I was hoping for a wonderful, joyous weekend...only to be disappointed. Friday morning I took a pregnancy test (a little early, but I wanted to tell my parents before their vacation) and it was negative. It was then confirmed on Sunday.
So I spent the weekend in a funk. I was just so disappointed...after the miscarriages I had this fear that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again...and now each month I'm not pregnant it strengthens that fear. It put me in the worst mood...patient with Savannah but not Carl. He didn't seem to care whatsoever that I wasn't pregnant...which just made me more sad...and he didn't seem to notice that it made me depressed. It just makes my heart ache that I'm not pregnant again...it's like a physical pain.
Now I have another month to wait...my faith is struggling, I'm struggling. I almost don't want to even go through the process right now...it's just so hard emotionally...
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