week's been a tough one. On Monday night Carl got a call that his Uncle Lee wasn't doing well at all...and by 5:00am Tuesday he had passed away. Carl did get to visit him Monday night late, but we all knew this day was coming. So that has been really difficult for him...especially since Lee ultimately died of a disease that Carl's father has, and Carl could possibly also have. The arrangements for a memorial service are still incomplete, but the family does know it will be held on the 20th of November (the body was donated to science, so they can take some time planning a service).
That kind of threw a wrench into our plans for that weekend...we had been planning to visit my grandparents for a long weekend...arrive on the 19th and leave on the 22nd. My grandmother had been looking forward to us visiting for months, so I couldn't bear to tell her we wouldn't be able to visit. I had picked the weekend of the 19-22 because I teach every single day of the week (M-W-F at FSU and T-R at WVU), so the plan was immediately after my class on the 19th we'd leave for Ohio and then the 22nd is Thanksgiving Break at FSU and WVU, so I could take off the Monday without missing class. Since I hated to cancel on my grandparents, I just rearranged our schedule a bit...we leave for Ohio tomorrow morning at 6:00am. I begged the Dean to allow me to miss my class tomorrow - I have planned an online session for them so they will still receive the day's lesson, just online. We hope to be at my grandparents by lunch time, and we'll stay until nap time on Sunday. It isn't quite as long of a stay, but it's the best we can do. Our weekends are now full until January...so maybe sometime in January or February we will try to make the trip again, barring any snow.
So now this weekend is booked up...and next weekend is as well. Carl and I have been asked to host a small get together following the service on the 20th...so upon my return from Ohio I will be a cleaning whirlwind. While I keep my house clean, I don't overdo things right now since I do have a family to care for and two jobs...so last night I made a long list of items that need completed before the 20th. Washing windows, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, clearing some of the toy "clutter" out of the main floor of the house (I used to say all the toys would stay in the basement, but somehow they find a way to migrate upstairs!), arrange the furniture to allow for maximum seating, etc....I just have a lot to do in a week. I still also have to decide what to feed these 30 or so people...I go back and forth with ideas, but I still haven't made a final decision. If I'm going to feed 30 people, I will have to find time at some point to shop for the food, and remember I still have classes next week too...so it's just a lot right now.
Of course, there's Thanksgiving too. This year I decided that I wanted to be responsible for the entire meal - no potluck Thanksgiving at my house! With that comes a lot of grocery shopping, a lot of list making, and a lot of prep work...and of course it's now 5 days after I feed 30 people at my house. On the upside, at least my house will be clean as a whistle for Thanksgiving!
Then there's also the Christmas decorations. They are all in the attic...and need to be decorating my house for the holidays over the weekend of the 27th. So I've now planned for the 21st to be a day of reorganizing the furniture in the nursery (which is where the entry to the attic is) so that everything is against the wall. I will then move all the tubs down to the nursery and stack them...they will sit there in-waiting until the day after Thanksgiving. Whichever day (26th/27th/28th) has the warmest and driest weather will be the outside decorating day (and I can't forget to buy two more wreaths for the windows, and some cute little string trees for the front yard). We'll decorate inside the house on a colder day.
The weekend of the 4th will be cookie-palooza. My mom and I like to get together and bake lots of cookies for Christmas. We plan to scale down a little bit since we'll be leaving town soon after...but it will be nice to have that day. Of course, I have no idea what recipes we'll be using and I certainly don't have all the ingredients bought!
Once the house is decorated and the cookies are made, I can throw myself into the task of Disney planning. Packing lists (including what goes in which suitcase - I don't want to be stuck on a plane with Lovey in the wrong bag!) and itineraries and confirmation numbers, oh my! We also need to buy a digital SLR camera before the trip...we're hoping for a good Black Friday sale. Did I mention we are those nuts who get up at 3:00am to shop on Black Friday? And then go out to breakfast? Well, we are. I also need to buy backup camera batteries for the new camera and the video camera...I'm not spending all this planning Disney to come back without tons of pictures and video.
As soon as we return from Disney I have to give the final exam to my WVU class (literally I arrive in Morgantown on the 17th around 5:00pm and my final is the 18th at 11:00am). I then get to grade all 63 WVU finals, and 10 FSU finals, and post those grades by noon on the 20th.
But then the world is calm - I insist it will be. I work for 4 days in Fairmont, but it will be relatively quiet around campus...most everyone is off. Then I have the 24th of December until the 3rd of January at home. (Such a wonderful perk of being an employee of a University!) Christmas dinner will probably again be something I want to put together myself...but maybe not. I also might consider doing something completely and radically different from tradition...maybe a taco bar Christmas! I suppose at some point we need to buy Christmas presents (thankfully we just finished shopping for Savannah last night)...but maybe I'll buy most of my gifts while we're in Disney World...I better remember to pack light on the way down! I also just remembered the gift to my father...55 scrapbook pages of family trips. I've done 6. I will find time for it...somewhere.
So that leaves one topic that seems to have crept up on me. In five short weeks, I have the green light to think about trying for Baby #2. I think that thought has given me more nightmares than delight. I'm starting to feel the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again, or that I'll miscarry again, or that things just won't work for whatever reason. When I told Carl that it was only 5 weeks away he said he hates "planning" these things...but he just doesn't understand. I'm fearful of the worst, and planning is what I do. Planning calms me. Lists calm me. Yesterday I felt incredibly overwhelmed with all of my plans changing suddenly and so many meals to cook for and things to pack and clean, etc...but once I wrote it all down I was totally calm. I can see that it is possible to get it all done. I will need help, but that's what the list is for. I can give Carl a job, or ask one of the moms to pitch in, and things won't be forgotten. And I will be calm.
