Yesterday was my 36w appointment. As usual, baby's heart beat was strong and thumping right along. The midwife asked if I had been in any kind of particular pain, and I mentioned that my ribs hurt on my right side often. I have always just assumed it was little feet kicking me. Well, when she measured my belly I was measuring a week ahead (which has been the case occasionally). Then she started trying to tell what position the baby was in, and much to my dismay, she said it felt like the head is what has been bothering my ribs so much. So she went and got the portable ultrasound machine (that is like for the 1970s!) to get a quick peek at Luke/Ella. I have to admit, seeing that machine brings the fear of God into me now...it's the same one that didn't show a heart beat with the 2nd miscarriage.
So she turned it on, and our fears were confirmed. Luke/Ella has decided to flip on us, and is now in the breech position. Back in January, when I had the car accident, ultrasound confirmed that he/she was head down...but for some reason this baby has decided to give us grief. If I wasn't so far along it wouldn't necessarily be a big deal...but since I'm quickly approaching my due date, it is a big deal.
SO. Now I go back to the doctor on Friday to see if Luke/Ella has flipped back to head down. I know exactly what the head feels like now, and currently, he/she is still breech. If on Friday we are still in this situation, we'll have some decisions to make. They can do an external version, but that is pretty painful, requires an epidural, and is done in the hospital...and there are risks. The placenta could tear away from the uterine wall, the heart rate could drop...it could result in an emergency c-section. If that version is successful (and only 58% are), the baby could still flip back to breech and I could still have a c-section anyway. If the baby is still breech, more than likely a c-section would occur at 38 or 39 weeks. I'm guessing closer to 38 weeks since Savannah was born at 38w 6d...and they don't want me going into labor with a breech baby. So for now we wait, and pray, and hope that Luke/Ella turns back around and stays that way. The midwife and I were joking that this baby is Luke...a boy with commitment issues already! :0)
The plus side of all that scary news is that we got another little peek at the baby. The midwife was careful to just look at the head and then quickly scan the rest of my belly to make sure there was plenty of fluid in there to allow Luke/Ella to turn...but she avoided all areas that might give away the gender. It was nice to get to see this little one again before the real deal...and Savannah loved it! She kept looking at my belly and at the screen...it was just fun for her to see her baby.
So all last week I kept hoping I'd be dilated and we'd be planning to get this show on the road...and yesterday that came to a halt. She said I'm not dilated, but I could be if we wanted me to be...so I'm ready...but since Luke/Ella is now not in position we aren't going to do anything to possibly induce labor. I was anxious about this impending arrival already, and now I'm even more anxious. I just want to get this baby here safely. Ideally, a c-section wasn't what I was hoping for since I delivered Savannah completely natural...but I don't care how Luke/Ella gets here...I just want him/her safe and healthy. Last night I woke up at 4:00am and couldn't stop thinking about all the possibilities...it is just scary and worrisome...and I know there's nothing I can do right now...but that makes me feel so helpless!
So we wait. On Friday we will know more...maybe it will be a scheduled Leap Day baby...or sooner...or maybe he/she will turn and things will go as planned...the last weeks and days are the hardest...so many unknowns. I'm just so ready to have a healthy baby in my arms!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Four Weeks or Less!
I think I will be in a state of disbelief until I actually hold Luke/Ella. I just can't fathom that we will have two kids soon. I think Carl is thinking along the same lines too. Last night at dinner I was timing contractions (ultimately I decided on Braxton Hicks and being dehydrated from a busy day at work) and Carl said, "But it's too early!"...and it is a little early...but not by much. I'll be considered "full term" within the week. If my prediction of baby's arrival is right, it's only 19 days away! Less than 3 weeks!
I also want to just say it now for the record - I think I will deliver a baby boy, Luke, on February 29th. He'll be about 8 pounds. Honestly, if it is Ella in there, she will have fooled 85% of our family and friends. I can only think of four people who think girl...and everyone else I know already talks about this baby as if it is Luke.
