After a week of being a "Puppy Parent", I have decided that God sent us Hope for so many reasons. As a close friend pointed out (Thanks Patrick for the reminder of what a sweet girl I have in Savannah!), raising Savannah has been (for the most part) pretty easy. She weaned herself off the bottle, she transitioned to the crib and then to her big girl bed pretty much on her own, she listens (generally - I mean, she is a toddler!) well, she eats pretty much anything we put on her plate, and she has been one of the healthiest little things I've ever heard of (knock on wood!). We, as parents, have generally felt pretty successful. Of course there are those moments or days when Savannah is like a bat from you know where and our world is quite chaotic...but those aren't too often.
Of course with this success Carl and I have been trying to conceive and see a pregnancy to full term. Unfortunately, that isn't working. But when our spirits are high we often joke that we'll get a difficult child next because Savannah has been so easy.
Well, God sent us a primer for that difficult child...and her name is Hope. I love Hope, she is a wonderfully loving dog. She has such promise to become a full grown, loyal best friend. However, she chews...and cries at night...and chases Savannah...and pees in the floor...and requires more attention than a newborn child. She is demanding and has a little attention span and even less patience.
This week has really opened my eyes to what our house could be like if we have a second child. I had forgotten the days of sleeping for only 1 hour at a time, of soothing a crying baby, of feeding a baby often, changing diapers often, and dealing with a crabby husband after he gets little sleep. Hope is a baby - and almost worse than a human baby because she doesn't wear diapers and can chew up my furniture.
Our house is going through that adjusting period...the cats avoid us, Savannah is jealous, and Carl and I are like zombies some days...which leaves us both in a less-patient mood...which at this point just makes things worse! It has become difficult for me to get much of anything done when I'm home alone with Savannah and Hope alone. I am either detaching Hope from the hew of Savannah's pants (one of Hope's favorite things to chase and catch) or I'm cleaning up pee. It makes preparing a dinner or reading the mail or doing laundry very difficult!
I remember back when I first had Savannah that I wondered how in the world people had more than one child...it seemed so hard to just have one, I couldn't imagine more. Now I know. It's possible, but everything shifts. Savannah is my number one concern and love, but Hope demands attention too. I can't just ignore Hope when she needs to potty just because Savannah wants to read a book. Unfortunately, Savannah doesn't fully agree with that, or understand it.
Now I remember all those times I lost patience with Carl when Savannah was born too. I always felt like he wasn't helping, or that he was angry, or he wasn't around enough. Before Hope, I thought I'd fixed all those problems. I'd just use disposable plates, prepare a bunch of meals ahead of time for the freezer, only do laundry once a week...and while those things will help, new problems will arise. Carl is grouchy when he's woken up at night...and since Hope is "my" dog...I get up with her. Often. I don't think I've gotten more then 3-4 hours of consecutive sleep in the past week. Carl has gotten his beauty sleep - in the basement away from the puppy cries. It's tough. At times I feel alone in the raising of Hope...and I really think God is preparing me for what life could be like with more than one human child.
While I do realize Carl will connect more with a human child of his own than Hope, I also know what he was like with Savannah. There were days that I didn't even want to look at him I was so frustrated. The past week I've had a few scenarios where I've been frustrated. I have a lot to get done before Savannah's birthday (less than 3 weeks now!) and he has been spending just about every spare moment at his mother's. I realize she's trying to sell her house, but our family is going through change right now...and with Hope constantly chasing Savannah, it makes my life pretty much focused on managing the two of them, not planning a party or doing chores! So he's been absent, and for at least 3 or 4 of the past 8 nights, I've had to put Savannah to bed by myself.
It's also become a battle of what's worse for me in the late-night potty trips. I can either get out of bed and take Hope out, or I can ask Carl and have him grumble, shut doors loudly and pretty much wake me up as much as just taking Hope out myself would cause. Recently I've just sided with getting up myself, because then at least he isn't a complete grouch the next day...and I'll get my sleep sometime.
I've always had a feeling that God is preparing us for something. Two miscarriages have been difficult to reconcile in my mind, but at times I truly feel we're being prepared. Our house is now ready (a baby could be delivered by the stork tonight and we'd be ready), our hearts are most definitely ready, and now Hope is preparing us mentally. Our patience, love, communication skills, jealousy-management skills, all of that is being tested right now...we're having to learn on the fly...and it isn't easy.
So I know God sent us Hope for a reason...and I'm excited to see what the future holds for our house!
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