Carl still hates the idea of planning, but once he listened to me talk about my fear of never being pregnant again he's decided to just let me do what I want. He wants another child too...he'd just like it to come naturally...spur of the moment...but I'm not willing to wait months and months for the natural timing to just happen to be correct.
It's amazing how when I proof this post I notice that my life is always so scheduled...who in the world schedules a day to move things out of the attic? Or to make cookies? Or when to try to get pregnant? I do. But sometimes if you don't plan times for those things they get forgotten, or time goes by too quickly and you've missed it. I want Savannah to grow up in a house where traditions of decorating, cookie-making, shopping, are all a family event...and I want to make sure we have the time for it...each and every year.
You know how in some cartoons the cartoonist draws calendar pages flying off the wall to show the passage of time? And all of the pages blur together? My life feels like that. Each day flying by into one long continuous stream of flying pages...
This week's been a tough one. On Monday night Carl got a call that his Uncle Lee wasn't doing well at all...and by 5:00am Tuesday he had passed away. Carl did get to visit him Monday night late, but we all knew this day was coming. So that has been really difficult for him...especially since Lee ultimately died of a disease that Carl's father has, and Carl could possibly also have. The arrangements for a memorial service are still incomplete, but the family does know it will be held on the 20th of November (the body was donated to science, so they can take some time planning a service).
That kind of threw a wrench into our plans for that weekend...we had been planning to visit my grandparents for a long weekend...arrive on the 19th and leave on the 22nd. My grandmother had been looking forward to us visiting for months, so I couldn't bear to tell her we wouldn't be able to visit. I had picked the weekend of the 19-22 because I teach every single day of the week (M-W-F at FSU and T-R at WVU), so the plan was immediately after my class on the 19th we'd leave for Ohio and then the 22nd is Thanksgiving Break at FSU and WVU, so I could take off the Monday without missing class. Since I hated to cancel on my grandparents, I just rearranged our schedule a bit...we leave for Ohio tomorrow morning at 6:00am. I begged the Dean to allow me to miss my class tomorrow - I have planned an online session for them so they will still receive the day's lesson, just online. We hope to be at my grandparents by lunch time, and we'll stay until nap time on Sunday. It isn't quite as long of a stay, but it's the best we can do. Our weekends are now full until January...so maybe sometime in January or February we will try to make the trip again, barring any snow.
So now this weekend is booked up...and next weekend is as well. Carl and I have been asked to host a small get together following the service on the 20th...so upon my return from Ohio I will be a cleaning whirlwind. While I keep my house clean, I don't overdo things right now since I do have a family to care for and two jobs...so last night I made a long list of items that need completed before the 20th. Washing windows, mopping, dusting, vacuuming, clearing some of the toy "clutter" out of the main floor of the house (I used to say all the toys would stay in the basement, but somehow they find a way to migrate upstairs!), arrange the furniture to allow for maximum seating, etc....I just have a lot to do in a week. I still also have to decide what to feed these 30 or so people...I go back and forth with ideas, but I still haven't made a final decision. If I'm going to feed 30 people, I will have to find time at some point to shop for the food, and remember I still have classes next week too...so it's just a lot right now.
Of course, there's Thanksgiving too. This year I decided that I wanted to be responsible for the entire meal - no potluck Thanksgiving at my house! With that comes a lot of grocery shopping, a lot of list making, and a lot of prep work...and of course it's now 5 days after I feed 30 people at my house. On the upside, at least my house will be clean as a whistle for Thanksgiving!
Then there's also the Christmas decorations. They are all in the attic...and need to be decorating my house for the holidays over the weekend of the 27th. So I've now planned for the 21st to be a day of reorganizing the furniture in the nursery (which is where the entry to the attic is) so that everything is against the wall. I will then move all the tubs down to the nursery and stack them...they will sit there in-waiting until the day after Thanksgiving. Whichever day (26th/27th/28th) has the warmest and driest weather will be the outside decorating day (and I can't forget to buy two more wreaths for the windows, and some cute little string trees for the front yard). We'll decorate inside the house on a colder day.
The weekend of the 4th will be cookie-palooza. My mom and I like to get together and bake lots of cookies for Christmas. We plan to scale down a little bit since we'll be leaving town soon after...but it will be nice to have that day. Of course, I have no idea what recipes we'll be using and I certainly don't have all the ingredients bought!
Once the house is decorated and the cookies are made, I can throw myself into the task of Disney planning. Packing lists (including what goes in which suitcase - I don't want to be stuck on a plane with Lovey in the wrong bag!) and itineraries and confirmation numbers, oh my! We also need to buy a digital SLR camera before the trip...we're hoping for a good Black Friday sale. Did I mention we are those nuts who get up at 3:00am to shop on Black Friday? And then go out to breakfast? Well, we are. I also need to buy backup camera batteries for the new camera and the video camera...I'm not spending all this planning Disney to come back without tons of pictures and video.
As soon as we return from Disney I have to give the final exam to my WVU class (literally I arrive in Morgantown on the 17th around 5:00pm and my final is the 18th at 11:00am). I then get to grade all 63 WVU finals, and 10 FSU finals, and post those grades by noon on the 20th.
But then the world is calm - I insist it will be. I work for 4 days in Fairmont, but it will be relatively quiet around campus...most everyone is off. Then I have the 24th of December until the 3rd of January at home. (Such a wonderful perk of being an employee of a University!) Christmas dinner will probably again be something I want to put together myself...but maybe not. I also might consider doing something completely and radically different from tradition...maybe a taco bar Christmas! I suppose at some point we need to buy Christmas presents (thankfully we just finished shopping for Savannah last night)...but maybe I'll buy most of my gifts while we're in Disney World...I better remember to pack light on the way down! I also just remembered the gift to my father...55 scrapbook pages of family trips. I've done 6. I will find time for it...somewhere.