So I started this blog to document all the ups and downs of parenthood after Savannah was born...and when I go back and read posts I think I've done a pretty good job...but right now, when you'd think I have all kinds of things buzzing around in my mind to say...I don't know how to describe anything. Of course I'm excited (incredibly!)...nervous...worried about the health of Luke/Ella...maybe a little sad that this could be the last pregnancy...but overall I just want to be holding this little one. I want to see and feel a real child. I'm anxious to know when it will be...I don't remember being this impatient when I was pregnant with Savannah...but the whole "anytime now" scenario does not suit me at all! Everyone thinks the hardest part would be the whole "boy or girl?" question. Not really. I know it will be one or the other and I will love him/her regardless...the hard part is when...it could be any one of the next 28 days! (Ugh - 28 days, really that doesn't seem long when I say it that way!!) At least with each passing day I can count one more day out as the "Birth Day"...
I also want to just say it now for the record - I think I will deliver a baby boy, Luke, on February 29th. He'll be about 8 pounds. Honestly, if it is Ella in there, she will have fooled 85% of our family and friends. I can only think of four people who think girl...and everyone else I know already talks about this baby as if it is Luke.
So I started this blog to document all the ups and downs of parenthood after Savannah was born...and when I go back and read posts I think I've done a pretty good job...but right now, when you'd think I have all kinds of things buzzing around in my mind to say...I don't know how to describe anything. Of course I'm excited (incredibly!)...nervous...worried about the health of Luke/Ella...maybe a little sad that this could be the last pregnancy...but overall I just want to be holding this little one. I want to see and feel a real child. I'm anxious to know when it will be...I don't remember being this impatient when I was pregnant with Savannah...but the whole "anytime now" scenario does not suit me at all! Everyone thinks the hardest part would be the whole "boy or girl?" question. Not really. I know it will be one or the other and I will love him/her regardless...the hard part is when...it could be any one of the next 28 days! (Ugh - 28 days, really that doesn't seem long when I say it that way!!) At least with each passing day I can count one more day out as the "Birth Day"...
Monday, February 6, 2012
Being a mom is hard. You just want to do the very best for your child...but children can push every button you have.
On Thursday night I sat down with Savannah and we created a "House Rules" poster. I cut a big house shape out of yellow poster board...and then we wrote 4 rules on it in pretty colors. No hitting. No yelling. No toys at the table. No electronics at the table. Simple, easy to understand rules. I'm not asking for the world here...just simple rules. My dad asked how Savannah was supposed to read it, but she knows the rules. You can ask her and she'll tell you what it says - she helped make the sign, so she knows.
We also got the "quiet hour" rolling on Thursday...and 3 out of the 4 days now she has just sat in her room and chatted the entire time. She never has cried or screamed or fought us...she just kept herself busy up there. We did get a nap on Friday though...which was incredibly surprising! So the Quiet Hour stays.
We also have had more success with her in the evenings of those days too. She goes to bed easier and sleeps longer. We are out of her room by 8:15p and she is generally quiet and asleep by 8:45. She then sleeps until around 7:00a...and she's been waking up on her own, which is much better than having to wake her up.
Our weekend was relatively peaceful...until Sunday after church. It was an all out meltdown that again makes me ashamed at my own behavior. I was baffled for so long after her meltdown as to why she had it in the first place. She'd slept 11 hours the night before, she'd had a good quiet hour the day before, she had eaten a big breakfast, she'd played well in the nursery...it just didn't make any sense. The more I thought about it, the better I understood though. Sunday was Communion, so when it was time for that, Carl went and got Savannah from the nursery so she could participate. He told her that it was time for "bread and juice"...which is what we always tell her about Communion (and then after we reiterate that it is because Jesus loves us). Well - last weekend at the Baby Celebration she had lots of juice (orange juice) at the church and it came from the kitchen...so that is what she was expecting. So when she kept asking to go to the kitchen and we kept telling her no she was getting frustrated with us...we had told her it was time for juice and then we wouldn't let her get juice...or at least that's what she thought.
