I don't know how I am going to make it to Friday at 10:15am...I just want to know right now what's going to happen. Apparently, I'm not a patient person...at least not when it comes to Baby Luke/Ella! The baby is still breech. I can still easily feel the head right next to my ribs. I'm still incredibly uncomfortable. And I hate waiting.
On my drive home (which is once again becoming anxiety-ridden...no panic attacks...yet.) I am just so uncomfortable and worried...yesterday I thought about calling the midwife just to ask her a million questions about breech babies and how we'd proceed...but really, she can't tell me any more until Friday when we find out if Luke/Ella has flipped back. It suddenly isn't about the whole "how will the baby get here issue"...now I'm worried about why the baby flipped in the first place. Is there something wrong with him/her? Is it too cramped in there? Is there more of a danger with the cord wrapping now? I just want this baby safe...
So then this morning I was thinking about whether I wanted to attempt to even turn the baby. There are a lot of risks...and someone Carl works with said that they had a breech baby that they attempted to turn, and in the end the baby was delivered then...so what are the chances that they'd just end up delivering the baby anyway? Then I was thinking that if I opted for a c-section, when would I want it? When would they want it? I would love a baby born on Leap Day...but really, I don't want to schedule a c-section for a certain day just because I want it to be the birthday...but waiting a little longer gives it more time in the womb to mature...and if we wait until the 29th then my car will be fixed and out of the shop too, so the baby can go home in the safest car...but the Tucson is getting new brakes today so it will be safe (after all Savannah went home in it - and she still rides in it today!)...so then I was thinking about what a doctor might tell me...I just hate that it has to be so complicated...and that I have to wait.
The waiting isn't helping my stress or anxiety either...I am so not good with the unknown...I know I just need to trust God and allow Him to get this baby here safely...but I have such a hard time relaxing...and I've gotten everything done at home...so there isn't much there to occupy my time after Savannah is in bed...and I've done a ton of things at work to be sure that everything will go smoothly while I'm gone...so now I'm just twiddling my thumbs no matter where I am! Which, of course, gives me even more time to read all the scary facts and concerns...and to brood on this baby's arrival...I wish I could just turn off my brain for a few hours and rest!!!
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