So that leaves one topic that seems to have crept up on me. In five short weeks, I have the green light to think about trying for Baby #2. I think that thought has given me more nightmares than delight. I'm starting to feel the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again, or that I'll miscarry again, or that things just won't work for whatever reason. When I told Carl that it was only 5 weeks away he said he hates "planning" these things...but he just doesn't understand. I'm fearful of the worst, and planning is what I do. Planning calms me. Lists calm me. Yesterday I felt incredibly overwhelmed with all of my plans changing suddenly and so many meals to cook for and things to pack and clean, etc...but once I wrote it all down I was totally calm. I can see that it is possible to get it all done. I will need help, but that's what the list is for. I can give Carl a job, or ask one of the moms to pitch in, and things won't be forgotten. And I will be calm.
Carl still hates the idea of planning, but once he listened to me talk about my fear of never being pregnant again he's decided to just let me do what I want. He wants another child too...he'd just like it to come naturally...spur of the moment...but I'm not willing to wait months and months for the natural timing to just happen to be correct.
It's amazing how when I proof this post I notice that my life is always so scheduled...who in the world schedules a day to move things out of the attic? Or to make cookies? Or when to try to get pregnant? I do. But sometimes if you don't plan times for those things they get forgotten, or time goes by too quickly and you've missed it. I want Savannah to grow up in a house where traditions of decorating, cookie-making, shopping, are all a family event...and I want to make sure we have the time for it...each and every year.
You know how in some cartoons the cartoonist draws calendar pages flying off the wall to show the passage of time? And all of the pages blur together? My life feels like that. Each day flying by into one long continuous stream of flying pages...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Happy Birthday!!
I knew this day was coming...I've known for quite a while now. Today is the birth-day of my very best friend's second daughter. I am truly, truly happy for her and her husband. They are already wonderful parents to one little girl, and will continue to be wonderful parents to both Alana and her new sister.
In July, when I went through the miscarriage, I knew that I would probably have a hard time enjoying all the little moments of Ashley's pregnancy with her. I had so hoped to be going through it with her again, just as we did the first time around when she was pregnant with Alana, and I with Savannah. So when God's plan for me changed, I had to accept that Ashley was still pregnant and I wasn't. I don't remember feeling anger or jealousy over the issue - just sadness. As the months passed on I threw myself into helping with her baby shower and keeping up to date with every doctor's appointment visit. I am (and always have been) so happy for her. But, that happiness still doesn't fill in the hole I feel at times. Yesterday Ashley was told that her c-section would be scheduled for today. Of course, I was thrilled at the prospect of another little baby to be entering the world, but as is often the case I was reflecting on the news during my drive back home to Morgantown.
I began to think about all of it. Her second daughter would have (and now has) a birth date of October 28th. My second would have had a due date of February 28th. Savannah and Alana are 9 days apart. These two could have been 5 months apart...but it wasn't meant to be. I began thinking about how special it is to hold a newborn...especially when it is your own. I began to cry on my drive...something I completely didn't expect. I have often thought to myself that the miscarriage has finally been stored safely in my memory...but yesterday's drive has proven me wrong. It still hurts and it probably won't ever truly go away.
Today when Alan, Ashley's hubby and also Carl's best friend, sent me the message that Baby #2 had arrived I was filled with joy...and yet again tears. I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of self-pity. While I'd like to think I can hold it together when we visit them tonight in Pittsburgh, I don't know if I will or not. I really hope I can, for their sake. I don't want to steal any bit of happiness of this day from them.
Back in July I remember thinking that I didn't know if I'd be ready to try again after we return from Disney in December...but as the days near (we leave in 44 days!) I have begun to really allow the thought to sink in. I want a second child so badly...even knowing about the sleep deprivation that will follow. I love the entire process of pregnancy...the glow I felt, the new baby smell...all of it I love. But I'm still hesitant. All of the doubt about my body's ability is starting to creep in. What if I can't get pregnant again? What if it takes months? What if I lose another one? My doctor has assured me that there wasn't anything wrong with my body last summer, things just didn't work out. She isn't concerned...but I'm a worrier.
I think the triggering thought for my tears yesterday had to do with the idea of being pregnant. Ashley has mentioned that she isn't sure if this will be her last or not...and then I began to think about if Carl and I would want 2 or 3 kids (I'm back and forth on the issue...some of my decision will probably be based on the gender of a second child should we be blessed with one.). Then I thought, "if I don't get pregnant again, I've already had my last pregnancy. I won't ever have that chance again."
Now on the top of the "Life Just Isn't Fair" list...
1) A woman not being able to get pregnant and enjoy their own newborn child.
2) Women who don't want to be pregnant, get pregnant.
3) Women who are pregnant, complaining pregnancy is an inconvenience.
In the end I think my tears have been more of fear and insecurity than anything else. I am so happy for a new life to be here. Ashley and Alan are as close to family to us as scientifically possible...we care for them just like we do our own family. Their children will also be special to us, and we will always look out for them as we intend to look out for Savannah and any future Polands. We are so very happy for them on their day of joy...and we cannot wait to make the trip to visit. My road isn't easy, but no one has an easy road. I have Savannah, and some women don't even have that...so while I'd love to throw myself a pity-party, it really isn't justified.
In July, when I went through the miscarriage, I knew that I would probably have a hard time enjoying all the little moments of Ashley's pregnancy with her. I had so hoped to be going through it with her again, just as we did the first time around when she was pregnant with Alana, and I with Savannah. So when God's plan for me changed, I had to accept that Ashley was still pregnant and I wasn't. I don't remember feeling anger or jealousy over the issue - just sadness. As the months passed on I threw myself into helping with her baby shower and keeping up to date with every doctor's appointment visit. I am (and always have been) so happy for her. But, that happiness still doesn't fill in the hole I feel at times. Yesterday Ashley was told that her c-section would be scheduled for today. Of course, I was thrilled at the prospect of another little baby to be entering the world, but as is often the case I was reflecting on the news during my drive back home to Morgantown.