Then after church Carl and I stayed longer to help with a new mission at Avery. We are going to pack bags of food to distribute to a local elementary school on Fridays for kids that don't always get meals on the weekends. So this was a kickoff event where we packed a coloring book, crayons, pretzels, and fruit snacks to hand out (with a letter asking for interest in families participating). So, packing the bags was happening in the kitchen. Instantly Savannah wanted juice. I told her there wasn't any, and that we were going to help pack bags (I want her to become active in helping others at an early age.). Well, when she saw the snacks going in the bags she wanted some of those. I again had to tell her no, they were for someone else and we could get snacks at home...well I suppose all of the "no"s just got to her, because when we were getting ready to go I had stopped to talk to the pastor's wife and Savannah was crying in Carl's arms about not leaving. So when I finally got to the car, she was screaming and crying and refusing her car seat...her face was red and she was just SO angry...like to the point I thought she might throw up. We had to struggle to get her strapped in...like we had to hold her down and tighten the straps...it was just awful. I was so angry because she was being so awful...it was just a mess. I even told her that if she didn't stop and just let us get her in her seat that she couldn't have the iPod the rest of the day...she didn't care.
We finally made it home, and eventually she calmed down. She asked several times to use the iPod, but we stuck to our guns and told her no each time. I explained every time that it was because she didn't listen to me in the car...and at one point she asked me about the iPod and I said no and she told me why she couldn't have it. So I know she understood the consequence and why it was being required.
It's kind of amusing though to me...Carl had left for his meeting after lunch and as soon as he walked in the door Savannah went running to him and said, "Daddy, can I have the iPod?"...she totally knew that he's the easiest target! So he really has to work on being diligent about the rules...just the other day she wanted a cupcake and I told her she had to eat her toast first...well Carl hadn't been paying attention and a little later he walked over to her and asked if she wanted a cupcake (since he was eating his)...she looked down at her uneaten toast, then smiled up at him and said "yes!"...and I had to step in and remind them both that the toast came first. So she knew that she was supposed to eat it, but was totally going to take advantage of him!
So it was a rough hour after church on Sunday...and I'm angry with myself for being so angry. I know that if I just calm down, and let her calm down, that we can talk and not yell and scream at each other...I just lose my patience so fast...and Carl had his meeting to get to, and we were already later getting home because we had stayed to help...and I felt pressured to get him home so he could go to his meeting...because otherwise he thinks I'm being "unsupportive"...don't even get me started on that issue! I just hate that she brought out the worst in me...again. I know some of it is hormones (I have hot flashes like every hour now!) and I can't always control myself the way I'd like...but I'm the adult...I should know better.
On Thursday night I sat down with Savannah and we created a "House Rules" poster. I cut a big house shape out of yellow poster board...and then we wrote 4 rules on it in pretty colors. No hitting. No yelling. No toys at the table. No electronics at the table. Simple, easy to understand rules. I'm not asking for the world here...just simple rules. My dad asked how Savannah was supposed to read it, but she knows the rules. You can ask her and she'll tell you what it says - she helped make the sign, so she knows.
We also got the "quiet hour" rolling on Thursday...and 3 out of the 4 days now she has just sat in her room and chatted the entire time. She never has cried or screamed or fought us...she just kept herself busy up there. We did get a nap on Friday though...which was incredibly surprising! So the Quiet Hour stays.
We also have had more success with her in the evenings of those days too. She goes to bed easier and sleeps longer. We are out of her room by 8:15p and she is generally quiet and asleep by 8:45. She then sleeps until around 7:00a...and she's been waking up on her own, which is much better than having to wake her up.
Our weekend was relatively peaceful...until Sunday after church. It was an all out meltdown that again makes me ashamed at my own behavior. I was baffled for so long after her meltdown as to why she had it in the first place. She'd slept 11 hours the night before, she'd had a good quiet hour the day before, she had eaten a big breakfast, she'd played well in the nursery...it just didn't make any sense. The more I thought about it, the better I understood though. Sunday was Communion, so when it was time for that, Carl went and got Savannah from the nursery so she could participate. He told her that it was time for "bread and juice"...which is what we always tell her about Communion (and then after we reiterate that it is because Jesus loves us). Well - last weekend at the Baby Celebration she had lots of juice (orange juice) at the church and it came from the kitchen...so that is what she was expecting. So when she kept asking to go to the kitchen and we kept telling her no she was getting frustrated with us...we had told her it was time for juice and then we wouldn't let her get juice...or at least that's what she thought.
