Watched Pots Never Boil.

I have come to the conclusion that I am now everyone's favorite pot to watch. Carl is the first to jump when he sees me walk slow, turn over in bed, get up from sitting, sigh, give him a funny look...basically anything I do causes him to ask "Is it time?!"...which I admit is funny and endearing. At first. Now I just wish it were time, so when he asks it just disappoints me that it's not.

My dad must be feeling the anxious vibe too...he's now sending me advice on how to breastfeed. (The article he sent me today informed me that drinking a large amount of caffeine while breastfeeding a baby can cause the baby irritability and wakefulness.) It's like he doesn't remember that I've been pregnant before, and have raised a baby into toddlerhood before! I know he isn't doing these things to drive me crazy...he's just anxious and worried and excited...

Daily my coworkers act like it is the surprise of the century that I am at work...I hear at least five times a day "Oh. You're still here.". And work is mentally painful now...I did SO much to prepare for my absence at the drop of a hat that I have limited work to do now...so I sit at work...bored...handling minor issues...and then I have all this time to mentally freak out about all the possible complications of things...and to attempt to convince myself of signs of labor...it is just literally driving me crazy!

I also received an email and a phone call from people outside of our "normal" circle of friends and family to see if I had had the baby yet. A banker and an insurance agent. *sigh*

I truly, truly appreciate all of the people who are anxiously awaiting the birth of this child. We are incredibly blessed to have so many people praying for us and thinking of us. I don't ever want to seem like I am unappreciative. It's just hard to feel like I'm disappointing everyone by still being pregnant! I keep trying to remind myself that everyone is just overflowing with happiness for us and I need to be grateful...and that I should enjoy each little kick and punch I get from Luke/Ella because it might be the last time I'm pregnant...and that I should enjoy every moment with Savannah because she'll be sharing the spotlight soon. But it's hard...I'm tired, disappointed in the waiting, and just so ready.

I keep thinking about another pregnancy, and really, at this point (which it's probably going to happen that I change my mind a million times still) if I don't have another pregnancy, I don't think it will make me sad. I remember after the miscarriages driving home in tears thinking I'd never be pregnant again. But right now, the idea that I might be done doesn't make me sad or wishful...I am blessed with my family...and it feels complete. That isn't to say that I'd be adverse to the thought of a third, but I certainly don't feel the need to have a third right now.

And with all this "pot watching" I still have a part of me that hopes the baby waits until at least Saturday afternoon. Carl and I have planned a morning of fun for Savannah to spend with us...our last outing as a family of three. We'll do the play place at the mall, book reading at Target (in honor of Dr. Suess), bowling (she loves this!), and a trip to get frozen yogurt...all just the three of us. She isn't going to have many more days as an only child...so I want to be able to enjoy all of that with her. I know it isn't the end to things once Luke/Ella gets here...but nothing will ever be exactly the same. She is gaining a sibling to love, but in order to get that she's going to have to give up a few things too...bittersweet for sure.

So I am the proverbial watched pot...and I wish I wasn't, because you know what they say, "Watched pots never boil."...