I began to think about all of it. Her second daughter would have (and now has) a birth date of October 28th. My second would have had a due date of February 28th. Savannah and Alana are 9 days apart. These two could have been 5 months apart...but it wasn't meant to be. I began thinking about how special it is to hold a newborn...especially when it is your own. I began to cry on my drive...something I completely didn't expect. I have often thought to myself that the miscarriage has finally been stored safely in my memory...but yesterday's drive has proven me wrong. It still hurts and it probably won't ever truly go away.
Today when Alan, Ashley's hubby and also Carl's best friend, sent me the message that Baby #2 had arrived I was filled with joy...and yet again tears. I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of self-pity. While I'd like to think I can hold it together when we visit them tonight in Pittsburgh, I don't know if I will or not. I really hope I can, for their sake. I don't want to steal any bit of happiness of this day from them.
Back in July I remember thinking that I didn't know if I'd be ready to try again after we return from Disney in December...but as the days near (we leave in 44 days!) I have begun to really allow the thought to sink in. I want a second child so badly...even knowing about the sleep deprivation that will follow. I love the entire process of pregnancy...the glow I felt, the new baby smell...all of it I love. But I'm still hesitant. All of the doubt about my body's ability is starting to creep in. What if I can't get pregnant again? What if it takes months? What if I lose another one? My doctor has assured me that there wasn't anything wrong with my body last summer, things just didn't work out. She isn't concerned...but I'm a worrier.
I think the triggering thought for my tears yesterday had to do with the idea of being pregnant. Ashley has mentioned that she isn't sure if this will be her last or not...and then I began to think about if Carl and I would want 2 or 3 kids (I'm back and forth on the issue...some of my decision will probably be based on the gender of a second child should we be blessed with one.). Then I thought, "if I don't get pregnant again, I've already had my last pregnancy. I won't ever have that chance again."
Now on the top of the "Life Just Isn't Fair" list...
1) A woman not being able to get pregnant and enjoy their own newborn child.
2) Women who don't want to be pregnant, get pregnant.
3) Women who are pregnant, complaining pregnancy is an inconvenience.
In the end I think my tears have been more of fear and insecurity than anything else. I am so happy for a new life to be here. Ashley and Alan are as close to family to us as scientifically possible...we care for them just like we do our own family. Their children will also be special to us, and we will always look out for them as we intend to look out for Savannah and any future Polands. We are so very happy for them on their day of joy...and we cannot wait to make the trip to visit. My road isn't easy, but no one has an easy road. I have Savannah, and some women don't even have that...so while I'd love to throw myself a pity-party, it really isn't justified.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Don't Blink!
It's a whirlwind life...the life of mom, wife, instructor, etc....and there are two ways to look at it:
Negatively -
For the past few weeks Savannah's "perfect" status has been tested. She used to be so good about time-outs and would sit in her naughty spot and cry, but after her time was up she'd get a hug and a kiss and that was that. She went on to play happily and was fine...I want that phase back! We have recently been faced with temper tantrum after temper tantrum...first it was all about where she sat to eat her meals (the high chair is now long gone and a pink booster is in place)...and then it's because we moved something to the wrong spot (at least according to her)...and then it's because we read her a book but she wanted to play with her shoes...
Sunday night, after a particularly long weekend filled with several major tantrums (one meltdown was so violent she made her kind of choke and throw up...who knew toddlers could do that?!) I told Carl that recently, being a mom has been absolutely NO fun. It seems in all the books about motherhood and parenting, etc. no one mentions that toddlers can be so indecisive and impatient! I keep telling myself that she can't carry on like this forever, and I can't give in to her demands all the time...but it's so hard when all day you've heard crying or whining and you just need a break! We've started to pick our battles a bit more wisely...the main rule is that Savannah only eats at the table (this has caused some meltdowns because for various reasons she thinks she can walk around and eat - I barely have time to clean the table after meals, I certainly don't have time to clean the entire house!). I also know what to expect from Savannah depending on the time of day...so I try to plan our days accordingly. This weekend was a rough one though...it should have been filmed for a commercial for birth control. Honestly.
Positively -
The other day, after we returned from a night out to dinner, I offered to let Savannah push the button to put the garage door down. She does this often and seems to really enjoy it. She always turns and waves once it goes down...often telling it "bye". In that moment the other night I really took a good look at her, trying to memorize that moment. So many thoughts went through my mind...What will she look like in 5 years? Will she be this adorable? Will I remember this innocence?...I wish I could just record every single moment (OK - maybe not every moment - read above.) but I wish I could record all kinds of things in her life...just because in a blink they will be gone, she will be grown, and it will just be Carl and I again. I want to cry every time I think about that...that Savannah is growing up right before my eyes - at warp speed. It also made me realize and somewhat understand Kate Gosselin. So many are quick to jump on the bandwagon of hatred for her...but in that moment I fully understood why a mother would welcome camera crews in to record all kinds of moments in the lives of 8 children. If I feel like I'm missing out and will lose memories of Savannah - just one child - Kate Gosselin probably had a justified reason to worry.
In my attempt to keep every precious memory recorded, I recently posted a video on facebook of Savannah saying "hi" and then what she deems "jumping"...it's just too cute. I'm sure some of my FB friends find it actually kind of boring...but I love to see it, and to know I've recorded just a tiny bit of her cuteness.
So in life, there's the positive and the negative...without the negative the positive just wouldn't be as sweet...so I'll try to remember all those positive moments the next time a temper tantrum erupts...
