Being a mom is hard. You just want to do the very best for your child...but children can push every button you have.

On Thursday night I sat down with Savannah and we created a "House Rules" poster. I cut a big house shape out of yellow poster board...and then we wrote 4 rules on it in pretty colors. No hitting. No yelling. No toys at the table. No electronics at the table. Simple, easy to understand rules. I'm not asking for the world here...just simple rules. My dad asked how Savannah was supposed to read it, but she knows the rules. You can ask her and she'll tell you what it says - she helped make the sign, so she knows.

We also got the "quiet hour" rolling on Thursday...and 3 out of the 4 days now she has just sat in her room and chatted the entire time. She never has cried or screamed or fought us...she just kept herself busy up there. We did get a nap on Friday though...which was incredibly surprising! So the Quiet Hour stays.

We also have had more success with her in the evenings of those days too. She goes to bed easier and sleeps longer. We are out of her room by 8:15p and she is generally quiet and asleep by 8:45. She then sleeps until around 7:00a...and she's been waking up on her own, which is much better than having to wake her up.

Our weekend was relatively peaceful...until Sunday after church. It was an all out meltdown that again makes me ashamed at my own behavior. I was baffled for so long after her meltdown as to why she had it in the first place. She'd slept 11 hours the night before, she'd had a good quiet hour the day before, she had eaten a big breakfast, she'd played well in the nursery...it just didn't make any sense. The more I thought about it, the better I understood though. Sunday was Communion, so when it was time for that, Carl went and got Savannah from the nursery so she could participate. He told her that it was time for "bread and juice"...which is what we always tell her about Communion (and then after we reiterate that it is because Jesus loves us). Well - last weekend at the Baby Celebration she had lots of juice (orange juice) at the church and it came from the kitchen...so that is what she was expecting. So when she kept asking to go to the kitchen and we kept telling her no she was getting frustrated with us...we had told her it was time for juice and then we wouldn't let her get juice...or at least that's what she thought.

Then after church Carl and I stayed longer to help with a new mission at Avery. We are going to pack bags of food to distribute to a local elementary school on Fridays for kids that don't always get meals on the weekends. So this was a kickoff event where we packed a coloring book, crayons, pretzels, and fruit snacks to hand out (with a letter asking for interest in families participating). So, packing the bags was happening in the kitchen. Instantly Savannah wanted juice. I told her there wasn't any, and that we were going to help pack bags (I want her to become active in helping others at an early age.). Well, when she saw the snacks going in the bags she wanted some of those. I again had to tell her no, they were for someone else and we could get snacks at home...well I suppose all of the "no"s just got to her, because when we were getting ready to go I had stopped to talk to the pastor's wife and Savannah was crying in Carl's arms about not leaving. So when I finally got to the car, she was screaming and crying and refusing her car seat...her face was red and she was just SO angry...like to the point I thought she might throw up. We had to struggle to get her strapped in...like we had to hold her down and tighten the straps...it was just awful. I was so angry because she was being so awful...it was just a mess. I even told her that if she didn't stop and just let us get her in her seat that she couldn't have the iPod the rest of the day...she didn't care.

We finally made it home, and eventually she calmed down. She asked several times to use the iPod, but we stuck to our guns and told her no each time. I explained every time that it was because she didn't listen to me in the car...and at one point she asked me about the iPod and I said no and she told me why she couldn't have it. So I know she understood the consequence and why it was being required.

It's kind of amusing though to me...Carl had left for his meeting after lunch and as soon as he walked in the door Savannah went running to him and said, "Daddy, can I have the iPod?"...she totally knew that he's the easiest target! So he really has to work on being diligent about the rules...just the other day she wanted a cupcake and I told her she had to eat her toast first...well Carl hadn't been paying attention and a little later he walked over to her and asked if she wanted a cupcake (since he was eating his)...she looked down at her uneaten toast, then smiled up at him and said "yes!"...and I had to step in and remind them both that the toast came first. So she knew that she was supposed to eat it, but was totally going to take advantage of him!

So it was a rough hour after church on Sunday...and I'm angry with myself for being so angry. I know that if I just calm down, and let her calm down, that we can talk and not yell and scream at each other...I just lose my patience so fast...and Carl had his meeting to get to, and we were already later getting home because we had stayed to help...and I felt pressured to get him home so he could go to his meeting...because otherwise he thinks I'm being "unsupportive"...don't even get me started on that issue! I just hate that she brought out the worst in me...again. I know some of it is hormones (I have hot flashes like every hour now!) and I can't always control myself the way I'd like...but I'm the adult...I should know better.