Bittersweet Waiting Game

In the past five days, I've been to the doctor twice and will be back today. Really, this baby MUST be a boy with all the grief I get!

On Wednesday night I woke up at 11:30p with cramping...I tried to wait it out, but at 12:15am I woke Carl up and explained that I had no idea what was going on. I didn't think it was labor, but I was in some serious pain. Of course, the free healthline was closed at 11:00pm, so I just called the maternity ward of the hospital. I talked with a nurse, and then a doctor, and we couldn't figure out why I was so uncomfortable. So I decided to wait it out...with the advice that if it got worse, my water broke, or contractions started and were 5 minutes apart then I should go to the hospital. I eventually fell back asleep, but woke up in the same pain. I called my doctor and got an appointment scheduled for 9:30am. Once there, they monitored Luke/Ella...who was content and happy (and still breech!). I was still in pain, even just touching the outside of my belly hurt. Walking hurt, laying down hurt, turning over hurt...it was just uncomfortable.

Friday I felt somewhat better and went in for the appointment with the "turning specialist" to discuss our options. When the doctor came into the room, he felt my belly and said I still had a breech baby...but then 5 minutes later when he was listening for the heart beat, it turns out Luke/Ella had flipped. The doctor said it was an "unstable lie" and very possible that the baby could flip back to breech. I'm still not convinced that the baby flipped...I realize that this doctor is like 70 years old and has been doing this for a very long time...but until I see an ultrasound confirmation that Luke/Ella is head down, I'm not going to believe it. We talked about all the options and given the weekend to think about things.

So today I go back to meet with the midwife...and I will insist that we get visual confirmation of the position of this baby. If I'm making a serious decision about the health of the baby, I want to be sure I know what position he/she is in! If Luke/Ella is still breech we can opt to attempt to turn the baby. That procedure would likely be tomorrow (omg!). We'd be at the hospital, I'd have an epidural, it'd be in an OR with a full staff, and I'd be given a muscle relaxant to prevent contractions. If there was any kind of complication they would deliver the baby right then and there (eek! tomorrow!). This doctor has a 70% success rate of turning babies...and there is always the possibility that the doctor is successful but Luke/Ella decides to flip back to breech anyway, resulting in a scheduled c-section. Another option is that Luke/Ella is still breech and we decide not to turn. In that case, we'd schedule a c-section for between 39 and 40 weeks (most likely March 5th). If I went into labor before that date (which is possible since Savannah didn't make it to 39 weeks) I would rush to the hospital, they'd confirm breech with a quick ultrasound, and I'd have an emergency c-section. There is also always the scenario that Luke/Ella is heads down...and in that case we do nothing but wait some more.

I keep going back and forth over the decision...and we have to make it today because they only attempt turning at 37 weeks...and the doctor who is the best is at the hospital tomorrow...and I'm 37 weeks. Really, the idea of turning a baby is scary. There are lots of risks, and I keep thinking that my body knows what it is doing...the baby is in this position for whatever reason...it has done everything else right throughout the pregnancy. God is watching over us. If Luke/Ella is still breech, I'm leaning towards not attempting to turn the baby, scheduling a c-section, and hoping the baby turns all on his/her own and I go into labor naturally before the c-section date...of course that is quite the list of "if this, if that". The only reason I am really still considering turning is because on Monday afternoon (2/13) I wasn't dilated...but on Thursday morning (2/16) I was at 1cm. So if I am dilated even more today...then I would begin to think that Luke/Ella is really close to arriving...and if the baby is breech, and labor and delivery is seemingly so close, then I might want to attempt to give this baby a chance to come naturally. So there are some factors I need to consider at my appointment today...which is at 3:00pm. We shall see!!

So with all of this on my mind this weekend, it hit me that I have 3 weeks or less before I bring home a teeny little baby. Which, of course, came to my mind when I was cuddling with Savannah before bedtime last night. Every 3rd Sunday Carl has meetings at the church since he's on the PPR committee. This means Savannah and I get to have time to spend together when I'm not rushing to do chores and cook meals. It usually ends up with us in my bedroom, on the bed, painting fingernails and toenails and watching Mickey Mouse. It is just so fun to spend quiet time like that together. So last night, when Carl was back and it was bath time, she didn't want him to give her a bath...she wanted me. Well, the whole idea of me lifting her into the tub is just comical (really - I'm already front heavy and off balance...like I need to attempt moving 34 pounds of toddler into the tub!). So Carl got her into the tub, and helped me kneel next to the tub so I could wash her face and her hair. She is growing into such a big girl! She does a lot of the washing for me now...she washes her hair (I still do it too, but honestly I think she doesn't need me!) and she uses face wash and a washcloth for her face...and she rubs down her arms and legs...it's amazing how self-sufficient she's become. Carl got her out and took her to her room, where Savannah and I spend time putting lotion on and brushing her hair and drying off and getting on PJs...she wanted me to brush her teeth, but Carl convinced her to allow him to help her with that.

Then comes books, prayers, and cuddles. We read some new books (she recently got a Hello Kitty book!) and then said our prayers. I told her I had to go, but she wanted cuddles. So we both were laying next to each other in her bed, and she just pulls my arm around her and holds it to her chest...we spent 20-30 minutes just in her bed all cuddled up talking about her being a big sister, and how much I love her, and what will happen when the baby gets here. She seemed so happy to spend time with me...and it made me so sad to think that those little moments will be gone soon...I still intend to cuddle...but I don't know if I'll always have 20-30 minutes where I can just sit with her and chat...I want to...but I don't know what our lives will be like when there are two children in the house...and then I started thinking about our weekend mornings. Usually she wakes up before we do (around 7:00am), climbs up into our bed between Carl and I, hooks my arm around her and falls back to sleep or cuddles with us. We have such lazy mornings. It was just the other day that I realized how blessed I was...right there in my bed was all the loves of my life. Carl, Savannah, and little Luke/Ella about to arrive. So last night during our cuddling, I kept thinking that we may not have any more weekend mornings like that for a long time! What if the baby comes this week...then they are all gone! And while I do realize that Savannah will still come in our room, our sleep schedule in the house is going to be SO different soon...we may not all be in the bed at the same time anymore...and once Luke/Ella does start sleeping in a few months, then Savannah may be out of the habit of joining us. Our family of 3 won't ever truly be the same...we'll be a family of 4...which I realize is an amazing blessing...but for some reason it makes me sad. We are transitioning into a new chapter as a family, and we have a lot of look forward to...but I really have enjoyed the 3 years of being a family of three too.

So Luke/Ella's arrival is within sight...3 weeks or less! It's bittersweet...so happy, yet sad to say goodbye to an old chapter...