Negatively -
For the past few weeks Savannah's "perfect" status has been tested. She used to be so good about time-outs and would sit in her naughty spot and cry, but after her time was up she'd get a hug and a kiss and that was that. She went on to play happily and was fine...I want that phase back! We have recently been faced with temper tantrum after temper tantrum...first it was all about where she sat to eat her meals (the high chair is now long gone and a pink booster is in place)...and then it's because we moved something to the wrong spot (at least according to her)...and then it's because we read her a book but she wanted to play with her shoes...
Sunday night, after a particularly long weekend filled with several major tantrums (one meltdown was so violent she made her kind of choke and throw up...who knew toddlers could do that?!) I told Carl that recently, being a mom has been absolutely NO fun. It seems in all the books about motherhood and parenting, etc. no one mentions that toddlers can be so indecisive and impatient! I keep telling myself that she can't carry on like this forever, and I can't give in to her demands all the time...but it's so hard when all day you've heard crying or whining and you just need a break! We've started to pick our battles a bit more wisely...the main rule is that Savannah only eats at the table (this has caused some meltdowns because for various reasons she thinks she can walk around and eat - I barely have time to clean the table after meals, I certainly don't have time to clean the entire house!). I also know what to expect from Savannah depending on the time of day...so I try to plan our days accordingly. This weekend was a rough one though...it should have been filmed for a commercial for birth control. Honestly.
Positively -
The other day, after we returned from a night out to dinner, I offered to let Savannah push the button to put the garage door down. She does this often and seems to really enjoy it. She always turns and waves once it goes down...often telling it "bye". In that moment the other night I really took a good look at her, trying to memorize that moment. So many thoughts went through my mind...What will she look like in 5 years? Will she be this adorable? Will I remember this innocence?...I wish I could just record every single moment (OK - maybe not every moment - read above.) but I wish I could record all kinds of things in her life...just because in a blink they will be gone, she will be grown, and it will just be Carl and I again. I want to cry every time I think about that...that Savannah is growing up right before my eyes - at warp speed. It also made me realize and somewhat understand Kate Gosselin. So many are quick to jump on the bandwagon of hatred for her...but in that moment I fully understood why a mother would welcome camera crews in to record all kinds of moments in the lives of 8 children. If I feel like I'm missing out and will lose memories of Savannah - just one child - Kate Gosselin probably had a justified reason to worry.
In my attempt to keep every precious memory recorded, I recently posted a video on facebook of Savannah saying "hi" and then what she deems "jumping"...it's just too cute. I'm sure some of my FB friends find it actually kind of boring...but I love to see it, and to know I've recorded just a tiny bit of her cuteness.
So in life, there's the positive and the negative...without the negative the positive just wouldn't be as sweet...so I'll try to remember all those positive moments the next time a temper tantrum erupts...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Read At Your Own Risk.
For a while now I've been debating about writing this post...what to say, what to include, what not to include...all because I don't want people to take things the wrong way. Then I told myself that this is my blog. So if you are easily offended or think everything is a personal attack - maybe you should stop here.
The past month has flown by (it's a good thing too - more on that later). My work life is busy, busy, busy! I enjoy teaching so many students, but that combined with the rest of my responsibilities at FSU make for a very fast-paced semester. It has helped time go by quickly, even if some days I feel like I'm living out of my car. On Tuesday night I gave an exam at WVU...so I left the house at 7am that morning, was at FSU from 7:30 - 4:00, was at WVU from 5:00 - 6:30, ate a quick fast-food dinner (so not good for me!) before arriving slightly late to Bible Study at 7:05pm. I finally made it home at 8:20pm...just over 13 hours later. Savannah was still awake with Nana...so after we got bedtime squared away it was close to 9:00pm. I was exhausted, but the dishwasher needed emptied, the mail needed sorted, lunches for the next day needed to be packed, and the kitchen was a mess. I asked Carl for some help - but his answer wasn't what I'd hoped. This time is wasn't that he didn't think it was his responsibility (he has become much more of a help around the house now that we have defined chores for each of us), it was that he said he "needed to pay his mom's bills - it's the end of the month". So for those of you not aware, Carl has taken over the handling of his mom's finances....I'm generally on board with this, as long as there are boundaries. Two of the boundaries I set is that the bills stay out of my sight (I don't want her bills and our family's bills getting mixed up - I handle our monthly finances, so her stuff has to stay out of my sight) and that her finances are last priority in our household. It's not that I don't love my mother-in-law - she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Nana to Savannah. My issue is that Carl and I have a family and house to take care of and that my mother-in-law is an adult. She could manage her own finances, she obviously had to do it at some point on her own. Maybe she didn't do it well, but that's not my problem. So my rule is that our family/household comes first, and I've always told Carl that if he thinks his mother's things should come first then she could do them herself and make them her first priority. So, needless to say, when Carl told me he couldn't help with things because he had to pay his mother's bills my response wasn't delightful. He seemed completely amazed that I was unhappy with his comment. I then reminded him of my deal - I won't complain about the finance issue if he does our household things first. He still seemed awfully annoyed with me - I swear he thinks I make up chores for him just to keep him from paying her bills, just to spite him. I really don't know where he gets that idea, because I haven't changed (in regards to my clean house ethics) one bit since he met me 8 1/2 years ago. There's more work now (toddlers are great for adding work to your daily routine!) but I haven't changed in my need to have a clean house before I go to bed. It's also not like I asked him to wash the windows and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush! I just needed a few little things done and I was exhausted from working two jobs! He did clean the crockpot out before I got home that night (yes - he even has a warm meal waiting for him on the nights I'm not even there) and I did notice, but I think he wanted a parade in his honor for doing that....where's my parade for doing all that I do, day-in and day-out? He did end up helping without complaint, although he probably had plenty of unspoken complaints. I do realize I'm a neat-freak and demanding - but he knew that a long time ago so that's what he gets.
