Last night was probably one of my worst showings as a mother. I honestly don't know how I stayed calm enough to remain sane. Savannah was pretty tired after a long day (and a late bedtime the night before) and we had to run to Kroger's for 3 things. I knew it'd be a quick trip, but I also thought we might get lucky and have her fall asleep in the car on the way back. So I decided we could get her in a dry nighttime diaper and put her PJs on before we left...so if she did fall asleep we could easily just carry her to bed. WELL. Savannah had completely different ideas. She refused to be changed (even though she was wet and had a rash recently from all the OJ she'd been drinking). Counting to three used to scare her enough that she would end up giving in and I wouldn't even have to put her in timeout. Well, I got to three and she was still crying and screaming at me that she didn't want to go shopping and didn't want a dry diaper. So I put her in timeout. She promptly crawled out. Carl and I put her back so many times...I didn't even count. Then when she had at least stopped crying I went to talk to her and told her we had to change...well it started all over again! By the time Carl and I got her wet pull-up off she was ripping the dry diaper! I lost my patience so quickly at that point. I just got up and went to the garage, slammed the door to the house, and then opened the main garage door. I wanted to cry or just leave so badly. After my 5 minute cooling off I went back in, and Carl had gotten her to listen and get dressed...but she still was whining about not going shopping. We did make it to the store, and she was well-behaved while we were out. And of course, she never fell asleep in the car.
So why did I force the issue? I am just a firm believer that if I allow a 2 year old to tell me when I can and can't go to the store, then I'll have a 13 year old telling me what I can and can't do. I just don't want to start a trend like that. I am in control, I'm the parent...but when she was screaming and I felt like I was losing my mind, I couldn't help but think, "When did we lose control?".
It was madness...and it hurts my relationship with her. It frustrates me to the point of almost walking out...which can't be good for her to see...and she hates me for forcing something on her. It just makes us both miserable. I didn't enjoy being around her for one second yesterday afternoon...and that is so sad to think. I just felt so powerless and horrible. I hated being "mean"...but I also hated the idea of her dictating our lives...I didn't know what to do. I hate that it got that heated to start with.
I think some of the problem is that we haven't had to follow through with time out in a long time...so we need to get back to enforcing it. We also are being undermined from others at times too. The other day Savannah "hitting" her grandpa with a paper puppet. I told her not to hit in a very serious voice, and then her Nana says, "Just do it easy" and smiles at her! So how I am supposed to enforce any rules when Nana encourages it - in OUR house! We also haven't actually used time-out in a while...so we're just going to have to crack down on it.
And one other major source of trouble - she isn't getting enough sleep. She hasn't napped since Thanksgiving...and she somehow has gotten bedtime pushed back farther and farther. It is hard to be diligent with bedtime when Carl is out for this or that...or if I'm busy he waits for me to help...even if it gets to be too late. She also now sleeps with the lights on, so that keeps her awake longer I think...but turning off the light is a whole other issue. Nap time is hard, because she won't nap. I am going to enforce a "quiet hour" at our house in the afternoon. No TV, no iPod...just her sitting in her room reading books or playing with blocks...sometime to calm down and relax. The baby is going to need to nap too...and maybe this will help.
I have been saying this entire pregnancy, "Why did we want a second one when the first is so good and easy?"...but now I'm totally thinking "I hope the baby gets here so I can at least predict its behavior!"
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