Recently I decided to add a hit counter to my blog...just to change the layout a bit. The number was set to display all hits, beginning with my very first blog post on January 28, 2010. In the 17 months I have been blogging, I have 2741 hits. That is pretty amazing to me. That's an average of 5 hits a day...so who is reading my blog? I'm not entirely sure. I have some public followers, but it must also be that I have a lot of anonymous followers. I know that as the past year has unfolded (Father's Day was the anniversary of the first time I told Carl I was pregnant - with the pregnancy ending 2 1/2 weeks later) I have had several followers join in. During the second miscarriage I was amazed at the number of personal messages and conversations that started with "I've been reading your blog..."
I started this blog for a place to share the little worries and antics of raising a toddler...but it has turned into the raw truth of struggling to be a mom while also trying to become a new mom again. I share the awful, heart-breaking truth with the world. It's become a personal crusade of mine to not hide the hardships of bringing a new life into the world. So many women feel ashamed and guilty when miscarriage occurs, and I hate that. I also think I have found an outlet to share my faith, and my struggles with my faith. I need the prayers and support, and until I share the news with people, they don't know how best to help me.
When I was in college, I was a member of Kappa Phi (Christian Service Club/Sorority). If there was ever a need, the group would send out a prayer request. During meetings the group always had a shared time for praying. I've always been a kind of visual thinker (hence my card projects!) and after praying as I group I always would get this vision of the Care Bears, where their little bellies lit up and rainbows emerging into the sky. I liked to think of Kappa Phi as the "Prayer Bears". I envisioned all the prayers going up on rainbows to God, strengthening and growing in size as each girl lifted her voice.
On Sunday, our pastor (love Avery UMC!) was discussing traffic circles, and the cooperation they require. He mentioned that all of us are spiritually moving in the same direction, going to the same destination, just moving at different speeds. There are times that some of us are speeding, times that some of us are poking along, and times that some of us are broken down and need a hand. Recently I have been the "car" on the side of the road, broken down, struggling with my faith "engine" and causing traffic tie-ups among my family and friends. But thanks to my readers (and of course non-readers who still love me!), prayers have healed old wounds, my faith "engine" is repaired and ready to go, and I can get back on the road of Christian life.
I know there are several of you out there, praying for me, thinking of me, and supporting me. I appreciate each and every one of you...I wish you'd let me know who you are so I can pray for you too!
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