So some days are busy and tiring and easy for me to complain about. It's on days like that, when I'm just so tired of working SO much, that I wish for a date night dinner and a relaxing evening at home. Carl and I recently went on a restaurant budget...only $10/month for each of us for our dining-out during work hours and then $100/month for all other eating out. We did fairly well in September...I still have cash left over, and our $100 limit wasn't quite met...unless you count Carl's indiscretions...he took a coworker to lunch...and then he went to lunch with his sister...and then he took take-out soup to his mom because she had a cold......I'm not trying to be a nit-pick here....but it's hard to stick to a budget when we say all these other things don't count! So if they do count, then everyone else gets to enjoy our budgeted money, and Carl and I aren't left with any date night money! (Which, as noted earlier - I seriously need one!) And while I'm sorry my mother-in-law was sick it kind of irks me that Carl makes a special out of the way stop to get her soup, but when my mom is sick she is still expected to show up at our front door at 6:45am to watch Savannah - and there's no soup for her! Carl certainly wouldn't like having to stay home to watch Savannah, and with my teaching semester this fall (I teach every day of the week) I certainly have a hard time taking a sick day....so he should appreciate her just as much as his own mother.
As I noted earlier, it is a good thing that time is flying - it means our Disney trip begins 10 weeks from Saturday! I'm so excited to travel to one of my favorite places in the world and to see Savannah enjoy it all. We just paid off the trip, so now it's fully paid for in cash..the only bills we will see upon return will be for the souvenirs we decide to get. I can't wait to enjoy a stress-free week in such a magical place! Or, at least, I'm hoping it's stress free. My family is going with us, which should allow for Carl and I to steal away for a little bit of private time (we honeymooned in Disney, so it would be nice to enjoy just a little quiet time at some point). Carl's family has considered making the trip at the same time, which I have mixed feelings about. I'd love for Nana to get to see Savannah in Disney also, but when our two families get together it always seems like there is drama over silly things (like who looked at who wrong). I really want this trip to be special for Carl, Savannah, and I. The grandparents being there is just kind of a bonus for us....it won't be a bonus if they all can't behave and keep their complaints about the others to themselves. We gave both families plenty of notice of when this trip would be (we've been planning since January 2009 - yes, before Savannah was born) and it just happens that my family said yes let's go, his family drug their feet about it, and we ended up booking with my parents this summer. In all honesty, I don't care who comes, but I don't want to hear any complaints about so-and-so did this or so-and-so did that! Savannah isn't old enough to complain like that yet - and the grandparents/aunts are old enough to know better!
Ten weeks away from Disney also means only 13 more weeks before I begin to think about another baby. Ok, honestly, 13 more weeks until I can start trying for another baby, I'm already thinking about it! I miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a new life. I know a lot of women that are pregnant, or have recently had a baby...I want to be one of those women! Our house is ready...my heart is ready....I'm just waiting for the stress of the semester to end, Disney to come and go, and for the week of vacation after the holidays to begin. (One nice perk of working at a University....I get December 24 - January 1 off as holiday.) I am really starting to feel ready for the next chapter in our lives....of course I know that with another child we certainly will experience growing pains. I remember the frustrations with all the housework and the baby and working and meals.....but things iron out after a while....we know what to prepare for this time...I know what to expect (somewhat - each one is different!)....at least Carl and I know how to handle the chore list....we'll just get it ready before a baby comes and then re-evaluate after that...13 weeks will go by so quickly at the pace I'm going!
The past month has flown by (it's a good thing too - more on that later). My work life is busy, busy, busy! I enjoy teaching so many students, but that combined with the rest of my responsibilities at FSU make for a very fast-paced semester. It has helped time go by quickly, even if some days I feel like I'm living out of my car. On Tuesday night I gave an exam at WVU...so I left the house at 7am that morning, was at FSU from 7:30 - 4:00, was at WVU from 5:00 - 6:30, ate a quick fast-food dinner (so not good for me!) before arriving slightly late to Bible Study at 7:05pm. I finally made it home at 8:20pm...just over 13 hours later. Savannah was still awake with Nana...so after we got bedtime squared away it was close to 9:00pm. I was exhausted, but the dishwasher needed emptied, the mail needed sorted, lunches for the next day needed to be packed, and the kitchen was a mess. I asked Carl for some help - but his answer wasn't what I'd hoped. This time is wasn't that he didn't think it was his responsibility (he has become much more of a help around the house now that we have defined chores for each of us), it was that he said he "needed to pay his mom's bills - it's the end of the month". So for those of you not aware, Carl has taken over the handling of his mom's finances....I'm generally on board with this, as long as there are boundaries. Two of the boundaries I set is that the bills stay out of my sight (I don't want her bills and our family's bills getting mixed up - I handle our monthly finances, so her stuff has to stay out of my sight) and that her finances are last priority in our household. It's not that I don't love my mother-in-law - she is a wonderful person and a wonderful Nana to Savannah. My issue is that Carl and I have a family and house to take care of and that my mother-in-law is an adult. She could manage her own finances, she obviously had to do it at some point on her own. Maybe she didn't do it well, but that's not my problem. So my rule is that our family/household comes first, and I've always told Carl that if he thinks his mother's things should come first then she could do them herself and make them her first priority. So, needless to say, when Carl told me he couldn't help with things because he had to pay his mother's bills my response wasn't delightful. He seemed completely amazed that I was unhappy with his comment. I then reminded him of my deal - I won't complain about the finance issue if he does our household things first. He still seemed awfully annoyed with me - I swear he thinks I make up chores for him just to keep him from paying her bills, just to spite him. I really don't know where he gets that idea, because I haven't changed (in regards to my clean house ethics) one bit since he met me 8 1/2 years ago. There's more work now (toddlers are great for adding work to your daily routine!) but I haven't changed in my need to have a clean house before I go to bed. It's also not like I asked him to wash the windows and scrub the baseboards with a toothbrush! I just needed a few little things done and I was exhausted from working two jobs! He did clean the crockpot out before I got home that night (yes - he even has a warm meal waiting for him on the nights I'm not even there) and I did notice, but I think he wanted a parade in his honor for doing that....where's my parade for doing all that I do, day-in and day-out? He did end up helping without complaint, although he probably had plenty of unspoken complaints. I do realize I'm a neat-freak and demanding - but he knew that a long time ago so that's what he gets.