Then after church Carl and I stayed longer to help with a new mission at Avery. We are going to pack bags of food to distribute to a local elementary school on Fridays for kids that don't always get meals on the weekends. So this was a kickoff event where we packed a coloring book, crayons, pretzels, and fruit snacks to hand out (with a letter asking for interest in families participating). So, packing the bags was happening in the kitchen. Instantly Savannah wanted juice. I told her there wasn't any, and that we were going to help pack bags (I want her to become active in helping others at an early age.). Well, when she saw the snacks going in the bags she wanted some of those. I again had to tell her no, they were for someone else and we could get snacks at home...well I suppose all of the "no"s just got to her, because when we were getting ready to go I had stopped to talk to the pastor's wife and Savannah was crying in Carl's arms about not leaving. So when I finally got to the car, she was screaming and crying and refusing her car seat...her face was red and she was just SO angry...like to the point I thought she might throw up. We had to struggle to get her strapped in...like we had to hold her down and tighten the straps...it was just awful. I was so angry because she was being so awful...it was just a mess. I even told her that if she didn't stop and just let us get her in her seat that she couldn't have the iPod the rest of the day...she didn't care.
We finally made it home, and eventually she calmed down. She asked several times to use the iPod, but we stuck to our guns and told her no each time. I explained every time that it was because she didn't listen to me in the car...and at one point she asked me about the iPod and I said no and she told me why she couldn't have it. So I know she understood the consequence and why it was being required.
It's kind of amusing though to me...Carl had left for his meeting after lunch and as soon as he walked in the door Savannah went running to him and said, "Daddy, can I have the iPod?"...she totally knew that he's the easiest target! So he really has to work on being diligent about the rules...just the other day she wanted a cupcake and I told her she had to eat her toast first...well Carl hadn't been paying attention and a little later he walked over to her and asked if she wanted a cupcake (since he was eating his)...she looked down at her uneaten toast, then smiled up at him and said "yes!"...and I had to step in and remind them both that the toast came first. So she knew that she was supposed to eat it, but was totally going to take advantage of him!
So it was a rough hour after church on Sunday...and I'm angry with myself for being so angry. I know that if I just calm down, and let her calm down, that we can talk and not yell and scream at each other...I just lose my patience so fast...and Carl had his meeting to get to, and we were already later getting home because we had stayed to help...and I felt pressured to get him home so he could go to his meeting...because otherwise he thinks I'm being "unsupportive"...don't even get me started on that issue! I just hate that she brought out the worst in me...again. I know some of it is hormones (I have hot flashes like every hour now!) and I can't always control myself the way I'd like...but I'm the adult...I should know better.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
NO Control.
Last night was probably one of my worst showings as a mother. I honestly don't know how I stayed calm enough to remain sane. Savannah was pretty tired after a long day (and a late bedtime the night before) and we had to run to Kroger's for 3 things. I knew it'd be a quick trip, but I also thought we might get lucky and have her fall asleep in the car on the way back. So I decided we could get her in a dry nighttime diaper and put her PJs on before we left...so if she did fall asleep we could easily just carry her to bed. WELL. Savannah had completely different ideas. She refused to be changed (even though she was wet and had a rash recently from all the OJ she'd been drinking). Counting to three used to scare her enough that she would end up giving in and I wouldn't even have to put her in timeout. Well, I got to three and she was still crying and screaming at me that she didn't want to go shopping and didn't want a dry diaper. So I put her in timeout. She promptly crawled out. Carl and I put her back so many times...I didn't even count. Then when she had at least stopped crying I went to talk to her and told her we had to change...well it started all over again! By the time Carl and I got her wet pull-up off she was ripping the dry diaper! I lost my patience so quickly at that point. I just got up and went to the garage, slammed the door to the house, and then opened the main garage door. I wanted to cry or just leave so badly. After my 5 minute cooling off I went back in, and Carl had gotten her to listen and get dressed...but she still was whining about not going shopping. We did make it to the store, and she was well-behaved while we were out. And of course, she never fell asleep in the car.