So some days are busy and tiring and easy for me to complain about. It's on days like that, when I'm just so tired of working SO much, that I wish for a date night dinner and a relaxing evening at home. Carl and I recently went on a restaurant budget...only $10/month for each of us for our dining-out during work hours and then $100/month for all other eating out. We did fairly well in September...I still have cash left over, and our $100 limit wasn't quite met...unless you count Carl's indiscretions...he took a coworker to lunch...and then he went to lunch with his sister...and then he took take-out soup to his mom because she had a cold......I'm not trying to be a nit-pick here....but it's hard to stick to a budget when we say all these other things don't count! So if they do count, then everyone else gets to enjoy our budgeted money, and Carl and I aren't left with any date night money! (Which, as noted earlier - I seriously need one!) And while I'm sorry my mother-in-law was sick it kind of irks me that Carl makes a special out of the way stop to get her soup, but when my mom is sick she is still expected to show up at our front door at 6:45am to watch Savannah - and there's no soup for her! Carl certainly wouldn't like having to stay home to watch Savannah, and with my teaching semester this fall (I teach every day of the week) I certainly have a hard time taking a sick day....so he should appreciate her just as much as his own mother.
As I noted earlier, it is a good thing that time is flying - it means our Disney trip begins 10 weeks from Saturday! I'm so excited to travel to one of my favorite places in the world and to see Savannah enjoy it all. We just paid off the trip, so now it's fully paid for in cash..the only bills we will see upon return will be for the souvenirs we decide to get. I can't wait to enjoy a stress-free week in such a magical place! Or, at least, I'm hoping it's stress free. My family is going with us, which should allow for Carl and I to steal away for a little bit of private time (we honeymooned in Disney, so it would be nice to enjoy just a little quiet time at some point). Carl's family has considered making the trip at the same time, which I have mixed feelings about. I'd love for Nana to get to see Savannah in Disney also, but when our two families get together it always seems like there is drama over silly things (like who looked at who wrong). I really want this trip to be special for Carl, Savannah, and I. The grandparents being there is just kind of a bonus for us....it won't be a bonus if they all can't behave and keep their complaints about the others to themselves. We gave both families plenty of notice of when this trip would be (we've been planning since January 2009 - yes, before Savannah was born) and it just happens that my family said yes let's go, his family drug their feet about it, and we ended up booking with my parents this summer. In all honesty, I don't care who comes, but I don't want to hear any complaints about so-and-so did this or so-and-so did that! Savannah isn't old enough to complain like that yet - and the grandparents/aunts are old enough to know better!
Ten weeks away from Disney also means only 13 more weeks before I begin to think about another baby. Ok, honestly, 13 more weeks until I can start trying for another baby, I'm already thinking about it! I miss being pregnant and the anticipation of a new life. I know a lot of women that are pregnant, or have recently had a baby...I want to be one of those women! Our house is ready...my heart is ready....I'm just waiting for the stress of the semester to end, Disney to come and go, and for the week of vacation after the holidays to begin. (One nice perk of working at a University....I get December 24 - January 1 off as holiday.) I am really starting to feel ready for the next chapter in our lives....of course I know that with another child we certainly will experience growing pains. I remember the frustrations with all the housework and the baby and working and meals.....but things iron out after a while....we know what to prepare for this time...I know what to expect (somewhat - each one is different!)....at least Carl and I know how to handle the chore list....we'll just get it ready before a baby comes and then re-evaluate after that...13 weeks will go by so quickly at the pace I'm going!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sleeping Beauty
So 11 days later and Savannah is sleeping like an angel in her big girl bed...and really she transitioned much better than I could have ever hoped for! On Friday (the 3rd) we gave it our first try. When she first got into bed and read a story with me she was content. Then when I tried to get up and leave she ran after me crying, so I held her hand and walked her back to her bed. This time I just sat next to the bed. After a few minutes I scooted away, and then waited. Then a few minutes later I scooted farther away...and repeated this until I was right next to the gate at the door. She watched me from her bed, never crying, but seemingly never blinking either. The moment I decided to leave she began crying before I was completely over the gate. So I walked her back to her bed again and sat down...scooted away, waited, scooted away, waited. Again, once I crossed the gate she cried. Unfortunately for her, I really had to pee by this point. Carl asked if he should go in, but I told him I'd be right back and she'd be fine until I returned. Literally two minutes later I had just changed into PJs and was about to head in to her room again - she was quiet. I peeked in - she was sleeping in her bed. It was amazing!
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
The first morning she woke up about an hour earlier and instantly cried. I know she was probably a little scared and confused waking up in a different room than normal, so I instantly went in to play with her.
The next night Savannah went through her bedtime routine with ease. She brushed her teeth with Carl, turned on her night light with him (which has been moved into the hall because she unplugged it the first morning in her new room) and then read a book with me. I gave her lots of cuddles and kisses, then walked out. I was waiting for the cries as soon as I crossed the gate - but there were none. I made it to the basement and asked Carl how in the world it could be this easy to transition her. We were baffled. It has been that peaceful every night since.