So why did I force the issue? I am just a firm believer that if I allow a 2 year old to tell me when I can and can't go to the store, then I'll have a 13 year old telling me what I can and can't do. I just don't want to start a trend like that. I am in control, I'm the parent...but when she was screaming and I felt like I was losing my mind, I couldn't help but think, "When did we lose control?".
It was madness...and it hurts my relationship with her. It frustrates me to the point of almost walking out...which can't be good for her to see...and she hates me for forcing something on her. It just makes us both miserable. I didn't enjoy being around her for one second yesterday afternoon...and that is so sad to think. I just felt so powerless and horrible. I hated being "mean"...but I also hated the idea of her dictating our lives...I didn't know what to do. I hate that it got that heated to start with.
I think some of the problem is that we haven't had to follow through with time out in a long time...so we need to get back to enforcing it. We also are being undermined from others at times too. The other day Savannah "hitting" her grandpa with a paper puppet. I told her not to hit in a very serious voice, and then her Nana says, "Just do it easy" and smiles at her! So how I am supposed to enforce any rules when Nana encourages it - in OUR house! We also haven't actually used time-out in a while...so we're just going to have to crack down on it.
And one other major source of trouble - she isn't getting enough sleep. She hasn't napped since Thanksgiving...and she somehow has gotten bedtime pushed back farther and farther. It is hard to be diligent with bedtime when Carl is out for this or that...or if I'm busy he waits for me to help...even if it gets to be too late. She also now sleeps with the lights on, so that keeps her awake longer I think...but turning off the light is a whole other issue. Nap time is hard, because she won't nap. I am going to enforce a "quiet hour" at our house in the afternoon. No TV, no iPod...just her sitting in her room reading books or playing with blocks...sometime to calm down and relax. The baby is going to need to nap too...and maybe this will help.
I have been saying this entire pregnancy, "Why did we want a second one when the first is so good and easy?"...but now I'm totally thinking "I hope the baby gets here so I can at least predict its behavior!"
So why did I force the issue? I am just a firm believer that if I allow a 2 year old to tell me when I can and can't go to the store, then I'll have a 13 year old telling me what I can and can't do. I just don't want to start a trend like that. I am in control, I'm the parent...but when she was screaming and I felt like I was losing my mind, I couldn't help but think, "When did we lose control?".
It was madness...and it hurts my relationship with her. It frustrates me to the point of almost walking out...which can't be good for her to see...and she hates me for forcing something on her. It just makes us both miserable. I didn't enjoy being around her for one second yesterday afternoon...and that is so sad to think. I just felt so powerless and horrible. I hated being "mean"...but I also hated the idea of her dictating our lives...I didn't know what to do. I hate that it got that heated to start with.
I think some of the problem is that we haven't had to follow through with time out in a long time...so we need to get back to enforcing it. We also are being undermined from others at times too. The other day Savannah "hitting" her grandpa with a paper puppet. I told her not to hit in a very serious voice, and then her Nana says, "Just do it easy" and smiles at her! So how I am supposed to enforce any rules when Nana encourages it - in OUR house! We also haven't actually used time-out in a while...so we're just going to have to crack down on it.
And one other major source of trouble - she isn't getting enough sleep. She hasn't napped since Thanksgiving...and she somehow has gotten bedtime pushed back farther and farther. It is hard to be diligent with bedtime when Carl is out for this or that...or if I'm busy he waits for me to help...even if it gets to be too late. She also now sleeps with the lights on, so that keeps her awake longer I think...but turning off the light is a whole other issue. Nap time is hard, because she won't nap. I am going to enforce a "quiet hour" at our house in the afternoon. No TV, no iPod...just her sitting in her room reading books or playing with blocks...sometime to calm down and relax. The baby is going to need to nap too...and maybe this will help.
I have been saying this entire pregnancy, "Why did we want a second one when the first is so good and easy?"...but now I'm totally thinking "I hope the baby gets here so I can at least predict its behavior!"
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
40 Days...
Forty days. That's it. If I haven't met Luke/Ella in the next 40 days I will insist on intervening (late babies worry me!). So now the waiting has become even more tedious and slow. I do think the baby is "dropping"...people who don't see me often can tell...my hip and pelvis bones ache...especially when I stand after sitting. The baby's kicks have slowed and aren't as thrashing...he/she is running out of space. I just feel...different. I see the doctor on Friday, I'm kind of hoping she will check for dilation. I have a big, big weekend next weekend with the Regional Science Fair...so I'd like to know ahead of time if the baby really is working his/her way down.
Today has been a beautiful day...and really I have felt so very happy today. It struck me as terrifying that I'm so happy. It has been so long since I really thought and believed I'd be holding a second child. It just strikes me that this baby would be cleared for birth at this point...obviously not something we want, but an almost 35-weeker has great chances of survival. I could be holding a baby any day. That is what seems so impossible...that it really could be any day. That is also what makes each day tick by so slowly...I try to be a patient person...I must be patient if I'm still waiting to find out Luke or Ella!...but waiting to greet this child is really hard. I wish I just knew when it would be...maybe that would make it easier. I could just say, "Okay, we will know on February 12th" or whatever the case...so now I'm waiting for something that isn't indefinite (we know it won't be MORE than 40 days now) but still it isn't definite either. I think Savannah is beginning to wonder if we are lying about the baby ever coming out...it seems we've talked about it forever to her! She must think it's crazy because out of her 34 months of life we've talked about a baby for 25% of it!
A note on my craziness...I check the 15 day forecast for the weather at least 2 times every day. At my last check the weather is promising...of the 15 days, 12 of them have highs in the 50s...and the other three have highs in the 40s...and so far (fingers crossed, knock on wood...all of that) no major snow storm predicted. It would be a miracle if our mild winter would occur now...I really could use a no stress trip to the hospital and home with a baby...hopefully Mother Nature will concede that to me...since we are both mothers after all.
Today has been a beautiful day...and really I have felt so very happy today. It struck me as terrifying that I'm so happy. It has been so long since I really thought and believed I'd be holding a second child. It just strikes me that this baby would be cleared for birth at this point...obviously not something we want, but an almost 35-weeker has great chances of survival. I could be holding a baby any day. That is what seems so impossible...that it really could be any day. That is also what makes each day tick by so slowly...I try to be a patient person...I must be patient if I'm still waiting to find out Luke or Ella!...but waiting to greet this child is really hard. I wish I just knew when it would be...maybe that would make it easier. I could just say, "Okay, we will know on February 12th" or whatever the case...so now I'm waiting for something that isn't indefinite (we know it won't be MORE than 40 days now) but still it isn't definite either. I think Savannah is beginning to wonder if we are lying about the baby ever coming out...it seems we've talked about it forever to her! She must think it's crazy because out of her 34 months of life we've talked about a baby for 25% of it!
A note on my craziness...I check the 15 day forecast for the weather at least 2 times every day. At my last check the weather is promising...of the 15 days, 12 of them have highs in the 50s...and the other three have highs in the 40s...and so far (fingers crossed, knock on wood...all of that) no major snow storm predicted. It would be a miracle if our mild winter would occur now...I really could use a no stress trip to the hospital and home with a baby...hopefully Mother Nature will concede that to me...since we are both mothers after all.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
It's the Final Countdown...
So here I sit - 34 weeks tomorrow. We are in the final countdown of the last 6 weeks or less. It's hard to believe that we are finally, finally, at this point. I've read back through a lot of my posts, and a second child has been such a desire in our household for so long...and the pain of miscarriage put such a kink in our plans and lives.
And here we are.
When I had my car accident in early January, the nurse had told us that if I went into labor at 34 weeks, they don't always stop the labor...that if it doesn't seem safe for me or baby to stop the labor, then they allow things to progress...so what does that mean really? It means we could have two children in the blink of an eye. Of course, I'd like little Luke/Ella to stay put for at least 3 more weeks...but still, 3 weeks isn't that long! I can almost see the weather forecast for three weeks from now...I could have a Valentine's Day baby (wouldn't that be special - on Carl and I's 10 year dating anniversary!)...but Leap Day isn't that far away either...it's only 5 weeks away. Carl had the second car seat installed in the car today...I can't wait to go home and see that...I think then I will burst into tears at the realization that this is really happening, we really will have two little ones to love and care for...it seems like pregnancy has flown by (but when I sit at my desk in the office it seems like time is creeping by)...soon we will have another life to care for.