The mornings are a lot better now too...we've even had to wake her up before I leave for work some mornings. Another perk - if she wakes up at 7:00 we can leave her in her room to play while we half-sleep in for a bit. We know she's safe in there, and she's contentedly talking to her toys, so we just get to rest a bit longer.
So my little Savannah is a big girl, in a big bed. She made the transition really as smoothly as anyone could ever expect. Nap time has had it's ups and downs....at bedtime she's so tired the toys don't distract her from sleep, but nap time has been a much different story. We've had really good days, and then other days she just wants to play so badly. It's a work in progress, but I know she is safe and there isn't any danger of her climbing out of the crib.
In my other role (as professor instead of mom), time has flown by. We are already in our 4th week at WVU and FSU. I knew teaching so many classes would make life busy, but I didn't realize how fast the days would pass by. I'm glad it is going quickly though, it means I'm only 89 days away from Disney (that's just over 12 weeks)! We visited the zoo this weekend (photos and videos on fb) and Savannah walked just about the entire time - so it was awesome practice for the marathon she'll run (or it will seem for a toddler at least) this December.
Another big time milestone that is quickly approaching - I am cleared to think about trying again for another little one at the end of the month...although I don't think I'm quite ready to try. My body is cleared by the doctor, but my heart isn't quite ready. I'm going to at least wait until after Disney..but again, that's only 89 days away. The way time passes these days, 89 days might as well be 8 or 9 days...
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Tears
Wednesday was one of those not fun days for me. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself...it all really started on Monday....
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
So Monday night we finally finished Savannah's Big Girl Room! All of the furniture, wall outlets, toys, etc. are safe for her to play around/with. It looks beautiful and just as I had imagined. Savannah truly has a princess's room. All of the little details make it a special place and Savannah absolutely loves to play in there. We are going to try to transition her to sleeping in there this weekend - fingers crossed for that! So below are some of the pictures of her beautiful space...
So Monday night I finished the room for Savannah...and Tuesday night I worked late and had Bible Study so there wasn't much time for play with Savannah that night. Tuesday I also found out that a friend of mine is pregnant with twins (Congrats to her!). So then came Wednesday...and things started to really sink in that Savannah is not a baby anymore. A coworker brought her 2-month old in for all of the staff to babysit for a quick hour while she did a radio interview - he was precious. Then I saw more posts about the twins that are on their way. Then I cleaned out Savannah's nursery closet....I should have known better. I have already moved her clothes across the hall (as previously blogged about) but I had left everything else in the closet. Since their is a yard sale coming up to benefit MSNAP (a charity that helps something very dear to my heart - pets) I decided I should go through things and get anything out of the house that we no longer need. So I had to tackle that mess of a closet (and before the 10th when donations are accepted). So I began to sort through the heap...one side now has all the baby gear that I want to keep but that Savannah is too big for or doesn't need...the baby carrier, my breast pump, high chair cover, boppy, etc. The other side has all the blankets that are in great shape and were our favorites. The top of the closet has a stack of neutral crib sheets and a box of keepsakes from Savannah's first year. Then I came to things that made me really realize how big she has gotten. I found her Easter basket from this year - it's too cute to not use again and again. I found the Easter basket that we sat her inside of when we brought her home from the hospital on Easter Sunday 2009. I can't believe she was that small! I found the Easter basket that the Easter Bunny brought to us while we were still in the hospital with her...so cute and sentimental...definite keeper. I found her Halloween costume from last year - she truly was the cutest flower in the world! I decided to keep it also...I may want to dress another baby girl as a flower...and if not that Savannah can dress her dolls as one. I found the handkerchief that was used to dry her head on the day she was Christened. All of these amazing little keepsakes to remind me of Savannah as a baby. So after cleaning out the closet just about all I wanted to do was play with her and cuddle her - but I couldn't. Carl had taken her downtown to a Rally for the Mountaineers. He said she loved the band and cheerleaders - which I'm sure she did....but I missed her so. They got back at 9:00...so I just cuddled with her while she slept, then put her in her crib.
Before Savannah left I'd been emptying the dishwasher, and she helped me. I handed her one of my measuring cups (plastic, 1/4 cup size) out of the top rack just to keep her occupied while I finished up and then before I knew it she was pushing my leg....I looked down and she was trying to push my leg out of the way so that she could open the drawer the cup belonged in! I hadn't told her to put it away, or asked where it was, or anything - I just handed her the cup. Some days I'm amazed at how she thinks! So when I mentioned it to Carl he said we really need to start thinking about potty training (his mother has been pushing that too). Carl said "She's so smart - she'll get it.". While I know she is a smart cookie I was hoping to delay potty training until after Disney...but I don't know.
So now all of the sudden I'm faced with my little baby moving across the hall into a big girl room, possibly potty training soon, and she now says "Cracker" in the most adorable way! (This speaking development is new since Tuesday - she just all of the sudden said it, which is a big deal to me because she has been forever jabbering without being clear about anything!) I also realized that when I go shopping at Carter's now I have to go to the back of the store...an area I've never shopped in because it all used to be too big for her...but not anymore.
I've also noticed that while he would never say it, Carl sometimes seems to be longing for another pregnancy as well. He watched his best friend interact so lovingly with his pregnant wife this weekend...made my heart break. We are oh-so-happy for them...but it's hard at times. I knew days like this would come and I fully expect there to be plenty more, at least until after the original due date of February 28th. Honestly all of these little things would be a little bit hard, regardless of a miscarriage. And even after a miscarriage these things wouldn't have bothered me so much if they all had happened at separate times...but so close together has made it quite the burden.
Savannah is growing up and I'm not ready - but really, what mother is ever ready?
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