This weekend is a chance to enjoy being pregnant...maternity photos are on Friday. I cannot wait for that...the photographer is a friend from high school, and her portraits are ah-maze-ing! Saturday will be a day of celebrating the anticipation of the arrival of Luke/Ella...a chance for family and friends to eat and be merry and celebrate a new life on the way into the world...and then...well...then it's just up to Luke/Ella to decide when to arrive. I've already started stalking weather websites for the 15 day forecasts...keeping an eye out for any amount of snow over 2 inches...once we hit the month of February and the weatherman says we might get more than 2 inches...we will be staying with my parents overnights...they are closer to the hospital, and have an easier "snow route" to the hospital than we have. So now that it's near I'm really starting to hate a winter due date...I just keep worrying about if it will be snowing when I'm supposed to be at the hospital...or if it will snow like crazy the day we go home...or if the snow will prevent people from coming to meet our little bundle of joy...I wish it were summer! Maybe, maybe we'll have great weather the week around the birth...but nothing is guaranteed in the mountains in February!
So here we are...six weeks or less. The anticipation of it all...the weather, the birth story, the gender, Savannah's reaction...it's all becoming too exciting to handle!
And here we are.
When I had my car accident in early January, the nurse had told us that if I went into labor at 34 weeks, they don't always stop the labor...that if it doesn't seem safe for me or baby to stop the labor, then they allow things to progress...so what does that mean really? It means we could have two children in the blink of an eye. Of course, I'd like little Luke/Ella to stay put for at least 3 more weeks...but still, 3 weeks isn't that long! I can almost see the weather forecast for three weeks from now...I could have a Valentine's Day baby (wouldn't that be special - on Carl and I's 10 year dating anniversary!)...but Leap Day isn't that far away either...it's only 5 weeks away. Carl had the second car seat installed in the car today...I can't wait to go home and see that...I think then I will burst into tears at the realization that this is really happening, we really will have two little ones to love and care for...it seems like pregnancy has flown by (but when I sit at my desk in the office it seems like time is creeping by)...soon we will have another life to care for.
This weekend is a chance to enjoy being pregnant...maternity photos are on Friday. I cannot wait for that...the photographer is a friend from high school, and her portraits are ah-maze-ing! Saturday will be a day of celebrating the anticipation of the arrival of Luke/Ella...a chance for family and friends to eat and be merry and celebrate a new life on the way into the world...and then...well...then it's just up to Luke/Ella to decide when to arrive. I've already started stalking weather websites for the 15 day forecasts...keeping an eye out for any amount of snow over 2 inches...once we hit the month of February and the weatherman says we might get more than 2 inches...we will be staying with my parents overnights...they are closer to the hospital, and have an easier "snow route" to the hospital than we have. So now that it's near I'm really starting to hate a winter due date...I just keep worrying about if it will be snowing when I'm supposed to be at the hospital...or if it will snow like crazy the day we go home...or if the snow will prevent people from coming to meet our little bundle of joy...I wish it were summer! Maybe, maybe we'll have great weather the week around the birth...but nothing is guaranteed in the mountains in February!
So here we are...six weeks or less. The anticipation of it all...the weather, the birth story, the gender, Savannah's reaction...it's all becoming too exciting to handle!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Blah, Blah, Blah - Is It Summer Yet?
Today is just one of those rainy, thank goodness not snowy, days where I just want to curl up and sleep until spring arrives. I really am thankful that Luke/Ella will arrive in a couple of weeks and the rest of my winter will be filled with baby bliss...I don't think I could handle a bleak winter.
I just keep longing for one of those days where you can open all the windows in the house, lounge outside, do nothing...I just keep imagining setting up the little UV protector tent in the front yard with Luke/Ella, Savannah able to run around and play, the light breeze, warm fresh air, lawn mowers going...just the idea of spring and summer makes me happy. January, February, and March have got to be my absolute least favorite months of the year.
The fact that my car is still broken irritates me. The fact that it will be that way until mid-February is even more annoying. The fact that we have a list of money going out really annoys me too...and that a lot of those things on the list are all related to me. I'm irritated that it's ONLY mid-January...and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like a whale - so not beautiful. I ache. I'm a whiner. I just feel so - blah!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for...and God has taken care of us. We are continuously blessed. This weekend I was reminded that no matter how angry I am over the whole car issue, we are still so very fortunate. We were at Aldi's (I love that place!) and the man in front of us was buying his groceries...he paid for most of his bill with some sort of debit card (maybe food stamps? not sure) and then the cashier told him it was another $7 and change. He dug in his pockets for a $5 bill, and then started searching his buggy for food to return...Carl just grabbed some cash from his wallet and paid for the man's food...to which he received thanks and the man hastily moved on to pack his stuff up. On the way out of the parking lot I told Carl that it really makes me think how fortunate we are...no matter how angry and annoyed the car situation has made me, we don't have to struggle to pay bills, we don't have to carefully add up each item we put in the buggy to hope we stay under a limit, we don't have to face the embarrassment of not having the money...after the man had pushed his cart away I noticed that he was analyzing his bill in detail...he must have been trying to find where he'd gone wrong...and my heart went out to him...
Carl and I both agreed that he didn't pay for the food for the thanks (in the end the cashier seemed more grateful than the man - I think the man was too embarrassed to make a big deal of it) but just because it was the right thing to do....and maybe in the end someone will pay it forward. Maybe that man will...or maybe the cashier...or maybe the couple who was loading groceries and noticed will...or maybe we'll just appreciate what we have more.
So the weather just makes me want to cry and brood on all the sadness and unfair things in the world...I am so very glad I have a baby to bring some light into our lives soon...if it is Luke we certainly are naming him appropriately...Luke Asher..."light, blessed one".
I just keep longing for one of those days where you can open all the windows in the house, lounge outside, do nothing...I just keep imagining setting up the little UV protector tent in the front yard with Luke/Ella, Savannah able to run around and play, the light breeze, warm fresh air, lawn mowers going...just the idea of spring and summer makes me happy. January, February, and March have got to be my absolute least favorite months of the year.
The fact that my car is still broken irritates me. The fact that it will be that way until mid-February is even more annoying. The fact that we have a list of money going out really annoys me too...and that a lot of those things on the list are all related to me. I'm irritated that it's ONLY mid-January...and I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I feel like a whale - so not beautiful. I ache. I'm a whiner. I just feel so - blah!
I know I have a lot to be thankful for...and God has taken care of us. We are continuously blessed. This weekend I was reminded that no matter how angry I am over the whole car issue, we are still so very fortunate. We were at Aldi's (I love that place!) and the man in front of us was buying his groceries...he paid for most of his bill with some sort of debit card (maybe food stamps? not sure) and then the cashier told him it was another $7 and change. He dug in his pockets for a $5 bill, and then started searching his buggy for food to return...Carl just grabbed some cash from his wallet and paid for the man's food...to which he received thanks and the man hastily moved on to pack his stuff up. On the way out of the parking lot I told Carl that it really makes me think how fortunate we are...no matter how angry and annoyed the car situation has made me, we don't have to struggle to pay bills, we don't have to carefully add up each item we put in the buggy to hope we stay under a limit, we don't have to face the embarrassment of not having the money...after the man had pushed his cart away I noticed that he was analyzing his bill in detail...he must have been trying to find where he'd gone wrong...and my heart went out to him...
Carl and I both agreed that he didn't pay for the food for the thanks (in the end the cashier seemed more grateful than the man - I think the man was too embarrassed to make a big deal of it) but just because it was the right thing to do....and maybe in the end someone will pay it forward. Maybe that man will...or maybe the cashier...or maybe the couple who was loading groceries and noticed will...or maybe we'll just appreciate what we have more.
So the weather just makes me want to cry and brood on all the sadness and unfair things in the world...I am so very glad I have a baby to bring some light into our lives soon...if it is Luke we certainly are naming him appropriately...Luke Asher..."light, blessed one".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)